skull_weblog

blackhole_38

AND CORNHOLIO CRIES BIG, BIG TEARS
OF HUNGRY LONGING

AUSTIN from FLESH HUNTER 3

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=80235

WHA?!? AND YOUR ANUS HURT TOO? NOOOO...

A 48-year-old man woke up Sunday morning unable to remember how he got into bed, what happened the night before or where his pants went. Eugenio Pagan, of West Park Avenue, called police at 2 p.m. Sunday to report that someone stole his wallet with $3,500 in it, according to a police report. The wallet was in his pants, which were taken off his body. He said he was drinking the night before on his front porch with four friends. The next thing he knew, he woke up in bed in his underwear, according to the report. His bedroom door and front door were locked. Pagan's keys and cell phone were also gone. He called two of his friends, who said it was his cousin who put him to bed.
Pagan said his cousin is a former drug user, so he wouldn't be surprised if he took his pants.

2 BONINGS AND A FUNERAL

Yo Vinnie,
Some acquaintances of mine recently double teamed a 26-year-old they described as a hot bitch. They also double teamed a fat, hairy, smelly 52-year old they described as worse than a pig. What were their motives? I mean, do you think they shoulda just banged the first chick twice instead? And with this much friendly double teaming going on, how long before they leave out the chick altogether? -- A Concerned Man Who Is Prone To Being Duped By Women With Penises (by email)

IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS. ACTUALLY, YES, YES IT DOES.

Dear DAVE DIETRICH: Well it sounds like your acquaintances are clearly pulling plays from the Pro Player's handbook where the goal is always to fuck more, harder, faster and with no regard to pesky taste issues, just to prove what tough sonuvabitches, what total fucking hardcases they are. I mean it's the same handbook that says at the end of the day it's not how you've played the game, but what the fucking scoreboard says. And disgusting pussy is fundamentally still pussy.

So if you're of the mind that there exists some magical special pussy out there with your name on it, and that the chick on TOP of that mythical pussy is, say, better, because she's like 19, and NOT smelly, crippled or grossly overweight, well my poor deluded friend, you are absolutely fucking....um, well...I guess that would make you totally goddamned right. What the hell were those lunatics thinking?

LOAD OR BUSTY BUST!!!

An Adventure? With A Knobtonic Theme?!?!? Sign Us UP!!!

SAY HELLO TO "CLAIRE". "CLAIRE" HAS HUGE KNOBS. UPON WHICH HUNDREDS WILL DELIVER LOADS. YUP. SOMETIMES THINGS JUST ALL WORK OUT THE WAY THEY SHOULD.

Swear to God it was a fucking trick question. At 44 Double goddamned D it had to be a trick question and I was at least feeling like I was trapped by the trick question while she sat up over me and fingered her bra, taking out one of her 8 pound wonders, first, before switching to the other which came flowing out like root beer. Or better yet: lava. All of that goddamned sex spread across her chest and her clearly waiting for an answer to a question which I didn't know if I should answer, if I could answer, if I even wanted to answer:

"Are you a breast man?"

I mean it broke down like this: admit to a weakness or like a Bush administration member, deny, deny, deny?!?! I mean if I ADMIT to an inordinate affection for big, giant, juicy tay-tays then I've admitted to the possibility that I'd let her get away with murder JUST to keep them hugga-mugs around. But if I deny, much like a Bush cabinet member, I eventually get fucked (not the good way) because she figures "why force him to enjoy that which he is lukewarm about?"

And I?

Pulling my unit from the tightening folds of my trousers and jamming those jugs together before oh-so-gently placing first my luge and then my load between them I said very simply.

"Yes."

WITH A CAPITAL, "L"!!!

A2M 9

Anabolic

Rating: THREE AND A HALF “lost art” BUSTED NUTS

The ass to mouth. It’s a lost art. We’re not sure if it was ever a found art. But we can be sure it’s currently lost. We know because we recently tried to apply for a fine arts school. Nowhere on the application was there a program for ATM, A2M, Chocolate Dipping Stick Licking, Internalized Germ Analysis, or Post Lunch Forensics. So we made our own little “other” box with our #2 pencil, and checked that.

We’re still waiting to hear back.

