Porn Week continues unabated at SKULLGAME as we examinate lots of motherfucking shit like narcotics while our junior staffers write this shit, like this intro, and wonder why they thought working for free, oh excuse me, I mean "interning" was anything other than a MONICA LEWINSKY-ESQUE suck job.
WE CHOSE TAYLOR WANE AND CAILEY TAYLOR AND THAT FAG AS OUR SEXPERTS SINCE THEY'VE ALL SUCKED A LOT OF COCK AND THEREFORE MIGHT KNOW A FEW THINGS ABOUT A FEW THINGS. LIKE SUCKING COCK.
BURNING MAN: IT'S SUDDENLY NOT JUST FOR LAME HIPPIES ANYMORE
MY NAME IS JENNIFER STEELE. BUT YOU CAN CALL ME STARCHILD.
FT. LAUDERDALE (SkullGame) -- Professional fornicator JENNIFER STEELE, or as she likes to be called "Starchild," perhaps most known as "the fire-breathing porn star," is taking her act on the road again this month. The star of the goddamned near-genius level of fame film ASS CLOWNS is embarking on a New York City tour where she'll be available for video shoots, interviews, and "personal appearances." Preferably with members of SKULLGAME. And their cocks.
New York, however, will be but a waystation for Steele as her real triumph will be marked by a return to California's BURNING MAN, a formerly lame desert convocation for a wide assortment of aging and balding hippies, but now is the staging ground for her BURNING MAN GANG BANG. "I plan on fucking everybody while I'm in L.A. to prep me for my Burning Man gangbang," she says.
SKULLGAME EXPERTS PANEL SAYS: There is, in fact, no single effective way to prepare your cooch for a gangbang of gangbang proportions. Your best bet? Lots of fentanyl. And viagra for those teva-sandal wearing desert monkeys.
BISEXUAL BRITNI, FORMER PORNSTAR OF THE YEAR, IS DOING SOMETHING. WE JUST FORGOT WHAT
BISEXUAL BRITNI HERE PHOTOGRAPHED WITH MOTORCYCLE STEERING SALLY ON THEIR WAY TO THE BACK OF THE GARAGE
DENVER (SkullGame) -- BISEXUAL BRITNI, former AVN pornstar of the year, and presently retired from fucking with cameras in the room is doing some motorcycle rally to some event somewhere where MAX HARDCORE will be MC'ing or something.
We'll have more on this story as it develops. On second thought. No. No we won't.
SKULLGAME EXPERTS PANEL SAYS: Any event that features MAX HARDCORE will feature ranting about "motherfuckers" and you waking up with your ass aflame and piss on your face. Believe US.
TYLER FAITH'S PLAN TO FUCK TEEN SCOTCHED BY PARENTS HE WILL NOW HATE FOREVER
YEAH, BOY. ALL...OVER...THAT...SHIT. BUT DON'T WORRY. GOING WITH YOUR SISTER WILL BE JUST AS MUCH FUN.
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Listeners of Friday's Howard Stern radio show who crave details of the arranged prom date between a Weston High School senior and adult film star Tyler Faith will be sorely disappointed when they tune in tomorrow and find the date was canceled by his totally fucking lame parents.
Max Miesel had won the date to Weston's prom, held last night at the Stamford Sheraton, but the fuckwads at the school, and Miesel's parents, stepped in.
Weston High School Principal Mary Kolek said that after a discussion with Miesel's parents, it was determined that the porn star was in violation of the school's guidelines for prom dates. Mainly that attending dates "not have fellated over 1000 men in the previous calendar year."
Scott Hoover, director of publicity for Jill Kelly productions, the organization representing Faith, said he believed the school and the Sheraton Hotel "were jumping the goddamned gun on some of that shit. I mean no WAY Tyler's sucked a G of sausage in 2003. In fact if our records are in any way accurate we believe that she's swallowed exactly 768. She and the kid DESERVE this."
SKULLGAME EXPERTS PANEL SAYS: We've been told that high school is a time of discovery and exploration. Discovering your cock and exploring the fucking of porn stars. Your parents truly, truly suck.
SKULLGAME'S NEWEST IRREGULARLY OCCURRING FEATURE: ASK A GUY WHO HATES YOU
YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING. ASSHOLE.
DEAR "GUY WHO HATES YOU": I love LINDSAY LOHAN! Way to go with that letter. If we're lucky one of her "people" will get wind of it and maybe talk her into making a movie, you know, an adult movie.--Lindsay Lohan lover
WHAT AN INTERESTING, UM, SHIRT YOU HAVE ON THERE LINDSAY. CAN I TOUCH IT? THE FABRIC I MEAN.
DEAR FUTURE FELON: Listen pal, listen carefully and with something other than your soon-to-be cum-streaked ass: I'm forwarding your email, as well as your address, to the motherfucking FBI. LINDSAY LOHAN is 17, you fucking degenerate motherfucker you! And did you just use the word people in quotation marks? You some kind of Hollywood Producer? Using words like “people” means you should be able to use your Hollywood connections to "greenlight" this "proj" into "development." In very much the same way your ass will be developed into a landing pad for penitentiary cock. Fuck.
SKULLGAME EXPERTS PANEL SAYS: Who is this fiery "Guy Who Hates You?"
