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08.09.04
THE HORROR. THE HORROR. SKULLGAME BADLY SHAKEN BY PARIS HILTON ASS-KICKING PHOTOS, HALLE BERRY SEX CLAIM & A THREESOME GONE AWRY. PLUS: THE LONG-AWAITED GREAT MOMENTS IN LOAD-BLOWING HISTORY

SKULLGAME would also like to have a moment of motherfucking silence for the passing of a great humanitarian: RICK JAMES. Whether he was sharing or caring, he gave, selflessly, with no thought of receiving for himself. The man was a colossus of cocaine-fueled activity like smacking up ho's and rubbing his boots on your couch and we salute him!!!

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RICK JAMES AND BEEYATCHES WHO, IT SHOULD BE NOTED, HE SUBSEQUENTLY SMACKED THE FUCK UP MERE MOMENTS AFTER THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN



THE BITCH DOG DONE WENT CRAZY

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PARIS WITH SOMETHING OTHER THAN A DICK ON HER FACE: DOMESTIC ABUSE IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY. UNLESS IT IS SOMEONE WHO RICHLY DESERVES IT.

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- American slut PARIS HILTON has brought her beloved pet dog Tinkerbell to therapy after the tiny pooch snapped at her.

The "A Simple Life" star was horrified when the brunette Chihuahua lost her usually sweet temper and soon discovered the creature was suffering from "stress" -- possibly brought on by her mistress' mysterious bruising at the hands of the mysteriously bruising Backstreet Boylover NICK CARTER.

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PARIS BEING CONSOLED BY A...WAITAMINUTE. WILL YOU LOOK AT HER FUCKING FRIEND? OH. SORRY...CONSOLED BY A BALEFUL GUT QUEEN

A source says, "She hides, tucks her tail between her legs and shivers. Paris loves her like a child, but when Tinks snapped at her she decided to get professional help."

How about a fucking twofer then? As we are very sure that the dog ain't the only one in that house who needs help.



VINNIE ROSE CALLS BULLSHIT ON ERIC BENET CLAIM THAT HALLE SUCKS IN BED

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YEAH. AND A BAD DANCER BLAMES HIS FUCKING SHOES TOO.

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Finally the cat is out of the bag. Singer JULIA RILEY, the skag whose alleged affair with HALLE BERRY's ex-husband ERIC BENET led to their divorce, has revealed that she knew that Halle's marriage to the rock star would not last long. What on account of him constantly duking her.

"Eric was lying to Halle from day one. He was telling her he wasn't talking to or seeing other women. She saw him as a sensitive man who was devoted to her - yet Eric wasn't to be trusted," Riley was quoted as saying.

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BENET WITH RILEY. YEAH. RIGHT.

"Eric later told me that Halle was not what he expected. He said she started out sweet and sexy, but it wasn't long before she was moody and cold and sex became infrequent," she further revealed. "He largely expected that it was some journalist she had become infatuated with named VINNIE ROSE."

"Well I was laying the linguica on her on the regular and well you know what happens: once they go Italian Sausage, they never go back." And then the magical dust wore off and Mr. Rose woke the fuck up with two coffee beans lodged securely in his nostrils.



GREAT MOMENTS IN LOAD BLOWING HISTORY: How many Jewish Butchers could there possibly be in Camden, New Jersey?

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ITALIAN SAL REMI...REMNIS...REM...FUCK IT...REMEMBERS.

It was August of 1994 in Philadelphia, PA. I know it was some weekend in August. August because of the humidity and a weekend because I wasnít working. Wait a minute, I hadnít done a lick work from 1989 to 1996 so I guess it could have been any day of the week, fuck, it could have been November for all I know.

But anyhow, I was dating this fine looking Jewish chick; her parents owned a butcher shop in Camden, New Jersey, and while I was willing to forgive the fact that her parents crossed the bridge into Jersey every day to work, the fact remained that SHE, in fact, was an insufferable bitch. Cute: but insufferable nonetheless.

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DON'T EVEN FUCK LOOK AT MY HAIR TODAY.

Now let's go over our cast of characters. We have: the Jewish American Princess, her Jersey Jew Butcher parents and myself, Italian slacker with no job and no prospects. Let's begin again: It's Philadelphia, it's 1994 and it's August...or November. The very cute insufferably bitchy Jewish American Princess was going on and on about how her hair was not behaving properly and how dreadful the humidity was and I was listening intently for the proper moment to turn the conversation in the direction of all things cock.

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THE ALL-THINGS COCK DREAM SEQUENCE

Then suddenly without warning that moment came, although more than likely it didnít and I trudged in ham handedly and segued the conversation from furniture to fucking in one fell swoop. So when conversations of fucking turned into actual fucking we were both more than prepared, which for the uninitiated means, I had an erection and a rubber. So I insert one into the other and then into her and on and on we went for what seemed like hours but was more than likely 20 minutes, me pounding her from behind and her occasionally interjecting how the humidity and my pulling on her hair was turning her hair into a rat's nest.

Fifteen seconds later and almost on cue I pulled a move I had been practicing for a while where I grab my cock at the base where the rubber is and pull out of her and the condom simultaneously and stand above her still on her knees. Before she could react I plant her head in the carpet with the hand that didnít have a cock in it, in a position that can be best described as a football center ready to hike the ball.

This was the moment of truth and she knew it, her constant bitching about her hair and the humidity had finally come back to her as a GREAT MOMENT IN LOAD BLOWING HISTORY, and while she fruitlessly tried to get away with her legs splayed out in all directions and her head firmly planted on her carpet I busted a load of epic proportions all over her thick, curly hair. I stood up and surveyed all that I had done and knew it was good.

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NOT THEIR BUTCHER SHOP BUT AN INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE SIMULATION

Now you might ask me. ďSo why did you tell us about her parents? They werenít in this story at all.Ē To which I respond: How many Jew Butchers are there in Camden New Jersey who happened to have a daughter that was dating an Italian Slacker in August of 1994, or November?

See? I just made one great moment in load blowing history into TWO great moments in load blowing history, when I did it AND when her parents read about it.

Thank you. Thank you very much.


 


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