"WOE IS I, MISUNDERSTOOD ARTISTE OF THE ASS VARIETY..." KATSUMI WAXES FORLORN

In the meantime, we can bone up on our cult art by watching Anabolic’s A2M 9, which features some of the female masters of the style. KATSUMI has got to be the equivalent of the poet laureate in this regard, but girls like CHRISTIE LEE and TIFFANY RAYNE can hold their own.

Now that SATIVA ROSE has decided to expand her repertoire to anal activities, she’s like in every ass fucking movie. Well, she’s been sucking cock from OTHER girls’ asses for years now, so doing so from her own, in that regard, is anticlimactic, we suppose.

As for us, we may have to resign ourselves to being misunderstood, avant-garde artistes. So be it. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/268672new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

IT'S A DADDY THING! 2

Elegant Angel

Rating: FOUR "I wuv you, Daddy" BUSTED NUTS

I wonder how well MARK DAVIS is handling being relegated to “Daddy” status.

CHARLOTTE STOKELY, GETTING MORE THAN WHAT SHE EXPECTED FROM HER MENTORSHIP PROGRAM

It just happened all of a sudden. Davis, once the toned, beefcakey stud that turned into the noticeably more fleshy, beefcakey bloke who could only cum if he jerked himself off frantically in front of a woman’s face for two minutes, is now a dodgy, “older”guy.

This is in definite contrast to DICK NASTY, who’s been an old, dirty fuck from day one. We suspect he was given birth to in his present goofball English fop condition. Maybe he’s from Ork and came out of another man’s belly button.

In contrast, STEVEN ST. CROIX is aging very gracefully, while all the grace found in HERSHEL SAVAGE’s scene is the feral grace in which NAOMI grinds her ass around his cock. Will this ever get old? Probably not.

Like Elegant Angel videos tend to be, there’s a good balance of sensuality and play mixed in with IT’S A DADDY THING 2's hardcore package. We were into Mark Davis’ two for one of AUBREY ADDAMS (the young) with a much older woman, and all the mentorship involved the threesome. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/268653.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

ASS FOR DAYS

Diabolic

Rating: THREE “expiration date” BUSTED NUTS

It’s an oft-asked question when in the market for some posterior:

“How long will this ass last me?”

"FOR DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS AND..." SAYS SANDRA ROMAIN

There’s a lot of factors that go into the practical life expectancy of a butt, such as volume, firmness, and willingness. Luckily, the behinds in this movie, such as those found on such ambassadors of ass as NAOMI, KATJA KASSIN, and SANDRA ROMAIN, are here for the long haul. TRINA MICHAELS’ ass has got a ways to go before her freshness date is up, although her space-age boobs have a shelf life of at least a thousand years, refrigerated or not.

The only real adverse condition that these asses may suffer short-term is the contact they come in with dirty bastards, which can really affect freshness. Germ agents like TONY T and BRIAN SUREWOOD are sure to knock some of those precious days off. Luckily, the born on dates of these asses are pretty recent, so if you get this video, you’ll have something to satiate you for some time. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/269917.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

OUR OVENS NEVER SLEEP!!!

A new restaurant in India’s financial hub, named after Adolf Hitler and promoted with posters showing the German leader and Nazi swastikas, has infuriated the country’s small Jewish community. Hitler’s Cross, which opened last week, serves up a wide range of continental fare and a big helping of controversy, thanks to a name the owners say they chose to stand out among hundreds of Mumbai eateries. “We wanted to be different. This is one name that will stay in people’s minds,” owner Punit Shablok told Reuters. “We are not promoting Hitler. But we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different.” But India’s remaining Jews — most migrated to Israel and the West over the years — say they are outraged by the gimmick. The small restaurant, its interior done out in the Nazi colors of red, white and black, also has a lounge for smoking the Indian water pipe or “hookah.”

blackhole_43

AH. FINALLY. A REAL WOMAN

WAIT A MINUTE: HOW DO I KNOW? HOW?!?!

FRIDAY from ASS WORSHIP 3

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=97773

THE LONG, JERKING ARM OF THE LAW GETS ITS MAN!

A former judge convicted of exposing himself while presiding over jury trials by using a sexual device under his robe was sentenced Friday to four years in prison. Donald Thompson had spent almost 23 years on the bench and had served as a state legislator before retiring from the court in 2004. He showed no reaction when he was sentenced. At his trial this summer, his former court reporter, Lisa Foster, testified that she saw Thompson expose himself at least 15 times during trial between 2001 and 2003. Prosecutors said he also used a device known as a penis pump during at least four trials in the same period. Thompson, 59, was convicted last month of four felony courts of indecent exposure for incidents that took place in his Creek County courtroom.

blackhole_22

AND STRETCH 1, 2, 3. GOOD. NOW
JERK IT OFF. GOOD. YOU'RE REALLY
GETTING THE HANG OF THIS.

