skull_weblog

AND SUDDENLY: A KNIFE...

...And a Back to Put It In

PLEASE EXCUSE THE STINK OF ART FAGGOTRY & WELCOME TO HELL

You know one of these days you're walking along and on a whim, a directed whim, a whim as directed as a voice heard across a crowded parking lot that you THINK is saying "look down," and you do, look down, that is, and you see at your feet $20. Or $20 and a gun. Or at the very least a way, a rebus toward getting the same and you think/wonder did God lead me here?

Yes, Virginia, He did.

And so it is that we stumbled across this totall non-load related site that, if one only has the eyes to see, is a pretty perfect blueprint for all manner of dangerous insanity because it details? Locales of prior dangerous insanity and so whether you believe, like Stephen King in getting drunk and getting hit by cars OR that evil is phenomenological and can be tied to a place, this site is like one giant fucking Yahoo map to places to go if you're totally batshit crazy and are looking for a hideout for the totally batshit crazy.

So be it in underground caverns in NY, or deserted mental institutions near garbage dumps you're treated to a travelogue of place and space where you can hide bodies, store hidden bodies or lure bodies to be hidden. The genius of these places are that you can also probably just KILL anybody [SkullGame assumes no responsibility for batshit crazies that think that God led them to killing THROUGH this page, however] you find there already because they are already most clearly insane. Well, either that or art students. In any case, they should probably meet the same end: just because your wrist told you so.

AN ASS, AN ASS, MY KINGDOM FOR SOME ASS

YO VINNIE,
My girlfriend had a problem with anal sex before. She won't tell me what it was but she sort of indicates that she had a "bad experience" with it. She's 24. Is there anything I could say to maybe swing things back around my way? -- JK (by email)

"THIS IS GREAT. UM, GREAT. NO, REALLY. LOTS OF FUN. YUP. YOU FINISHED YET?"

Dear TOOTHLESS HILLBILLY: Anything you could say that might allow someone to allow you to place your pee stick up their poop hole? I don't know. Did you try a cash offer? With or without a gun? Or, perhaps an offer of matrimony? Wait a minute. You didn't say you wanted to get fucked too. Hmmm. Anyways, did you try "the gentle friend"? That is, the errant digit that strays ass-ways and slowly, but surely, clues the unsuspecting to the hidden joys that might accrue as a result of their butt being banged by a sharing and caring fellow such as yourself? Hmmm...Shit. What about singing a song of ass sex? From the business end of a tongue? No?

Well, the reality of it is, that there could be any number of reasons why someone might not like their asshole fucked, and I'm not talking about voting the Green Party. I mean it doesn't feel good, they think it's dirty, they're religious lunatics and thing they'll go to hell for ass fuckery, they don't like YOU and can't figure out why YOU'RE so hung up on doing it, who the fuck knows?

I do know this: if ass fucking is what you want, since our collective numbers here at SkullGame are running about 50/50, dump her and get someone who likes it in the dumper.

Hunh? Wha? Who? Are you really suggesting that I break up with the love of my life for something as simple as her refusal to let me place my entire cock in her anal region?

Yes. Yes I am. Because dating is like a job interview: it ain't getting any better than this.

And flashing forward 30 years: do you wanna be a non-ass-fucking man, THEN?!?!?

Doesn't seem so crazy now, does it?

I didn't think so.

BRANDON IRON'S 50 TO 1 #3

Platinum X Pictures

Rating: THREE "If Only For The Sheer Number" BUSTED NUTS

The back of the box says "50 fine females fed."

Let's examine that statement. I don't have any trouble with "50" or "females fed".

It's the "Fine" declaration.

You look like a smart guy...lemme ask you: Would you consider a collection of cunts that include summer teeth (you know..some'r here...some'r over there), speech impediments, and droopy tits and stretchmarks any sort of "fine"?

Maybe that works for you. In the trailer park of your mind.

"YUP. STILL SMELLS LIKE ASS." MARQUETTA JEWEL NOT GRINNING, AND NOT BEARING IT.

Not me. I'm a forward-thinking motherfucker that demands a modicum of attractiveness...or non-hideousness to label a whore "fine". Maybe if the description said "50 females fed, a few fine" I'd be happy. And you all know ol' Bob...I'm a happy fucking guy by nature. I mean, I GOT A GODDAMNED SUNNY DISPOSITION.

But what we really have here are audition tapes...and by the looks of it, it's all sluts that didn't make the grade. A brilliant use of cast-offs...like selling trimmed fat as suet. I'm not saying they're ALL bad...just...most.

MARQUETTA JEWEL in fact was a highlight...NIKKI HILTON's a familiar looking cunt...take a peek...you'll fucking see. The bonus, in my ever-humble-opinion, is the utter fucking stupidity shown across the board. It makes me a firm believer in natural selection...buy this, and feel good about yourself. -- BUTCHER BOB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/263311.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

blackhole_102

"YES. YES, I WILL. I WILL MASTER..."

THE ASS SPEAKS & WE WILL OBEY.

TAYLOR RAIN from CUM IN MY MOUTH I'LL SPIT IT BACK IN YOURS

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=212880

TERRIFYINGLY WHORRIFIC: IS TRUST DEAD?!?!

A Wood County supervisor resigned Tuesday after he was accused of trying to hire an exotic dancer for sex. James E. Gignac, 64, of Wisconsin Rapids, Wis., said he contacted police Monday after the woman demanded money even though he had "decided" "calling her" was a "mistake". He was arrested on a misdemeanor for patronizing prostitution and released on a $250 signature bond. “I wanted them to know what was going on in their community,” Gignac said. “I was trying to do the right thing, and I got cited for it.” An undercover female officer later convinced the woman to meet on the pretense of having sex with her and her husband, where she was arrested. Nicole C. Vangeertruy, 21, could be charged with prostitution and bail jumping. Gignac paid Vangeertruy $200 to have sex, but she insisted on a condom and "left" to "buy" "one". When she did not return, Gignac called police.

CUMFART COCKTAILS 5

Red Light District

Rating: THREE AND A HALF “how many asses does it take to mix a drink” BUSTED NUTS

CUMFART COCKTAILS 5 is yet more proof that the world of porn needs some cockamamie gimmick to give us good, old-fashioned two-chick-on-one-dude fucking. So be it.

We’re down with almost anything auxiliary that you can throw at us, but sperm squirted out of an anus into an awaiting mouth might be a smidge much. Remember, children, second-hand sperm kills. Also, waiting around while the one chick tries hard to get the cum out, but it gets lost in her butt system, while the other girl offers positive encouragement, is not floating our boat. If it smacks of effort, it sinks.

STEP TWO TO MAKING A CHERRIE ROSE COCKTAIL

Two chicks on one dick is still swinging the balance in our favor, too, especially when that balance has got girls like VELICITY VON and CHERRIE ROSE. Also in this movie is new teen sensation SASHA GREY, paired up with the lurvely VANESSA MONET, although you’d think they could have found a better picture of Grey than this stroke-victim-esque distortion to put on the cover. Whatever, two chicks, one dick. Two chicks, one dicks. Two chicks.... – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/271200.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

SLIPPERY WHEN WET

Video-X-Pix

Rating: THREE & A HALF "Furry, Blurry and Allllllllll Natural" BUSTED NUTS

Old flicks like this bring a tear to my fucking eye.

At least I think it's a tear...hmmm...yep...it's a big ol' Bon Jovi tear alright.

Neck scarves, blue eyeliner and fu-manchu moustaches: The men had 'em too. Thank you, thank you, you're too kind. I'm at The Funny Fucking Room through the end of the month.

