skull_weblog

MURDER & NOW CRACK: THE HITS JUST KEEP COMING...

Robert Chambers, bleary-eyed and unshaven after a night in the slammer, was arraigned on a crack-cocaine-possession charge yesterday in Manhattan Criminal Court. The notorious Preppy Killer — who was released from prison last year after serving 15 years for the 1986 Central Park murder of Jennifer Levin — ended up back in the clink Tuesday night after cops nabbed him in Harlem for driving with a suspended license. The crack-cocaine charge was added after cops found trace quantities of drugs in two straws and a tinfoil package spotted in his 1999 Saab, police said.

DOWN THE HATCH #13

Diabolic

Rating: FOUR "Attention Deficit Delirium" BUSTED NUTS

Got ADD?

What?

Nothing.

Got ADD?

What?

Oh, nothing.

Got ADD?

YES, YES, YES.

OK, like porn?

What?

Oh, nothing.

THOUGH TRINA IS NEW TO THE VALLEY, SHE SEEMS TO HAVE GOTTEN THE HANG OF THINGS QUITE QUICKLY.

Anyway, this is the video for you if you can' t remember shit from minute to minute and can't pay attention for any longer than that. The action cuts back and forth from girl to girl in a whirlwind of orgiastic carnality. A quick blowjob from KAT, SkullGame Metal Wing’s personal fave, then off to a backyard ass fuck with TRINA MICHAELS, then back for some all holes romping with Kat again, then whizzing past all sorts of scenery. And by scenery, we mean sluts who take it every way imaginable.

DOWN THE HATCH 13 is the antidote to every movie DAVID AARON CLARK has ever made. The only way we’d like it better is if a bus ran over TONY T and BRIAN SUREWOOD. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/218300.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

BRANDON IRON'S BELL BOTTOMS #2

Platinum X Pictures

Rating: FIVE "Damn You, Mandingo! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!" BUSTED NUTS

Let me just preface this by saying that after seeing my first scene featuring MANDINGO and his huge dick I had an overwhelming urge to go out and punch the first person I saw. In the fucking face.

But I digress.

Making a cameo in this scene, which was pretty well dominated by Mandingo and his cock, was cover girl KAYLA MARIE. Sweet-faced Kayla sports an ass like a fucking mule team. It is an ass like I’ve never seen and it spends a lot of time getting blasted deep and hard by Mandingo. And Kayla, before, during and after getting blasted, looks every part the Huntington Beach high school dropout she is. Foxy and stupid to boot; just the way I like them.

"I THINK I'D BE REALLY GOOD AT LIKE MODELING & LIKE PETS, SO MAYBE I COULD BE A VETRINARIAN WHO MODELS." GUESS AGAIN, BABY.

Also featuring the very sexy TEAGAN, her scene with puppet head ERIK EVERHARD is chock full of juicy angry fucking wherein at one point while getting jammed hard Teagan screams out:

“FUCK ME LIKE A MAN!!!”

That bit of derring do invariably causes Erik Everhard to jam her ever the harder. Note to Teagan: if it hurts, telling someone to do it like a man will probably make it hurt harder. This scene goes on and agonizingly on up to, and until, Teagan, obviously getting the bottom fucked out of her, begs Erik to cum, and he obliges. Right down her throat. You go, girl.

The rest of the scenes in this movie feature the musical stylings of MONIKA, MISTY, BARBARA SUMMER and JADA FIRE, who coincidentally hold the honor of being in the only two guy plus one girl scene. -- ITALIAN SAL

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/206017.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SKULLGAME GETS SERIOUS FOR ONE GODDAMNED MINUTE: A GROSS MISCARRIAGE OF SEXUAL JUSTICE; PLUS: JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT HELPS THE HOMELESS...TO EVERYTHING BUT PUSSY & SHOWGIRLS' STAR DISCOVERS SHAME

But first: We don't know exactly what's happening here but when we got this "anonymous" photo from a reader, in all likelihood named DAVE DIETRICH, it made it so we couldn't touch our cocks for a week. Or fish. Or fish cock. And his wife in the background with the eel up her cooch? What the hell can you say? A glimpse into the life of the average SkullGame reader.

I'M A FISH FUCKER. AND I VOTE!!!....MOSTLY FOR FISHFUCKING, BUT STILL...

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY TO SING SING...

THINGS TO NOT SAY WHEN YOU'RE ON TRIAL FOR RAPE: "WHY THAT SLUT RIGHT THERE, YOUR HONOR."

At SkullGame we kid a lot. Because we are kidders. But every now and then we stumble on a situation that cries out for the kind of justice that can only be meted out by a website that talks about sluts, cocks and fish fucking. We are collecting for DEFENDENT X's upcoming appeal. Read a SkullGame Insider's account of THE RAPE TRIAL OF THE CENTURY

"The Girl on the stand, the victim, testified that she was lured into the guy's apartment and raped. She was a High School senior, cute, smart and a recent immigrant. He threatened her with a weapon in an otherwise empty apartment.

The Guy, the defendant looked like he was guilty of something, and he had been over and over, as his 20 year rap-sheet attested. He was loud and slovenly in the court and had to be escorted out on one occasion. He claimed that he offered her money for a quickie, but after, didn't have as much as he promised, but most of his testimony in his own defense was clearly a pack of lies that he made up on the stand, and he had no witnesses to his own defense.

THE REST OF THE JURY: A VERITABLE CAVALCADE OF CUNT

The DNA evidence showed that his sperm was clearly on her undergarments, though the sample taken from inside her body was inconclusive.

Ultimately, there was no hard evidence proving whether it was rape or consensual, except that he was a three-time loser and she was a shy, innocent kid, and for most of the jury, that was enough. There was no information given about the victim, her lifestyle, behavior, or character, and apparantly it's illegal to examine any personal details about a woman who accuses a man of rape (the Rape Victim's Protection Law). Except for this one guy, who had a problem with her testimony. Seems she never really explained why she went to the apartment with him (he didn't threaten her until after she got in and closed the door). And what she said sounded like a lie.

For the rest of the jury, whether she lied or not didn't even matter. One look at the guy and one look at that sweet, shy thing on the stand was enough. Of course you know there's gonna be one guy who had a problem sending a guy away for a few decades based solely on the word of one girl.

And I guess you know who the guy was: SkullGame's own.

So we deliberated for four days (afterward, the lawyers told us that the yelling from the jury room could be heard all the way into the court). The mindboggling thing of it all was that the other jurors really felt that they'd come to a logical descision based on FACTS, and that it wasn't important whether she lied on the stand, since she was such a sweet, shy, naive, young thing.

THE PLAINTIFF: JUST A SWEET, SHY, NAIVE, YOUNG SUCK MUMBLER

In fact, the other jurors told me conclusively that she was a shy, bookish naive, even though we never heard anything like that in court. They also told me a lot of other things, like that I should be disqualified, that I was only defending him because the victim was also Black and that "some" white people are in favor of black-on-black crime, that Oprah proved that when teenagers have consensual sex it's only oral, that the photos of the crime scene showed a place that was too messy for a willing teenager. You know, logical arguments.

Thing is, the foreman refused to quit, even when we appeared deadlocked. On the last day when everyone's arguments had been exhausted, we went over her testimony one more time, and I heard a detail about the weapon that she couldn't possible have made up, and with a weapon, there was reasonable grounds to assume "forcible compulsion," and we sent him up for, probably, several decades.

When we left the courtroom, we ran into the lawyers, and since we were now allowed to discuss the case, we had questions for each other. So, the foreman asked why it was that the sperm taken from her clothing was conclusively the defendant's, while the sample from inside her body was inconclusive.

The answer was this: there was sperm from three different men inside the girl.

I AM GUILTY OF NOTHING BUT LOVING, NOT POORLY, BUT UNWISELY. AND IN THE ASS, GODDAMNIT.

THIS SOYLENT GREEN MOMENT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY SKULLGAME LEGAL: "WHEN TRUSTING HOES IS NO LONGER AN OPTION, SKULLGAME LEGAL IS..."

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT SERVES PIE TO THE HOMELESS. FOR A FEW FUCKING MINUTES. BEFORE LIMO'ING OFF TO SAFETY. BAFFLED HOMELESS ASK "WHO WAS THAT WONDERFUL MASKED WOMAN THAT WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO RAPE?"

IS IT A HO? A SKANK? NO...JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME...IT'S PARTY GIRL!!!

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Hollywood Hot Ass JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT spent last week's Thanksgiving celebrations serving pumpkin pie to the homeless in Los Angeles, and thanking God and her doctor, for giving her so much, in the way of tits, while giving everyone else so little.

The actress was joined in a double team of absolutely sadistic proportions by "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" star MELISSA JOAN HART.

...AND I'M HER TRUSTY SIDEKICK, BLUEBALLONIA!!!

A witness says about the dynamic duo of dick-filled imaginings, "It was really sweet, and court ordered, of them to spend their day treating the less fortunate to cleavage shots, camel toes and really slow banana eating. You could see it was appreciated."

SHOWGIRLS'S ELIZABETH BERKLEY FORGETS FOR A SECOND THAT SHE'S SHOWGIRLS'S ELIZABETH BERKLEY & 'REFUSES' TO ANSWER SPIT QUESTION

OK, OK, I DIDN'T SPIT. I REALLY JUST SWALLOWED.

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Hollywood mattress ELIZABETH BERKLEY reportedly left an American journalist speechless recently, when he asked her if she could spit as well as she did in "Showgirls."

Berkley repeatedly spat on co-star Kyle MacLachlan's face during take after take on the set of the 1995 movie, and so writer Baird Jones asked her if she could still unleash phlegm as well as she used to.

Berkley curtly told the writer, "Talking about spit is so far beneath my dignity as a thestri...thesquestrian...sequestrian....I mean, LESBIAN, that I won't even validly recognize that question's validness."

Jones tells SkullGame, "I walked away shaking my head and laughing loudly and a few minutes later, she followed me over making the universal fist-to-mouth blowjob sign and started furiously bobbing her head and berating me for my 'silly' question. I guess I should be thankful that at least she didn't spit...you know...after I came."

MANUEL FERRARA'S I'M YOUR SLUT #3

Red Light District

Rating: THREE & A HALF "Here's The Keys And Title" BUSTED NUTS

A blatant homage to ROCCO, not unlike GUS VAN SANT's frame-for
frame reiteration of "Psycho". Manuel has the same continental flair, ho-catching mug, and English as a second language schtick. He even shoves TYLA WYNN's face down the shitter and swirly-screws her. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a cease and desist notice in the mail over that stunt.

TYLA WYNN ABOUT TO FILE A FORMAL COMPLAINT ABOUT HER LUNCH MONEY

The two DP ordeals test my resolve as a reviewer, however. Who's supposed to enjoy cock-fencing double oral? The loose-lipped ginch? The tag-team twinkies? Pop psychology might brand the stroking audience as latent
knob-gobblers, but when one mo-mo felches the other's love load right out TAYLOR RAIN's winkin' brown eye, shit's gone too far. Points off, Manny, points fucking off.

JAYNA OSO's scene starts out with her pushing Manuel around, which obviously leads to her being taken down a peg. She's hot, but the femdom is pointless for all but Manuel, working out his kinks.

The first and last scenes live up to the title's theme of totally owning these sluts
as chattel. They're happy to get slapped around, buttfucked by big toes, and have their faces stepped upon. JADA FIRE'sJADA FIRE's scene suggests real romantic ties to Manuel; he fits four fingers in her ass, then licks the chocolate sauce off them. If that ain't true love, I've been living a lie.

And the sloppy skullfuck she gives aggravates some respiratory disorder, wheezing and psycho dialogue, quickly prompting the mute button, but it's still
quite a show. -- JIMMY THE G

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/218296.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

NACHO VIDAL'S TRANS XXL

Evil Angel

Rating: TWO & A HALF "Failing To Stay Hard Amidst A Legion Of Limp, Dangling Dick" BUSTED NUTS

A Spanish Tranny slapping a Spanish Tranny fucker, spitting on, licking off and rubbing ass all over his face, that NACHO VIDAL sure knows how to get the party started. If by party you mean smearing your belly with a lit cigarette and getting your tits and dick sucked, then yes, you're in for a real treat.

Spanish Tranny fucker subsequently gets fucked by second Spanish Tranny, first Spanish Tranny displays a cunning ability to receive an inverted blowjob and the scene comes stumblingly to a close when both Spanish Tranny's, utterly lacking any ability to shower Spanish Tranny fucker, nor themselves in any sense of the word with spooge, just stop.

If you didn't get any of that, let me just say: three dangling cocks and not a real woman in sight and that's just scene one.

HERE'S NACHO WITH BELLADONNA. WHEW. WE MEAN FOR A DUDE WHO LIKES PUSSY, NACHO CERTAINLY SPENDS AN INORDINATELY SIGNIFICANT PERIOD OF TIME AROUND TRANNIES. HEYYYY...TAKES ALL TYPES.

This DVD gets at least TWO BUSTED NUTS because the subject is very Tranny in nature and watching a Tranny flick is like watching the both of best worlds, and an extra HALF BUSTED NUT because there are little glimmers of jerktopia throughout the movie.

But limp Tranny dick and mindless Spanish bickering is enough to put a man off, and not get him off. -- THE FLYING DUTCHMAN

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/212481.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

BIG TIT CHALLENGE: LISA LIPPS VS. WENDY WHOPPERS

And the winner is: anyone with

a working pair o' nuts!!!

56416

SKULLGAME'S L.A. CONFIDENTIAL WHEREIN WE GIVE THANKS FOR UNCOVERING JADA PINKETT SMITH'S LESBO WAYS, SHELLEY LONG'S SUICIDE SLIDE & PORN SLUT JANINE LINDEMULDER'S SUCKING OF MORE THAN SAUSAGE: COCONUTS!!!

And from the Celebrity "Sometimes This Shit Just Writes Itself" Column we introduce a one Ms. PJ Harvey. And her snatch. At a recent Here's My Snatch concert. Ms. Harvey, ladies and gentlemen. A truly original talent. For showing snatch.

I AM HER SNATCH...AND I VOTE. FOR LIKE MAYBE A DECENT PAIR OF GODDAMNED UNDERWEAR. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?

AND FROM THE SKULLGAME "HA-HA" JOKE FILE: THE CHICK FROM THE TV SHOW CHEERS APPARENTLY AIN'T SO CHEERY THESE DAYS, ATTEMPTS SUICIDE

A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR NAME....

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- The Luckiest Woman at Being Unlucky, former "Cheers" actress SHELLEY LONG was rushed to the hospital last night after, haha, get this: taking a near-fatal overdose of failure, disinterest, Mexican bus boy cock and Vicodin.

The 55-year-old shot to fame playing feisty Diane Chambers in the 1980's sitcom and then shot just as fast back to stunning anonymity after a series of ill-advised career moves that involved failure, disinterest, Mexican bus boy cock and Vicodin. She has also been plagued by tragedy in recent years after her husband, BRUCE TYSON, wised the fuck up and ended his 22-year marriage to a washed-up used-to-be who was really "better off dead," forcing her to sell their Hollywood mansion, her knick-knacks and her withered ass.

"Friends" believe the blonde "beauty" has been suffering "severe depression" and took a "lethal" number of "pain killers" in a bid to "end" her "life."

One "pal" says, "A week ago, funny lady and screen cut up Shelley, who lives alone, with a few or 10 cats, started keeping the curtains drawn. She stopped eating. She has always been thin, but she was almost skeletal. It'd have been sad. I mean if she didn't so clearly deserve such a crushing fate."

JADA PINKETT SMITH A MARAUDERING SERIAL LESBO WHOSE BEARD, WILL SMITH, GETS TO WATCH. SKULLGAME OFFICIALLY OFFENDED.

YO, BABY? WHAT ABOUT HER?!?!

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Professional Negro WILL SMITH, who enjoys a healthy sex life with his wife and as many other women as she can pick up for menage encounters that involve lots and lots of rug munching, knows exactly how to get a lady in the mood for sex on a date with he and JADA -- by knocking out a man in front of her.

The totally high star, and Negro, believes it's important to wow a woman with a succession of mood changes, and suddenly converting a romantic night into a fist fight is the best way to do it.

Smith says, "The best thing that O.D.B. taught me is that the best thing you can do is have a radical change of gears, and pharmaceuticals, while you're out with your woman and trying to pick up a woman at dinner.

"NO....HER!!!" NOW LET THE LESBOWING BEGIN!!!

"So you're out, you're laughing and everything is beautiful, you're going to bone two bitches at once. Then a guy comes up and insults her by asking for her order and, well, you just stretch up and knock him clean out.

"What that says is that you're really fun, loose, warm-hearted, you can have a good time but when it's time to do damage, you can do damage. Especially if by damage you mean huff nostrils full of yayo, stumble down a flight of stairs, give the entire restaurant the finger while throwing out handfuls of $20 bills before retiring to an evening full of marital-extra-marital root action."

"So you want to orchestrate a change of gears that is shocking. Women think that is sexy. Bitch."

PORN BITCH JANINE LINDEMULDER WHO'D PREVIOUSLY ONLY DO GIRL-GIRL SCENES NOW HAS A CHANGE OF PACE. WHO'S SHE GOING TO FUCK? HER EX-HUSBAND. NATCH!!!

JANINE SHOWING EXACTLY WHERE SHE INTENDS TO STICK IT TO WEST COAST CHOPPERS' JESSE JAMES

LOST ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Master Marketeer and West Coast Choppers' JESSE JAMES is caught up in a child-support battle with sucker of VINCE NEIL'S COCK and porn star ex-wife JANINE LINDEMULDER.

James and Lindemulder finalized their divorce on July 12, after breaking up when the blonde beauty was pregnant with daughter Sunny, who's now 10 months old.

A source tells SkullGame, "The lawyers had the papers all in order and ready to be signed, and Jesse felt he was being more than generous, but then Janine came back and said she wanted $15,000 a month in child support."

