Evil Angel

Rating: FOUR "Gaping Anus Oscar" BUSTED NUTS

This may claim to place the emphasis, er, firmly on big tits but in actual fact it's more of an expose centered on sleazy fuckin' European men (none of which I can relate to with my proud refinement and taste generally accredited).

Take for example JANE DARLING'S scene: she's lead into the house by Thug A after the rudimentary getting-to-know-you fumbling on the patio and greets Thug B who appears to be a simmeringly violent billyclub-wielding stooge...casually masturbating his big pink billyclub on the couch. Not for the delicate of stomach.

JANE DARLING GETTING HER BUMPER EDGED!!!

Careful repositioning of one's concentration reveals one thing though: this is Jane's DVD. I worship her: she's classically cheap, slippery and has the best grimace I've seen in a while, especially when one of the thugs takes his time relaying repeatedly from open anus to mouth and back (and one of the most surreal camera angles I've ever seen in porn...if H.R. Giger had've been exposed to this as a kid his creative drive would have been sparked so much that we may NEVER have had any sequels to ALIEN, possibly never have had to endure Sigourney Weaver either and irony in horror films wouldn't have been necessary to introduce, so compelling the template....)

But I can't, just can't, stress how severely cool she is, a showstopper with no particular gimmick except a great face, OK, shoes and a body that so accomodates everything thrust toward, behind, up, down and inside it that somehow even a camcorder doesn't seem flexible enough and has to really fuckin' work to get the job done. ("Where is she now? Fuck! She's moved! She's
swallowed both thugs!")

Sign me up.

And both thugs are like kids at the park. I've never seen thugs this content, bouncing around. Whatever she's selling, I want eight. ORSI may parade around with the biggest juggs but it's all about Jane, I tell you. JANE!

Give her a Gaping Anus Oscar.

Honorable mention should go to OLESSA, shoved back there in the dusty extra scene but all I want to know is, hey Christoph? On the box it says CHRISTOPH'S BIG NATURAL TITS but even though I sort of like the mental image, you appear to be pretty flatchested to me, you big grey-haired tease. -- WERNER ASSBENDER

Buy it NOW!