But the thing I dig about this, apart from the fashion tips, is that at this time...the people in these flicks were fucking pariahs outside the industry. So they didn't do it for the fame...and for fuck's sake...certainly not the money. These girls did it for one thing: The Almighty Cock.

Admirable, no?

"CAN I CHECK ON THE CONDITION OF YOUR LOAD, SIR?" ANNIE SPRINKLE & HOW THE WORLD WOULD BE IF SKULLGAME WAS YOUR GODDAMNED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER.

Go ahead, fuckers, laugh.

Laugh at the purists like myself. But you little bastards watch this...I mean REALLY watch this...tell me that the first time you see ANNIE SPRINKLE's USDA-certified milk jugs break free you don't just sit back...in fucking AWE of these things. If that was it...that was the only scene worth watching...it'd be worth twice what we charge you fucks. AND...she gets fucked with a kielbasa by a skinny broad with buck teeth so bad she could eat corn on the cob thru a chain link fence.

Captivating.

There's not a tan-line to be seen...this was in the days of NYC porn, motherfucker...these coked-out fucks never even SAW the sun, let alone lounged around in it. This wasn't only pre-internet porn...this was pre-fucking-microwave porn.

God a'mighty...it's good to be home. -- BUTCHER BOB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/245063.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

SKULLGAME IS BAAACCCKKK!! BITCHES! OUR SUMMER IDYLL DONE WE REPRISE WOT THE FUCK WE WERE DOING WHILE YOU WERE CRYING THAT WE WERE DOING IT. ONE DAY AT A TIME. NOW UP: JUDGE ROY BEAN & THE SECRET TEMPLE OF SLUTS, SINKS & DIRTY FUCKING DISHES.

A Look At The Dirt Of The Silverware, The Dinge Of The Soul, The Darkness Of The Sheet, And The Detergent Of The Sluts In-Between.

As many may already know, it takes a certain type of woman, a certain type of stupid woman, if you will, to truly appreciate me—and as of late, I have been actively seeking that woman. The mornings spent searching for my wallet whilst wearing a bath robe that is nary my own--head throbbing and heart sobbing--have lost their once novel appeal. Since I am much too cheap to cough up the $25 for a female convict's mailing address, so that I can serenade with poems of welfare fraud, child neglect, broomstick rape, and nights on the street, passed over bottles of Thunderbird that never seem to fully empty (much like the spring of my soul), I have decided to take the route of many major metropolitan dwellers with waning social skills and decidedly warped worldviews and begin searching Craigslist for women that can hold up to my rather stringent standards...of domestic dutifulness.

But not without first eliciting the aid of some of the more questionable Mack Avenue residents.

Original post made by one Sal Pacino:

MUST LOVE CATS
Dont have one. Neighbor does. You can go see him afterwards. What I am looking for is someone to get down and dirty with my dirty dishes. Never have you looked so good as when my dishes were so done.

Totally up to you. And me. Mostly me.

Follow-up posted not two minutes later by Judge Roy Bean.

ALRIGHT, LET’S BE HONEST…
Must love dishes. I'm into cats myself, but I think it was rather misleading to start off with the heading "must love cats", especially when cats don't do dishes.

If you want to take your shirt off while you do my dishes that would be cool as well.

P.S. Those aren't my dishes--they are just an artistic rendition of what dishes may look like, in case you've forgotten or are just partially retarded.

And the responses start pouring in…

First response:
“Jeez, do your OWN dishes… how old ARE you??? Grow up, dude…. grownups clean their own mess. Are you seriously looking for a woman to do this for you??? Can you say, "MYSOGINIST?"

And grownups also don’t pee in soda bottles because they’re too lazy or drunk to make it to the bathroom. God, how gross and pathetic.

Good luck finding anyone... anyone at all... I'd say your chances are nil....”

Follow-up rebuttal:
Dearest eat-beast,

Thankfully my criteria towards getting my dishes done doesn’t include you being a Rhodes scholar, so I guess the only real question here is “Just how fat are you really?” and “Have you taken your shirt off yet?”

Second response:
“you are a disgusting troll”

Follow-up rebuttal:
And you are a filthy animal, my dear. Say, do you know Vinnie Rose? Answer me this: Have you or have you not ever ridden the 47 line bus with mismatched shoes?

That’s what I thought.

Third response:
"What a catch! Just what I always wanted, more dirty dishes! Hope my response doesn't get lost in the avalanche of women tripping over themselves to get to you!"

Follow-up rebuttal:
"I feel a strong connection, a bond if you will, growing between us as I type these very words. I was worried that I may come off as high-maintenance, what with my request that a woman as beautiful as yourself come along and wash my dishes with no promise of late nights spent at Le Colonial or trips to the MAC counter at Nordstrom or bad poetry written in the wake of you eventually sleeping with one of my friends. It is a selfless individual that I seek to share the fruits of my soul with; an individual who is good at dishes and does not go through my wallet in the quiet hours of the night, or at least only steals small bills.

Is this where you show me compromising photos of yourself? I can take a real picture of my dishes if you would like. I believe in no expectations but, furthermore, I believe in honesty. And, honestly, I am two whole feet taller than you in heels, with washboard abs, smart enough to make a lot of money but dumb enough to search the internet for girls to spend it on: A regular Adonis of types. With dishes that need to be done. Just what a lazy beast such as you has been searching the internet for all along."

Approximately three weeks later:

MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME: SHOWING YOU HOW YOUR DAD DID IT SINCE 2003

SKULLGAME WRITERS IN THE NEWS!!! AGAIN.

Police went to a home after receiving a report that it was entered illegally and later found their suspect running nude through a pasture. Tim Smith, 19, of Texarkana was charged with residential burglary, third-degree assault, fleeing, disorderly conduct and refusal to submit to arrest. No bond was set and he was being held for a mental evaluation. Police Officer Chris Rankin said Smith entered a home through an unlocked door and was confronted by a woman in the home, Linda Smith, who is not related to Tim Smith. "He knocked on my bedroom door, and when I opened it he told me he was sent here to have sex with me," Ms. Smith said. "I told him I didn't think so and that he needed to leave."
When officers arrived, they found Smith running naked through a nearby pasture. "He started to chase some of the horses and grab at their tails," Ms. Smith.

SKULLGAME HOMO-HUNTER, IN ASSOCIATION WITH TERRELL OWENS ASS ENTERPRISES, FERRETS OUT GERBILS OF GAYNESS WITH THIS MONTH'S POSTER BOY: KEITH URBAN AS OUR CROSS COUNTRY SOJOURN CONTINUES!!! PLUS: ED NORTON DODGES A BULLET NAMED COURTNEY: DISCUSS!!!

AND in response to Monday's sharply worded rebutall to a Presidential attempt to talk us down to 2 for 5, ladies and gentleman, George W. Bush.

MY MESSAGE IS THE SAME FOR SKULLGAME AS IT IS FOR AMERICA.......

"HOMO'S JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE...UP YOUR ASS." KEITH URBAN'S REDISCOVERED LYRICAL VITALITY A THING OF BEAUTY, CONCERN.

"HEY!!! IS THAT A FAGGOT OVER THERE?!?!? WHAT? OH. NEVERMIND."

NASHVILLE (SkullGame) - KEITH URBAN has checked himself into a rehabilitation treatment center for alcohol abuse, less than four months after the Grammy-winning country singer's marriage to actress NICOLE KIDMAN.

Urban released a statement Friday that said he entered rehab Thursday night with his wife by his side. His publicist would not give the location of the rehab center.

"I deeply regret the hurt this has caused Nicole and the ones that love and support me, but when I realized that I married a goddamned cast-off of Tom Cruise's...well...I don't think there's a man alive that'd blame me for having a lil' drinkipoo." Urban said in the statement.

