Yo Vinnie,
If you have erectile difficulties is the woman on top position going to make things worse? -- Duh? (by email)

REAL DREAD. AND MORTAL TERROR.

Dear ROY ROGERS: The woman on top position, also known as the COWGIRL or the HILLARY CLINTON, usually has the man on his back, hands behind his head, smoking a cigarette, staring at the ceiling and wondering why he ain't fucking better looking women. If she turns around and faces his feet this is known as the REVERSE COWGIRL or the REPUBLICAN as it's a perfect prelude to woman-directed ass fuckage or the maintaining if the illusion that you're fucking a congressional page. Back in the '60s this position was like some big feminist deal because it meant that "women were taking control," apparently of your cock and the load therein. Now it either means you're fucking tired of trying to figure out what exact fuck pace best suits her and are eager to get back to doing whatever you were doing prior to this detour to Loadville, or she wants to see if you're man enough to let her take control without falling asleep while she is doing so.

But to your question regarding the hidden dark side of the COWGIRL and our medically unsupported answer: Yes.

That is: yes gravity can be a factor in maintaining a full on hard on. While you have a greater access to the parts of her body that are nice to look at, or horrible to look at depending on what pig you happen to be banging, you also have her 110 or 240 pounds bearing down on your approx. 5 to 10 inch cock and your cock doesn't stand a chance.

Give it a few shakes and switch to a workable compromise: you SITTING and her sitting on you and your cock. She controls the action, the upper half of your body and gravity keep your cock well supplied with life giving fluids and you can watch the TV over her shoulder.

Problem fucking solved.

Crosstown Ass Traffic

WHEN YOU COME TO A FOUR WAY INTERSECTION DO YOU A] STOP BEFORE PROCEEDING, 2] DEFER TO THE CAR ON YOUR RIGHT OR C3] FLOOR IT STRAIGHT TO ASSISTAN?

You ever wonder what Romanian ass fucking vids looked like?

Oh, OK, what about just ass fucking vids then? With Romanians doing the ass fucking?

How the hell should I know where Romania is? I think it's next to Beheadistan? Between Iran and Irate or something?

In any case, here it is: Raul Cristian, the newest director at the Evil Angel empire, got spied by Ass Master John Stagliano, pulled in and now vids that you can see online are also being pimped by Stags because of their winning formula of, um, fucking Romanian broads in the keister. The prime brand differentiator here between ASS TRAFFIC and say all the 10,000 rump riding sites is that Eastern European women fuck like their lives depended on it which, if you've ever been to Romania, is probably more true than not. More than that they look, we're quite sure, at least 10 times fucking better than the last 20 bar skags that wouldn't give you their phone numbers, and are here in glorious technicolor getting their asses drilled and drinking semen.

And Cristian, the Romanian superman, at his height was filming or producing 400 of these fucking scenes a year.

How many times did you get laid last year? Yeah. We thought so.

And while his MTV shit--super fast zooms in and out close ups--make us feel like we're high on crank and we're going to have fucking heart attacks [yeah. like], the whole big tittied-hot-Euro-bitch with a crank in her crapper is just something never gets old even if admittedly we'd only managed to watch this shit three minutes at a time.

Three minutes. Nap. Get sandwich. Beer.

Repeat.

Yeah. It's that cool.