Elegant Angel

Rating: 2.7 "You Are What You Eat" BUSTED NUTS

Look up “tart” in a popular British dictionary and you’ll see the sloppy grin of Welshwoman ISABEL ICE (here known as ISOBEL) drooling back at you. And as the saying goes, you are what you eat. And Isobel has definitely been eating loads of tarts, pies, cakes, and muffins. And pork. Lots and lots of pork.

And if it looks, talks and acts like a pig, then thank god it is. Isobel shoves her hand in her ass, slobbers a lot, and just revels in the filth that she surrounds herself with. We’d fuck her.

NO SURER SIGN THAT YOU HAVE DIED & GONE TO ASS-FUCKING HEAVEN: JAMIE BROOKS. WHO IS IN THIS FLICK. CURIOUSLY ENOUGH: GETTING ASS FUCKED

Thing is, ASS QUAKE is a bit, dare we say...formulaic. All scenes start with a guy behind a bar. Cue: parading slut. Then all anal sex. But there’s a healthy respect for the pile driver position, and that’s a fine thing.

Also, we here at the Metal Wing of Casa Skull aren’t so down with the fake boobies. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN just came in and said that fake boobies are a-ok on "cute" trannies. We just threw an axe at his head. Too many obvious and therefore awful boob jobs here, just about as awful as the flaming German unrecalcitrant homo in scene one. -- STEELY ROB

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