Urban, who turns 39 on Oct. 26, has publicly acknowledged a former addiction to cocaine, crack, heroin, crystal meth, robitussen D/M cough syrup, McDonalds McShamrock shakes and "scooby snacks" but his publicist said Urban was currently being treated for alcohol abuse.

"One can never let one's guard down on recovery, and I'm afraid that I have," the statement reads. "But it's not my fault. One thing that I learned from being an addict that it's NEVER my fault. It's just NOT. I mean...just LOOK at me. I'm a successful, handsome white guy. I've got everything to lose, you think I'm gonna fuck that up? No way, jose. I mean, I could see if I was some goddamned minority, but I'm not."

A Country Weekly magazine reader poll this year named him country music's sexiest man.
His new CD, "Love, Pain, & the whole crazy thing," will be released Nov. 7 as scheduled, but he will postpone all upcoming promotional appearances.

"Don't y'all worry, though" said Urban. As soon as I learn to live with the stigma of marrying this shrew, I'll be back. Medicated as all get out, but that's to be expected. No one can live with this kind of shame sober. The one thing that keeps me up nights is that great question that NO one can answer, but we always ask:

Was Tom Cruise a homo BEFORE he married her? Or did she do this to him? I guess only time will tell."

Urban then sat back down in the wheelbarrow and was carted off behind the door marked " Drunk, Successful and Possibly Queer."

COURTNEY LOVE: "I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED ED NORTON." ED NORTON WAKES UP SCREAMING & SCREAMING

COURTNEY LOVE, BACK WHEN SHE "LOOKED" "GOOD". MINUS THE METH BREATH, THE PUSSY THAT SMELLS LIKE PEE, AND THE ENDLESS MONOLOGUE ON MUNG & HER RELATION TO

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- COURTNEY LOVE has slammed her own taste in men, vowing she should have married ex-fiance EDWARD NORTON, who was shivering in the hall closet at the time of this reading.

Love was engaged to Norton in the late 1990s during his "only dopes and really cool people do dopes" period and credits the actor with helping her deal with her depression in the wake of her late husband Kurt Cobain's "suicide" in 1994.

But the 42-year-old now deeply regrets dumping Norton for a man who was only after her money...over all of her many other attributes like, um......well, her money. She tells Britain's Sunday Times, "I'm working on my man-karma right now. I've either had the very good guys or the very bad. I should have married Edward. "I left him for a bad man who stole all my money. I left Ed Norton, who was good and wonderful, for an average bad man who was in A&R. It's upsetting."

Or perfect depending on how you, or Ed Norton, thinks about it.

A GODDAMNED JUDGE ROY BEAN SKULLGAME NEWSFUCKINGFLASH REPORT: ANNA NICOLE SMITH’S “KEEP-A-NIGGA BABY” SCHEME EXPOSED IN DODGY DNA DEBACLE; ACTRESS FORMULATES PLEA OF STUPIDITY. LEGAL EXPERTS PREDICT LANDSLIDE WIN. PLUS: HITLER, GEORGE BUSH: DISCUSS

ANNA NICOLE SMITH, VISIBLY DISTRAUGHT BY THE PROSPECT OF NOT EARNING MONEY VIA SUCCUBI SUCKING-OFFINGS, EYES A POTENTIAL TARGET AND BEGINS COUNTING HIS CALORIES FRIDAY MORNING BEFORE ENCOUNTERING TOE NUMBER TEN AND DECIDING TO LEAVE IT ALL TO THE DRUGS.

NASSAU (SkullGame) – In a not-so-well-thought-out career hop from ambulance chasing to chubby chasing, probable alcoholic Wayne Munroe, attorney for famed gold-digger and accused water buffalo ANNA NICOLE SMITH, told SkullGame reporter’s Friday afternoon that the full-time beast of burden/part-time “reality” television whore has refused to submit her newborn daughter to doctors for DNA testing as previously requested by the ex-boyfriend who is currently listed as “poor motherfucker” on six-week-old Dannielyn Hope Marshall Stern’s birth certificate.

Howard K. Stern, who claims no relations to the shock jock sensation of the same name, has been quoted as “not being totally sold” on his paternity after discovering a crayon-scrawled “business plan” while rummaging through Smith’s My Little Pony diary that supposedly read: “Phase One: Discard Underpants. Phase Two: … Phase Three: Profit.”

Smith, in an official statement delivered to SkullGame late last week, refuted the allegations by assuring the public that there was absolutely no fucking way that she ever could, or ever would, be able to read. “Not with these titties,” the “actress” said, to which all in attendance shrugged their shoulders, bobbled their heads, shut their notebooks, and started formulating mental plans to cover more easily debatable topics including, but not limited to, GEORGE MICHAEL'S heterosexuality.

But relentless Jew Stern, in a follow-up interview, told us that he “refused to be the one getting fucked out of money.”

“This is not the way this is supposed to work.”

In related news, Smith oversaw the burial of her 20 year old son Daniel Thursday morning, who died, on a post-partum visit to see Smith on Sept. 10th, from a lethal drug cocktail.

A police investigation is currently underway, though an individual close to the pussy, on condition of anonymity, told us that he believes the official cause of death to be suicide, with the motivation being “pretty fucking obvious, man.”

THE SEKA STORY

Let me guess: it involves loads &

loads of loads? And everyone lives

happily ever after? Perfect!

247262

SLANT EYED SLUTS #2

Club Platinum X

Rating: FIVE “Crackin’ Fortune Cookies” BUSTED NUTS

I hate riding the fucking bus.

7:30 in the morning, five days a week, before I even get a cup of coffee in me, I’m surrounded on the meat wagon by a literal drove of slant-eyed sluts. Straight from Chinatown, smelling like a fish tossing exposition, these zipperheads, packed in tighter than a van-full of Mexicans, immediately start in with the touching me and shit—being way too close for comfort, way too close to tolerate. Fingers in my ass, oversized red backpacks in my face, jibber-jabber in my ear—it’s more than I care to take from a bunch of dog diners. Mind you, they are all middle-aged to elderly, in fact, there is not a single resemblance beared to hot bitch panhead MIKA TAN or Chinese Fingertrap KEEANI LEI, so I’m sure this plays quite a role in my growing distaste for the morning Hop-Sing…

Cause these canardlys (as in “canardly fucking see where they are driving”) are exactly my style—young, hot, be-chested for the most part, not telling me “not read” and “this no library” and “you must pay for that” and “no trouble” when I surprise their Miso Soup flinging asses by busting up the corner pantry or trying to pull the ATM out the side of the wall of their massage parlor through sheer will of drugs. No siree, these are the mythical “take lots of cock, bring you your readin’ slippers, and rid your neighborhood of pesky domestic mammals” types of hos.

And that’s A-OK with me.

MIKA TAN CONSIDERING SELLING YOU A LEAD-PAINTED PLATE.

Within this DVD, we have 5 grade-A pieces of snizz—the type you can grab by the ankles, spin around your head, and make her whistle from betwixt her legs. MYA LUANNA, MIKA TAN, KEEANI LEI, ASHLEY MARIE (what?), ANASTASIA STARR (come again?)— these bitches give stellar performances across the board. And they say they aren’t whores until you import them?

Highly recommended. — JUDGE ROY BEAN

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/266194.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

DREAMS OF DESIRE

Historic Erotica

Rating: FIVE "Old Vs. Old-Fashioned: Discuss" BUSTED NUTS

There's a certain type of porno that's really a marvel of modern engineering as it cantilevers feelings of extreme homosexuality with a title like DREAMS OF DESIRE, against CONNIE SULLIVAN and her wonderfully non-aerobicized pontoons, on top of all the horrid and lurking thoughts connected to the fact that she probably craps her pants twice a day NOW, regardless of how hot she was back then...all working in symphony to eke another load out of your jaded nutsack.

