Sin City

Rating: FOUR "Could You Please Shut Up?" BUSTED NUTS

And the Oscar goes to.........none of these bitches!

Porn was invented as a way to spice up movies. In the early '70s, big budgets were written and scripts were just as important as tits. In the '80s they decided to screw the script to save money and the result was bad acting. In the '90s, companies realized that porn is about fucking and not about plot. Good move. Unfortunately, SIN CITY feels that the world does not have enough bad acting.

Their solution: SWEETHEART.

Yes, for the actors who like to feel good about themselves by watching others suck at acting: you're in for a treat. SWEETHEART stars SHAY SWEET, but she happens to be in the two lamest sex scenes of the movie. The moronic plot is that Adam Caine (STEVEN ST. CROIX) and Kyle White (LAUREN PHOENIX) are a superstar couple who break up. They both go on a talk show whose host is Missy (DEE). On the talk show, they tell stories of the other's infidelity, which is where we get to see the fucking.

SHE'S TOO SHY SHY, SHE'S TOO SHY SHY: SHAY SWEETS GETTING HER RUG MUNCHED THE WAY A RUG SHOULD BE MUNCHED BY A PROFESSIONAL RUG MUNCHER

The movie starts off with Steven St. Croix ramming his flesh rod into Lauren Phoenix. Lauren is a hottie who knows how to fuck, but can't act worth shit. As long as she keeps her mouth shut, she is a babe who will make you cream your panties.

Next up is an Asian newbie named TAMI LYNN. Unfortunately, the only thing this fortune cookie does is take sweet and sour sauce to her face.

Shay Sweet's fuck scene is about as exciting as watching women's golf. She gets reamed on a couch and there is only one camera angle and about two positions. Now that I think about it, if the LPGA golfed naked, it would be more exciting than this crap.

Next up is more shitty acting followed by a lesbo scene that is bound to get your dick as hard as Jello. After the lesbo scene (which probably only a lesbian would like) we see the most retarded actress yet. She is, however, also the HOTTEST one. I'm talking about the dark honey DEE. After watching her acting I found myself looking for scars on her to see if she had a lobotomy. She has about as much personality on screen as Al Gore. The plus side is with her natural tits, she is hot as hell. She has a great fuck scene with Steven St. Croix, which got me hitting rewind over and over again. Steven isn't good looking but he's fun to watch and he shoots a nice willy wad.

Last up is the ebony INDIA. Pretty girl who gets to fuck a really cute guy. This is the best-filmed sex scene of the whole movie. Great angles, good positions, and hot actors. This movie should have stuck to the equation of fuck, suck, and shut the fuck up! The acting was horrible with the exception of Steven St. Croix. He stole every scene he was in and he was a lot of fun to watch. -- NIXY THE CHICK

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