Lindemulder says, "My lawyer came up with the $15,000 as a fair amount that Jesse should pay for his daughter. And my dealer. But mostly my dealer."

She also brands James a "deadbeat dad" who "couldn't care less about Sunny. And won't score for me even if I suck off his friends just like I used to do."

"I'M A DUMBASS. AND I VOTE!

A masked robber who beat his victim was remorseful enough to take the man to the hospital for treatment, but his change of heart didn't last. Within hours the thief was telephoning threats to the victim, who was an acquaintance. The attack happened Monday, according to a report to the Shelby County sheriff by victim Hollis Studdard. Studdard was in his garage when he was struck from behind several times with a tree branch. He then grabbed the limb from his assailant, hit him back and recognized his attacker. "I know it's you, Michael," he told the robber, who pulled off his ski mask and apologized, according to police reports.

SUICIDE PACT FOR THE SEXLESS

Yo Vinnie,
I've tried everything. I'm reasonably attractive. Don't smell. But I can't get women to fuck me. I don't even get to that "friend" stage most guys without game get to before they go down in flames. Yeah. Joke away, but it's not fucking funny if it's you. A lifetime full of this and this type of struggle can't be worth it. It's bad enough that I want to die myself. Hookers wouldn't even solve the problem. I want a girlfriend. What can I do? -- Han Solo (by email)

AND STAY THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!

Dear Fucking Loser: Kill yourself. This is my advice: Kill yourself now. Because when you kill yourself and only after you kill yourself will I rest easy knowing that of all the losers in the world, the biggest one outside of SHELLEY LONG, has kicked the fuck off. Jesus, if I was closer to you and could start slapping your face now like The Godfather and Johnny Fontaine, I would. Because even HOMELESS PEOPLE have been shown to be able to find people to suck their dicks. Think about that shit one goddamned minute. Sucking HOMELESS COCK, that is. If you can't fool, cajole, egg, beg, trick, trap or threaten even ONE woman to have anything to do with you....I mean even the crazy syphilitic ones, well then my friend, you are dead already. The HOW is just a goddamned formality. Oh. And do me a favor: stop reading SkullGame. Just knowing there are guys like you reading SkullGame makes me want to kill MYSELF. And I'm way too handsome to kill myself.

THE ANAL TEAM #2: STRIKES BACK

Video Team

Rating: ONE & A HALF "Are Those Real? Can I Feel?" BUSTED NUTS

OK, now you buy a film that claims to be ALL ANAL and you expect ALL ANAL. Thing is, this film just ain't got enough of it. And frankly, that sucks. Big time. Now, I'm new to this reviewing business, but if a porno ain't gonzo then I don't wanna be seeing the studio lighting in the shot. It's not cinema verité for fuck's sake.

And shots repeated just to bump up the running time?!? Look, if I'm desperate to see DOMINICA get slammed again I'll hit rewind myself, thanks! I know it ain't arthouse but c'mon, at least TRY! Let me break it down...

Scene one: Dominica's in some killer knee-high platforms. She gets double-teamed. She's wondering if she left the oven on when she finally gets it in the ass. Such is her visible enthusiasm.

Scene two: ZANA makes some of the most off-puttingly unerotic noises and facial expressions whilst she's getting licked out by the porno equivalent of ELVIS COSTELLO. She's got hot tits but I was too put off by her frightening noises to care. And talk about disappointed when the Costello-alike went for Zana's ass: when a guy's doing anal with a condom, you know his cock is truly suffering for it's art. If you're gonna screw for cash, why pussy around with rubber?? At least she swallows I guess...

ANGEL LONG HAS A DREAM. THAT ONE DAY BLACK DUDES CAN FUCK HER, ALONE, OR TOGETHER, WITHOUT FEAR OF PREJUDICE OR DISCRIMINATION. OR EVEN THE POSSIBILITY THAT THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO LEAVE LOADS ON HER CHIN. YOU MAY SAY THAT SHE'S A DREAMER. BUT SHE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE.

Scene three: okay, all credit to ANGEL LONG--she LOVES the taste of cock (and the taste of her ass by the looks of things). All the fucking way baby, it's gagging and gasping time! She's not the sexiest gal, but she takes a good pounding, and that, frankly is what the fuck we're paying for. At goddamned last.

Scene four: JASMINE LYNN seems obsessed with MELANIE JAGGER'S hair to begin with. Maybe she's an animal lover. Still, she sucks good buttplug (as does Mel), which I'm more than happy to witness.

Now, admittedly I'm a sucker for platform heels (hey, we all have our kinks) and both girls look great in them, and Mel seriously enjoys getting boned. But this white lube that keeps randomly appearing around assholes is starting to unnerve me...it's reminding me of Bishop's death scene in ALIEN, only he never got assfucked by TOM SKERRITT. Man, what a gay porn scene THAT would make...

Scene five: whoah, is this from another film?! we're in a graveyard, two gorgeous vixens have just woken some buff dude from a coffin, the blonde wasn't even mentioned in the credits, she's got great tits, they're kissing, it's all suddenly gone horribly over-budget, the crew are on fire, the director is creating a masterpiece! Bravo!! But it's all too much, too late: why even bother when the other scenes have ruined your appetite? Oh dear.

Give me BRIDGETTE KERKOVE or BELLADONNA for anal any day. At least they do what they say they'll do. -- TEABAG

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/218851.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

IN MY MOUTH

Baby Doll Pictures

Rating: FOUR "Is There A Reason We Ain't Fucked Any Of These Chicks Yet?" BUSTED NUTS

Baby Doll Pictures takes a page from the pro playbook in getting these pigs to take one right on the chin...well in the mouth, to be more specific. Keeping their promise to bring you tomorrow’s stars today, Baby Doll features super wet AVEENA LEE and baby-faced JESSICA SWEET, whose pussy looks most assuredly as sweet as her fucking name, Jessica takes one right in the ass and like every other chick in this movie, takes a massive load of coconut squeezings right down the gullet.

Now that’s amore!

AVEENA LEE WAITING FOR TOOTHPASTE

While a load in the face shows a certain level of seriousness, nothing shows commitment to one's craft like a load down the gullet.

Bottoms up! -- ITALIAN SAL

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/219195.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ASS QUAKE

Elegant Angel

Rating: 2.7 "You Are What You Eat" BUSTED NUTS

Look up “tart” in a popular British dictionary and you’ll see the sloppy grin of Welshwoman ISABEL ICE (here known as ISOBEL) drooling back at you. And as the saying goes, you are what you eat. And Isobel has definitely been eating loads of tarts, pies, cakes, and muffins. And pork. Lots and lots of pork.

And if it looks, talks and acts like a pig, then thank god it is. Isobel shoves her hand in her ass, slobbers a lot, and just revels in the filth that she surrounds herself with. We’d fuck her.

NO SURER SIGN THAT YOU HAVE DIED & GONE TO ASS-FUCKING HEAVEN: JAMIE BROOKS. WHO IS IN THIS FLICK. CURIOUSLY ENOUGH: GETTING ASS FUCKED

Thing is, ASS QUAKE is a bit, dare we say...formulaic. All scenes start with a guy behind a bar. Cue: parading slut. Then all anal sex. But there’s a healthy respect for the pile driver position, and that’s a fine thing.

Also, we here at the Metal Wing of Casa Skull aren’t so down with the fake boobies. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN just came in and said that fake boobies are a-ok on "cute" trannies. We just threw an axe at his head. Too many obvious and therefore awful boob jobs here, just about as awful as the flaming German unrecalcitrant homo in scene one. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/219169.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

JOEY SILVERA'S ROGUE ADVENTURES #23

Evil Angel

Rating: ONE "...I Never Want To Go To Brazil" BUSTED NUTS or
Rating: FIVE "...Brazil, Here I Fucking Come!" BUSTED NUTS

JOEY SILVERA must be one busy guy, this being the 23rd outing of his ROGUE ADVENTURES and clocking up at least 17 of his SERVICE ANIMALS flicks. The middle-aged, bespectacled online gamer must barely take breath in-between filming sluts and scouring the Internet for the beloved Star Wars figures he collects. What a guy!

Here Joey brings you, his fans, a slice of truly gruesome men with tits 'n' dirty fuckin' chicks. I can't say I care for the term "chicks with dicks" as, let's face it, it's WHOLLY inaccurate. These are men with tits. Big hands, funny voices, bad make up and worse fake tits. There is simply no escaping this. All of the MWT in this video totally and utterly fail at femininity, which may or may not be the point. I just can't watch this and want to bust nuts. I end up sitting there, trousers around ankles, just watching the fucking, the same way I watch Plastic Surgery LIVE. With morbid curiosity.

IN A CLASSIC SKULLGAME BAIT & SWITCH TACTIC WE SHOW YOU ARIANA JOLLEE GETTING REAMED AS SHE DOES IN THIS FLICK. BUT WHAT WE DON'T SHOW YOU IS THE 240 MINUTES OF HOT MAN-ON-CHICK-WITH-DICK ACTION THAT PRECEDES THIS MOMENT. AND SUDDENLY...YOU'RE GAY!!!

Sure, some of the chicks are hot, the proper chicks that is. AVY LEE ROTH is great, as is ARIANA JOLLEE. Ariana does some olympian squirting, repeatedly. All of this is completely ruined by the fact they are getting boned by a hairless drag queen, who looks EXACTLY like Pamela Anderson's Grandma. Not Good.

As you can probably guess, this is not my bag. For those of you who do like this stuff, I really can't see how you could not like this. Anal, DP, bad make up, oral, stubble, it's all there, boss. Plus the title menu has some pounding uber-nazi-techno-rock music somewhat like RAMMSTEIN, which I'm sure Joey fans will want to listen to again and again. And again. -- ENGLISH BOB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/217669.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

BIG TIT CHALLENGE: LISA LIPPS VS. WENDY WHOPPERS

Big Top Video

Rating: FOUR "Weebles Wobble...And They Suck Cock Too" BUSTED NUTS

It seems like ages ago. I don't even remember the year. But I do remember the fucking place: MARKET ST. CINEMA in San Francisco and it was Thanksgiving. You see I had decided, in a burst of self-loathing, to avoid all friends and family and go to the fuck WHERE MY PEOPLE WERE...to, you know, give THANKS. Which is where I found myself on just another Thursday withOUT Turkey. Me and like 30 Chinese guys.

IN THIS CORNER, INSANE SLUT #1: WENDY "MY TITS ARE MADE FOR GLAZING" WHOPPERS

And I was sitting in the red, cum-stained carpeted vestibule with WENDY WHOPPERS on my lap and her suitcase pimp was snapping off a Polaroid in which you'd see, if I could still find it, a vaguely uncomfortable, crazily cantilevered slut on the lap of a grinning Guinea.

That slut was stacked in only the way that a girl with an insane Mexican plastic surgeon could be stacked. Tits that consumed 75 percent of her fucking body weight. Pnematic and heaving in my hands. She was the way I fucking LIKED them in 1989: a delivery vehicle for ta-tas and twat.

In any case here she is in something that amounts to vintage and she's with LISA LIPPS, who you can currently fuck the shit out of if you have about $1500 (SkullGame is accepting inquiries now: Vinnie@skullgame.com). For you young cugini it should be fucking said that the title design that super-emphasizes LISA & WENDY plays on the lesbos of the same name that used to play in PRINCE's band.

AND IN THIS CORNER, INSANE SLUT #2: LISA "CUM ON MY CHIN FOR A GRAND & CHANGE" LIPPS

Anyways, they team up these two tons of tits for some sort of ultimate challenge where they suck and fuck cock that never even stood a chance.

Is it good? Hells yeah. Like an old favorite and much-beloved jiz sock. Who wins? Why you do, you fucking mook, you do. -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/56416.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

AZN SUPER IDOLS #2

Video Team

Rating: 2.8 "Captivating. Like A Rock Garden" BUSTED NUTS

Perhaps in reverence to some tenet of Buddhist philosophy or world view, director DAVID AARON CLARK paces his movies like the Japanese make their classical art: simple, basic and drawn out to the point of narcolepsy.

Luckily, viewers of AZN SUPER IDOLS #2 will be able to defend themselves with the fast-forward button, speeding through rag-baggedness such as half-coherent accounts with people off camera of how VERONICA LYNN trains herself not to laugh when she says “pee-pee,” but can’t stop giggling when she says, “cock(-a-doodle-doo).”

Whew.

VERONICA LYNN PRACTICING SAYING MGHMEP WITHOUT LAUGHING

David Aaron Clark is in desperate need of an editor. This movie could have easily been half an hour shorter...and better because of it. Another cameraman might not hurt, either, as Clark seems to have trouble shooting around MR. MARCUS’ muscles.

Indeed, AZN SUPER IDOLS 2 is the quintessential Asian fetishist’s video. It’s all about the worship of a certain ethnicity of women. And whether they're getting ass fucked by a big black cock, or their mumbling as they stare out a window, in Mr. Clark's worth both are held in equal regard. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/216671.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

DOUBLE STUFFED #4

Anabolic

Rating: FIVE "Oops, They Did It Again" BUSTED NUTS

Anabolic brings back every future felon’s favorite, DOUBLE STUFFED #4, a series featuring whores the world over attempting every possible combination that can possibly be achieved with TWO guys and ONE girl. ONE in the mouth and ONE in the pussy, you say? Oh, ye of such low creativity and intestinal fortitude. You see, the combinations are as limitless as Anabolic’s talent budget. Limitless.

ARIANNA JOLLEE GIVING US THAT COME-HITHER-&-FUCK-MY-ASS-RAW LOOK. THANK YOU. WE THINK WE WILL.

Let's see what we got, MELISSA LAUREN does a double penetration and a double vaginal. ELIZABETH LAWRENCE does the same. ARIANNA JOLLEE does a double penetration and a double anal. Ouch! While RENEE PORNERO does double penetration, double vaginal and double anal. You got to love them foreign chicks. VANESSA MAE and MONICA SWEETHEART round this one out with a double penetration each.

See what I mean? Limitless. Well, there's at least six different combinations but you know what the fuck I mean.

Anabolic has certainly once again entered the annals of analia and proven their commitment to excellence in this opus of epic proportions…and blown out colons. Well, mostly blown out colons. -- ITALIAN SAL

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/219971.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

JEWEL DE'NYLE'S DIRTY GIRLZ #3

Platinum X Pictures

Rating: THREE & A HALF "It's The Pause That Refreshes" BUSTED NUTS

Well, this is my first porn review for this site. Hell, it's my first porn review for any site, period! Shit me, what would me mother, dirty whore that she is, think? Ah well, guess my dad, drunken fag that he is, wouldn't have any qualms with it. But I can imagine most of you don't give a fuck about my personal life, so I won't waste any more of your goddamned precious time.

But the title says it all really: some of these girls are absolute filth.

NOW, WOULDN'T BOBBI EDEN LOOK SOOOOO MUCH BETTER WITH A NICE COCK IN HER MOUTHCOOZEASS? WE THOUGHT SO.

They're probably adorable (they seem pretty cool in the behind-the-scenes feature) but when the cameras are rolling some of these gals get nasty--and that is no bad thing.

The first of five scenes stars ESTELLA (a Brit - yay!) and MIKAYLA, almost identikit brunettes with hot bodies and even hotter tongues. They lube each other up gorgeously, dirty-talking like true professionals. Mikayla has an awesome tattoo up her back--though if you're not a tat man, you're screwed coz it's HUGE. Cue plenty of pussy-to-mouth and ass-to-mouth with a whole arsenal of dildos, Mikayla especially, genuinely seeming to get off on it all.

But all this would appear to be a teaser for TERRI SUMMERS and BOBBI EDEN, who totally look the part (no wonder they're the cover girls). But...that's as far as it goes, both looking so uninterested they might as well have "GIVE ME THE MONEY NOW" written on their foreheads. Sure, they fake it OK, but it's bullshit compared to what's gone before it.

KELLY KLINE and MONIQUE ALEXANDER most definitely improve the situation, looking like they've walked straight out of cheerleading class in their underwear (i.e., college bad girls). Monique has a tanned body to die for, and thank fuck they enjoy it: Monique literally screws Kelly's pussy with an evil-looking glass dildo, and almost loses her powers of speech when Kelly exacts her revenge. And both of them lose control over a huge double-ender, only the token strap-on sequence ruining things: I haven't seen a girl yet who can use one of these things.

MASON STORM and ISABELLA's scene is definitely one for the hispanic M.I.L.F. lovers out there. Sure, their fake tits look OK, but their bodies and faces seem 10 years ahead of them. Talk about doing a marathon around the block, girls... they too go through the faux-lesbian motions. I've got bigger hard-on's listening to Foster and Allen (think Simon and Garfunkel minus the talent and good looks).

Skip it and move on to ROXY JEZEL and BOO D. LICIOUS (what a name, genius!) who look fresh from satisfying PINK's urges on the Lady Marmalade video shoot. You gotta give them points for effort: their double-ender all but vanishes between them in a blur of screams and moans from Roxy, Boo clearly the strong silent type (she soon proved me wrong about that strap-on idea I had). By the time Roxy's got Boo licking her ass better you won't feel short-changed on effort with Roxy's face covered in sweat and a satisfied smile.

All in all it's hit and miss, but the odd-numbered scenes are worth checking out. Truly Dirty Girlz, indeed. Lesbos like we like 'em. -- TEABAG

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/219174.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

AFTER NUMEROUS FALSE FUCKING STARTS SKULLGAME SNARES UNWITTING PUSSY IN A CASH FOR ASS PONZI SCHEME; PLUS PARIS HILTON, ANNA NICOLE SMITH & ABOUT A YARD OF BLACK COCK; NICOLETTE SHERIDAN SHOCKED!!!

And responding to our open call was a passel of pussy from HOOTERS, here encouraged in their life choices by Leslie Bian the Baleful Lesbian. You GO, Girl!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. UM. YOU COME HERE OFTEN?

ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: An Open Letter To All Women Looking For Us To Break Them Into The Adult Film Business

Dearest Sluts,

Stop telling me you want to do solo scenes, girl-on-girl scenes and my all time favorite (read: least favorite) “Can I work with my boyfriend?” scenes. Any and all of these things are essentially an attempt on your part to take the path of least cock-sistence: the path that that requires you to have the least interaction with strange cock while simultaneously separating me from my talent budget.

LESS OF THIS...

That being said, the answer will invariably be: NO. No one wants to see you diddle yourself on camera for a half hour. NO. No one wants to see you stumble ham-handedly through a scene with another woman wherein it is quite obvious that both of you are clearly not into it, if not for the money and for the fact that neither one of you have cocks. And above all…no one wants to, dare I say, needs to, see you and your erstwhile boyfriend mime out a baleful act of sexual congress where each and every one of your relationship issues are played out on digital video.

...AND MUCH, MUCH MORE OF THIS

You will be paid to fuck men, lots of them. The more the better. The only thing you will be paid for is to service as many men as you have holes. That’s right, start counting. You thought you could play the Jedi mind trick on me didn’t you?

Have a nice day.

SKULLGAME SELLS OUR PARIS HILTON LESBO PHOTOS TO HUSTLER FOR UNDISCLOSED AMOUNT OF BLOW. AND CASH. BUT MOSTLY BLOW.

LESS OF THIS...

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Photographs of a slutress PARIS HILTON without a cock in her mouth and making out with a woman at a nightclub have provided a new career opportunity for the ho heiress and TV realityshow starattentionwhore -- inside HUSTLER magazine.

Eight pictures, which are from about 2002, show Hilton, fully clothed, "with a brunette at a nightclub, cavorting with her, dancing and cuddling with her and fondling her," Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt and known-SkullGame associate told the world on Monday.

The photos showed Hilton in a leopard-print halter top and low-slung black pants, and the brunette is wearing a midriff-baring black halter. Bruce David, Hustler's editorial director, told the AP the photos will likely be published in the May issue, which hits newsstands at the end of February.

...AND MUCH, MUCH MORE OF THIS

"It's a hot, passionate serious makeout session between two committed rug- munching lesbos one of whom would later be filmed with lots of cock in her mouth," David said. "It does not appear to be two girls kidding around or two girls kissing each other hello. It seems to be pretty hot and pretty heavy session with a soon-to-be well-known cocksucktress."

Hilton's spokeswoman, Gina Hoffman, was traveling Monday and couldn't immediately be reached for comment. Like ever. Again.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH EXPLAINS TOTALLY HIGH BEHAVIOR WITH A TOTALLY HIGH EXCUSE: "I WAS LONELY FOR ALL THE BLACK COCK NICOLETTE SHERIDAN IS GETTING. AND I CAN'T SEE!"

SMITH AT THE OL' DIRTY BASTARD WAKE WITH HER "FRIEND" MANDINGO

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Once upon a time, bizarre behavior by a celebrity was explained away as "dehydration" or "exhaustion," but those excuses simply don't do justice to ANNA NICOLE SMITH's slurred, but oddly compelling, performance at the American Music Awards on Sunday.

During her rambling introduction of Kanye West, the blond bombshell bad-touched her "gentles" as she lazily asked the crowd, "Like my body?" Backstage, two burly Negro bodyguards recreated "Weekend at Bernie's" as they hauled a weak-kneed Smith around. With a twist: a free double teaming.

"Well, she couldn't really read the teleprompter because she has bad eyes," her lawyer, "Shifty" Howard K. Stern, tells SkullGame. "She flubbed a line, but she's fine. Fine!!! Absolutely FINE. Anna did numerous other interviews afterward where it's obvious that she's fine."

When asked "like what?" The sweat-drenched Stern was overheard to say "Um, lots. Like, uh, all those. Magazines. And things. Having to do with talking interviews...um...well...OK!!! The double teaming I can't explain!" He also denied her spacey manner was caused by anything imbibed or ingested like OXYCONTIN. "Definitely not any of that Oxycontin from the cereal cabinet."

But good news, guys! Anna confesses that there's no man in her life right now: "I don't date. No one ever calls. Leastways I never HEAR the phone ring."

Hard to hear the phone ring when you're stuffed full of cock. And eclairs. But good luck to you, Fat Stuff.

AND THE SKULLGAME ENTERPRISE AWARD GOES TO....

A 13-year-old boy was charged with abducting an exotic dancer when she showed up for an appointment at what turned out to be a vacant house with no electricity, police said Monday. When the woman entered the house at 6:30 p.m. on Nov. 16, she realized her client was a juvenile, police spokeswoman Rene Ball said. The boy told her the contract was for his older brother, but no one else showed up. The woman tried to leave, and the boy pointed a shotgun at her and ordered her to dance for him, Ball said. She tried to call 911 on her cell phone, but the boy grabbed the phone. The woman bit the boy's hand, broke free and ran to her car.

blackhole_31

GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!!!!

AYANA ANGEL from FLESH HUNTER 6

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=131446

BOOTY TALK #47

West Coast

Rating: TWO "Jews In The Fire" BUSTED NUTS

Achtung! Velcome to my first review for das website – SkullGame. Don’t be alarmed American fascists, Heinrich and zee Fourth Reich are still on track, I just need to pay zee vrent vright now, so dat iz vhy I am vriting zee stupid reviews.

SHHH...THE BLACK BOTTOMED BEAVER NAMED PRECIOUS IS SHY & WILL RUN WHEN PROVOKED

Anyvay, vhen the people from SkullGame gave me zhis first video, I was thinking they made a mistake. I thought maybe they gave me von of those animal planet shows, like on zee Discovery Channel. But after watching zee DVD for about 20 minutes, I vealized that dez vere dee human beings! Sub–species, of course.

I almost threw up meine sauerkraut vhen watching dees fat, black women attempting to vepropuce more crack babies to fill our prisons, streets and alleyvays. I mean, the vorld is vunning low on Colt 45 malt liquor, yay?

I vas more shocked to learn dat these things vere making sounds that was supposdiny zee language of English. I myself am trying to learn zee English langauge, but afrer vatching dis tape, my English got vorse.

Two of the actress’ vere named PERSIA and EGYPT. I am so sure dat zere drug addict mothers just opened zere 3rd grade vorld history books and found zee most important vords they could find and named zere baby daughters zem. I am sure if I vatch more of zee BOOTY TALK series, I vill probably encounter actresses named GREECE, ROME, BABYLON, MAYAN…oh vait…how bout this….HEBREW??!?…Hahahaha….zat vould be zee ultimate sub-species name…..a mud-woman named Hebrew!!!

Anyway, zee only redeeming quality of this nature video zas is zee actor MR. MARCUS. Though is zee black too, something…about his, um, ability as a thespian, left me vanting to see more of his manly manlikedness. Und Schwanze. Or vat you call ze Sauerbraten. I veally like vhen he ez doing von of zee mud women and he looks at zee camera, knowing vee are really watching him…..yay.

Heil Schwarzenegger!!! --HEINRICH BIMMLER

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/223215.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ASS CREAM PIES #5

Anabolic

Rating: FOUR "Shine Yer Knob, Guv'Nor?" BUSTED NUTS

ROXY JEZEL looks gooood in this movie. Like, fuck-her-in-the-ass kind of goodness. She’s come a long way, from decrying anal to being the poster girl for anal. And the more she talks with her sexy English accent that crackles as she coos, the better it gets. Even JOHN STRONG, who’s got a face that says, “I’ve got smelly feet,” does little to detract from the hotbitchitude.

ROXY JEZEL HATES ANAL. AND THE MORE SHE HATES IT, THE MORE SHE DOES IT. WHICH COULD WORK OUT QUITE NICELY FOR SOMEONE.

The rest of the video is damn fine, too. LUCI THAI is as ever an Asian fetishist’s dream come true, and the pumpitage in her scene as she arches her back and sticks her butt waaaaay up is magic. LENA JULLIETT would be one of our faves if not for that dumb-ass tattoo on her tummy. She’s still good, though, as are the other bitches on hand.

And finally, it’s the little things that set Anabolic apart from the rest. Namely, the bonus hardcore photo insert that comes with every one of their DVDs. This one’s quality is superb, a vertical fold out of Roxy in reverse cowgirl, with her ass filled with meat. Display it proudly in your home or office. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/221965.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

2 ON 1 #16

Diabolic

Rating: THREE & A HALF "If I Weren't So Busy Jerking, I'd Jerk It Some More" BUSTED NUTS

A man can only be busy so long before he needs to wind things down, kick back and wind himself up by watching hours and hours of fucking porn. The not-so-average man, which is me, can be busy for about FIVE whole minutes before getting turned on by something as simple as, I don't know, a stack of porn laying on his desk provided by the man himself, VINNIE, who is in fact, above avarage...and not afraid of kicking someone, anyone's, ass.

GIA PALOMA LIKES SEMEN. AND ALLLLL THAT GOES WITH IT. WHICH IS: MOSTLY JUST COCK.

So I found myself quickly popping in the nearest skin flick I could find, and lo and behold, I got wood, from something as simple as one pussy eating out another pussy. That and thoughts of the aforementioned ass kicking, of course.

In fact, a little bit more from the ass kicking, but whatever, what was I saying?

Oh yeah, pussy eating pussy. Pussy penetrating pussy with a lovely green vibrator that looks like something out of a Star Trek episode. Pussy looking so damn fine that if there ever was a reason to get wood, this would be it.

Except, the vibraphaser needs a damn upgrade, or a fucking silencer of some sorts. Where's Scotty when you need him? Huh?

Wait, one of the pussies fakes climax by thinking about paycheck and then enters beefcake Italian-looking fella with wood and there's ya title. And that's just the first scene. Good times had by all.

Now where's my ass kicking? -- The Fucking Flying Dutchman

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/205434.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

THE WORLD'S TOUGHEST FUCKING HOUSE PAINTER

A Thai house painter cut off the penises of two teenagers with a knife after he found out they had stolen 50,000 baht ($1249 US dollars) of his savings from an ATM machine, police say. Manit Srithammathan, 40, told police the teens, now in hospital, deserved the punishment as they had betrayed his kindness in letting them stay at his Bangkok suburban house, they said on Saturday. "There's nothing they deserved more for stealing the money I saved that could have helped me get a job abroad," a police spokesman quoted him as saying.

THE SKULLGAME SPORTS SPECTACULAR WHEREIN TERRELL OWENS TRIES TO BUTCH UP IMAGE BY HANGING WITH NICOLETTE SHERIDAN, A WHITE BROAD. PLUS, SKULLGAME SPONSORED FIGHTER KICKS FUCKING ASS AT RAGE ON THE ROCK

This edition of SkullGame is being brought to you courtesy of CIRCUS VENTRILIQUIST: THE CIRCUS OF DUMMIES. Equal parts CIRQUE DU SOLEIL and PICKLE FAMILY CIRCUS, this is a show NOT to be missed.

LADIES & GENTLEMEN, ONANISTS OF ALL AGES...

GAY NEGRO HUGS WHITE WOMAN ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL; A NATION AGHAST. NEGRO CLAIMS INNOCENCE. IS NATURALLY NOT BELIEVED

SLATTERN NICOLETTE SHERIDAN LURES ANOTHER GAY MAN TO HER BED. DESTINATION: HETEROSEXUALITY

PHILADELPHIA (SkullGame) -- The FCC on Nov. 17, 2004 reviewed complaints about ABC's steamy 'Desperate Housewives' promotion before 'Monday Night Football' and while the agency's Uncle Ben-esque chairman MICHAEL POWELL expressed disappointment, it was not clear whether the government would tackle the network for "showing a Nigra and a non-Nigra woman" locked in sweaty "look how gay I'm NOT" embrace. ABC acknowledged receiving numerous viewer complaints for the segment that featured 'Housewives' star NICOLETTE SHERIDAN, shown in a recent episode of the show, making a pass at Philadelphia Eagles' Nigra TERRELL OWENS in a locker room.

"SEE?!?! SEE?!! HERE I AM WITH MY FLUID-BONDED PARTNER IN LIFE. AND YOU CAN TELL AS WELL AS I CAN THAT HE'S NO KIND OF A WHITE WOMAN."

When reached for comment Owens, who was last seen ferreting out any and all extant members of The Men's Friendship Society in National Faggot League locker rooms all over America, said "Did you tell [male friend] TWAN, yet? Oh, lawdy Miss Claudie. I gotta go, honey chile. He's gonna be sooooo mad..."

SKULLGAME SPONSORED FIGHTER GILBERT MELENDEZ, ALSO NOT GAY, WHIPS THE FUCK OUT OF HAWAIIAN; HAWAII TOO HIGH TO NOTICE

MELENDEZ (RIGHT) ABOUT TO KICK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THE HAWAIIAN. THE SECRET OF HIS SUCCESS? SKULLGAME. AND MASTURBATION.

HONOLULU (SkullGame) -- The first fight of the esteemed Rumble on the Rock mixed martial arts fighting championship saw Hawaii's own Kaynan "The Barbarian" Kaku, who fights with BJ Penn's team, step in against SkullGame-sponsored fighter GILBERT MELENDEZ of California in an under 155 lb (70kg) matchup.

From the bell, Melendez again got in, moved to a side mount and connected with more than a few knees to Kaku's head. For most of the round, Mendez was able to press Kaku against the cage and rain punches down as his opponent appeared less and less able to defend. After attempting to twist away in vain late in the round, Kaku ate a dozen hard rights before the referee stepped in to stop the fight.

Melendez credits his win to "superior training, diet, skill, technique and all of the great pornos that SKULLGAME gives me."

DUCK SEASON. RABBIT SEASON. ELMER SEASON?

FUCK IT. IT'D BE A SHAME TO LET THE MEAT GO TO WASTE. MAN. WE LOVE THIS SPORT!

WISCONSIN (SkullGame) -- A dispute among deer hunters over a tree stand in northwestern Wisconsin erupted Sunday in a series of shootings that left five people dead and three injured, officials said. The alleged gunman, a man from the Twin Cities area, was arrested Sunday afternoon, according to officials.

The violence began shortly after a hunting party saw a hunter occupying their tree stand, Deputy Tim Zeigle told SkullGame. A confrontation and shooting followed. One of the shooting victims radioed back to the deer shack for help, he said. When more hunters came to the scene, they also were shot, Zeigle said. Wisconsin's deer gun hunting season started Saturday and lasts for nine days.

Bill Wagner, 72, of Oshkosh, was about two miles away near Deer Lake with a party of about 20 other hunters. "When you're hunting you don't expect somebody to try to shoot you and murder you," he said. "But we're all old, dyed-in-wool hunters," he said. "We wouldn't go home because of this but we will keep it in our minds, shooting the next motherfucker we see that we ain't know whose got a gun."

JOEY SILVERA'S HELLCATS #4

Here pussy, pussy. Catnip,

cock, what's the difference?

211775

PRIVATE REALITY #26: WET ‘N’ HORNY BITCHES

Private

Rating: TWO & A HALF "It Was The Best Of Times. It Was The Worst of Times" BUSTED NUTS

REALITY. It’s just about the oddest name anyone could pick for a line of porno movies. Very little of what goes on in these videos has much to do with reality. Unreality, or its flip, more appealing side, Fantasy, would be far better. But Reality is what Private is going with in its regular video “magazine.”

VICTORIA SWINGER FALLING ON A BOTTLE. OR SOMETHING.

Problem is here that the fantasy is closer to unreality, and the unreality is generally mundane. It’s like Private is trying to fuck it up on purpose. So skip through most of the scenes (definitely skip over the production and behind the scenes reports) and rather focus on the pretty damn scorching scene featuring the rubber band-like VICTORIA SWINGER and JESSICA FIORENTINO. Swinger is the consummate acrobatic sex fetishist’s dream as she takes anal with her entire torso on the ground and her hips far above it. There’s no way you can make me believe she has any bones below her rib cage.

But even this scene gets clowned with a stupid would-be DJ bitch that hangs out in the background and who pretends to be rocking out to some brain cell slaying techno drivel while interjecting things that you might expect from a third rate Playstation racing game. Is the point to distract us from what we came for? Is this meant to be entertaining? Well, the sex these two girls deliver is top notch, but any fine, fuckable woman in a porn video better be art of the action, goddammit. Or at least she should keep her dubbed over mouth shut. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/217639.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SUE HIM?!? HE SHOULD PAY HIM!!!

A 44-year-old man from Chicago's Southwest Side is suing his 61-year-old neighbor, accusing him of stealing his wife. The alienation of affection lawsuit filed by Steven Cyl against Fire Lt. Lee Bauman is a legal rarity still allowed in Illinois, but in few other states. Cyl's attorney, Michael Vitale, said this is the first one he has filed in 20 years of legal practice. In the lawsuit, Cyl maintains Bauman seduced his wife, Lupe, causing her to end their marriage of 15 years. "I don't know what kind of guy would do this to a friend," Cyl said.

AZZ FEST #4

Video Team

Rating: FOUR "Shades of Things To Come" BUSTED NUTS

Here are at SkullGame, we try to avoid cliche, the well-used phraseology and goddamned hyperbole as much as possible. All of our repetitive drivel is derivatively original. So it’s with all earnest intent that we proclaim PANDORA DREAMS' appearance on the skin scene as a veritable explosion of pornographic pulchritude.

PANDORA DREAMS OF OPENING HER BOX...FOR THE GENERAL AMUSEMENT OF ALL

You might even have a hard time jerking off to a scene with Pandora Dreams in it, as all the blood will be rushing to your eyes in order that your brain get a full assessment of her ball-bursting bodaciousness. And AZZ FEST #4 would be in high consideration for a full FIVE BUSTED NUTS if only Pandora followed her other comrades, in getting dicked down’s leads, and took it in the ass. As the title would lead you to believe. Oh, well, at least Pandora is also the focus of the bonus scene. Look forward to her anal performance in BIG WET ASSES 4. Coming soon....