And it does.

CALGON......TAKE ME AWWWWAAAAYYYYY....

DREAMS OF DESIRE, despite sounding like a romance novel for desperate and despairing homosexuals, or shut ins, works the whole "I'm Having a Dream" conceit while detailing the daily doings of "New York executive" as she struggles with her "fantasies". With the "help" of her "doctor."

Now while this shit may not be hot shit NOW, back then given the general impediments to its production--social, psychological, ethical--any performers you might see here are like fucking Christopher Columbus given their willingness to go where no cunt has gone before: to loadsville. With a camera rolling.

Perfect. -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/271149.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

JERK & SQUIRT

Cherry Boxxx Explicit

Rating: FIVE "Don't Call It A Comeback" BUSTED NUTS

After almost two years of doing an impression of Vivid, the only difference being Cherry Boxxx had penetration in their movies and as far as I could remember Vivid rarely did, Cherry Boxxx breaks out with their “Cherry Boxxx Explicit” line of movies. The first movie in their hard-hitting line up being, JERK & SQUIRT; while the title reads like an instructional manual on what to do when watching this movie there are certainly no instructions, maps or diagrams needed to encourage you to jerk one off to this flick. Containing all the things I want see in a movie, short of maybe the cum-swapping, this movie has a little anal, a little DP and a lot of loads in the kisser.

SELENA SILVER SHOWING A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF SURPRISE AT THAT WHICH SHOULD NOT BE SURPRISING AT ALL: HER WORK DAY, INDEED, HAS BEGUN.

Starring little new-to-the-game "PERSIA" (she really is Persian) Little Miss Don’t Call Me Iranian shows herself to be quite the fan of DP. Also starring little Teen Queen SELENA SILVER, this scene is a must see for anyone who is a fan of tiny tit having tarts getting their taints terrorized. All alliteration aside this all-anal scene is probably my favorite scene in the whole flick, with a 10-inch dick hanging out of her sphincter, you realize Selena could just as easily be sporting a McDonalds' visor and asking if “you want fries with that?”

If you want to “Jerk & Squirt” and indeed do want fries with that, this movie is a must buy. And don’t call her Iranian; she’s Persian! -- ITALIAN SAL PACINO

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/270537.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

SEMEN SIPPERS #4

Red Light District

Rating: FOUR "Dainty" BUSTED NUTS

Set the doilies and pass the crumpets is the fucking order of the day in MIKE JOHN’s SEMEN SIPPERS 4. These chicks don’t guzzle. You see, that would be unladylike.

No, these are high class hos. All refined-like. So when they sword swallow man sausage after its been in the derriere of their female tea partygoers, it's with the utmost of panache and style. Reference the scene with the trifecta of ebony glory that is SIMONE WEST, PINK and MARIE LUV for proof.

SAY HELLO TO SIMONE & GO WEST YOUNG LOAD!

We’re seeing some excellent product tie in here, too. Yet another reason for Red Light District to offer us an exclusive contract. Imagine this: KARINA KAY in front of a Mini Cooper. One with a racing stripe to match hers, natch.

They’re both doing what? Sipping. Not guzzling.

All we can see are dollar signs. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/269856.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

BLACK MEAT WHITE TREAT

Elegant Angel

Rating: TWO "Same Ol' Same Ol'" BUSTED NUTS

OK.

I figured it out.

THIS flick is made for first timers.

You know the kind...the kind that JUST NOW discovers the joy of porn. So this motherfucker is flicking thru the titles...and it hits him: People of different races can have sex!!!

TOGETHER!

KAMI ANDREWS ABOUT TO DELIVER HER "I HAVE A DREAM" SPEECH. ONE LOAD AT A TIME.

THAT is the only reason I see to make this flick. It's been done so many times before...and better...so much better. To showcase the "filmmaker's" skill, here's a sample of the dialogue (and this is the shit they left IN)

"I love it when you sweat on me, dripping as you fuck my fucking ass."

Sublime, no?

KAMI ANDREWS says this is from HER experiences...and if so...Jesus god she's a dull cunt, indeed. Only JASMINE BYRNE looks like she's enjoying this at all...which does indeed show her mastery of the stage and screen.

Here's my idea for improvement...Interracial's great...yeah fun...blah blah blah. It's always black on white, or white on black, or asian on black and white. WHERE are the fucking Eskimos? Or better yet, Eskimo's fucking Native Americans.

Wait...what about Indians doing Chinese? Goddamn it lads...THIS is the future of interracial fuckflicks. And possibly an idea for a weekend in the city.

Drop Vinnie a line if you're interested in funding this sure-fire venture. -- BUTCHER BOB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/253176.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

WHEN U TURN 17, I WILL BE 32: I'M NOT TOO OLD FOR YOU?

YO VINNIE,
I banged this broad the other night. In post-fuck time she let slip some comment that reveals to me in no uncertain terms that I am at the very least TWICE as old as she is. And now I am slightly creeped out. Should I be bothered by the fact that she was being born when I was boning women who could be her mom? -- DAVE DIETRICH (by email)

"MOM? DAD? THIS IS FONTAINE. MY FRIEND"

Dear JERRY LEE LEWIS: Should you be bothered because you was boning women who could be her Mom when she was born? Well, if it WAS her Mom that you were boning [Note to our Southern readers: the following advice does not apply to youse], then, yes, maybe then you should be a skosh worried. But since it seems as though this ain't the case I say 'look, if you're looking for an excuse to NOT fuck a woman who might actually want to fuck more than once a night. In a position other than missionary. With the TV off. Maybe you should stick to broads your own age.'

For the rest of us, we're not only going to fuck women who we are twice as old as, providing that all youse reading this are at least 36 [Again: Southern readers please ignore], we're going to suggest that you do the same. Why? Well, while young broads, first of all, can't fuck for shit...wrestling them into this position or that is more workout than guys like us that work out already need...but they enter the spirit of fuck with the kind of brio that will cause you to have a goddamned cardiac.

What more magic is needed to get you to gush up 4 shakes in a row?

THIS kind of magic: carry on.

Fag.

7-11 SLURPEE SUCKSTRESS SUPREME SAHARA KNITE!!!

She Sucks! She Slurps! She Jerks! She Burps!

"HEY! BIRDIE NUM NUM!"

Since there's nothing we like better than a good ol' fashioned "fuck you-no-fuck-you" kind of donnybrook you can imagine our delight when we get the following email from a man only known to us as "JOE A."

Hiya Vinnie

To start with SAHARA and I are at very bad legal loggerheards, so it ain't her and me...It's me who laughed my head off. She won't be too happy if she ever see's your comments. What you wrote is exactly how I saw/see her performances. Check out her other films and you'll see for yourself... The best one is Burritho's where she's meant to be a Latina and all she can say is "Si Si Oh Si." In all the other films it's the same...Fuck my ass... Stretch my ass... Fuck my English cunt... If she had a larger vocabulary it would be ok, as she does a good scene till she talks. I've thought this since I got her, her first job presenting on a softcore UK adult satellite channel back in 2004.

Check this page out for the full story up to Jan 2006. http://www.lukeisback.com/stars/stars/sahara_knite.htm This starts with the true Sahara Knite story, which she changed when she went to LA, excluding all knowledge of my existance. Luke posted it as she pissed him off just a little, but he had to give her space as well. It all ends with my comments..... LOL.

If you guys sign up as affiliates to any model sites, why not sign up at www.saharagetsdirty.com and I'll pay you 60% instead of the regular 50% as a thanks for the best laugh I've had in ages.

