In the hustle and bustle of the modern world there is an oasis of tranquility. A small spot where sleep and solace live. Where you can take a few minutes by yourself, for yourself. And that place is SkullGame Pines: A Community Where You Can Sleep Without Your Shoes.

"AS A STOCKBROKER MY DAYS WERE JUST A BUSY FRAZZLE OF HOLLERING INTO CELLPHONES. NOW AT SKULLGAME PINES I CAN REDISCOVER WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME."

"SMACK!!!"

And from Heinrich's Celebrity NewsWire...

ARYAN ACTRESS HEATHER GRAHAM NO LONGER PLANNING ON SHARING COOCH WITH WILY JEW FIEND

GRAHAM'S TAY TAYS ARE NOW SAFE FROM NON-CHRISTIAN INTERVENTION...BUT FOR HOW LONG?!?! HOW LONG?!?!

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- "Boogie Nights" beauty HEATHER GRAHAM is a single woman once again after parting ways with her producer beau and Christ Killer CHRIS WEITZ.

The couple, who dated for more than two racially troubling years, remain close, despite the well-known Jew tendency to sap the life force from the fine flower of Aryan womanhood wherever he may find it.

A GERMAN ARTIST'S RENDERING OF "PRODUCER" CHRIS WEITZ

Graham tells SkullGame, "I...I...I'm so confused." As well she might be after 24 months of steady Jewification. "I blame the heroin."

While pals say the pair's relationship dissolved in September, Graham still insisted on attending a October 24 fundraiser for the International Foundation for Terror Act Victims, which is close to Weitz's heart, what with his global desire to bring Jew terror wherever Jew terror currently isn't.

She adds, "When he called me about this event, I could feel the pull of the incredibly crafty yet highly stupid Jew menace already like, UPON me. But I could not resist. Oh, god. Please help me."

RENEE ZELLWEGER IN VAIN SEARCH FOR MISSING KNOBS

WE HAVE SADLY NOT SEEN THEM. BUT WE'LL KEEP LOOKING!!!

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Movie beauty and heroin achiever RENEE ZELLWEGER is thrilled she's lost the weight she gained for her latest movie we will never see unless she sucks some cock in it: "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason," but she misses her large breasts. That is, her big giant tay tays.

The sexy actress piled on the pounds to play the romantic comedy's curvaceous heroine, but now she's returned to her naturally slender shape, she's realized how small her cup size is.

She complains, "I'm a little girl. It was a sad day when I had to retire my C-cup to the drawer, but it wasn't because I felt pressure to be a certain weight in Hollywood, or anything like that." Oh noooo....nothing like that.

Whatever. Show us your fucking tits. We mean, thanks for the interview.

AND FROM THE, WHERE ARE THEY NOW BIN?....

WHERE AM I? OH. YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. OFF TO COUNT MY MONEY. AND SHOOT SMACK. CAN'T FORGET THAT!!!

Nope. We did not.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: THE SKULLGAME QUIZ!!!!

OH GOODIE!!! I LOVE QUIZZES. ESPECIALLY ABOUT ALL KINDS OF FUN STUFF. LIKE SOCKS.

Question: What drug would have you sooooo fucking zooted that you'd be naked and not know it?

Answer: TARA REID.

That is, correct, sir.