The rest of the talent is nothing to sneer at in the least. MIKA TAN is round and lovely, and Latin hottie ROSSANA and Black hottie COURTNEY will do just nicely, too. And VINNIE ROSE will be the first to tell you that Semitic relations can only improve if we had more women like JESSICA DARLIN in charge. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/212108.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SOUTH OF THE BORDER #2

Red Light District

Rating: ONE "I Got This Urge To Take A Shower" BUSTED NUTS

Beginning with the admission that, "we're north of the border" (if by border you mean the one between cute fuck machine and skanky gross out blob), CHIQUITA LOPEZ asserts that her milkshake is better than the one sung about by Kelis (that is, if "milkshake" means mousse de caboose and "asserts" means slurping shit offa some dickhead's fingers), and then gets her culo turned into carne molido. (Promise to stop using Spanish now.)

WOO HOO. THIS IS GREAT. JUST FUCKING GREAT. I GOT A COCK UP MY ASS. PERFECT. SAY, YOU GOT MY DINERO?

Our magical journey then takes us way south of the border in the next three scenes, with JAVIERA the dirty-ass nightmare, CARLA looking for the exit so she can commit suicide, and CHERRY looking like the first critter to emerge from the womb a fully post-op transsexual. She has a motionless double anal for a minute there, her wreck of a face the perfect complement to the ugly sight of two dicks rubbing each other, turned gay from her lack of hetero appeal.

CHERRY? Not very!

The beautiful, hot-bodied SATIVA arrives in the end to save us from this disaster, but one woman and one mental patient can only do so much. My soft-on could not be coaxed back after the three scenes in the middle.

This video should come with a warning, since the cover doesn't give enough of an indication of how much it assaults the viewer. If Mike John wants to salvage anything from his ill-fated trip to Mexico, it should be a terminal case of Montezuma's Revenge. -- JIMMY THE G

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/215175.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

THE "OL' DIRTY BASTARD WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THAT WAY" ISSUE OF SKULLGAME WHEREIN WE TAKE THOSE MYSTERY PILLS WE STOLE FROM YOUR MEDICINE CABINET & TRY TO BONE COURTNEY LOVE & LINDSAY LOHAN (IN THAT ORDER)

SKULLGAME PERSONAL of the GODDAMNED WEEK:

OVER LAND, OVER SEA SOMEWHERE A CRACKHEAD WAITS FOR ME!!!

Single White Male looking for girl who smokes crack…a lot. I don’t smoke crack although I do find the idea of you running around my apartment frantically stealing shit sort of attractive. I like to imagine me sitting on the couch whilst you awkwardly try to slide hummell figurines down your dirty pants. Yeah, I would love that.

...SO WOULD I, BABY. SO WOULD I.

After I make like I didn’t see you stealing my stuff we could haggle prices for various sex acts that will be strictly mechanical on your part; you know, crackwhore style. Then, afterward I can think of different ways to get you out of my apartment, my favorite being: the let's-go-for-a-walk routine, wherein I get you out of my house on the premise of taking a walk. Once we get outside my building I will bolt only to return hours later.

If you are a sexy, or even not so sexy, crack smoker, please contact me. I am also into tweekers, cokeheads, dope fiends and huffers; I have spray paint and a bag.

COURTNEY LOVE ON ALL-COCONUT OIL DIET; COCONUTS PLEASED

"HIIIII, BOYS!!!!" CAROL CHANNING LOOKING EERILY LIKE COURTNEY LOVE

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- CAROL-CHANNING impersonator COURTNEY LOVE is currently on a controversial liquid diet to get herself in shape after her string of legal woes.

The former Hole frontwoman, who has been in and out of court on various charges over the last few months, admits she is now on the other side of a "little nut-bag breakdown" and is marking her fresh lease on life by embarking on the Master Cleanse diet.

COURTNEY LOVE AFTER ONLY THREE DAYS ON THE DIET: CAN YOU FEEL THE CHANGE?

She says, "(The diet) is cayenne pepper and maple syrup and lemon juice (plus water), and loads and loads of, um, well, loads. And you do it for 21 days. The loads that is."

As of press time CAROL CHANNING could not be reached.

LINDSAY LOHAN HOPPED UP ON GOOFBALLS: AGAIN.

THE FIRST THING YOU LEARN IS YOU ALWAYS GOT TO WAIT

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Teen cream queen LINDSAY LOHAN had a "screaming and crying" phone call with ex-love, or dealer, Wilmer Valderrama, only days before the couple split.

The actress "ended" her "relationship" with Valderrama, 24, last week. The couple began publicly "dating" on Lohan's 18th birthday in July. According to well placed sources, Lohan was so "upset" during a cover shoot for Jane magazine recently, her representative delayed the shoot.

A source claims Lohan grew hysterical when Valderrama phoned her to tell her "he could not pick it up." Numerous guesses were tendered as to what "it" could be before Heroin raised its hand.

After the make-up artist attempted to calm down the "sad" star, the shoot was reportedly canceled "shortly thereafter because it appeared that Lindsay couldn't pull it back together." Lohan's representative denies Lohan was upset, saying, "Lindsay is a professional and the shoot was fine. Just fine. Nothing to see here. Just keep on walking, people. Give her room to breathe."

HOUSE CALLS WITH THE DOCTOR: WELCOME TO HOUSTON, NOW COUGH

THE LAND OF HARSH REALITY: NOT ONE OF THESE SLUTS WILL FUCK HIM

HOUSTON (SkullGame) -- Nothing will make my disposition better than sitting in a nice place with a cold drink in my hand and a naked girl on my lap. Nothing, that is, EXCEPT the above immediately preceded by having my ears shredded by 4 hours of GODSMACK and METALLICA.

So when I was in Houston recently to experience the aforementioned aural barrage, an anonymous tip that METALLICA would probably be visiting local flesh gallery THE MEN'S CLUB after the show sent me and the boys off to the bank to get a roll of $1's and after the concert we made our way to the club.

We were told at the door that our attire was not suitable. I offered to remove my shirt so that I might fit in a little better, and the doorman called the manager who threatened to summon the gendarme. Back in the cab, the very helpful cabbie told us that we would like TREASURES just as much, if not better.

SO IF YOU ARE EVER IN HOUSTON FOR ANY REASON, I ADVISE YOU TO
PROCEED EXACTLY AS I AM ABOUT TO DELINEATE!

1) Get whatever lame ass activity you used as your excuse to
come to Houston over with and concoct your alibi.
2) Go to TREASURES as soon as they open up.
3) Go to the bar and ask for AUBURN. Valkyriesque, and proportioned like a dream that makes you yearn to be in a coma forever, AUBURN is like every beautiful girl you ever fantasized about, only more so. When she shows up, start stuffing money into her g-string and don't stop until you are out of money or they throw you out in the rain. Then try to sneak back in through the bathroom window. Ask Yoza if you don't know how to do that.

Seriously, this place IS WHAT A STRIP CLUB IS SUPPOSED TO BE. Lots of great-looking girls who are very friendly--Yoza even got one to sit on his lap despite the puke breath and the large goiter-like bruise on his neck where he had fallen down the stairs at the show. KIM and ASHLEY were lovely, but AUBURN is not only absolutely dazzling to look at, but also so brilliant a conversationalist that I nearly forgot that I am a loser who has to pay to have a girl sit on his lap.

In death as in life...cockside up: OL' DIRTY BASTARD's final call

"I'M THE PARANOID NIGGA AT YOUR PARTY."

BOOTY TALK #28: ASSLICIOUSLY DELICIOUS

West Coast Productions

Rating: THREE "Tilt Your Cup Up" BUSTED NUTS

Frosted LUCKY CHARMS: It's ASSLICIOUSLY DELICIOUS.

ADORA? I FUCKING LOVE HER...

OK. Dig. A 19-year old ho named MO' WHETT? Bitch named after a fucking alcoholic beverage. Damn. What will they think of next? I, myself, am waiting for her sister Pink Champale because if she's anything like the drink, and I suspect she might be, she's guaranteed to leave you broke, lonely and without pants or a wallet in the front seat of your LTD.

But that ain't the point. The point here is if West Coast actually gave they ho's first and last names they might develop some goddamned talent here. Because talent is on motherfucking parade here in their asshole-having glory. Rock 'em, sock 'em Black ho's so ho-tastic that my antenna arm starts twitching like I'm at a Greyhound station.

Jesus, baby. Jesus. Can I get a goddamned witness? -- CORNHOLIO

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/84544.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ADULTROUS

Outback Productions

Rating: FOUR "Me & Mrs., Mrs. Jones" BUSTED NUTS

Nothing better than fucking another man's slut because....Wha? Wha?!? Hol' on, how the fuck do I know she's a slut? Because, of course, if she's someone else's and she's fucking you she is, ergo, a slut and so's don't bust my balls over nomenclature here.

So to continue: Fucking is A-OK. Sluts are A-OK. And therefore, in that special SkullGame arithmetic: fucking sluts is A-OK. Specially when you ain't got to worry about feeding and watering them.

KIM CHAMBERS!!! GODDAMN IT!!! SO NICE WE FUCKED HER TWICE

Now the premise o' this Robert Huntington incorrectly fucking spelled throwback is that photographers capture "evidence" of a, um, hardcore nature in order to uncover ADULTEROUS spouses. But as far as I can see if the adulterous spouses write on their tax form PORN STAR, it sort of takes the mystery out of this ersatz who-the-fuck-done-it-why-it's-that-slut-on-the-fucking-box-case-closed reality show.

But that's NOT why I'm giving this a FOUR. Not this. Or the porn from another era feel. This got a FOUR for one reason and one reason only: KIM CHAMBERS, who I am in love with.

Not like I love OLIVIA, but enough so that when CARLY from PORNBLOGRAPHY says "Kim wants you to come to our weekly weekend volleyball game," I start to break out the Speedo marble bag, the tanning lotion and the cock. She's a heavily mammed adulterous slut like I like my heavily mammed adulterous sluts: sporting more pricks than a cactus. And that being said, I'm off, like a raped date, to jerk my fourth, and final, load to the heavenly visage of the saintly slut named Kim.

Adultery: a dish best served with Kim Chambers and my cock. And a light aperitif.

Bottom's the fuck up! -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/123057.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

CHRISTOPH’S EURO SLIT

Evil Angel

Rating: FOUR "Milk: It Does A Body Good" BUSTED NUTS

Come on back, now. C'mon. It's OK. Take it easy. Now I know it’s a scary title on this DVD. But rest assured, Christoph Clark has not gone tranny on us and he does not have a slit. I don’t think THE FLYING DUTCHMAN himself would want to see that one. I mean if it did exist. But it doesn't. Leastways not in this vid.

THEY WENT TO SILVIA LANCOME'S ASS & ALL I GOT WAS THIS HARD-ON

Nope, it’s just good old-fashioned porn the way the goddamned Lord intended it to be. So vote for this one on the basis of solid moral values.

But you know what? CHRISTOPH’S EURO SLIT has got something even a grizzled old veteran hasn’t seen before: Squirting boobies. Maybe we ought to get THE DOCTOR to explain this one, but I thought only women in or around pregnancy could lactate. No big belly here and no stretch marks at all. Ok, so it’s a bit of a gimmick turn on, but, hey! Our recently discovered fetish for women who shoot stuff out of their bodies is satiated in a way we didn’t expect.

Isn’t motherhood a sound moral value?

Goddamned right it is. As is fine Euro sluts who take it in the ass. LILIANE TIGER might be one of our patron saintesses here at the Metal Wing of Casa Skull, if only she had given even a modicum of thought to the shitty tattoos she’s got on her body. But her ass is built for fucking, and that’s just what it does. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/211769.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

BLACK ON BLACK #7

Red Light District

Rating: TWO & A HALF "She Got Trucks Like A Truck, Truck, Truck" BUSTED NUTS

Here's an example of why it's okay for porno to exploit stereotypes. This movie eschews the truck-like dumps popular culture bombards us with, instead casting ho's on? The merits of their faces. Which do get plastered, slathered and lathered, and even emit some cute dialogue through the frosting. And yeah yeah, okay, ADORA has some back, and MARIE LUV has a curvy, gelatinous butt that ripples erotically.

SHE TAKES A LICKING & KEEPS ON TICKING. WHAT? NO, NOT THE WATCH, YOU ASS.

But all that doesn't get me past HYPNOTIC's (her name should be "Sedated" instead) teeth, which are more crooked than a Texas congressional district. Or how, for all her cheerleaderly charm, ADORA seems to have shaved her legs less recently than the horse-man who fucks her. NINA is doing porn for the deli trays, and MARIE LUV has extensions that should have been taped over that
fugly back tattoo.

JADE STONE has narrow hips that make her ass look mannish; I'd be happier with a little bit of fuckhead stereotype bootay here instead. And celebrity resemblances aren't seized upon when assigning stage names, even. ADORA could be Brandy's more interesting sister, same with PERSIA for Ashanti. My MTV fantasies are lived out here, and I'll point that out if David Luger
is too P.C. to do so. "Ass Shanty" anyone...anyone?

Enough of the nitpicking, the fucking is okay. PERSIA gets a little torn and bloody from the third leg of that shaved freak. She just keeps on fucking, though. ADORA, such awhora, can't even take it all in her ass. Which adds to the sweetness of her demeanor. MARIE LUV is plainly getting her cervix slammed by a foot long. If she's faking it, she doesn't make the same fake faces when the other, smaller, cock is in her.

So check this one if you like pretty, pretty black girls encountering freakishly large black dicks. Support the ho's careers so that they can get some sadly needed boob jobs. And won't you, please, help feed a starving NINA? -- JIMMY THE G

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/215185.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

THE SKULLGAME OLD DIRTY BASTARD TRIBUTE ISSUE WHEREIN WE DO SEVERAL LINES OF BLOW, PUNCH A NIGGA IN THE FACE, GET HIGH WITH ANNA NICOLE SMITH, WONDER WHERE OUR HOMIES AT & WEEP INCONSOLABLY

It is with great sadness that we at SKULLGAME mark the passing from causes undetermined of one of our spiritual heirs RUSSELL JONES a.k.a. BIG BABY JESUS a.k.a. DIRT McGIRT a.k.a. OLD DIRTY BASTARD. Often caught with a smile on his face, a song in his heart and pockets full of guns, ammo and a wide range of street nigga pharmaceuticals, ODB, as he was called by friends, foes and hoes alike will be sorely missed. Especially if by "sorely missed" you mean "owing us motherfucking money." And with that we close with the words of the immortal bard, "one way to die is to eat a can of worms, another way to die is to drink my sperm." Good night, sweet prince.

"I BEGGED, I BEGGED. CAREFUL WITH MY BALLS. THEY'RE FRAGILE LIKE EGGS."

CAUGHT UP IN THE SPIRIT OF THE OCCASION, ANNA NICOLE SMITH MOURNS IN THE ONLY WAY SHE KNOWS HOW: WITH APPROXIMATELY 10-12 OXYCONTINS, 2 VIKES, 1 DILAUDID, A LINE OF METH & A HASTILY AND INEXPERTLY DELIVERED SUCKJOB

WU-TANG CLAN AIN'T NUTTIN' TO FUCK WIT

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Fans of the busty, lusty, drunken and slutty cupcake eater ANNA NICOLE SMITH were stunned by her deep, deep public show of grief for the late RUSSELL JONES a.k.a. BIG BABY JESUS a.k.a. DIRT McGIRT a.k.a. OLD DIRTY BASTARD after the model's rambling tribute at the American Music Awards on Sunday night.

Smith who, in homage, arrived at the show 10 minutes after it had started and, in homage, appeared "under the weather" onstage, delivered her, in homage, sloppily rambling speech, which began, in homage, as she slurred, "Like my...fersnopkpic...body?" was cut short when producers feared she, in homage, would do something shameful.

But she, in a stunningly accurate portraiture of a man who knew no peer when it came to fin de siecle fucked-upedness, angrily insisted her current state of mind has been swayed by her recent weight loss and constant taunts about being stupid.

She attempts to explain, "I liked me better bigger because now I'm too bony. I'm just portrayed as some bimbo, and never taken seriously. Cupcakes. Eggs. Rubber tires!!!" Smith then staggered around backstage, and had to be helped to stand up by two bodyguards who later, it was surmised, double-teamed the unconscious Smith in the back of the limo.

SKULLGAME WRITERS LEAVE A MARK ON THE WAILING WALL OF NEGRO APPRECIATION: RUSSELL JONES a.k.a. BIG BABY JESUS a.k.a. DIRT McGIRT a.k.a. OLD DIRTY BASTARD, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

NICKY BALLS

NICKY BALLS' COCK & NICKY BALLS' COCKREST

"He will be missed. With the same sort of intensity that marks the way you all miss ME. Yeah. I...I...had to get out. It was too much. I mean Jesus Christ. So, uh, yeah. He will be missed. His work with children. His work with the chinkee orphans, all of that shit. Missed. Karl was just that type of cat."

CORNHOLIO

CORNHOLIO: LAUGHING ON THE INSIDE, WHILE CRYING ON THE OUTSIDE

"Oh man. RUSSELL JONES a.k.a. BIG BABY JESUS a.k.a. DIRT McGIRT a.k.a. OLD DIRTY BASTARD was my capital N to the I to the GGA. So now he's dead. And MC HAMMER lives the fuck on. Jesus. Is there any justice in the world at all anymore?"

ANIMAL THUG

"DON'T LAUGH...IT'S PAID FOR.

"Though I am a Gay Expert, I know better than most the pain associated with the passing of a man friend. A man friend with whom many a moment of joy, love and life was spent with. RUSSELL JONES a.k.a. BIG BABY JESUS a.k.a. DIRT McGIRT a.k.a. OLD DIRTY BASTARD was such a man. A man with a lot inside him to give. I will miss him. My ass will miss him. But most of all, the world will miss him."

ON FRIDAY THE TRIBUTE CONTINUES..........