Thanks again,
Joe A

No we couldn't be fucking bothered to read alla what Joe said and all of what some self-important suckstress might have said about anything other than our loads and how they might be massively and quickly relieved, since what we DO care about is generating the kind of discomfort that punishes the world for hating us, and our loads, as aggressively as it sometimes seems to.

In other words, we don't care who is right and wrong in this little imbroglio, just as long as they're all fucking fighting and someone takes it in the ass when the fighting is over.

This is our dream. This is our nightmare.

And it's here in technicolor: mannish girl mumbling man meat to the sitar strains of meaty man mumbleage. Fuck my ass. and Stretch my ass.

Well, thank you missy. Don't mind if we do.

And how about a Big Gulp when I finish off here?

Purrrrfffeeecctttt.

AW, FUCK YOU MOM. NO, I MEAN REALLY

Welcome to EXPLOITED MOMS!

MORE PARKS SAUSAGES MOM....PLEASE!!!!!

The allure has been insidious. The temptations persistent. Like some weird kind of motherfucking freakin' drug. Emphasis on motherfucking.

What the hell are we talking about?

EXPLOITED MOMS. Sure they advertise with us but that's not even the point. The point is our unhealthy obsession with seeing the sex-abandoned brigades of forgotten 40 year olds fucking like there's no tomorrow which, considering the advanced age of some of these bitches, might just be the case.

Maybe it goes back to high school and sitting there wondering what Mrs. Mutnick would look like with a mouthful of cock.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that a 19-year-old sucks cock like a 19-year-old sucks cock. (Hint: inexpertly).

Or maybe it just has to do with the fact that these broads are FUCKING HAPPY TO BE GETTING FUCKED.

I don't know.

But I think I must go back to their page and um, check again. Just to see if maybe I could get anymore, like, insight into the whole issue.

NEGROES ARE SO AMUSING

A Nigerian murder suspect accused of killing his brother with an axe told police investigators he actually attacked a goat, which was only later magically transformed into his sibling's corpse, officials said. The man, whose name wasn't released, offered police his explanation after his arrest in the death of his brother the previous day at Isseluku village in southern Nigeria. "He said that the goats were on his farm and he tried to chase them away. When one wouldn't move, he attacked it with an axe. He said it then turned into his brother," Police Commissioner Udom Ekpoudom said. Murder suspects in Nigeria, where many people believe in black magic, sometimes claim spirits tricked them into killing. In 2001, eight people were burned to death after one person in their group was accused of making a bystander's penis magically disappear.

GANG-A-BANG-BANG-BANG...

YO VINNIE,
My fetish? Gang bangs. But this is not so easy a fetish to explore because first of all you need a GANG. So what do you do? Ask people at work? Yeah, yeah, I've seen the ads on Craigslist, but after responding to what seems like hundreds ad and in full knowledge of the fact that there are like 1000 men on there for every game women, I'm close to giving up. Suggestions? Could you run an ad in SkullGame? Do you take ads? Please let me know at your earlier convenience. -- KEVIN MARTINS (by email)

FROM OUR FRIENDS AT SAUNA CLUB: GOOD CLEAN TOO-MUCH-DUDE FUN

Dear DR. MARTINS: Have we slipped into an alterna-reality where day is night, black is white, and someone (anyone) somewhere really expects anybody at SkullGame to lift a fucking finger to help anyone but themselves. Perhaps it was the title that threw you: ASK VINNIE. Perhaps it was the lack of the explanatory subhead that said some shit like: ... FOR AN EXTRA HEAPING HELPING OF ABUSE, CALUMNY and SLANDER. In any case you luck out here because while we're not huge fans of GANG BANGS, per se -- a roomful of man sac is one ho away from being a roomful of GAY man sac -- we are fans of GROUP scenarios and so to your question? Your trembling, wet-lipped Mr. Peepersesque entreaty for life on the wild side.

The web you ass, the web. Go to YAHOO groups. Ingratiate yourself to some people there, hope that they're not ex-cons, and have a balls. Actually a roomful of balls. Go ahead, knock yourself. Send pictures (only if they actually include a woman in said photo). Good luck.

THE RUSSIANS ARE CUMMING

Which makes us? In all likelihood?

You got it: Russians, too!

269019

ASS GOOD ASS IT GETS

Seymore Butts’ Home Movies

Rating: FOUR “genius in simplicity” BUSTED NUTS

Seymore Butts’ movies have always worked in their being good-natured sexual escapades — the more rooms you’ve got in your house, the better the chances you’ll come upon some people having ass sex... but only if you’ve got your handi-cam turned on.

AARALYN BARRA, CAUGHT IN THE ACT

Problem was, all the diarrhea, both verbal or otherwise, involving the man Butts yaking away on the phone, while the camera was left focusing on the right mouse button, or Butts grunting on the toilet while we got a nice view of the bog roll.

As porn? Pass.

ASS GOOD ASS IT GETS gets it right. Butts walks around his compound — get this, just for the sake of it — finds people fucking, and films them. Sweet.

What makes the video really good are two things: 1) it’s two girls to every guy, 2) they don’t try to get too cute with the camera work. Take scene one: HERSHEL SAVAGE isn’t a particularly attractive sight, but he can keep his dick hard. Perfect. Keep him on his back, maximizing the amount of his person obstructed by the two chicks that take turns riding him like fucking cowgirls on a mission.

Take the above scenario, and repeat three times, throwing in various twists to the equation, like one of those kinly fuck swings. We passed on the trhee-way lesbo dildo-fest, but the rest of the movie is a good time. Yay. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/269051.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

SQUIRT IN MY GAPE

Elegant Angel

Rating: FIVE 666 “gushing glory” BUSTED NUTS

This could be the greatest porn ever.

KISS THE UPHOLSTERY GOODBYE

No, seriously. You have to get this. How great is it? So great that we’ll keep it short and to the point, saving you time between reading this review and jerking off to this movie.

SQUIRT IN MY GAPE unites some of the best aspects of porn at its best, namely two girls getting fucked by one guy, anal sex, female ejaculation, and female ejaculation during anal sex by a guy who’s fucking two girls.

They say the body is 98 percent water. The girls in this video must be digging deep into every molecule of their being to muster the kind of inhuman ejaculation that takes place nearly constantly throughout these super intense scenes. No jibber-jabber bullshit chit-chat lameness. Just this video’s godly premise: female squirt flying everywhere, in every female hole, all the time, streams of gush running down thighs and over chins, all the while some lucky fuck has got a bird’s eye view.

Highlights? We got your fucking highlights. SIERRA SINN’s endless eruptions going toe-to-toe with FLOWER TUCCI’s own ejaculations as the latter is ass fucked, all the while having one end of a double-headed dildo in her cunt while shoving the other end in Sinn’s ass. KAT getting butt-plowed while visible fecal matter stains make a mockery of the once-carefully arranged towels and indeed of any promise made to the owner of said couch that said furniture would ever be useful again.

Lowlights? Ok, we’re coming as clean as the upholstery in this movie isn’t: not all the girls gush, and it has to be said, BISEXUAL BRITNEY looks like Brandon Iron as a woman, but nothing will stand in the way of this being fuck flick of the year. Buy or cry. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/268965.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

ME LUV U LONG TIME 9

Red Light District

Rating: FOUR “up the fortune cracker” BUSTED NUTS

We haven’t figured out why, but it seems that there’s a definite disproportionate amount of Asian women in Western porn. And of those, a disproportionate amount that do anal.

WITH THIS LOAD ALONE, I'VE OUTDONE ALL MY STUPID COLLEGE FRIENDS! -- THE EVELYN LIN MASTERPLAN.

