Yo Vinnie,
I've tried everything. I'm reasonably attractive. Don't smell. But I can't get women to fuck me. I don't even get to that "friend" stage most guys without game get to before they go down in flames. Yeah. Joke away, but it's not fucking funny if it's you. A lifetime full of this and this type of struggle can't be worth it. It's bad enough that I want to die myself. Hookers wouldn't even solve the problem. I want a girlfriend. What can I do? -- Han Solo (by email)

AND STAY THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!

Dear Fucking Loser: Kill yourself. This is my advice: Kill yourself now. Because when you kill yourself and only after you kill yourself will I rest easy knowing that of all the losers in the world, the biggest one outside of SHELLEY LONG, has kicked the fuck off. Jesus, if I was closer to you and could start slapping your face now like The Godfather and Johnny Fontaine, I would. Because even HOMELESS PEOPLE have been shown to be able to find people to suck their dicks. Think about that shit one goddamned minute. Sucking HOMELESS COCK, that is. If you can't fool, cajole, egg, beg, trick, trap or threaten even ONE woman to have anything to do with you....I mean even the crazy syphilitic ones, well then my friend, you are dead already. The HOW is just a goddamned formality. Oh. And do me a favor: stop reading SkullGame. Just knowing there are guys like you reading SkullGame makes me want to kill MYSELF. And I'm way too handsome to kill myself.