BATTLIN' BISHOP'S GOT BIG BALLS OF BRASS

A CROATIAN priest beat a member of his parish, threatened others with a rifle and crashed his car in a night of drunken rage, press reports said today. After an overnight quarrel in a restaurant in the central town of Slunj on Saturday , Josip Stefancic punched a guest in the face, cutting his eye. The priest, known in his parish as the Sheriff, then took a rifle and threatened other guests before fleeing in his car and crashing into a tree. When police arrived at the scene he refused a breath test. "I admit that I have made a mistake. However, everyone makes mistakes, politicians and even the Pope," said Stefancic who was, according to press reports, already involved in a series of similar incidents.

DID YOU BANG HER? HUNH? DID JEW?

Yo Vinnie,
I'm obsessed with Jew broads. If I meet a chick, a hot chick and she's not a Jew, I don't have time for her. They get a bad rap for not like fucking, or cleaning the house and that whole princess thing but I ain't had nothing but good times with them. And I'm not hurting anybody. I don't even have a problem. I just wanted to know if there were any clubs that catered to non-Jews who want to bang Jews? -- Moe Green (by email)

YES WE DO. AS FREQUENTLY AS POSSIBLE.

Ho, Moe Green: Clubs that cater to those who want, as much as possible, to bang Jews? That don't involve jackboots and uniforms? Hmm...well there are plenty however you will note that these are all DATING services and many of them are dating services designed expressly to help earnest soon-to-be non-kitchen cleaning, fucking once a month Jew broads meet Jew dudes soon-to-have hooker girlfriends on the side. And I don't think you want that. I think you want the post-college, pre-matrimonial Jew broad who is so crazy for fuck that you've lost track of how many times you've fucked her this week on that Nazi flag you got in your garage. Where to find them? Outside of my garage? I have no fucking idea.

FLIRTIN' & SQUIRTIN'

Baby Doll Pictures

Rating: FOUR "Log Flume Ride" BUSTED NUTS

Talk about wet pussy. This movie is all about flirting. And squirting. And lots of it. Squirting I mean. And curiously enough: very little flirting. Featuring the super freak CYTHEREA, she stands out in a movie with six stand-out performances, gushing like a fire hose, Cytherea once again shows off her academically trained ability to shoot a stream of female ejaculate and hit a moving target almost six feet away.

I'M CYTHEREA. AND I VOTE. AND SQUIRT.

Rounding out this little gem is OLIVIA O' LOVELY and LONI to name a few. This movie is a must have for those of you who are fans of squirters like myself.

You don’t have to piss on my head and tell me its raining. -- ITALIAN SAL

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/217747.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

BLACK CARNAL COEDS #13: BACK TO COLLEGE

Afrocentric

Rating: TWO "Is That All There Is?" BUSTED NUTS

Says right there on the lid, "An Ass is a Terrible Thing to Waste" and y'know what? Not only is that fucking poetry, you'd think the peeps who put them fightin' words on the cover would believe it, too. You'd think that and you'd be wrong.

Wrong like latex on a fat bitch.

Just three chicks in this movie. MONE DIVINE and FANTASY, whose asses go to tragic, unfathomable waste. Go figure. And FRANKIE LARUE, whose ass does get used, but whose drag queenesque porn name seems suspiciously appropriate.

FRANKIE LARUE: DOESN'T SHE OR DOESN'T HE? ONLY HER/HIS COCK KNOWS

When I reviewed the much superior and worth-buying FEELIN' BLACK #2 many months back, I said I'd never boned a black chick and, y'know, that'd be something to do. Can now report that I have boned a black chick (a nurse from Vegas with braided hair, big tits, shaved cunt). It's like by writing
it, I willed it to happen. Sorta like KEVIN COSTNER and his baseball field.

Except without KEVIN COSTNER, a field, and anything to do with baseball.

And with a chick who said "I don't mind anal" when I accidentally (I swear!) touched her bunghole with my knob.

So just for the record, I'd like to state that I've never had sex with three chicks at once and, y'know, that'd be something to do. -- MR. XTRA

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/216924.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

CUM FART COCKTAILS

Red Light District

Rating: FIVE "Drinks Every Bartender Must Know" BUSTED NUTS

CUM FART COCKTAILS redefines the "money shot" for the third millennium. I'm so tired of the hand-jerked facial. I'M fucking my fist; I don't need to see the same thing on my television. And I always wondered why it was so important to see the on-screen cock spewing forth. It does nothing for me. If you want to end a porno scene in a way that appeals to me, have the men taken before
a firing squad, fed to lions, or dropped down a deep pit.

NAUDIA NICE: ISN'T SHE THOUGH?

Anyway, we all know the problems with ATM. It's a don't-try-this-at-home deal suited for hired professionals, VINNIE ROSE, and motel rooms, away from those with whom you share silverware. But it looks so cock-gratifying, that I am now a convert, searching for a couple of escorts with said repertoire. If the ho's in this movie are for hire, I'll hop the next westbound train.

Ten talented ladies appear, all of whom terminally confuse and frustrate many wads of spermatozoa. Only the lovely CRIS TALIANA doesn't do anal, and she more than makes up for that by lapping up cum puddles off the floor, as they drop from her girlfriend MAXINE's ass.

Each scene begins with some girl-girl fun, with lucky men soon mixed in. My favorite is when ROXY JEZEL starts out punching and kissing a fight training dummy, all while smoking a cig. This cuts to her on her knees with a stilletto shoe replacing the cigarette in her mouth. TYLA WYNN's shoe, to be concise.

The intro's make for a perfect blend of light fetish and gonzo action. And they set the bar high for the psychotic cocksmen to maintain the mood. The girls gag on schlong, but guzzle jizzle out of each others' butts like it's nectar. KATJA KASSIN and GIA PALOMA are so beautiful, I don't get all homophobically grossed out seeing them slosh butt snots around with their tongues, until finally "ALL CUMFARTS SWALLOWED," just like the box cover promises.

This movie breaks new ground, challenging the audience by beginning a scene with NAUDIA NICE and LEE ANN actually PUTTING ON clothing. I guess that's part of the fetish angle. Buy this one for the inspiring sex, and all its sequels. -- JIMMY THE G

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/213872.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SEAN MICHAEL'S BUTT LICKIN' SWEETHEARTS

Platinum X Pictures

Rating: THREE "Curse You, Short Straw" BUSTED NUTS

Sometimes you wonder at the logistics of the goings on behind the scenes of a porn movie. Like, what decides who gets to fuck what chick? Maybe it’s as simple as drawing straws. Either that or arm wrestling. Or maybe you get paid more to fuck the uglier girls. Whatever the method, the straw was pretty short, or the check was pretty big, for the dude who “got” to do ARIA.

JAYNA OSO WINNING THE COCK-SUCKING SWEEPSTAKES

We’ve been down (and not that way) on poor Aria a few times before. Hey, she might be a lovely person, but not one of us here at Casa Skull ever wants to see her naked again. I mean she's not BRIJAYE LOVE-esque but you get what we mean.

Meanwhile, the guys with stronger biceps and smaller drug budget were treated to a good dose of Vitamin P with INDIA and JAYNA OSO. India, in particular, may be one of, if not the hottest black pornstress out there, and seeing her take it in the ass is a pretty damn good reason to buy this movie.

So let's recap: a few hot broads, licking lots o' ass, having lots of ass licked and a great title?

Did I miss anything? I don't think so. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/207890.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

WHAT DO YOU GET THE WORLD'S BIGGEST CUNT? GIVE UP?

David Beckham's latest million-quid pressie is sure to make the earth move for the missus. Becks is apparently planning to buy Victoria "the world's most expensive sex toy," according to the Daily Star which, surprisingly, shows a passing interest in this news. Splashing it on the front page, that sort of thing. Funny that. The diamond-encrusted pleasure probe is the creation of Pete Stringfellow, no less. "Victoria's such a beautiful girl - it would fit her perfectly," babbles the too-much-information club owner.

JEWEL DE'NYLE'S LAST MOVIE

With an ass that could

launch 100 shits. We mean ships.

215648

SKULLGAME WONDERS ALOUD: "WHAT'S EVERYBODY ALL EXCITED ABOUT? PAMELA ANDERSON JUST BECAME AN AMERICAN, ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS NO LONGER FUCKING FAT, & THE GUY WHO HATES YOU IS BACK!!! WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE?!?!"

Take it easy, baby. Take it easy.

CALGON? TAKE ME AWAYYYYYY....

TWO BIG, GIANT FAKE TITTIES JOIN U.S. COALITION

IF THESE BE FOR US, WHO BE AGAINST US?

AMERICA (SkullGame) -- Canadian-born "actress," porn star, and patriot PAMELA ANDERSON's knobs were officially sworn in as American citizens yesterday. The former "Baywatch" star's protuberances, who moved to California from their native British Columbia 15 years ago, passed a citizenship test and were sworn in at a private ceremony.

But Anderson's jugs -- born as nice, Jewish girl Barbara Rose Kopetski's knobs in 1967 -- are able to retain their Canadian citizenship, because of U.S. law.

Speaking about their U.S. citizenship, the 36-year-old tits say, "We felt it was important to become U.S. citizens in order to vote in the Superbowl. Or whatever it's called."

ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S EXCESS WEIGHT TO AID IN WAR EFFORT

ANNA AND MILITARY SPECIALIST PREPARE TO OFFLOAD PRECIOUS FUEL

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Reality TV star Anna Nicole Smith's strict slimming regime has been harnessed to fuel the Iraqi war effort.

The busty star -- whose svelte figure bears no resemblance to her buxom frame in hit TV program "The Anna Nicole Smith Show" -- is continuing to shed weight by avoiding donuts, fried chicken, fried chicken donuts, HoHos, and Diet Coke, and friends fear her extreme patriotic efforts to diminish American military dependence on sources of foreign lard by donating hers is posing a dangerous threat to her health.

One says, "She hardly eats. A while back she couldn't pick up a box of cookies without eating them all -- now she won't even read the goddamned label."

SMITH LAUNCHING HER LARD TANKER TO IRAQ

"She hardly eats at all because she loves all the praise she gets for not eating donuts, fried chicken, fried chicken donuts, HoHos, and Diet Coke. Oh. And helping our boys overseas."

LETTER TO THE FUCKING EDITOR

Sure, sure, let's ALL complain about "abuses" at Abu Gharib...cause they have it, like, sooooo hard. Let me tell you something, you know what it is to have it hard?

I have it hard.

I went to a baseball game last night: San Francisco Giants v. Philadelphia Phillies. Sat in the bleachers.

The right field bleachers.

The right field bleachers at Pac Bell Park. I might has well have been watching from Philly. And the cold? What I wouldn't give to be in a nice, mild climate like Iraq.

Those fucks have no idea how good they got it.

Prison abuses my ass. I seen those pictures. Do you know how many guys right here in San Francisco would kill to play naked pyramid? I mean those guys should just be happy to even be having sex, they’re terrorists for Christ sakes, sure, granted it's gay sex, but somebody is getting off.

Who knows, maybe those Iraqi fruits can take turns at who is on first and what not. I don’t know, it just seems like much ado about nothing to me.--D. Jones (by email)

SKULLGAME'S NEWEST IRREGULARLY OCCURRING FEATURE: ASK A GUY WHO HATES YOU

YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING. ASSHOLE.

DEAR "GUY WHO HATES YOU": "I am going through a difficult transition in my life where my mother is getting older although she still works, but has less patience then she used to in listening to my problems. She is an obsessive worrier, which affects me greatly. I do know that eventually I will have to be on my own which frightens me.

Just to tell you a little bit of my background I am male in my upper 30's and never dated anyone more than once. I haven't been dating for the last 2 years being that I wasn't interested in going out seriously, but have been going through some rough times with anxiety and depression for some quite time but have progressively gotten worst.

I don't have much of a support system, nor an extended family that I have to do with, and this has been like this for years.

I would like to learn how to be more sociable because I tend to shy away from interaction with certain people especially the opposite sex.

I have a learning disability, (cognitive) and although I did graduate college in with a major in psychology and an accounting equivalency, which took me many years, I have been unsuccessful in accounting, not being able to hold down a job for more than four months at a time. I really don't know what career or job path I should be taking at this point, although I always liked working in the business arena but would like to explore other avenues.

Can you give me some insight?

P.S. I ask that this article not be published.

Thank You.-- Jeff (by email, sadly enough)

OH MY GOD MOTHER!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!

DEAR FUCKFACE: You ask that this "article" not be published, hey? Let me tell you something kid: The only thing that makes my life worth living is reading these letters and then taking you all down a notch in a very, very public way.

You live with your Mom? Big fucking deal. If it wasn’t for the loads and loads of trim I was marching through my Mom's house I would still be living there. Being that you’re a closeted homosexual, I don’t see that being a problem for you.

But let's get down to brass tacks. What you need is to spice up your hate! Once you do that you will find yourself free of all your self-imposed social restraints. You probably ought to suck a cock too. That would probably be good thing for you.

Now to attack, I mean address, your work, or lack of work, problem. If you were a woman, I bet this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this, if you were a woman I would have told you to go get a job at massage parlor. You know one of them Korean Fucky Sucky ones. Well since you're not a female, that whole debasing yourself over and over again for cold hard cash doesn’t apply to you.

Oh well, I think you have a great, and not-so-lucrative career in panhandling to look forward to. The minute that nagging old crow of a mother you got bites the dust you will be shaking cup and holding a sign.

Good Luck. You sad fucking sack of shit.

HARDCORE INTERRACIAL SEXXX #4

West Coast Pictures

Rating: THREE "I'm Crawling On The Edge Of A Straight Credit Card" BUSTED NUTS

ITALIAN SAL has gone up river. The last communication we received from him before he disappeared with his Montagnard army of irregulars is reproduced verbatim from a recently received audio tape. -- editors

"This movie has it all. Its all anal extravaganza. Anal. Extra. Vag. Whatever.

What does it have you ask?

...STACY SILVER USING A CZECH PHONE TO CALL SKULLGAME?

Well, for starters you got tag team action with super cute college sweetheart LUCIE and her friend SUSIE getting boned six ways to Sunday. You also have LAURYL, STACY SILVER, SOPHIE and BRITTNEY taking advantage of the all-time-best way to solidify your career in this business, the DP. Nothing says you’re serious about your craft than taking one in your cunt and crapper simultaneously.

And finally, you got JULIE, JULIE, JULIE, JULIE. You see, Julie has a face so horrible they couldn’t even fuck her indoors, so they took Julie outside, and even outside it was as if there was some super predator out there cause you couldn’t hear not one animal...in the jungle...the tiger had fear...

X-ray. Tango Fox Trot. Lima.

Sell the house. The car. The kids. Julie is the face of full porno fear and fuck. And I love her." -- ITALIAN SAL

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/200746.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SEMEN DEMONS

Elegant Angel

Rating: THREE & A HALF "Skip Straight To The End" BUSTED NUTS

You’re not supposed to read the last chapter of a book first. Your mom always told you not to have dessert first. Well, here, we give you full permission to check out the last scene on SEMEN DEMONS before all the others. In fact, we’re encouraging you to.

JAMIE BROOKS: SHE'S A WOMAN. SHE'S A BONG!!! BEAUTIFUL...

The first few scenes have a kind of cute theme/general philosophy of “cock is life, life is cock,” brought to you with the best attempt at artistic presentation that director WILLIAM H. could come up with. And it kinda flies with a broken wing. But having the theme come back for two or three scenes amplifies its stupidity. And GIA JORDAN's makeup isn’t helping.

BUT THE LAST SCENE!!!! We almost forgot...One dick, two chicks, CYTHEREA and JAMIE BROOKS. Good odds. One does the anal and the other does the squirting. The best of both worlds, split up. It’s raw, it’s insane, it made me want to fuck them both. Like forever. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/214452.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

1 IN THE PINK, 1 IN THE STINK #4

Red Light District

Rating: FOUR "And The Oscar Goes...Right Up Missy Monroe's Stink" BUSTED NUTS

They go with a D.P. theme here that makes for easily memorized dialogue. Every one of the sluts has a chance at stardom, delivering the soon-to-be classic line,

"I want one in my pink, and one in my stink!"

LUCI THAI ON THE STINKING WAY TO PINK

The first scene makes this pattern obvious, as MISSY MONROE won't shut up. An incurable talkaholic, she also claims to be a sexaholic. This is evident in how she won't even stop fucking to go to the bathroom -- oh wait, sorry, I mean she "squirts" -- a lot. And does she have something against working with a black dude? If so, it's barely concealed by how much she pees -- I mean "squirts" -- on his dick, and how she loves to taste her ass on a black tool. And I don't mean a shovel. That is, a spade. Which is a hoe of a different color.

But the encouragement to "suck black cock" relieves the repetition of the phrase for which this flick is named. And her voluminous gash easily accommodates a racially integrated mixture of cockflesh, even uniting the two dicks which, before, were segregated to different orifices.

Skip the next two equally used up, but less amusing, sluts to check out fleshy CHELSEA, cute as a button, and seemingly as intelligent. Her squealing vocal delivery makes the title phrase sound wholesome and fun for kids of legal age. LUCI THAI has a similar girlish voice, and the standing D.P. she gets lets us know that these porn cocks are working hard to earn their pay. -- JIMMY THE G

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/216043.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

NOTE TO DAVE DIETRICH: TRY FINLAND

The Norwegian Federation for Animal Protection in Nordland has won the support of the tiny Coast Party in their bid to create legislation preventing sex between humans and animals. The increasing exposure of animal porn on the Internet is blamed for what they say is a growing problem. "People working in animal protection are angered that sexual intercourse with animals can occur without a clear decision that this is a crime. Abuse of animals is a growing problem that may be linked to the enormous exposure of animal porn on the Internet," said Coast Party leader Steinar Bastesen.

Whatever.

