Evil Angel

Rating: ONE "Holy Shit! Is Andrea Dworking Trying To Prove Something?" BUSTED NUTS

...Now, I apologize for the Seinfeldian moment, but,

"Hey! What is up with all of the slapping?"

Jesus Christ! I mean...OK, OK, let's start at the start. I mean the first bit here: two perfectly attractive girls (TEAGAN PRESLEY and, HEATHER GABLES). Perfectly fine skirts, cute little things.

TEAGAN PRESLEY LOOKING SO GOOD WE ALL WANT TO SLAP THE FUCK OUTTA HER

See, this is all going good. Jeez, I'm even ignoring the guy that WON'T SHUT UP. But some other guy shows up (and I started smelling "down hill" from exactly this point in the scene). A little surly talk...THEN (and I was ALL good to this point): just a bunch of slapping. I mean on, and, on, and.........

Jesus, I'm thinking, I just wanted to, you know...and then, SMACK!! Then some other guy...it just goes on, and on, and.....

OK, I'm thinking, "Well, this has got to end soon...wait!! Fast forward!!! Next scene!! Yay!"

Oh, a fairly cute girl in a little skirt girl scout thing outfit (MELISSA LAUREN). This is good. But that guy WON'T SHUT UP...but she's cute... (another scene with more cops???)...this might be all right...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! What the fuck??!?

See, once you start smacking her, and putting a plastic bag on her head, and then shoving it in her mouth, and then she pukes while blowing (and that guy WON'T SHUT UP!)...well, my testicles just shriveled up and hid.

To be fair, the rest of this DVD didn't freak me out any where near as bad (still, it was a lost cause at that point), and I even think, at some point, that guy finally SHUT THE FUCK UP. But sweet jesus, I never want to see THAT again! -- HANKY CRANKY

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