Evil Angel

Rating: FIVE + ONE "Vinnie Can Kiss My West Coast Ass" BUSTED NUTS

I'll spew it up front--I was a little tweaked when I watched this flick. Me and Horty went to this mexican strip joint last night, "La Cucaracha," and since all the cooze there is either skinny, like, a crackhead, or really fat, it helps to eat a bunch of mescaline first. So I had the afterburner on from the mesc and also Hort picked out this dusty old barfly from the sewer next door at closing time and we double-stuffed her in his van, so my mind was a little bent this morning. Surf was flat, so I decided to get Vin off my back and do a little viewing.

There are a bunch of dudes who write for SkullGame who will put in a bunch of lame shit about the lighting and the sound quality, but me: I'm in it for the jackin'. I don't care if I can SEE IT if I don't want to LOOK AT IT, and the first scene of this flick was blurry and shaky but I immediately launched a taffy pull and fired off a warning shot before the threesome on screen even got to the DP part.

JENNIFER LUV IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO LIFT OFF!!!

That little jiz smuggler did something to my brain--I started hearing a voice, like she was talking to me while she was getting bunker busted from both the front and back door like Saddam's fucking mother of all gangbangers. I freaked a little and stopped whacking my pud for a second, and the voice stopped; but as soon as I went back to work I could hear her. I started getting paranoid, but then she sucked her own ass juice off this dude's pole and I blew again.

The voice came back in the next scene, which had a crazy little skinny tattooed slut and one who was kinda tanky. At first I was all, "If I want to see a fatty get a scud in the kiester I'll take one home tonight," but this little dark waif got me going again. And then there was that fucking voice again. I stopped jerking, and this time THE FUCKING VOICE KEPT GOING! So I shut off the DVD and stuck the disc into my PS2, thinking maybe, like, there was something the matter with the machine. As soon as that little snot-burglar came on screen again though the voice started up again, and I was freaking out. Not enough to keep me from shooting again when she took plunge after donkey-dicked ass-plunge from this oversized dude who shoved his cock into her tiny little ass like I throw my oldest stick into the back of my truck when I'm getting chased by hippies. AND SHE FUCKING LIKED IT!

After I tossed my third batch I got all introspective and shit and started thinking-- that maybe there was some new technology that, like, could make a voice in my head. I looked around to make sure that Horty or Skelly weren't fucking with my mind, but no way. Then I thought maybe these chicks were robots or something with, like, mind control power. They looked perfect. They fucked perfect.

Then I thought, "that's in the future, man, there's none of that shit now!" But maybe they were, like, from the future like in "TERMINATOR," sent back in time to get me to fuck them so that...uh, like there was... some shit ..that needed.. to happen or some shit. Then I thought, "they might be midgets in suits made out of flesh, like some cyborg thing, that were just for fucking. Like they could even be MAN midgets....There was another anorexic nympho siphoning some guy's life force on the screen, and I blasted another blob of motherless orphans into my sock.

The last scene was with a fat chick, so I rewound and pulled two more loads out of ol' Betty. The last one was a little scanty, but WTF. So here it is--six spewages in one sitting, DESPITE ruminations about cyborgs or man midgets in meat suits. If that doesn't get 6 nuts, that east coast dick-smoke can come lick my nads. -- YOZA

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