THE HATE, SPITE & ENVY ISSUE IS LAUNCHED WITH A CONCOMITANT FANFARE OF BULLSHIT & DISINGENUOUS APPLAUSE; PLUS: I, RAPIST: THE NEW LIZA BIOPIC MAKES WAVES, LINDSAY LOHAN NODS AGAIN & STEPHEN JENKINS GOES FAG!

SkullGame's gay baiting, hateful screed of mean-spiritedness has been brought to you assholes by our proud fucking sponsors at HATERADE: FUCK YOU IT'S MINE!

AHHHH....DRINK, DRINK, DRINK DEEPLY, MY FRIENDS, OF THE WORMWOOD OF THE GODS

LIFE IS A CABARET, OL' CHUM: FAT, DRUNKEN, PILL-POPPING LIZA MINELLI GOES ON INTERGENERATIONAL RAPE SPREE

"BRING ME SOME O'THOSE BEAR CLAWS. CROSSTOPS. AND OH YEAH, COCK. NOWWWWWW!!!" SAYS NICOTINE-STAINED STAR

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- LIZA MINELLI, the former gamine like beauty-turned frighteningly matronly marauder of young flesh, has been savagely and with malice aforethought forcing her bodyguard to guard her copious corporal real estate with more than a golf cart and a walkie talkie: she demanded painfully uncomfortable and fumblingly drunken old lady sex with him in order that he might keep his job.

In the lawsuit, M'Hammed Soumayah, 36, accuses Minnelli of assault and battery, breach of contract, withholding payment for services rendered and horrible, horrible, horrible slack-lipped sexual harassment.

The suit, which was filed on September 30 in Manhattan's state Supreme Court in New York and sealed by Justice Barbara Kapnick, was unsealed late Tuesday over the objections of Minnelli's lawyers.

In a court document, one of Minnelli's lawyers, Dorothy Weber, says Soumayah had "commenced this action in a quicksand of untruths and misstatements" and accuses him of a "$100 million shakedown" of her client.

When reached for comment Minelli herself said, "say you're kind of cute. Whyn't massage my feet for a bit?"

LINDSAY LOHAN IN O.D. NIGHTMARE: FAG PHOTOG & SINGER STEPHEN JENKINS FROM THIRD EYE BLIND FAILS TO FUCK HER BEFORE PARAMEDICS SHOW UP. FAG.

CHARACTER IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS AROUND TO SEE YOU DO IT. IT'S ALSO CALLED RAPE, BUT WHY QUIBBLE?

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- STEPHEN JENKINS, formerly fiancee of CHARLIZE THERON, until she caught him delivering a savage mouth-to-cock life saving maneuver to DUNCAN SHEIK, recently snapped LINDSAY LOHAN passed out at poolside at BEVERLY HILLS' tony, AVALON HOTEL.

While the average non-sausage smuggling man would have availed himself of the opportunity to spread as much sunblock as any one or ten men's nutsacks might hold, Jenkins took this photo, sent it to us, and asked if we could kick him a few bucks for his fag troubles.

Sure. Sure we can. Just as soon as you figure out how to repay us for having to have heard your song on the radio until our ears bled.

ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: HEAVY HOMO HURLS HIMSELF AT UNWARY DAVE DIETRICH, ACCIDENTALLY SUCKING HIS COCK. TWICE.

IF YOU LIE ON YOUR STOMACH & LET ME CALL YOU BOB, YOU'LL GET THE PHOTOS FOR FREE! YOU HAVE MY FAG WORD ON IT

OAKLAND (SkullGame) -- He is a closeted gay photog and a future faux filmmaker. This bald-headed homo who demands cyber sex from unsuspecting models who against their better judgment comply and find themselves on the receiving end of his ham-handed attempts at clumsy, repressed and misguided heterosexuality is a fart sucker of the umpteenth degree. Who do I speak of you ask?

Well, I speak of none other than GREG of TASTE MAGAZINE. If you find his half-hearted attempts at bearded heterosexuality pathetic, as well as sickening, please feel free to contact this homo at taste_magazine@yahoo.com.

Feel free to badger him and see if he we will admit to the frenzied nights of sucking the farts out of 18-year old guy's asses. Even if he doesn’t, it will still be worth the try. You can even pose as a woman and try and get him to tell you that he would suck a guy's cock while they “double team” you; you know because it makes you “hot.” This one actually works; he even stuck a carrot in his ass while he was online. Classic.

Check us out Monday for excerpts of the above-mentioned chat. In a page dedicated to Gay Arabian Nights…and stuff.

Oh yes, and Greg? We average 30,000 unique visitors a day. I will send you a bill that reflects a pay-per-impression model. Oh yeah, I'm big fan of your whole bald, fat, gay thing. You are really pulling it off. Work it, girl!

BOOTY TALK: FAVORITE ASSES

West Coast Pictures

Rating: THREE "Chocolate Sauce, Please!" BUSTED NUTS

I'm sort of an atypical chick. Whenever I go to the ice cream shop, I always pass on the chocolate and I get the vanilla. I love the taste of vanilla. Yup. Especially smothered on a man’s penis, but every once in a while you need to stray. So when I saw the cover of BOOTY TALK: FAVORITE ASSES, I thought it
was just more crappy BET porn. Until I took a sample of the chocolate and ended up asking for three more scoops.

AYANA ANGEL: AND FOR HER NEXT TRICK? SWORD SWALLOWING!!!

Look, this movie has dicks so big that they should be considered weapons of mass destruction. After seeing ass after ass barely recovering from getting stuffed rotten by some of the biggest cocks you’ll ever see, MY ass was actually hurting. The best thing is that even if you’re not into black chicks, there’s still something for you here: The most beautiful girl in this two-disc set is MARIAH. She is so hot fucking hot, she's even got fags grabbing their dicks.

This light-skinned delicacy sucks on one of the largest chocolate fudgecicles I’ve ever seen. Ten inches of anaconda down her throat and she only gets half way through her sword swallowing trick before she starts crying and gagging.

And then there's AYANA ANGEL , a babe with boobs the size of Texas and an ass to go along with it. This round, plump ass gets reamed by--you’ll never guess it, another big, black cock.

Jesus. Cocks this big should be made illegal to sport without a license. -- NIXY THE CHICK

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/216090.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

RED LIGHT DISTRICT'S GANGBANG #3

Red Light District

Rating: THREE "I'm Just Gonna Keep Going Until Somebody Taps Me Out" BUSTED NUTS

Okay, full disclosure: I’ve never been a big fan of gangbang videos. The dick-to-pussy ratio is always a little out of balance for my tastes and usually has me wondering why the fuck I'm watching so many dudes having sex with who? Wait...where the fuck is she?!? Oh. OK. Whew. There she is. Anyways, I'm not a fan, but this one surprised me.

ROXY JEZEL...JUST GETTING WARMED UP

The movie consists of two main scenes, one with ROXY JEZEL, and one with MISSY MONROE . Both take on 12 guys each, and something tells me it wasn’t exactly a big fucking stretch (stretch, get it?) for either one.

But there’s something for the whole family in this one: lots of ATM, DP, neopolitan’s, and Roxy even farts three loads of cum out of her asshole in her scene’s shocking finale. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll blow loads again and again because this is much better than CATS.

A-henh. Anyway, for my money, I would have rather have seen 12 girls and one guy (the most I have ever personally experienced was two and two, and that was still one dick too many), but if gangbangs are your bag, check this one out. -- RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES, JR.

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/215382.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

JOEY SILVERA'S HELLCATS #4

Evil Angel

Rating: FIVE "Here Puss Puss. Come Here..." BUSTED NUTS

This movie opens with a Public Service announcement. You know, for THE KIDS: The smoking GISSELLE, a British vixen with a hot, natural body who, in the great tradition of her native England, lays back and gets fucked right, is a walking, talking advertisement for the life benefits of getting fucked right.

Because JOEY SILVERA, his eye on posterity, is about nothing if not the long term benefits of getting fucked right.

Anyway, my favorite star of the movie is TYLA WYNN, who walks in the door, prepared as prepared could be with her asshole (and no we don't mean her boyfriend) already stuffed with a butt plug. And then a realization: It isn’t UNTIL this very scene, that the movie lives up to it’s title, with Tyla Wynn
controlled by the collar around her neck as two men fuck her. Jerk her around. And fuck her some more.

C'MON. JESUS CHRIST. WHO FUCKING LET THE PUSSY OFFA THE LEASH?!? C'MON, TYLA GIRL. COME HERE...GODDAMN IT. FROM NOW SHE STAYS IN THE CAT BOX!

As a woman, I'd have to say that this is a movie not only for men who like a little variety, but for women who dig a little domination of women, a little of women taking the reigns. Plus, there’s a little anal, and little rimming, a few cumshots, a threesome or two, and even some DP. There’s a little of everything for everyone, without falling into the trap of not enough for anybody. Enjoy. I did. -- CUPCAKE

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/211775.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

TOURNANTE (TOURNAMENT OF SEX) #2

Anabolic

Rating: FOUR "Burst Bubble" BUSTED NUTS

So long as you can maintain a belief that the fantasy in porn is in fact not, it’s a good ride. And the ride is really good during most of TOURNANTE #2 -- and certainly good during MR. MARCUS’ fantasy visit to an impossible “brothel” in Prague where he fucks 10 women, culminating in a 5 X 69 anal fuckline of legendary proportions.

LUCY LEE: AN OPERATOR WITH A PUSSY CALCULATOR

Moreover, the fantasy continues unabated in what we normally would have given enthusiastic thumbs down to: an eight-on-one picnic gangbang. BUT the girl in question is LUCY LEE, whose slightness stands in inverse proportion to the hugeness of cock that her asshole can accommodate.

You see, Lucy is like the Holy Grail of Ginch, the sort of Robotic Princess of all those sci-fi movies about A.I., the ones where one android is able to do her job and have feelings about it. Except instead of going out to buy groceries, Lucy fucks dudes.

Lots of dudes.

All at the same time. And separately. And all with a methodical, semi-detachment that says that there’s a computer program running somewhere behind those eyes. And the program likes it.

But our salacious ride through fantasy land screeches to a halt when off camera, we hear the director ask one of the East Euro guys to tell Lucy to make more noise. A rookie goddamned mistake!!! Let’s not let it happen again. Motherfuckers. -- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/220558.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SKULLGAME'S SCREAMS TO TURN THE FUCKING LIGHTS OUT WHILE WE SLEEP OFF THIS RECENT 16 HOURS OF DRUG-INDUCED SLEEP. PLUS: LINDSAY LOHAN & TARA REID DO THE SAME & BUSH/KERRY SCANDAL GROWS LIKE PINOCCHIO'S PRICK

Well, it's that time again!!! STAR TIME!!! ARE YOU READY FOR STAR TIME?!?! Are you ready for the sight and spectacle of senior citizens raunching themselves out for a few bucks, a few loads, and a chance to tell their friends and family "I got a few bucks for a few loads. On the chin, no less!" Then say HI to DILDO DONNA. She wants to be in a SKULLGAME flick but prefers we don't use her real name. No prob, DONNA DIETRICH.

HERE IS MY DILDO. GET IT? GET IT?

OH SHIT! TARA REID "ACCIDENTALLY" SHOWS AMERICA HER SURGICALLY RECONSTRUCTED TIT. AND THEN SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY WHEN WE LOOK. JANET JACKSON SAYS "WHAT THE FUCK?"

DRAFTY? WELL YEAH IT IS. NOW THAT YOU, UH, MENTION IT

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Actress and Serial Exhibitionist TARA REID was left highly "embarrassed" on Thursday night, when she "accidentally" appeared half naked in front of a sea of photographers for P. DIDDY'S 35th birthday party.

The fake-titted trollop, who has been trying to shed the "party-girl" image of her using heroin like heroin is about to be made illegal, stepped onto the red carpet outside the New York bash and posed for photographers, showing off her black Christian Dior gown. And her big ol' tay tay.

Reid was unaware of her exposure for several seconds and thought the lightning storm of flashblubs were for her and her fantastic work on...well, um. Dawson's Creek? Her publicist, fucking killjoy of the world, tapped her on the shoulder to point out the embarrassing situation. Reid hurriedly pulled up her dress before pleading with members of the press not to publicize the photos.

When the press just laughed, called her a dirty filthy slut and then immediately ignored her when BEYONCE showed up, she bolted away and burst into tears, telling a laughing ITALIAN SAL from SkullGame that she heard a photographer laugh and say, "Look, this is going to be great. She's drunk."

Reid insists she is completely anti-alcohol these days, not wanting to harsh her smack buzz, adding, "I just want people to leave me alone." Reid, 28, later told SkullGame that she's ready to shed her controversial persona and be taken more seriously in Hollywood.

"I am known as this retard. I want to grow up. I don't want to be the drunk girl doing speedballs and sucking off Mexican bus boys anymore. It hurts my feelings when stuff is written about me being drunk. And doing speedballs. And sucking off Joselito and stuff," she sniffed, while we watched her tits.
"Paris [Hilton] seems to move on from situations all the time, why can't I?"

Because you're a talentless piece of human garbage. Welcome to Reality.

LINDSAY LOHAN SO ENRAGED WITH HER DAD THAT SHE NODS OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF NODDING OFF

YOU CANNOT RESIST THE AWFUL PULLING POWER OF MY PROTUBERANCES!!! WATCH THEM!!! LOVE THEM!!!

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Teenage gypsy, tramp, TV thief and movie star LINDSAY LOHAN has lashed out at her dad for suggesting her "partying" ways led to her recent "hospital' stint for "heroin" "addiction."

The star was diagnosed with a "fever" on the set of her new, suspiciously titled movie, "HERBIE: FULLY LOADED & SMACKED UP," last month and spent a long weekend in the hospital sweating it out. Especially if by IT you mean all of that fine ass Mexican tar. Her estranged father Michael told the media he thought her party lifestyle was to blame for her illness.

Lohan has fired back with a statement that reads: "Let's get some donuts."

SKULLGAME'S POLITICAL COVERAGE CONTINUES WITH ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: IF I TOLD YOU ONCE, I TOLD YOU, WELL, ONCE

ALONE AGAIN. NATURALLY.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SkullGame) -- JOHN KERRY'S drunken Tranny stunt has invariably cost him the election. In an attempt to “loosen up” John Kerry’s alcohol-fueled sojourn into the world of bra and panty wearing has reared up and bit him squarely in his lace-covered ass. Loosing one of the most hotly contested presidential vote in recent history Kerry insiders concede that “the whole tranny thing” may have been a mistake, an error in judgment if you will.

In related news GEORGE BUSH'S gangbang gamble may have in fact pushed him over the edge at the very least and may have realistically given him a popular vote mandate at the most. While most in his neo con core conservative base may have turned their nose at the group sex gamble those closest to the president saw the potential a gangbang could and invariably did give him in the polls. Exit polls across states like Arkansas, the home state of former Democratic President Bill Clinton, showed that what most voters truly cared about was in fact gangbangs in particular, as well as other forms of degrading group sex as a whole.

While Kerry’s drunken Tranny debacle went over great in coastal cities in the traditionally Democratic great golden state of California great swaths of people rejected the stunt. Not so much for the bra and panties but mostly because he was drunk and wearing the bra and panties; a factor that most Californians found disconcerting and reprehensible.

HOW TO SPOT A GAY: WAY #3

Natalie Portman has revealed she asked Mike Nichols, the director of her upcoming movie Closer, to cut out the nude scenes of her. Portman, 23, plays a stripper in the movie and filmed scenes featuring her romping nude in a topless club. However, she said she became nervous about seeing the footage on the big screen asked Nichols to cut out the topless shots. Nichols, gay, apparently agreed.

ALL DAT AZZ#16

West Coast Pictures

Rating: ONE & A HALF "I Knew Jack Kennedy And You, Sir, Are No Jack Kennedy" BUSTED NUTS

Oh my God, Becky. Look at her butt, it is so big. It’s like out there. She’s
got a butt only one of those rapper guys like. Who understands them
anyway?

And thus begins the blast from the ass past, “Baby Got Back.” Now I'm a woman, but I like big butts. Especially mine. And there’s nothing that gets me hotter than getting a jimmy rod stuffed all up inside of it, but you got to draw the line somewhere: and I'm drawing it on ALL DAT AZZ #16, which, yes, has big butts. In fact it declares that it is "LIVE FROM BUTTHEAVEN." So, yup, big butts it has. It ALSO has big bellies, big thighs, big arms, and double chins.

AW, BABY. YOU JUST CAIN'T HANDLE IT THAT'S ALL.

For this reason alone I'm drafting a friendly suggestion letter to the folks at West Coast: please feel free at about anytime to rename ALL DAT AZZ #16, ALL DAT FAT AZZ #16. I mean the one bitch they should have invited to this backyard blowfest that wasn't invited was Jenny Craig. So if you like them black, fat and all of that, then get this movie and start the stroking.

However, when it comes to porn, the only thing I want sucking, is the sluts, not the movie. And this movie does exactly that: it just plain blows. I mean even if you LIKE fat black chicks, this movie still sucks. They use two positions when they fuck, lame and limp. And with the camera angles they use, all you see sometimes is cellulite jiggling. Horrible sex, lame girls, sweaty guys, wait…that’s the equation for CRAP!

Did anyone order crap? Cause that’s what I got. Is there an upside? Well, if knowing that you got some fat prick richer by buying his crappy video makes you happy, then that’s about all the satisfaction you’ll get here. -- NIXY

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/136828.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

110% NATURAL #7

Red Light District

Rating: TWO "110% Monotony" BUSTED NUTS

Where did they go wrong? Eight hot girls with big tits getting fucked every which way it might be possible to fuck them. Sounds like at least three or four busted nuts, right?

Right? Right?

THERE ARE, HOWEVER, TIMES WHEN WATCHING PORN JUST MAKES YOU WANT TO BURN THE WHOLE WORLD DOWN. THIS, IS ONE OF THOSE TIMES.

Well, put it this way, my hand was sore after this one, alright. But not from fucking the fist. Noooo. It was from constantly pressing the FFWD button.