Is it because of their wee bungies? Is it because of all the bewilderment between the letters “r” and “l”? Is it the lifetime of sitting on the floor? Or is it that, as far as fucking goes, Asian women are generally weak sauce?

So when you find a largely unassuming Oriental honey that goes the all-hole-partying way, it’s minor cause for celebration. So when a video has THREE of them, well, then it’s reason to break out the good stuff.

Ok, so only one of these bitches is what you could call “unassuming.” EVELYN LIN is purportedly on spring break, and instead of partying it up on the beach like most of her less entrepreneurial peers, she’s paving the way to her future as a person who gets paid for having anal sex on camera. The unintentionally funniest moment on the video – and, perhaps, most any video – is when human pocket Viagra pillbox man John Strong walks into view and the top of his head goes up as far as the girl’s breasts.

Speaking of remuneration, SIERRA LIN (no relation to Evelyn) is offering people $1,000 if they can find an Asian chick with an ass like hers. Don’t bother looking. Don’t bother looking at anything else about her, either, because God concentrated all his kindness in that one area. But an Asian fuckfest sideshow it is, and it’s rare divine justice that she is an anal queen.

And there’s still one more diamond in the rough, MOLLY HENDERSON. Ok, so this precious commodity is only half Asian, but she likes it rough, so that should balance it out. Her rack is unbelievable. We just wish we could get our hands around the neck of the tattoo artist who allowed the girl to go ahead and have “Moses” indelibly inked on her right boob.

Henderson’s other half? Czech. She’s inherited some of that Euro gangbusters fuck fu. Is it her ruse that she nearly chokes out on John Strong’s load, only to dig deep into the well of maniacal depravity and lick every last drop of the jizz off the floor, or did the devil himself will it? For sure, the only weak sauce in this scene is director Jake Malone, who practically apologizes to Henderson because of the ordeal. Pretty great movie. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/270768.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

NYMPHO 2

Ninn Worx

Rating: THREE “I’m too sexy for my girls” BUSTED NUTS
Antonio Adamo, you are not alone.

For every time we endured the faux-art fag dorkfest of any of Adamo’s productions for Private Video, for every time we watched and wondered who, WHO could possibly think any of the insufferable posing or homosexual airs were in any way a good idea, or even remotely amusing… we have CHRIS CROSS as the emphatic answer.

JESSICAS JAMMER AND SIMPSON'S AUDITIONS BOTH END THE SAME WAY.

Cross’ own excruciating parade all over the first installment of this series was nearly as unbearable as the constant supply of upper lip sweat from his pasty, bloated face. The man is of the unfortunate school of thought that he – or indeed, any man – by trying to take as much of the camera’s eye, and by trying to out-sex the poor women in the video who are just trying to earn a living, could possibly out-tease or arouse any audience made up of men who find sex with women exclusively appealing.

At least it’s good for a revolted laugh. Just one, though. Maybe. At least the guy kept his clothes on.

Oh, yeah, we almost forgot. There’s also pornography on these videos. It’s most probable that HILLARY SCOTT is up for anything involving her taking cock up her ass, even if one of those turgid members is in fact Cross’ own. Gah. But that’s dedication for you.

JESSICA JAMMER is the main attraction. She’s kind of like Jessica Simpson, but with no boobs and a cock up her ass. So it balances out. Now, if we can only make up for all the sweaty-lipped sashaying. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/262349.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

A TOUGH FUCKING SKULLGAME WEEKEND WHAT WITH IT BEING 9/11 & ALL AND TOM CRUISE GAYING IT UP AGAIN, JENNA BUSH'S BUSH, PARIS HILTON SUCKING IT DOWN, DONOVAN MCNABB & TERRELL OWENS IN FITFUL FAG FUROR AMIDST THE OPENING OF THE NATIONAL FAGGOT LEAGUE

And while we KNOW you think this shit is total bullshit it may just happen that we tell you the truth because we know you'll never believe it anyway. For example:

SEARCHING FOR MEN WHO LIKE LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH, MOVIES, CHINESE FOOD & DOUBLE TEAMING CHICKS LIKE ME IMMEDIATELY BEFORE FLEEING MY CRAPPY, CAT-STREWN ABODE FOR A BAR WHERE THERE'S ENOUGH ALCOHOL TO DROWN OUT THE MEMORY OF THE SAME

Yes. That's right. And that accounts for ITALIAN SAL and CORNHOLIO.

But what of RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES, JR. and his studied examination of THE SHART?

GREAT. JUST FUCKING GREAT. AND BOUND TO GET MORE SO

But we'll let him tell it: "AH! Spring is in the air! Spring is a time when a young man's fancy turn's to thoughts of fucking a lot of different broads in a lot of different positions! These are exactly the thoughts that have been pervading our young hero's thought's of late.

I garuntee that you punkypaks would not have fared as well as your's truly! I walked into the bar like I owned the motherfucker, made a beeline for the men's room, cleaned my ass up, and ended up procuring a fine specimen for "extracurricular activities". Good day."

You see who the fuck would make this shit up? WHO?!?! WHOOOOO!?!?!?!

Not us. Which is why you have our SkullGame guarantee of authenticity: all of our lies are 100 % true.

JENNA BUSH SNATCHES VICTORY FROM THE JAWS OF SNATCH VIA? HER BUSH, NATCH!

HI. MY NAME IS JENNA BUSH. AND WHENEVER I'M AT A PUBLIC BEACH...

FLORIDA (SkullGame) -- Because of the high-profile arrests of President Bush's 19-year-old daughter for underage drinking offenses, suddenly the debate about lowering the legal drinking age is back in the national spotlight, with a nation of Democrats and Republicans alike unanimous in their support of it and it's unexpected and apparently most significant consequence: seeing more of First Daughter bush.

JUST MAXING & RELAXING WITH A COOL 40...

JENNA BUSH's two arrests in less than a month for consuming alcohol and trying to purchase alcohol with a fake ID, has placed the drinking age debate in the national media, with the old argument that if an 18-year-old is old enough to vote, sign contracts, join the armed forces, and get married, he or she should be old enough to drink a beer, do the Butt Dance or any old thing they want.

"It's one of the stupidest laws in America," Justin Schmid, 21, a student at Southern Methodist University in Dallas told SkullGame. "You can be drafted by your country, go to war — yet you can't have a beer. You can be tried as an adult — yet you can't have a beer while checking out some Presidential quality poontang."

But is it that stupid?

...I LIKE TO LET MY PUSSY....BREATTTTHHHEEEE...

Absolutely fucking not.

CLUBHOUSE CANCER TERRELL OWENS LOVER'S SPAT WITH DONOVAN McNABB BOILS OVER

"C'MON MAC...DON'T BE MAAAADDD..."

PHILADELPHIA (SkullGame) -- When the Eagles reported to their minicamp last week, quarterback DONOVAN McNABB finally responded to receiver TERRELL OWENS' withering homo-criticism of him earlier this month. Owens, who is holding out because he wants a new contract, and has taken some public slaps at McNabb - specifically regarding the quarterback's performance near the end of the Eagles' Super Bowl loss to the Patriots.

"I wasn't the guy who got tired in the Super Bowl,'' Owens told ESPN.com. "I wasn't the guy who had a masseur named Rod in his room until 4:30 in the morning even if he told me he was tired. I wasn't the guy who wants to conceal our love from all and sundry. I played every snap they allowed me to play. Even though I was dying inside. From a love that no one can ever know about.''