SHYLA from LEX the IMPALER #2

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=85974

FILLED TO THE RIM 3

Diabolic

Rating: TWO AND A HALF “hey, babe, nice intestine” BUSTED NUTS

We’re developing a definite love/hate relationship with RAUL CRISTIAN. On the one hand, he continuously supplies us with specimens from his personal, seemingly bottomless font of Hungarian babeitude, who are willing to get fucked in the ass for longer than should be required, and like it. On the other hand, his movies are insufferably mechanical and formulaic.

But this one’s over the top.

JANET JOY, GIVING HERSELF THE ATTENTION SHE GLARINGLY LACKS IN THIS MOVIE

The chicks? Unreproachable. But excuse us if we’re not so much into seeing their anuses on the verge of prolapsing into some sort of human innard tissue tail because they’re asked to push, push, push out the jizz that has just been deposited into their well-worked anuses. Not sexy.

Also, this unhealthy imbalance of anal obsession has got to stop. It doesn’t even seem like much of a celebration of it, but rather more of a dogged pursuit in fucking the ass, and maybe this time something new and unexpected will happen. It doesn’t.

Porn videos like this are like buying Neopolitan ice cream, but finding that the vanilla has already been eaten out, just like fuck flicks with no anal are missing the ever important (for porn) chocolate third. And in case you fags have forgotten, pussy is damn good. Balance, people, balance. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/266261new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

SKULL SALES 101: "YOU BEEN ON VACATION? GOOD. GOOD TO HEAR IT. NOW HOW ABOUT THIS? YOU BUY 1 PIECE OF PORN THIS WEEK OR I'LL STAB YOUR EYES OUT." PLUS: TRAVOLTA FAGGOTS UP, EMINEM SAD HE'S SO RICH & CRAFTY OLD JEW MAKES SWEET LOVE TO LINDSAY LOHAN!

YOU think we don't know?!?! Hunh?!?! You THINK WE DON'T FUCKING KNOW?!?!?! Believe me...we fucking KNOW and I'll tell you what we know right about goddamned now: we know that week before last 18,678 of you were reading our funny funny joke joke shit. 18,678. OK, 20 of those were us. Add 12 more if you want to count our Moms. Maybe 28 more if you wanna add angry ex's who are hoping to figure out where our "heads are at" by reading our funny funny joke shit but the hard cold fucking reality is this: if all 18,678 had bought ONE piece of porn that week we'd not be here. Which is: on SkullGame Pledge Break. Unlike Public TV this works a little different. All you FUCKING FREELOADERS buy something over a certain dollar amount and we don't do this....

WELCOME TO SKULLGAME: WE...KNOW...WHO...YOU...ARE. HAVE A NICE DAY.

FIRST THE SCIENTOLOGY. THEN THE FAGOLOGY. TRAVOLTA'S STORY: ONE MAN'S JOURNEY TO GAYITUDE

YOU AIN'T FOOLIN' NOBODY BARBARINO

WEST HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- FRED DURST has been involved in many strange episodes, especially if by "strange" you mean "gay," but none quite as strange as this story that's going around LA. Or gay.
Fred, through a tattoo guy we're friends with, met JOHN TRAVOLTA recently and the two men got
quite chummy. Especially if by "chummy" you mean "strange."

One night, we hear, Travolta called Durst to say he was coming round. When he arrived, Travolta said

"Johnny wants mouthwash. Johnny loves mouthwash."

Durst gave him the mouthwash.

Next thing he knew, Travolta leaned in for a kiss. Seeing Durst's surprise, Travolta took a step back, saying that he got the wrong end of the stick and left. Durst stood there, horrified. Not because of any kiss. But because Travolta wasn't wearing his wig.

John, we hardly knew ye.

NEGRO IMPERSONATOR EMINEM SAD IN WAYS THAT NO NEGRO WOULD EVER BE: HE, APPARENTLY, IS TOO RICH. "AIN'T THAT A BITCH," SAYS SKULLGAME'S RESIDENT NEGRO.

