"Vinnie? I think he's a motherfucking piece of shit," says some random slut who wants to be fucked in a SkullGame video. "But I love SKULLGAME shirts*!!!"
*Brought to you by IKE TURNER FIGHT WEAR.
I MEAN IF I ACTUALLY WORE SHIT LIKE THAT.
THE NEW PARIS HILTON VIDEO: A JIZ-PACKED JAMBOREE OF ANAL LOVE!!!
"I'M LAFFING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK, BABY!!!" SAYS A SADLY CONFUSED HILTON
LAS VEGAS (SkullGame) -- Ho, Hotel heiress and suckaholic PARIS HILTON is facing another round of self-imposed public "humiliation" -- her ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon plans to release another DVD of the pair having sex. This time ALL ANAL.
Salomon, ex-husband of actress SHANNEN DOHERTY, is reportedly preparing to release a two-part DVD of their sex antics shot several years ago when they were in their "experimental" ass love "phase."
Unlike the first sex DVD, however, which initially rose to popularity on the Internet, Hilton will not receive any money from the profits. That's where the humiliation part comes in, we guess.
When notified of the pending airing of her anal antics, Hilton said "Ewww! He's disgusting," in the clearest cut case of The Pot-Kettle Paradigm. "I would not talk to him if you paid me a billion dollars. Which was incidentally my cut from the last video."
DAVID HASSELHOFF & RIP TORN IN HOMO-LOVE-DRUNK-DRIVING IMBROGLIO
LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDOURED THING. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S GOT NUTS ATTACHED TO IT
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Actor, inveterate confetti tosser and barely closeted Gay icon RIP TORN who was to comedy what Gallagher is to gardening, crashed into the back of a taxi in Manhattan's Greenwich Village this Halloween. The 73-year-old, dressed as TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE, extemporaneously riffed, "This is one of the great events in my life. I love New York." He then went on to kiss men.
The actor then began hurling abuse at police officers and refusing to take a sobriety test. Torn claims he was raging because he had been handcuffed for no reason and prevented from using the bathroom. In order to kiss more men "on their gentles." Defense lawyer Adam Levy asserted that Torn's outbursts were caused by anger at his mistreatment rather than drunkenness, and despair over the recent ending of his pas de deux with BAYWATCH creator and rapper, DAVID HASSELHOFF.
MEANWHILE HASSELHOFF'S HOMO LOVE ANTICS HAVE HIM NARROWLY AVOID HOMO HEAVEN
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Former BAYWATCH "star" DAVID HASSELHOFF narrowly avoided a jail sentence on drunk driving charges Thursday by agreeing to attend 50 Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings, pay a $200 fine, serve a 36-month probation and ordered to complete 200 hours of community service at Boy's Town.
Hasselhoff, who was dressed as GEORGE W. BUSH and was driving erratically near his home in Los Angeles when he was stopped by police, was also ordered to complete a driver's course before he is allowed to drive -- other than to work, a bar, or taking his children to school.
"What can I say?" The bathing beach boy lover sighed. "Rip and I had gone about as far as we could go in regards to the whole ass love thing. I just thought it was time for me to branch out. To younger asses and such."
SKULLGAME CORRECTIONS:
RIP TAYLOR, THE GAY PRIEST, RIP TORN & HIS DAUGHTER AT THEIR RECENT "COMMITMENT TO ANAL EXCITEMENT" CEREMONY
Rip Torn is not GAY for HASSELHOFF. He is in fact, our friend ANGELICA'S dad, and so we apologize for dragging his fine name through the Hershey highway of homo shame. Our adherence to the highest gay baiting standards should be enough to prevent casually hurtful oversights such as this and we assure you it won't happen again.
That being said, it is clear that he IS gay for RIP TAYLOR as readily attested to by his present state of momo matrimony.
Thank you for your patronage.