"I wasn't tired (but) I'm not going to sit here and try to have a war of words concerning male friends in motel rooms in the early morning hours,'' McNabb said Friday. "I'm a man at what I do. I man at everything I do and I don't have to play games in the media. If there's a problem with anyone, and they feel they need to lash out, they know how to get in touch with me. We can handle it like men.''

McNabb hasn't talked with the furious homosexual Owens since the receiver's comments, instead choosing to gaily sulk in anticipation of his erstwhile lover's return.

And for those for whom this matters: neither men are married. Just like JEFF GARCIA, RIP TAYLOR, ROCK HUDSON (who is, in fact, dead) and MICHAEL JACKSON.

LOVESTRUCK CRUISE TALKS ABOUT HIS FINE ROMANTIC ATTEMPT AT MISLEADING US FROM HIS SAUSAGE SEEKING WAYS

A SECRET AWARD FOR A SECRET SAUSAGE

ROME (SkullGame) -- TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE has "broken" his brief "silence" about his new "romance" with KATIE "ALL THOSE OTHER BITCHES JUST DIDN'T UNNERSTAN HIM" HOLMES. John Kelley, who works for "Extra," asked Cruise to tell him all about his new girlfriend, to which the beaming star said, "I'm not fucking, GAY, already, OK?!?!!?"

Cruise went on to tell the probing Kelley that he plans to "hang" with Holmes in Rome for a few days because the actress had never been to the Italian city. He stated, "It couldn't be any more romantic...well, I mean, unless, well you know she had invited JOSH BARNETT or something. I mean that's just an EXAMPLE. I mean he's just a fun guy and all but, HEY!!! I'M NOT FUCKING, GAY, OK?!?!"

Sure. Sure.

PARIS HILTON WILL HAVE TO WAIT ON ACCOUNT OF THE VIKS JUST HAVING KICKED IN. IN ANY CASE YOU KNOW IT HAD TO DO WITH HER MOUTH. AND COCK.

SEE?!!?

ANOTHER BROAD WE BANGED: IN THE NEWS!!!

The police chief, the mayor and a councilman in this small town resigned Friday amid an uproar over nude photos of the chief's 300-pound, tattooed wife that she posted on a Web site. Dozens of residents of the town of 1,500 had demanded Police Chief Tod Ozmun resign, and the district attorney recommended an obscenity investigation, but the City Council decided last week that the pictures were protected by the First Amendment. On Friday, Ozmun, Mayor Dale Moore and Councilman Clifford Barnard said they were stepping down because they were fed up with the public attention and criticism of the chief. Another council member resigned earlier over the council's support of Ozmun. "This has turned into a media circus," Ozmun said. "A big, fat, fucking, rolls of fat-like media circus."

REPEAT: ALWAYS THE SLUT!

Yo Vinnie,
I'm at the casino and pull two chicks. The second one knows I've got the first one lined up, done deal. So she suggests a threesome. Fucking jackpot! But the first one's not down for that. And the second chick's way hotter. But I figure, shit, the second chick's all slut, I'll get her number and bang her another time. First chick's so-so, might as well bang her now, call it another nut and say goodnight. So I do that. But that first chick was just awful in bed. And I KNOW the second woulda fucked like fucking was all she was born for. So in hindsight, I made the wrong decision. But was it the right decision at the time?!--PO'd (by email)

THE SOON-TO-BE TWO-TIME LOSER RIGHT ABOUT TO START

Dear Let This Be A Fucking Lesson To You: You know where the fuck I stopped reading your letter? Right where you say "the second chick's way hotter." And if I understood that correctly you meant "way hotter" as in SKULLGAME hot. Meaning she was to the life born. Especially if that goddamned life has everything to do with stuffing in as much fucking as any one life would hold. Now it just may happened that maybe the first broad had her vibe queered by this open challenge and invitation to lesbianism. Maybe that skewed whatever extant skills she had. I fucking doubt it though. Moreover to make your denigration totally complete I anticipate that when you call the hotter second one, she will refuse your call, possibly correctly pegging you as someone who has not a functioning understanding of the difference between a sewer hole and his own asshole. Note for the future: ALWAYS GO FOR THE FREAK.

SEX ANGELS 2

Private

Rating: TWO “budget cuts” BUSTED NUTS

Private’s SEX ANGELS 2 is a tragedy.

All the hot Euro babes are in place. So it’s not that. And they all get assfucked, so it’s not that, either.

MIA DIAMOND'S BODY IS AS HARD AS HER NAMESAKE, BUT THE PREMISE IS AS SOFT AS OUR DICKS THROUGH MOST OF THIS MOVIE.

It’s that this movie is a really plain, banal, uninterested porn flick with a high-price wrapping. It seems in this instance that the premise and the packaging is of higher importance than the actual reason anyone would buy a fuck vid.

Private is guilty of this more often than not. Sex Angels is a super lame rip-off of Charlie’s Angels, obviously. So the only rationale for validating this plot vehicle is that the situational lead-ups to the fucking would somehow render the fucking more interesting.

Except it doesn’t. Sometimes there is no lead up; only lead-out. Other times, the lead up has little to nothing to do with a spy network of three hot bitches and some moron on speaker phone. So we asks ya, could we do without the sitting around and the jibber-jabber, all of which is uber lamely dubbed over in English, and get some more footage of hot bitches getting it on? With all the money saved on worthless special effects, a rip-off soundtrack, and paying the voice doubles, we could have had more bitches.

So, to sum up:

Bitches getting fucked: yes.

Bitches sitting around talking about getting fucked in contrived situations with horribly plastic voice doubles: no. –- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW anyway!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/269466new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

DOMINA X'S EBONY XXX #2

Ebony? Isn't that a magazine?

Funny. We don't remember it

featuring this much fine, fine

BLACK ass. Oooo...now we get it

251261

DOMINA X'S EBONY XXX #2

Ebony? Isn't that a magazine?

Funny. We don't remember it

featuring this much fine, fine

BLACK ass. Oooo...now we get it

251261

GREAT BIG ASSES 2

Venom Digital Media

Rating: THREE AND A HALF “I challenge you to a duel” BUSTED NUTS

“TIFFANY MYNX, the greatest ass of the 90's (sic), is back to defend her title against... NAOMI for the greatest ass of the 21st century!”

Such is the premise of this anal fucking video.

TIFFANY MYNX, WAXING SLOTHLIKE

Of course, having two people compete for supremacy, while not actually competing against each other doesn’t totally prove anything. It’s like a baseball pitcher’s duel. In this case, it’d probably be more like a catcher’s duel, come to think of it.

And these hos can fucking play their position(s), if you catch our drift. They can catch the hardest and fattest pitches thrown at them.

But, who wins?

It’d have to be NAOMI. Hands down. She’s tighter. She’s got no lame tattoos. Although Mynx is good looking, and she’s got good streaks in her hair, she looks like a sloth possessed when taking the pipe. Game over!

Here’s the rest of the box score: SOPHIE DEE went 2 for 3 with a DP, KELLY BROOX came a double short of hitting for the cycle, and KYIELE HAZE was a late scratch from the lineup with a pulled hamstring. – STEELY ROB

But it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/267770new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

DOUBLE DIPPED CHOCOLATE HONIES

The Candy Shop

Rating: THREE “you sure this dip's got chocolate in it?” BUSTED NUTS

Unlike Achilles’ being dipped by his mom into the river Styx to be invincible, the would-be Chocolate Honies in this movie have not only NOT been dipped in darkness twice, we’re wondering if they even got dunked at all.

JAZMINE CASHMERE REASSURES US, "IT'S OK, I'M BLACK ON THE INSIDE."

Case in point: MS. GODDESS and SABARA. Black women these are not. This reminds me of a guy who went to college with me. He was black, but dug white girls, and all his black female acquaintances chided him for it. The girls in this movie would have been his loophole, if only they had been around the dorm.