"YOU SEE...I'M SAD, BECAUSE, UM, WELL BECAUSE THE MAN IS HOLDING ME DOWN LIKE HE ALWAYS DONE. US MILLIONAIRES TIRED OF TAKING THIS SHIT, G. WHEN'S IT GONNA STOP?!?!"

DETROIT (SkullGame) -- Close friends of EMINEM are worried the hip-hop star is considering suicide after suffering a heart-breaking series of tragic events when lost count of his personal fortune somwhere around $378 million and had to start again. At the beginning!

While the rapper recently announced earlier this month he was divorcing wife Kim, just 81 days after the couple married for a second time, and the star was left stunned by the murder of his best friend, rapper Proof, earlier this week, it was the shocking loss of count around $377 million that may be the golden straw that broke the golden calf's back.

A friend of the rapper tells SkullGame, "I'm not sure that (Eminem) can handle all this ... I'm worried that he may try to hurt himself. Staring over again at zero could be just about fatal for him.

The rapper attempted suicide in 1997 after Kim left him and barred him from visiting his daughter, Hailie.

IN RELATED NEW: PEPE, SkullGame's 65-year-old janitor, is quite happy to have received a 1.78 percent raise this year over the $10,000 we paid him for fiscal years 2004-2006.

IS ZIONIST BRETT RATNER FUCKING FINE ASS ANOREXIC LUNATIC LINDSAY LOHAN?!?!?

"WILL NO ONE RESCUE ME FROM THIS INTERGENERATIONAL LIVING NIGHTMARE?!?!?"

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- LINDSAY LOHAN has given up on 20-something lovers and has her sights set on aging filmmaker Brett Ratner, according to tabloid reports. The actress/singer and the old and overweight Rush Hour director were spotted enjoying each other's company at a recent party at Los Angeles' Dime club. Especially if by "enjoying" you mean her trying to steady his palsied touch with a special sippy cup full of vodka.

One reveller tells us, "He was all over her, touching and caressing. Slobbering, drooling. Talking about shit like how it was almost as cool as Studio 54 was and shit."

At 37, Ratner, who was most recent intergenerational maurauding saw him dating tennis ace SERENA WILLIAMS, is almost twice the 19-year-old Aryan woman's age. After splitting from Wilmer Valderrama, Lohan has been romantically linked with a string of hunky young stars, including Jared Leto.

IN A PREVIOUS INCARNATION RATNER WAS BONING TENNIS TITAN SERENA WILLIAMS. PICTURED HERE WITH WILLIAMS HE APPEARS TO SPORTING AN ANKLE HURT WHIILST RUSHING TO THE BANK. TO ROB IT.

Also...Lohan and JESSICA SIMPSON have sparked a new Hollywood feud after falling out in a Los Angeles nightclub. The pair reportedly had a nasty run-in last week after Simpson maintained that she was much of a stupid bitch. A characterization Lohan disputed.

Lohan's rumored beau, the Hebrew Ratner, who directed Simpson's "These Boots (Are Made for Walkin')" video, stepped into the fracas and tried to calm Lohan down, convincing her "you're BOTH totally stupid bitches. Young. Stupid. Bitches. Did I say 'young' already? Gimme my cane now you goyischer fuck and get outta my way."

SKULLGAME SAL PACINO EDITORIAL ANALYSIS: "When I read this, I initially grabbed for my wallet, not unlike the way I normally do when a Puerto Rican or Jew walks into the room.

After reading further I realized that in all liklihood it was probably true and that all my prayers to God and the Baby Jesus had in fact been answered.

Thank you BABY JESUS for smiting the evil Huckster Eminem.

I'M A BIG GIRL NOW 6

Diabolic

Rating: FOUR “the youth of today” BUSTED BUTS

What is America’s female youth doing nowadays? They’re contacting dodgy guys to come over and gang fuck them via Myspace while their parents are away in Hawaii. “I want to get fucked. Come on over!” It’s as simple as that.

Clearly, none of these youths live in Kansas, where thin, toned women are a thing of legend. Girls like CODI STAR, who, although she admits her parents might not approve, invites TALON to go straight to the A.
AUBREY ADAMS looks like a pocket lioness in heat, and Asian MOLLY HENDERSON looks about as much like a Henderson as Osama Bin Laden looks like an Englishman.