How the fuck did this happen?!?!

Easy: this film contains an overabundance of shit we have all seen a million fucking times since 1987. I could almost hear the director saying, “All right, you read the script, he eats your pussy, you suck his dick, then doggystyle, anal, and finally, he’ll nut on your face. Do not deviate!!” I found myself wishing they would put a midget, a monkey in a tuxedo or a bearded lady in there just to shake things up a bit.

Agreed: VERONICA VANOZA is hot as shit, and she does a decent enough job. I also kind of enjoyed MANDY and MISTY, but overall, I found myself bored and somewhat limp through most of this one.

AND I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!!! -- RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES, JR.

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/215630.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ROCCO: ANIMAL TRAINER #15

Evil Angel

Rating: FOUR "Heel, Boy, HEEL!" BUSTED NUTS

ROCCO SIFFREDI is at it again.

It. Again?

Well, yes, you see in what is apparently Rocco's world IT is his personal penchant for leaving no female ass in his most recent vicinity untouched. Much like any of the cocaine also left in his immediate vicinity. He'll even bring in an extra guy or two to gangbang his stars properly. Maybe even an extra girl to satisfy him! I mean he's just that type of guy.

JULIE SILVER ON A SAUSAGE SEARCH & DESTROY MISSION

But if you're asking and I'm not saying that you are, my particular favorite scene? Yup, it features JEWEL DE'NYLE, who we all know just loves to fuck, and gets stuffed every way. And even backwards.

And that's the point I'm trying to make: These girls love to fuck. And yes, it makes a difference. Yeah, so if you want women who know how to spread wide open, this is the flick. I mean if you like watching women who love to fuck men, I’d recommend it, is what I mean. If you like to watch women who DON'T love to fuck men, well, I'd suggest just watching women's rugby.

One knock: While the movie does have a fetish menu that might suggest certain fetishes possibly alluded to by the title, Rocco isn’t as dominant with his ladies as the title might imply. Too bad, so sad. -- CUPCAKE

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/210560.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

JOHN LESLIE'S VOYEUR #28

Evil Angel

Rating: FIVE + ONE "Vinnie Can Kiss My West Coast Ass" BUSTED NUTS

I'll spew it up front--I was a little tweaked when I watched this flick. Me and Horty went to this mexican strip joint last night, "La Cucaracha," and since all the cooze there is either skinny, like, a crackhead, or really fat, it helps to eat a bunch of mescaline first. So I had the afterburner on from the mesc and also Hort picked out this dusty old barfly from the sewer next door at closing time and we double-stuffed her in his van, so my mind was a little bent this morning. Surf was flat, so I decided to get Vin off my back and do a little viewing.

There are a bunch of dudes who write for SkullGame who will put in a bunch of lame shit about the lighting and the sound quality, but me: I'm in it for the jackin'. I don't care if I can SEE IT if I don't want to LOOK AT IT, and the first scene of this flick was blurry and shaky but I immediately launched a taffy pull and fired off a warning shot before the threesome on screen even got to the DP part.

JENNIFER LUV IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO LIFT OFF!!!

That little jiz smuggler did something to my brain--I started hearing a voice, like she was talking to me while she was getting bunker busted from both the front and back door like Saddam's fucking mother of all gangbangers. I freaked a little and stopped whacking my pud for a second, and the voice stopped; but as soon as I went back to work I could hear her. I started getting paranoid, but then she sucked her own ass juice off this dude's pole and I blew again.

The voice came back in the next scene, which had a crazy little skinny tattooed slut and one who was kinda tanky. At first I was all, "If I want to see a fatty get a scud in the kiester I'll take one home tonight," but this little dark waif got me going again. And then there was that fucking voice again. I stopped jerking, and this time THE FUCKING VOICE KEPT GOING! So I shut off the DVD and stuck the disc into my PS2, thinking maybe, like, there was something the matter with the machine. As soon as that little snot-burglar came on screen again though the voice started up again, and I was freaking out. Not enough to keep me from shooting again when she took plunge after donkey-dicked ass-plunge from this oversized dude who shoved his cock into her tiny little ass like I throw my oldest stick into the back of my truck when I'm getting chased by hippies. AND SHE FUCKING LIKED IT!

After I tossed my third batch I got all introspective and shit and started thinking-- that maybe there was some new technology that, like, could make a voice in my head. I looked around to make sure that Horty or Skelly weren't fucking with my mind, but no way. Then I thought maybe these chicks were robots or something with, like, mind control power. They looked perfect. They fucked perfect.

Then I thought, "that's in the future, man, there's none of that shit now!" But maybe they were, like, from the future like in "TERMINATOR," sent back in time to get me to fuck them so that...uh, like there was... some shit ..that needed.. to happen or some shit. Then I thought, "they might be midgets in suits made out of flesh, like some cyborg thing, that were just for fucking. Like they could even be MAN midgets....There was another anorexic nympho siphoning some guy's life force on the screen, and I blasted another blob of motherless orphans into my sock.

The last scene was with a fat chick, so I rewound and pulled two more loads out of ol' Betty. The last one was a little scanty, but WTF. So here it is--six spewages in one sitting, DESPITE ruminations about cyborgs or man midgets in meat suits. If that doesn't get 6 nuts, that east coast dick-smoke can come lick my nads. -- YOZA

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/216910.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

VALLEY GIRLS #2

San Fernando is the

patron saint of pussy! & Valleys

215259

I LOVE NEW YORK. NO. I MEAN IT. REALLY.

New York officials were red-faced on Friday after they discovered that clothing ads on city buses that appeared to promote reading suggested a love of books could be rewarded with oral sex. The ads that ran on about 200 buses across the city in recent months carried posters displaying a suggestively posed woman in hot pants kneeling among a pile of books beside the snappy slogan "Read Books, Get Brain." What unhip, unsuspecting local transportation officials did not know was that "get brain" is street slang for oral sex.

ROCKET SCIENCE 101: HOW TO A LOAD INTO ORBIT

Yo Vinnie,
My girl gives head really badly. AND she gets really touchy if I try to tell her one thing or another about doing it right. How to fix it? And don't tell me to let you have her for a few hours. I'm serious.--Sucking, Not Blowing (by email)

WHAT?!?! YOU MEAN I GOTTA DO THIS MORE THAN ONCE?!

Dear Sucky: ANOTHER bad head letter? Jesus Christ. Is there some sort of anti-cock epidemic going on in America these days? OK. LOOK, goddamnit, a mouth is a hole. A cavity. An empty space around which you will find a bunch of teeth, you hope, and a wonderful love-giving, load-loving tongue. So while there's this fiction that it's allllll about what the mouth does we really know it's much more than that. It's the hands, the brio with which the cock is attacked and most importantly: what YOU do with it.

And what you should be doing with it? Fucking it up like it was RODNEY KING. Grab the chin and fuck it like you need to. Your cock will thank you. Your loads will thank you. And if you're girl hasn't subsequently killed you or had you arrested, well, SHE is thanking you.

Good luck. Send more photos.

BRANDON IRON'S SIX PACK

Platinum X

Rating: ONE & A HALF "Sausage Fest" BUSTED NUTS

There's just, WAY too many dicks here. Way, way too many dicks here. And I'm not talking about guys with wallets on chains who like AVRIL LAVIGNE for the, you know, MUSIC.

THE SOON TO BE SURROUNDED BY 6 COCKS & 12 ROCKS MELISSA LAUREN

Look, look, I'm comfortable enough with my own sexuality to be able to see a dick. Or two. But there is something really gay about seeing like SIX dicks, 12 fucking NUTS and not turning away. Or turning fucking gay.

I mean there needs to be a 3-dick max on hetro porn. Together we could make this happen. -- HABIB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/218468.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

MULTIPLES

Mayhem

Rating: TWO "Five Times Five Is 55?" BUSTED NUTS

MULTIPLES is certainly a cautionary tale for the ages in more not always being better. FULL of almost every dumb bitch from Fresno to Canoga Park, all of them larded with this "school" theme, and all of them, if you look closely enough, dropping IQ points right in front of your very eyes. And keeping with the multiple partner genre, it's packed with every conceivable variation, save maybe one that includes a horse…wait…never mind.

CRYSTAL RAY & THE AMAZING MR. ED

And so while MR. MARCUS valiantly tries to keep this one together, this movie certainly reinforces my theory that while one professional RAISES the bell curve, two or 10 amateurs lower it exponentially. Now…initial criticisms aside: The girls are stupid, granted, however, as stupid as they are they are also very, very hot.

So…let's see, do you want these cunts doing your taxes or polishing your knob?

It’s the knob isn’t it? I thought so. While these bitches are trying on the ears it’s my cock I’m thinking about, and if I could reach it while maintaining some semblance of interest I guess the movie is okay. Mixed message? Maybe.

So, if you’re a fan of Mr. Marcus, you go Marcus. Like extra features in your DVD including full motion menus and a fetish menu that allows you to skip around the scene? Bang! Are you into blowjobs? Go straight for the blow jobs. Boning, we got your boning right here. And if you’re the kind of guy who likes dessert before dinner you can go right for the money shot.

So what I am saying is: we got a mixed bag here. Enjoy. Try. -- ITALIAN SAL

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/206928.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ERIK EVERHARD'S ANAL PROSTITUTES ON VIDEO (P.O.V.)

Red Light

Rating: THREE & A HALF "Enemas For All My Friends!!!" BUSTED NUTS

This is another one of ERIK EVERHARD's proctological forays into exploring what has been decidedly termed by STEVEN HAWKING as The Black Hole Theory.

How deep does it go, Bro??

I want to answer this in the fashion that R. CRUMB asks others:

HOW BIG IS YOUR DICK?

Answer: PRETTY FUCKING BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So: PRETTY FUCKING DEEP!!!!!!

Our valiant troupe of intestine humpers is topped off by TEAGAN who provides the best service of cock sucking by ass fucking of the bunch. This gal truly has the COCK SUCKING ASSHOLE THAT WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR! Teagan can suck the chrome off of Arnold's Hummer with a quick lick from her ass-styled cockhugger.

"IS THAT A COCK?!?!" TEAGAN PRESLEY ACTUALLY MANAGES TO SEEM SURPRISED FOR LIKE ONE SECOND

Reeeaaallll plumbing in action. Sort of makes ya wanna put your foot in it to see if the ankle will disappear, ya know??

LAUREN PHOENIX, TYLA (cool name!) and Natalia are all able capable man chowder plumbers by ass action. LILIANE has a look on her face that tells you that she has been doing this in public bathrooms since 4th grade. Still hungry Still horny. YOU GO GIRL!!!

One downside though is that our Hero: Erik Everhard, films it all, himself being the fucker and the filmer. One has to live with that basic film angle and tolerate his large dick that forgot to grow a sufficiently symmetrical head. Ya know: a fat sausage with a small triangular plum on top. Pachanga says: Viva la Cock Sucking Assholes! -- PACHANGA

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/213604.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH DELIVERS STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS WITH HIS COCK OUT; PLEADS WITH NATION TO SUCK IT; PLUS A SKULLGAME RE-RUN BECAUSE I'M HIGHER THAN A MOTHERFUCKING KITE ON NEURONTIN

The address, in its entirety, is reprinted here for the benefit of Americans who are too stupid to watch it on TV like we did.

"I SPEAK TO AMERICA WHEN I SAY..."

"BLOW ME."

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SkullGame) -- "Dear fellow American citizens. I'd like to take this moment to do a little ol' fashioned bended knee' truth tellin'. Yes, I lied about the WMDs. I mean at first it wasn't a lie because I thought that it was a pizza topping. But after they explained it to me, yeah, I lied about it. And my draft dodging. And my coke snorting. And yeah, Daddy DID get me into Yale. And yeah I DO hate Nigras. Unless they're singing.

"Anyways my point is this: you all should put those earthworms you call lips together and then whistle them right around my nanny flute because I...don't...give...a...fuck. That's right, fuck you. And good night.

SKULLGAME WELCOMES THE FOURTH REICH!!! PRESIDENTS JOHN KERRY & BUSH MINDMELD TO FORM ONE VASTLY INDESTRUCTIBLE MOTHERFUCKER WHO SITS AROUND & COUNTS MONEY ALL DAY. NATION MOURNS. PLUS: TITTIES!!!

Lady Liberty says: "Thanks a whole goddamned lot America. Thanks a whole goddamned lot."

THE PARTS ABOUT FREEDOM & JUSTICE? YEAH. WE REPLACED THAT. WITH? OH, OUR LOADS FOR LIBERTY PROGRAM! BON APPETIT!!!

FUHRER JOHNGEORGE KERRYBUSH ABOLISHES EVERYTHING. BUT JESUS. AND CASH. AND SWASTIKAS. NATION BAFFLED.

CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY. GOLF. TAKE NAP.

THE REICHSTAG (SkullGame) -- In an acceptance speech sure to go down in the annals of an as of yet unrecorded history of greatness, FUHRER KERRYBUSH, vowed to give America the enema it's long been deserving.

"In ze all of America," said Kerrybush inexplicably using a fake German accent. "Die Leute will now officially wear their underwear outside their pants. The official language iz now Swedish. And all children under 12 are now 12."

When a pundit pointed out that his speech was lifted nearly in total from the WOODY ALLEN movie BANANAS, Kerrybush smiled and asked, "Isn't he a Jew?"

AMERICA GETS READY FOR A NEW ROUND OF KEISTERNOMICS

KERRYBUSH & THE MISLED: ALONE AGAIN. NATURALLY.

THE BUNKER (SkullGame) -- Now that the hoopla and hollering has stopped Kerrybush has gotten down to the real business of governance: Keisternomics.
According to economist MILTON FRIEDMAN, Keisternomics is the theory that controls the placement of long, hard government projections into the annuities of the American public.

"It's about the most sound of economic theories," said Friedman while clearly being menaced by Kerrybush. "I think the following photo essay shows that," he wanly gestured to the following photo of yet another American citizen receiving the full benefit of The Fourth Reich.

THE FUHRER HAS FIGURED OUT HOW TO MAKE MY DOLLAR GO A LOT FURTHER

JOIN THE PARTY AS SKULLGAME CELEBRATES A RETURN TO A NEW BRUTALITY

A FRIENDLY AND COMPLIANT CITZENRY GAILY FESTOONED WITH HIS & HER PARTY SIGNS.

HERS: I FULLY SUPPORT KEISTERNOMICS.
HIS: I'D LIKE TO HELP HER SUPPORT KEISTERNOMICS BUT LUCKY FOR ME DER FUHRER DOES IT FOR ME.

SO SAY POOLBOYS ALL OVER AMERICA

MARRIED women are having more sex than their single pals, a study has claimed. Smug marrieds have much more to smile about in the bedroom compared with Bridget Jones-style singletons, the poll of 1800 women found. More than half of all women said sex gets better the older they get and nearly four in 10 believe it is better within a long-term relationship or marriage. Over a quarter said they were more adventurous with a long-term partner, mainly for fear of rejection if they tried to be too daring with someone new.

VALLEY GIRLS #2

Madness Pictures

Rating: FIVE "You Can't Judge A Slut By Looking At Her Box Cover" BUSTED NUTS

Is this VALLEY GIRL with NICHOLAS CAGE circa 1985?

Hardly, because this one is certainly a surprise if I have ever seen one. Somebody slap the box cover guy because this cover art does this movie no justice whatsoever.

CHEROKEE PEOPLE, CHEROKEE PRIDE: TOO PROUD TO LIVE, TOO PROUD TO NOT SPREAD THOSE ASS CHEEKS WIDE

Starring CHEROKEE playing a horny lesbian photographer who imagines herself seducing a recalcitrant female model played by sexy Amer-Asian JENAVEVE JOLIE, this one quickly degenerates into Cherokee’s saliva and cunt juice drenched imagination wherein she sees herself licking every crevice of Jolie's more than grateful body.

Also starring straight up slut JACKIE MOORE who while standing on her porch imagines herself getting boned by two would-be surfers. I like that math. Then her psyche brings us on to her porch where she gets boned 10 ways to Sunday, Ole!

All the scenes pretty much follow that line, foxy girl, wild imagination and a little peek in their heads, via their pussies, of course. Yeah: of course. -- ITALIAN SAL

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/215259.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SEAN MICHAEL'S HAND SOLO

Platinum X

Rating: THREE & A HALF "In A Galaxy Far, Far Away: Star Whores!!!" BUSTED NUTS

What the fuck is that sticking out of the lovely JAYNA OSO's meat pit?

Her innards? An intestine shaped confectionery product?

WHAT IS: ALL OF THE ABOVE, ALEX?

Is it fuck. It’s an intestinal dessert-shaped sex toy is what it is. Jayna obviously wants to have her cake, guts and sex toy and insert it too. Over and over and over again, by all appearances. Yup, this flick features sluts of every color and creed, doing what your mother told you you ought not to do. No, not intravenous drugs, nor talking to old men in the park. Self abuse. Which is of course exactly what keeps SKULLGAME functioning. Well, that and drug abuse. Whilst a DVD containing footage of the SKULLGAME staff masturbating would most likely scar people for life, the girls here do the opposite and enrich your life. And when I say "enrich" I mean stain your clothes and give you cramp of the hand.

The premise is simple and a tad repetitive: few minutes of chit chat then down to the poking and stroking. Most of these girls are of a good standard, no total pigs, but some better than others. VANESSA BLUE is a hands down pro at this game, talking into the camera, talking to YOU. True, you could open beer bottles with her overbite, but what do you want ME to do about it? She is slutty, foul mouthed and has MASSIVE goiters. Good old Jayna deserves a nod for fitting the aforementioned object all the way up her chuff. Well done Jayna. Not so good is the freaky faced ALEX DIVINE. When she smiles, you can hear a thousand camera lenses cracking in unison.

If you like this sort of thing, then you will struggle to find a better example of chicks doing themselves. Who knows, studying this flick and seeing just how women do it might stop your girl thinking you are a selfish loser.

