And if history is any goddamned indicator the men of MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME will be celebrating this Friday like they've celebrated many others: predictably. Come join us, won't you?
NOPE. THERE'S STILL NO CRAP IN HIS PANTS. MEANING, TECHNICALLY, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE NOT KICKED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
TOM "SLAPPY WHITE HO" SIZEMORE ARRESTED. AGAIN.
HER: "HE...HE BEAT ME." HIM: "THEY...THEY PUT ME IN JAIL FOR BEATING HER." SAME TEARS, DIFFERENT PLANET
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Political prisoner TOM SIZEMORE was arrested yesterday right after the cops broke in to discover drugs all the fuck over his place in his very NOT-gay, West Hollywood home.
The star, 42, was taken into custody, questioned about why the fuck he'd even live in West Hollywood if he wasn't gay then, and released on $10,000 bail after probation officers found "controlled substances" during a random, HEIDI "HO" FLEISS-suggested visit to his mansion.
Last year Sizemore was sentenced to six months in jail and three years probation on the trumped up and politically motivated player hating misdemeanor abuse charges, over his pimpingly volatile relationship with ex-love, former Ho Hopper Heidi Fleiss.
Prosecutors recently alleged the star violated his probation by testing positive for methamphetamine, but his attorney MICHAEL "TWEAKER BEE" ROVELL attributed the result to a, um, prescription drug and shit saying "'Controlled' substance?!? Shit. My shampoo is a controlled substance and you don't see nobody getting arrested for that. We're fucking legal, man, and I'm sure the court will rule in our favor as soon as they see the blueprints I've printed up on internal combustion engines."
EAGLES' TERRELL OWENS FERRETS OUT NFL FAGS THE ONLY WAY HE KNOWS HOW: WITH HIS ASS
"WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?!" TERRELL WITH HIS MALE FRIEND "TWAN"
PHILLY (SkullGame) -- The former San Francisco 49er, wide receiver TERRELL OWENS, who currently plays with the PHILADELPHIA EAGLES, has revealed for the first time in a recent PLAYBOY interview that he has an under-publicized pasttime that has very little to do with catching balls. Hold on, actually it does. You see, Owens is a GAY EXPERT.
"During my tenure in San Francisco," the embattled wide receiver said. "I made it my personal mission to find out, to really, um, you know, ferret out the mens on my team, and others, who likeded other mens. Be it in bars--the White Swallow, The End Up, or The Eagle--or in bathrooms or when, say, showering, my unofficial job was faggot finder and on a team with so many faggots believe you me, it was a CHORE."
When reached for comment at the Leather Stallion Saloon training facility, JEFF GARCIA, STEVE YOUNG and TOM "I'M NO GAYER THAN HENRY ROLLINS" CRUISE said "WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?"
MR. XTRA'S TRAVEL REPORT: IT'S NOT FOR NOTHING THAT THEY CALL IT BANGKOK!!!
AND HER HANDS ARE HIDING......SOMETHING SAUSAGEY MAYBE???
I'm back from a few days in Bangkok.
Most Impressive Sight: chick using chopsticks with her pussy. (I find
chopsticks hard enough to use with my hands so gotta applaud someone who can use her cunt....)
Runner Up: chick writing "You're Welcome" with a pen. Posted in her pussy.
2nd Runner Up: chick shooting banana from her pussy and catching it in her mouth.
Even Better Sight: chick shaking up soda bottle for other chick to open with her pussy and spray everywhere.
Musical Highlight: chick playing horn with her pussy.
Make-A-Wish Moment: chick blowing out candles with her pussy.
That Can't Be Healthy: chick smoking with her pussy. Inhaling,
exhaling.
Most Involved Story I Won't Tell Now: the midget and the cute chick with
braces (who I later fucked).
Even Better Than All That: got the BEST BLOWJOB EVER from the
chick photographed above.
Whose sweet shaved pussy I later fucked.
Also fucked her friend.
NEXT NIGHT: went to a bar and five minutes later had chicks under each arm. My hands on their tits, their hands on my dick. And a third chick massaging my shoulders. And two more chicks massaging my feet. And another one bringing us drinks. Found out the chick massaging my shoulders
had milky tits. Got my calcium fill.
Got the famed Thai "soapy massage" from another chick. Who I later fucked. And came in her mouth. Twice.
THERE SEEMS TO BE AN EPIDEMIC OF HIDING CROTCH-I-TIS AFOOT IN BANGKOK THIS TIME OF YEAR
And just for the fucking record: NONE OF THESE CHICKS HAD DICKS.
In summation: Bangkok's a pussy paradise...at least, so long as you got a
dollar in your pocket.
Like herpes, I will return!