I don’t know about you, but I’d be freaked the fuck out if a guy like Talon showed up at my house. I’d probably be so scared that I’d be powerless to defend myself. And therein lies his game. The guy looks like Warren Beatty from the BULWORTH poster art. The guy’s reconstructed-burn-victim grin is so wide you’re afraid that his head is liable to split open horizontally at any moment, and shit like a missile launch pad is going to rise up out of his neck.

AN ARTIST'S RENDITION OF TALON

Not that I’d be that much less scared of BUSTER GOOD, who’s no doubt a bit of a patron of the arts as far as tattoos go. The guy obviously is a good sport for letting any apprentice tattooer try his hand on Good for practice for the final exam. Good provides us with some stupid-ass mid-fuck comments that we’ve not had the privilege of hearing yet. “Your orthodontist won’t be happy about that,” he says to a girl with Talon’s cock in her mouth. He also keeps going on about how fast he’d be out the door if the chicks folks show up. Are we turning you on yet? Don’t worry, you will be despite the colossal dumbfuckery of these guys. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/267416new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

ANAL VIOLATION 3

Platinum X

Rating: THREE AND A HALF “shoo-in” BUSTED NUTS

ANAL VIOLATION 3 features REBECA LINARES, the Barcelonian whore that’s really captured our fancy of late. That alone is worth a few loads blown, in stark spite of the fact that she’s the recipient of a manwich featuring not only JOHN “sexy like gefilte fish” STRONG, but also MICHAEL “Breatharian” STEFANO, which means there’s no shelter in sight from the constant barrage of errant, aimless “baby” calling. Thank God for Linares’ sanity that she can barely speak English.

REBECA LINARES, IN LESS AURALLY HARROWING TIMES.

Elsewhere, the video is a celebration of what the insides of a young woman’s small intestine looks like. For this, HARMONY and MICHELLE SWEET vie for top honors. It’s a photo finish, folks. How can you amateur ass-stretchers at home measure your progress? To be like the big girls, make sure your ass can make a bigger expression of utter shock than your mouth. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/270367.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

WHEN A COP CRIES...LESSONS IN NOT GETTING LAID

Yo Vinnie,
Why do bitches always go for assholes. Today is Sunday. I went out last night and was talking to this bitch and got swooped on by this cowboy hat-wearing, alligator shirted fucking L.A. Colin Ferrell badboy prick cocksucker. Who wasn't any better looking than me. I gotta be a rapist fucking felon to get noticed these days or what?--Finishing Last (by email)

SOME GAVE ALL. AND ALL GAVE SOME. AND THEN AGAIN SOME JUST SAT IN THE CRUISER COLLECTING TITTY MEMENTOS.

Dear OFFICER E. BROOKS from the LOS ALTOS PD: Glad to know that our thin blue line, Northern California's finest are reading SKULLGAME. And even writing in. Asking questions. Asking me to withold their name and such. It means a lot to all of us what with you all being fucking American heroes and all. But to your question. First of all know that if you were in front of me now instead of hassling Mexicans over at the 7-11, I'd be slapping your fucking face like Brando did to Johnny Fontaine in The Godfather. What the hell are you crying about? Boo fucking hoo. Bar Ho's don't like me. I lost one really super special nice pretty lady one to the evil fashion adept homosexual who strangely enough seemed to want to fuck the really super special nice pretty lady. Listen to yourself. A bad dancer blames his shoes and YOU, sir, are a SHITTY dancer. So to answer your question: yes. Yes, you do need to be a fucking rapist felon to get noticed these days. I mean it's worked wonders for me. Roger-out, Adam 12. Crybaby. Prick.

IN THRU THE BACK DOOR

Vouyer Media

rating: FOUR “doin’ laundry” BUSTED NUTS

The porn flavor of the week is SASHA GREY. She’s a dumb, naive young girl who plays sassy and dirty and smart-alecky, and nearly pulls off covering up that she’s a dumb, naive young girl; “nearly” being more like “not nearly enough.” She gets her ass fucked.

Perfect.

REBECCA LINARES' DEEP CLEANING, SPANISH STYLE

As if the movie couldn’t get any better, REBECA LINARES pops out of a wicker hamper, geared up and ready to go. She’s MY flavor of the week. Fuck it, month. English? No. Fuckish? Yes.