But I doubt it. -- ENGLISH BOB

English Bob

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/211727.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SWEETHEART

Sin City

Rating: FOUR "Could You Please Shut Up?" BUSTED NUTS

And the Oscar goes to.........none of these bitches!

Porn was invented as a way to spice up movies. In the early '70s, big budgets were written and scripts were just as important as tits. In the '80s they decided to screw the script to save money and the result was bad acting. In the '90s, companies realized that porn is about fucking and not about plot. Good move. Unfortunately, SIN CITY feels that the world does not have enough bad acting.

Their solution: SWEETHEART.

Yes, for the actors who like to feel good about themselves by watching others suck at acting: you're in for a treat. SWEETHEART stars SHAY SWEET, but she happens to be in the two lamest sex scenes of the movie. The moronic plot is that Adam Caine (STEVEN ST. CROIX) and Kyle White (LAUREN PHOENIX) are a superstar couple who break up. They both go on a talk show whose host is Missy (DEE). On the talk show, they tell stories of the other's infidelity, which is where we get to see the fucking.

SHE'S TOO SHY SHY, SHE'S TOO SHY SHY: SHAY SWEETS GETTING HER RUG MUNCHED THE WAY A RUG SHOULD BE MUNCHED BY A PROFESSIONAL RUG MUNCHER

The movie starts off with Steven St. Croix ramming his flesh rod into Lauren Phoenix. Lauren is a hottie who knows how to fuck, but can't act worth shit. As long as she keeps her mouth shut, she is a babe who will make you cream your panties.

Next up is an Asian newbie named TAMI LYNN. Unfortunately, the only thing this fortune cookie does is take sweet and sour sauce to her face.

Shay Sweet's fuck scene is about as exciting as watching women's golf. She gets reamed on a couch and there is only one camera angle and about two positions. Now that I think about it, if the LPGA golfed naked, it would be more exciting than this crap.

Next up is more shitty acting followed by a lesbo scene that is bound to get your dick as hard as Jello. After the lesbo scene (which probably only a lesbian would like) we see the most retarded actress yet. She is, however, also the HOTTEST one. I'm talking about the dark honey DEE. After watching her acting I found myself looking for scars on her to see if she had a lobotomy. She has about as much personality on screen as Al Gore. The plus side is with her natural tits, she is hot as hell. She has a great fuck scene with Steven St. Croix, which got me hitting rewind over and over again. Steven isn't good looking but he's fun to watch and he shoots a nice willy wad.

Last up is the ebony INDIA. Pretty girl who gets to fuck a really cute guy. This is the best-filmed sex scene of the whole movie. Great angles, good positions, and hot actors. This movie should have stuck to the equation of fuck, suck, and shut the fuck up! The acting was horrible with the exception of Steven St. Croix. He stole every scene he was in and he was a lot of fun to watch. -- NIXY THE CHICK

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/203802.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

BEST OF KELLY

Evil Angel

Rating: FIVE "Please God, No More Busting Nutty Goodness!" BUSTED NUTS

Bow legged, broken, and shameless. That's how I like 'em. And KELLY offers these and all the rest of her services, especially if by services you mean fucking, sucking and choking back loads, in this comprehensive collection of her best work. Especially if by BEST you mean MOST. As in loads blown. On her chin. Or thereabouts.

Could this be a subtle hint at retirement for the filthy fuckwhore starlet? We'll
see....

SAY IT AIN'T SO, KELLY?!?! THERE ARE ASSES YOU HAVE YET TO EAT! MOUNTAINS OF ASS LEFT TO CLIMB!! PLEASE DON'T GO! PLEASE! PLEASE!

Because after this where would she go? I mean there is no taboo left untouched. Everything you swore you would be better off never seeing is represented here in all its shameless glory. Things like midgets, gangfucks, and even a tranny orgy. Well especially the tranny orgy.

But even better than all of this and the highlight of it all is perhaps the most grotesque thing I've ever--outside of DAVE DIETRICH giving head to that Marine because he lost a bet regarding giving head to Marines--seen. And that's when Kelly feasts on this fat hairy beasts' fat hamburger wrecked asshole. It's messy like sloppy joes. And probably just as nutritious. -- HABIB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/211771.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SKULLGAME WELCOMES THE FOURTH REICH!!! PRESIDENTS JOHN KERRY & BUSH MINDMELD TO FORM ONE VASTLY INDESTRUCTIBLE MOTHERFUCKER WHO SITS AROUND & COUNTS MONEY ALL DAY. NATION MOURNS. PLUS: TITTIES!!!

Lady Liberty says: "Thanks a whole goddamned lot America. Thanks a whole goddamned lot."

THE PARTS ABOUT FREEDOM & JUSTICE? YEAH. WE REPLACED THAT. WITH? OH, OUR LOADS FOR LIBERTY PROGRAM! BON APPETIT!!!

FUHRER JOHNGEORGE KERRYBUSH ABOLISHES EVERYTHING. BUT JESUS. AND CASH. AND SWASTIKAS. NATION BAFFLED.

CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY. GOLF. TAKE NAP.

THE REICHSTAG (SkullGame) -- In an acceptance speech sure to go down in the annals of an as of yet unrecorded history of greatness, FUHRER KERRYBUSH, vowed to give America the enema it's long been deserving.

"In ze all of America," said Kerrybush inexplicably using a fake German accent. "Die Leute will now officially wear their underwear outside their pants. The official language iz now Swedish. And all children under 12 are now 12."

When a pundit pointed out that his speech was lifted nearly in total from the WOODY ALLEN movie BANANAS, Kerrybush smiled and asked, "Isn't he a Jew?"

AMERICA GETS READY FOR A NEW ROUND OF KEISTERNOMICS

KERRYBUSH & THE MISLED: ALONE AGAIN. NATURALLY.

THE BUNKER (SkullGame) -- Now that the hoopla and hollering has stopped Kerrybush has gotten down to the real business of governance: Keisternomics.
According to economist MILTON FRIEDMAN, Keisternomics is the theory that controls the placement of long, hard government projections into the annuities of the American public.

"It's about the most sound of economic theories," said Friedman while clearly being menaced by Kerrybush. "I think the following photo essay shows that," he wanly gestured to the following photo of yet another American citizen receiving the full benefit of The Fourth Reich.

THE FUHRER HAS FIGURED OUT HOW TO MAKE MY DOLLAR GO A LOT FURTHER

JOIN THE PARTY AS SKULLGAME CELEBRATES A RETURN TO A NEW BRUTALITY

A FRIENDLY AND COMPLIANT CITZENRY GAILY FESTOONED WITH HIS & HER PARTY SIGNS.

HERS: I FULLY SUPPORT KEISTERNOMICS.
HIS: I'D LIKE TO HELP HER SUPPORT KEISTERNOMICS BUT LUCKY FOR ME DER FUHRER DOES IT FOR ME.

IT'S EITHER THIS OR JEW KILLING

German police detained a naked 25-year-old woman and her 23-year-old partner who were engaged in sexual intercourse on the pavement in the middle of a busy shopping district, police said on Saturday. Police in the western town of Duelmen said the couple were spotted by pedestrians late on Friday morning having intercourse. Pedestrians in the town of 40,000 called police, but the couple initially ignored police orders to stop. “The naked couple continued their passion-filled activity on the cold asphalt,” a police spokesman said.

BIG NATURAL TITS #12

Evil Angel

Rating: FOUR "Gaping Anus Oscar" BUSTED NUTS

This may claim to place the emphasis, er, firmly on big tits but in actual fact it's more of an expose centered on sleazy fuckin' European men (none of which I can relate to with my proud refinement and taste generally accredited).

Take for example JANE DARLING'S scene: she's lead into the house by Thug A after the rudimentary getting-to-know-you fumbling on the patio and greets Thug B who appears to be a simmeringly violent billyclub-wielding stooge...casually masturbating his big pink billyclub on the couch. Not for the delicate of stomach.

JANE DARLING GETTING HER BUMPER EDGED!!!

Careful repositioning of one's concentration reveals one thing though: this is Jane's DVD. I worship her: she's classically cheap, slippery and has the best grimace I've seen in a while, especially when one of the thugs takes his time relaying repeatedly from open anus to mouth and back (and one of the most surreal camera angles I've ever seen in porn...if H.R. Giger had've been exposed to this as a kid his creative drive would have been sparked so much that we may NEVER have had any sequels to ALIEN, possibly never have had to endure Sigourney Weaver either and irony in horror films wouldn't have been necessary to introduce, so compelling the template....)

But I can't, just can't, stress how severely cool she is, a showstopper with no particular gimmick except a great face, OK, shoes and a body that so accomodates everything thrust toward, behind, up, down and inside it that somehow even a camcorder doesn't seem flexible enough and has to really fuckin' work to get the job done. ("Where is she now? Fuck! She's moved! She's
swallowed both thugs!")

Sign me up.

And both thugs are like kids at the park. I've never seen thugs this content, bouncing around. Whatever she's selling, I want eight. ORSI may parade around with the biggest juggs but it's all about Jane, I tell you. JANE!

Give her a Gaping Anus Oscar.

Honorable mention should go to OLESSA, shoved back there in the dusty extra scene but all I want to know is, hey Christoph? On the box it says CHRISTOPH'S BIG NATURAL TITS but even though I sort of like the mental image, you appear to be pretty flatchested to me, you big grey-haired tease. -- WERNER ASSBENDER

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/213390.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

JOEY SILVERA'S SERVICE ANIMALS #18

Evil Angel

Rating: ONE "Holy Shit! Is Andrea Dworking Trying To Prove Something?" BUSTED NUTS

...Now, I apologize for the Seinfeldian moment, but,

"Hey! What is up with all of the slapping?"

Jesus Christ! I mean...OK, OK, let's start at the start. I mean the first bit here: two perfectly attractive girls (TEAGAN PRESLEY and, HEATHER GABLES). Perfectly fine skirts, cute little things.

TEAGAN PRESLEY LOOKING SO GOOD WE ALL WANT TO SLAP THE FUCK OUTTA HER

See, this is all going good. Jeez, I'm even ignoring the guy that WON'T SHUT UP. But some other guy shows up (and I started smelling "down hill" from exactly this point in the scene). A little surly talk...THEN (and I was ALL good to this point): just a bunch of slapping. I mean on, and, on, and.........

Jesus, I'm thinking, I just wanted to, you know...and then, SMACK!! Then some other guy...it just goes on, and on, and.....

OK, I'm thinking, "Well, this has got to end soon...wait!! Fast forward!!! Next scene!! Yay!"

Oh, a fairly cute girl in a little skirt girl scout thing outfit (MELISSA LAUREN). This is good. But that guy WON'T SHUT UP...but she's cute... (another scene with more cops???)...this might be all right...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! What the fuck??!?

See, once you start smacking her, and putting a plastic bag on her head, and then shoving it in her mouth, and then she pukes while blowing (and that guy WON'T SHUT UP!)...well, my testicles just shriveled up and hid.

To be fair, the rest of this DVD didn't freak me out any where near as bad (still, it was a lost cause at that point), and I even think, at some point, that guy finally SHUT THE FUCK UP. But sweet jesus, I never want to see THAT again! -- HANKY CRANKY

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/216869.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

PRIVATE ALL SEX #4

Private

Rating: ONE & A HALF "Isn't Porn So, Like, HILARIOUS?" BUSTED NUTS

You know the people: The self deluded. These are the ones who own pornography, yet claim they only watch it occasionally. Usually they feign ambivalence toward it: they only watch it because it’s "funny." They usually make these claims when in the company of females they are trying to nail, a futile gesture, as possession is nine tenths of the law. I don’t know what that actually means, but it does sound official. Anyways, women see right through these lies, making the self-deluded look like even bigger cunts than the lying fucks actually are.

DOROTHY? DOROTHY BLACK? THE BIG-TITTED PORN STAR FROM RUMANIA OR WHEREVER THE FUCK? THE ONE WHO IS FOND OF THREADBARE RED TOPS? NAHHHH....I NEVER HEARD OF HER.

If the above perfectly describes YOU, which if you are reading this I doubt greatly, then get your money out you deceitful bastard. This is the flick for you. Private have compiled four fucking hours of fucking, which is a fucking lot of fucking isn’t it?

Painfully stuffed with every porn cliché you could ever imagine. Seriously, you name it and it’s HERE. The fucking is presented in detached-euro-vision: no gibbering from the cameraman, suicide-inducing muzak and threads straight outta Beverly Hills 90210. To say that these factors distract you from the…..um.. ACTING would be a fucking gigantic understatement.

But, the crushing irony of all ironies, is that it is actually funny. In one scene, we find a medieval french peasant girl crushing grapes in a vineyard. Sureeee. Happens all the time. So, she is squishing away in a massive family-sized wooden bucket. As the sun sets, a man appears.

Is he in peasant attire?

Is he, fuck. He seems to be a fake tanned German time traveller, on a research mission into sex with medieval grape-crushing peasant girls. In buckets.

Buckets?

Yes they do the nasty in the fucking BUCKET, grape juice and all. So you see, if you do have a problem with admitting to owning pornography you can own this and rest easy. Only problem is, if you view a healthy amount of fuck flicks then your warped mind will require 101% concentration to bust anything near a nut to this. Definitely one for the shame junkies and beginners. -- ENGLISH BOB

English Bob

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/213501.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SKULLGAME'S MOTHER OF THE GODDAMNED YEAR AWARD

A Montana woman is accused of letting her 18-month-old daughter smoke marijuana from a bong. Jessica Durham, 23, pleaded not guilty in U.S. District Court in Billings. After a one-day trial Wednesday, the judge said he would consider written arguments and rule later. The judge said he hasn't seen a case like this. According to court documents, a friend of the defendant, Brandi Nichols, took photos of the toddler smoking a bong pipe. Nichols testified that Durham told her she let her daughter smoke marijuana because the girl wasn't eating or sleeping enough.

SKULLGAME'S WITCHES, GOBLINS AND GAY DUDES ISSUE WHEREIN YOU, THE READING PUBLIC, DECIDES WHETHER A COSTUME OF COCK & VOMIT SHOULD ABLY EXPLAIN WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED LAST NIGHT; PLUS: SLUTS!!!

"Vinnie? I think he's a motherfucking piece of shit," says some random slut who wants to be fucked in a SkullGame video. "But I love SKULLGAME shirts*!!!"

*Brought to you by IKE TURNER FIGHT WEAR.

I MEAN IF I ACTUALLY WORE SHIT LIKE THAT.

THE NEW PARIS HILTON VIDEO: A JIZ-PACKED JAMBOREE OF ANAL LOVE!!!

"I'M LAFFING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK, BABY!!!" SAYS A SADLY CONFUSED HILTON

LAS VEGAS (SkullGame) -- Ho, Hotel heiress and suckaholic PARIS HILTON is facing another round of self-imposed public "humiliation" -- her ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon plans to release another DVD of the pair having sex. This time ALL ANAL.

Salomon, ex-husband of actress SHANNEN DOHERTY, is reportedly preparing to release a two-part DVD of their sex antics shot several years ago when they were in their "experimental" ass love "phase."

Unlike the first sex DVD, however, which initially rose to popularity on the Internet, Hilton will not receive any money from the profits. That's where the humiliation part comes in, we guess.

When notified of the pending airing of her anal antics, Hilton said "Ewww! He's disgusting," in the clearest cut case of The Pot-Kettle Paradigm. "I would not talk to him if you paid me a billion dollars. Which was incidentally my cut from the last video."

DAVID HASSELHOFF & RIP TORN IN HOMO-LOVE-DRUNK-DRIVING IMBROGLIO

LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDOURED THING. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S GOT NUTS ATTACHED TO IT

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Actor, inveterate confetti tosser and barely closeted Gay icon RIP TORN who was to comedy what Gallagher is to gardening, crashed into the back of a taxi in Manhattan's Greenwich Village this Halloween. The 73-year-old, dressed as TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE, extemporaneously riffed, "This is one of the great events in my life. I love New York." He then went on to kiss men.

The actor then began hurling abuse at police officers and refusing to take a sobriety test. Torn claims he was raging because he had been handcuffed for no reason and prevented from using the bathroom. In order to kiss more men "on their gentles." Defense lawyer Adam Levy asserted that Torn's outbursts were caused by anger at his mistreatment rather than drunkenness, and despair over the recent ending of his pas de deux with BAYWATCH creator and rapper, DAVID HASSELHOFF.

MEANWHILE HASSELHOFF'S HOMO LOVE ANTICS HAVE HIM NARROWLY AVOID HOMO HEAVEN

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Former BAYWATCH "star" DAVID HASSELHOFF narrowly avoided a jail sentence on drunk driving charges Thursday by agreeing to attend 50 Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings, pay a $200 fine, serve a 36-month probation and ordered to complete 200 hours of community service at Boy's Town.

Hasselhoff, who was dressed as GEORGE W. BUSH and was driving erratically near his home in Los Angeles when he was stopped by police, was also ordered to complete a driver's course before he is allowed to drive -- other than to work, a bar, or taking his children to school.

"What can I say?" The bathing beach boy lover sighed. "Rip and I had gone about as far as we could go in regards to the whole ass love thing. I just thought it was time for me to branch out. To younger asses and such."

SKULLGAME CORRECTIONS:

RIP TAYLOR, THE GAY PRIEST, RIP TORN & HIS DAUGHTER AT THEIR RECENT "COMMITMENT TO ANAL EXCITEMENT" CEREMONY

Rip Torn is not GAY for HASSELHOFF. He is in fact, our friend ANGELICA'S dad, and so we apologize for dragging his fine name through the Hershey highway of homo shame. Our adherence to the highest gay baiting standards should be enough to prevent casually hurtful oversights such as this and we assure you it won't happen again.

That being said, it is clear that he IS gay for RIP TAYLOR as readily attested to by his present state of momo matrimony.

Thank you for your patronage.