Red Light District

Rating: ONE "I Got This Urge To Take A Shower" BUSTED NUTS

Beginning with the admission that, "we're north of the border" (if by border you mean the one between cute fuck machine and skanky gross out blob), CHIQUITA LOPEZ asserts that her milkshake is better than the one sung about by Kelis (that is, if "milkshake" means mousse de caboose and "asserts" means slurping shit offa some dickhead's fingers), and then gets her culo turned into carne molido. (Promise to stop using Spanish now.)

WOO HOO. THIS IS GREAT. JUST FUCKING GREAT. I GOT A COCK UP MY ASS. PERFECT. SAY, YOU GOT MY DINERO?

Our magical journey then takes us way south of the border in the next three scenes, with JAVIERA the dirty-ass nightmare, CARLA looking for the exit so she can commit suicide, and CHERRY looking like the first critter to emerge from the womb a fully post-op transsexual. She has a motionless double anal for a minute there, her wreck of a face the perfect complement to the ugly sight of two dicks rubbing each other, turned gay from her lack of hetero appeal.

CHERRY? Not very!

The beautiful, hot-bodied SATIVA arrives in the end to save us from this disaster, but one woman and one mental patient can only do so much. My soft-on could not be coaxed back after the three scenes in the middle.

This video should come with a warning, since the cover doesn't give enough of an indication of how much it assaults the viewer. If Mike John wants to salvage anything from his ill-fated trip to Mexico, it should be a terminal case of Montezuma's Revenge. -- JIMMY THE G

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