You wouldn’t hate to see the rest of the women in this movie jump out of a box made to hold your dirty laundry, either. JASMINE TAME has big, fake boobs, but we’ll take ‘em. KAYLYNN’s got a little of that TIFFANY MYNX energy, and SAMANTHA SIN exudes the vibes of a bitchy broad who works at Borders that you’d like to smack and have mouth sex with. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/268934.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

THE RUSSIANS ARE CUMMING

Anabolic

Rating: FIVE “road trip heaven” BUSTED NUTS

THE RUSSIANS ARE CUMMING is more than a bunch of scenes featuring unbelievably hot young women that you’ve never seen in any other fuck video, getting boned every which way by a single guy, and who look like they love every second of it. No, it’s more than all that stuff, which would alone warrant it a full FIVE BUSTED NUTS.

HI. I'M NOT IN THIS MOVIE, BUT I MIGHT AS WELL BE.

It’s the spirit of adventure. Of romance, even.

The Russians are Cumming is like a Skullgame roadtrip through a foreign land; a foreign land filled with ripe young women ready to be plucked from the fertile fuck tree. We take a buddy along for some good, clean, non-gay male bonding, represented by the hallowed agreement of one guy holding the camera while the other guy fucks some broads, which is then reciprocated. There is no overstepping one’s bounds by mucking up the other guy’s fun by interfering during the fucker’s turn.

Pornography. It brings friends together. It builds bonds that last a lifetime.

The girls? So hot and so new that we can’t find any pictures of them, except maybe on a Russian Bride site somewhere. Those chicks have got to make ends meet somehow while they wait for you to fly ‘em over in order to make your life miserable. The guys in this movie are geniuses. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/269019new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

ANAL FEVER 6

Anarchy

Rating: ONE AND A HALF “outright fired” BUSTED NUTS

ANAL FEVER 6: So much promise, so much letdown.

Let’s cut straight to the chase, shall we? The highlight of the movie is the box cover, depicting SANDY, whose jawline alone would be cause to start some minor religions. We cannot wait to see this bitch take it in the ass. In a movie that touts “100% ANAL,” we’re psyched.

"I'VE GOT A FEVER! AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION... IS MORE ANAL!" CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, NOT GETTING WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED WITH THIS MOVIE.

Skip past the first scene, in which a flaccid man with a dick nearly as limp fucks two girls who would normally be pretty attractive if it weren’t for the train-station neon lighting in which the whole thing is shot.

Get to Sandy... who doesn’t take it in the ass. In a movie called Anal Fever. This flick is fucking fired. – STEELY ROB

But this heap of lies ANYWAY!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/268665.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

FEMALE SKULLGAME WRITERS IN THE NEWS!!!

Cecil and Denise Allred's Sunday night began without incident. They ate dinner at KFC. They returned home to Randee Road. He stepped outside to feed chicken scraps to the cats. Then he saw the body.
There in the mud a few feet from the house, someone lay in a fetal position. Pants and underwear were pulled down to the ankles. The county had seen six murders in the previous five weeks, and Cecil Allred feared the worst. "Don't go out there," he told his wife. "Call the sheriff." When Allred, a 51-year-old retired mason, went back outside for further investigation, the body tried to stand up. Not dead, he concluded. A live woman. Partly undressed. Fully intoxicated.

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SHE'S GOT DUMPS LIKE A FUCK, FUCK, FUCK

KATJA KASSIN from ASS WORSHIP #4

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=121547

ANAL ASSPIRATIONS

Diabolic

Rating: THREE AND A HALF “babeitude prevails” BUSTED NUTS

ANAL ASSPIRATIONS 4, directed by recovering herky-jerky mumbler RAUL CRISTIAN, is a celebration of mechanical, anal-obsessed sex.

"HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG?" DORA VENTER PROVIDING TODAY'S ETUDE OF THE RHETORICAL QUESTION

Where else but on the set of such a production could you be chastised for having your cock in the wrong, non-anal hole? The only reason these girls get DPed in their pussy and ass is because porn scientists haven’t figured out how to engineer a woman with two assholes. But they’re working on it.

But the movie has a happy ending, because you just can’t go wrong with a fuck vid with the kind of women in this one. NORA “PEACEMAKER” DAVIS is back, and we’re excited for that alone. But it’s not like her supporting cast is disappearing in her shadow. You can never really go wrong with DORA VENTER. TOMMY STEEL may sound like a dude’s name, but her body could make any fag go straight.

