NATION SCREECHES TO A HALT AS HER TIT BLOTS OUT THE SUN AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE IS THOUGHT ABOUT FOR DAYS AND DAYS ON END

THE ALL-SEEING EYE OF THE TIT OF QUETZALCOATL

EVERYWHERE (SkullGame) -- Singer and creator of the entire phenomenological world JANET JACKSON, in the aftermath of her recent Super Bowl appearance, has commanded all of those who view her TIT of FIRE to also purchase her conveniently released and available CD. Or she will smite you, dispatching her emissary of Nightly Visits, ST. MICHAEL JACKSON, into the very core of your mind. And underpants.

Moreover, the sun shield of power, at her command, has now become a highly requested jewelry item across America. According to Bianca Bubenik, who owns two New York piercing studios, "We received quite a few million intergalactic calls about the shields [Monday] morning."

"They are the essence of all life," she continued reverentially, while thumbing her way through a stack of cash money. Because while the pieces average an amusingly ironic $69, body jewelry experts, of which such people really exist, believe 37-year-old Jackson's to be a custom-made item of the purest silver from the darkest reaches of deep space, worth around $200.

BRUCE WILLIS' LOVER PULLS A JANET JACKSON

JANET JACKSON WITH AN UNIDENTIFIED NEGRO IMPERSONATOR

HOUSTON (SkullGame) -- BRUCE WILLIS' girlfriend BROOKE BURNS aped controversial singer JANET JACKSON at a Super Bowl party on Sunday -- by inadvertently getting her breasts out.

BUT FIRST: THE MANDATORY CAVITY CHECK FOR MY CIGARETTES

The former "BAYWATCH" "actress" was playing a game of "catch" with "actor" and registered celebrity house guest KATO KAELIN at a "party" in Houston, Texas, just hours after Janet's infamous breast exposure, when she also fell victim to a "wardrobe malfunction."

"OOPSY DAISY," SAYS BURNS MOMENTS BEFORE BEING DRILLED BY THE RAPACIOUS CRAIG KILBORN

According to onlookers, Burns was celebrating a good catch in front of journalists with her hands above her head, when she realized her breasts had escaped from her blue designer top and were working their way back to their creator in Beverly Hills.

Red-faced Brooke squealed with embarrassment, because no one in Burkina Faso has yet to see her tits, and quickly rectified the problem.

PRESIDENT BUSH MISSED JACKSON'S BREAST EXPOSURE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SkullGame) -- JANET JACKSON'S controversial performance at Sunday's Super Bowl was missed by PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- because he fell asleep, having grown sleepy from his never-ending search for Weapons of Mass Destruction.

ONLY ONE WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION IN THERE, BABY

The risque halftime show sparked outrage from TV bosses when the crazed Negro Impersonator JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE exposed his reported old flame's right breast at the end of their performance.

But Bush admits he was one of a few to miss the revealing moment, saying, "I don't want to admit it, but because this White House starts early, I missed it.

"Saw the first half, did not see the half time -- I was preparing for the day and fell asleep.

"But you all can tell me about it," he joked to reporters.