I wonder if that guy Justin would have been down with double teaming any of these broads. I know I would have been down with a little mixing for race-relations’ sake. But that’s what it really comes down to: black, white, or Chinee, we’re all brown on the inside; the specific inside that this movie has dudes put their cocks, and that’s all that matters in the end. –- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/269691.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

QUICK. THINK FAST. TURKISH STYLE.

Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey. So he told security it was a bomb, officials said. Madin Azad Amin, 29, of Skokie, was stopped Aug. 16 at O'Hare International Airport after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said. When officers asked him to identify it, Amin said it was a bomb, said Cook County Assistant State's Attorney Lorraine Scaduto. He later told officials he'd lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn't want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said. He's been charged with felony disorderly conduct, said Andrew Conklin, a spokesman with the Cook County state's attorney's office.

MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE, SHOOT A FUCKING FINK ATTORNEY WHOSE SOMEHOW INVOLVED WITH JACK ABRAMOFF IN THE FACE: DICK CHENEY REVEALED! PLUS: NIGGER-HATING PARIS HILTON, PAM ANDERSON "EXHAUSTED" & TOM & KATIE "NOT SEPARATED" LIKE HE'S "NOT GAY."

NEWSFLASH: HARRY WHITTINGTON WASN'T "THAT GOOD OF A LAWYER ANYWAYS," SAYS CHENEY'S OFFICE.

"IT'S A FUCKING FLESH WOUND, YOU PANSIES!!! JUST A LITTLE FLESH WOUND. A FLESH WOUND ALL OVER HIS FACE THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LIBBY ROLLING OVER ON ME OR JACK ABRAMOFF BEFRIENDING MOHAMMED ATTA. NOOOOOOTHING AT ALL," SAYS NOW-SOBER VEEP.

PAMELA ANDERSON IS EXHAUSTED FROM. UM. WELL, FROM, UM. HAULING THOSE FUCKING UBANGIS AROUND? JESUS. WE GIVE UP.

WORK WORK WORK!!!

MELBOURNE (SkullGame) -- "Actress" PAMELA ANDERSON has abruptly cancelled her scheduled promotional duties for M&Ms candy in Australia due to the exhaustion associated with talking about little chocolate candies for more than two minutes. At a time. And heroin.

The "38"-year-old actress/model arrived late on Monday and was "shocked" when she encountered media camped out in front of her Sydney hotel. Anderson appeared to be "suffering" from severe jet lag, M&M-itis, and heroin and declared, "I need a drink and some pills. I am a little sick of myself, but other than that I am fine." We couldn't have said it better.

She attempted to field questions during a media event Tuesday morning, saying, "When they called me in L.A. and said, 'Would you like to come to Australia for the day?' I said, 'Sure, it can't be that hard.' Meanwhile, 15 interviews later ... I have noted that never in my life have I tasted the pleasures of Negro penis."

After less than two minutes with a now-shocked press, she abruptly called off all media commitments and hopped on a private jet to Melbourne for a party. A party for exhausted tit queens, apparently.
Anderson reportedly pocketed more than $74,000 for the two-day promotional trip. Translated in terms of trips to JOSE's house that's 74, to be exact.

According to publicity director Jillian Bowen, Anderson could not carry on, as she was "literally suffering from exhaustion. Or something.

"NOTHING GAY TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG....MOVE ALONG." CRAZY TOM & CRAZY KATIE DENY CRAZY RUMORS REGARDING CRAZY BEHAVIORS. AND GAYNESS. AND SHIT.

"SEE?!?! SEE?!?! NOW HOW GAY IS THAT?!?!?"

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (SkullGame) -- A goddamned lie. That's what TOM CRUISE & KATIE HOLMES said Tuesday about a Valentine's Day report on the Life & Style magazine Web site, which claimed Cruise and Holmes had split up and called off their wedding on account of no sex that involves face-to-face contact, the use of a proper name for her as anything other than "Bob," and/or the continual presence of many "personal" "trainers" at their house.

"It should be known that the story is 100 percent false," Arnold Robinson, a publicist for the couple, said in a statement, interrupting his counting of huge stacks of money. "Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes are still engaged and are, um, moving forward with their wedding plans, as well as planning for the arrival of their child. Yeah."

The Feb. 27 issue, which will be on news stands Friday, said the public pair "plan to keep up the charade of their romance until after their baby's birth this spring." Holmes, 27, and Cruise, 43, have been engaged since June. They announced their pregnancy in October. "Despite the malicious fellatios, I mean, fallacies put forth by Life & Style magazine, the couple is looking forward to a long and happy life together as a family," Robinson said.

A representative for the magazine said, while making the universal fist-jerking-a-cock sign, the story was accurate: "We stand 100 percent behind our story."

"WELL ISN'T A NIGGER SOMEONE FROM NIGER? I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S WHERE THAT BLACK BASTARD'S FROM," SAYS A PARIS HILTON BETWIXT SUCKS ON AVAILABLE SAUSAGES.

"I SAID, 'MMMGGHHHPPH....DARKIE!!!"

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- PARIS HILTON's Grammy night party plans were scuppered last week after a restraining order prohibited the socialite entering certain venues, promoter Brian Quintana claims.

The hotel heiress was banned from being 100 yards from events planner Quintana just hours earlier on February 7, after a Los Angeles court agreed she was harassing him with cries of darkie, nigra, negro, nigger, smack dab, crunchy, mudman and on occasion, sword wielder and threatening phone calls that decried him as a darkie, nigra, negro, nigger, smack dab, crunchy, mudman and on occasion, sword wielder.

Quintana admits he enjoyed infuriating Hilton by moving between after-parties to force her elsewhere. He tells the New York Post, "Paris' posse was calling around to see which parties were jumping, but everywhere they called, I was there ahead of her."

Hilton's representative denies the reports, insisting, "Wherever she did or didn't go, it didn't have anything to do with that order. Or the fact that she's an unregenerate sausage seeker."

Quintana, who allegedly introduced Hilton to her current boyfriend Stavros Niarchos, claimed to be the victim of a smear campaign. He told Los Angeles Superior Court Hilton was paranoid he was trying to persuade pal Niarchos to ditch her in favor of Niarchos' former girlfriend MARY-KATE OLSEN.

ASS CREAM PIES 9

Anabolic

Rating: THREE AND A HALF “little green anal people” BUSTED NUTS

Will the real SATIVA ROSE please stand up?

IS THIS THE REAL SATIVA ROSE, OR HER ALIEN ABDUCTED COUNTERPART? YOU'LL NEED TOMMY LEE JONES TO TELL.

For years, the stupendously-racked Latina blazed a trail through nature documentaries featuring both men and women with no clothes on. But she did it with a one-hole handicap.

Now, suddenly, you can’t keep her out of anally-themed fuck flicks. Even in ones without an anal premise, she’s taking it up the ass. Even her new driver’s license has got a shot of her getting ass fucked. It’s so prolific, it’s eerie.

The most plausible reason for this metamorphosis is her agent. He needed help to pay for a new car, so he got Rose to realize that, unlike the Mexican old wives’ tales she’d heard since she was a kid, her po-po hole wouldn’t stick that way after sex. Well, as long as the wind didn’t blow, anyway.

But we’re not believing that. Not fooled for a SECOND. The answer is obvious. Aliens. Aliens have taken over Sativa Rose’s body and are causing her to get assfucked like she’s trying to make up for all the anal abstinence. Someone get a hold of Agent Scully. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

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THE BEST OF VCX CLASSICS #2

Bambi Woods? And loads? On the

face? And Seka too? Is this heaven?

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