And from the Celebrity "Sometimes This Shit Just Writes Itself" Column we introduce a one Ms. PJ Harvey. And her snatch. At a recent Here's My Snatch concert. Ms. Harvey, ladies and gentlemen. A truly original talent. For showing snatch.

I AM HER SNATCH...AND I VOTE. FOR LIKE MAYBE A DECENT PAIR OF GODDAMNED UNDERWEAR. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?

AND FROM THE SKULLGAME "HA-HA" JOKE FILE: THE CHICK FROM THE TV SHOW CHEERS APPARENTLY AIN'T SO CHEERY THESE DAYS, ATTEMPTS SUICIDE

A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR NAME....

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- The Luckiest Woman at Being Unlucky, former "Cheers" actress SHELLEY LONG was rushed to the hospital last night after, haha, get this: taking a near-fatal overdose of failure, disinterest, Mexican bus boy cock and Vicodin.

The 55-year-old shot to fame playing feisty Diane Chambers in the 1980's sitcom and then shot just as fast back to stunning anonymity after a series of ill-advised career moves that involved failure, disinterest, Mexican bus boy cock and Vicodin. She has also been plagued by tragedy in recent years after her husband, BRUCE TYSON, wised the fuck up and ended his 22-year marriage to a washed-up used-to-be who was really "better off dead," forcing her to sell their Hollywood mansion, her knick-knacks and her withered ass.

"Friends" believe the blonde "beauty" has been suffering "severe depression" and took a "lethal" number of "pain killers" in a bid to "end" her "life."

One "pal" says, "A week ago, funny lady and screen cut up Shelley, who lives alone, with a few or 10 cats, started keeping the curtains drawn. She stopped eating. She has always been thin, but she was almost skeletal. It'd have been sad. I mean if she didn't so clearly deserve such a crushing fate."

JADA PINKETT SMITH A MARAUDERING SERIAL LESBO WHOSE BEARD, WILL SMITH, GETS TO WATCH. SKULLGAME OFFICIALLY OFFENDED.

YO, BABY? WHAT ABOUT HER?!?!

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Professional Negro WILL SMITH, who enjoys a healthy sex life with his wife and as many other women as she can pick up for menage encounters that involve lots and lots of rug munching, knows exactly how to get a lady in the mood for sex on a date with he and JADA -- by knocking out a man in front of her.

The totally high star, and Negro, believes it's important to wow a woman with a succession of mood changes, and suddenly converting a romantic night into a fist fight is the best way to do it.

Smith says, "The best thing that O.D.B. taught me is that the best thing you can do is have a radical change of gears, and pharmaceuticals, while you're out with your woman and trying to pick up a woman at dinner.

"NO....HER!!!" NOW LET THE LESBOWING BEGIN!!!

"So you're out, you're laughing and everything is beautiful, you're going to bone two bitches at once. Then a guy comes up and insults her by asking for her order and, well, you just stretch up and knock him clean out.

"What that says is that you're really fun, loose, warm-hearted, you can have a good time but when it's time to do damage, you can do damage. Especially if by damage you mean huff nostrils full of yayo, stumble down a flight of stairs, give the entire restaurant the finger while throwing out handfuls of $20 bills before retiring to an evening full of marital-extra-marital root action."

"So you want to orchestrate a change of gears that is shocking. Women think that is sexy. Bitch."

PORN BITCH JANINE LINDEMULDER WHO'D PREVIOUSLY ONLY DO GIRL-GIRL SCENES NOW HAS A CHANGE OF PACE. WHO'S SHE GOING TO FUCK? HER EX-HUSBAND. NATCH!!!

JANINE SHOWING EXACTLY WHERE SHE INTENDS TO STICK IT TO WEST COAST CHOPPERS' JESSE JAMES

LOST ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Master Marketeer and West Coast Choppers' JESSE JAMES is caught up in a child-support battle with sucker of VINCE NEIL'S COCK and porn star ex-wife JANINE LINDEMULDER.

James and Lindemulder finalized their divorce on July 12, after breaking up when the blonde beauty was pregnant with daughter Sunny, who's now 10 months old.

A source tells SkullGame, "The lawyers had the papers all in order and ready to be signed, and Jesse felt he was being more than generous, but then Janine came back and said she wanted $15,000 a month in child support."

Lindemulder says, "My lawyer came up with the $15,000 as a fair amount that Jesse should pay for his daughter. And my dealer. But mostly my dealer."

She also brands James a "deadbeat dad" who "couldn't care less about Sunny. And won't score for me even if I suck off his friends just like I used to do."