And the best part? They all aspire to be anals. Or something. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/265403new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

UN-NATURAL SEX 18

Diabolic

Rating: THREE “who’s a big girl now?” BUSTED NUTS

The Anabolic/Diabolic Pictures crew have been celebrating young ladies’ coming of age in their I’M A BIG GIRL NOW series for at least six volumes, now; the glorious and hallowed transition being marked by a definite and indisputable ass fucking.

SATIVA ROSE: A DOG WITH A NEW TRICK

Then there are those stars whose careers have been fairly long, but glaringly incomplete. Perpetual “little girls,” if you will. Girls who claimed to be at the height of slut-dom, but were really just in the real ones’ wake.

One such girl was SATIVA ROSE.

We’re loving the past tense here. Rose has always had the Rack of God, the breasts that make angels weep, but that was her deal. She got ass fucked years ago in a RIPE YOUNG MELLONS movie. It didn’t seem to go so well. Since then, nothing. Skullgame.com has been calling for her to step up and embrace her true calling since then.

In UN-NATURAL SEX 18, “embracing” isn’t as apt a description as “tumbling headlong into,” as all involved practically forget that there’s a whole other world just an inch or so away.

It’s a tough pill for all to swallow, though, that the great coming out has to be at the hands of TONY T. Luckily, it seems that Sativa Rose has turned over a new anal-lubed up leaf, as the Anabolic ass-centric videos that have been flowing in seem to all feature her. Has she found the Jesus of the butt-fuck? Miracles do happen. Amen.

Right. The rest of the movie. It’s directed by CHICO WANG, so you know it’s a celebration of the most low-brow frat boy retardation. Let’s not let that take too much away from the main event, though. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

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ASSFENSIVE 6

Anarchy

Rating: TWO & A HALF "Shower, Shave, Wank" BUSTED NUTS

Anarchy Films has taken 23 scenes from their various animal documentaries and cut and spliced them to make a non-stop anal extravaganza for the man on the run... or for the man who’s not paying too close attention.

KEEANI LEI, WONDERING IF WE COULD PLEASE MOVE ON TO THE NEXT SCENE. DON'T WORRY, IT HAPPENS QUICKLY IN THIS VIDEO.

We’re done playing “identify that scene.” ASSFENSIVE 6 is kind of a rush job. Sure, it’s got loads of backdoor action for the anally inclined, but the actual action is kind of like one of us watching a video with liberal use of the fast forward and skip button, except the remote is sitting idly on the coffee table.

But, if you must, at least you’ll get what you pay for: two and a half hours of Anarchy’s fave whores, like KEEANI LEI, KATJA KASSIN and NIKKI HUNTER.

Fancy a quick wank between coffee and the carpool arriving? This could be the one for you. –- STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

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CUM DUMPSTERS 6

Red Light District

Rating: ONE “tricksy bastard” BUSTED NUTS

CUM DUMPSTERS 6 is obviously a cruel and malicious joke. It’s not blatant misrepresentation, as there IS lots of cum, and if you get this movie, you’ll be sending it straight to the dumpster after having seen a few minutes of it.

AS FAR AS PORN GOES, THIS IS THE LEVEL OF EXCITEMENT YOU CAN EXPECT.

We watched more than a few minutes. Here’s how the movie goes.

Each one of the “69 scenes” is in fact taken from a movie that Red Light District has previously released, which is altogether too deliberately specified in a title screen before each tedious installment on this video. Except the scene has been cut down by about 98%, resulting in a load or more blown, and a few seconds of completely random fuck footage preceding it. Oh, and seemingly interminable interview footage preceding THAT.

What this boils down to is about 30 seconds of prep for about four seconds of what you would have bought the video for. We’re not into exclusive load-blowing videos, necessarily, but if you are, you’ll hate this one. What would have made this video a success would have been a rapid fire succession of load blowing, with a bit of lead-up to said event.

Essentially, Cum Dumpsters 6 is a really badly edited and ill-conceived preview video. You can get way better previews on the videos you already have, or better yet, see them for free on Red Light’s website, or any of the other readily available free sites out there. – STEELY ROB

Buy it ANYWAY!

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JUST CUZ WE GANK, SMOKE CRANK, GET YANKED & IN GENERAL FUCK UP DURING THE SUMMER 'TIL 9/22 DOESN'T MEAN THAT GOD WILL NOT KILL FUCKING VINNIE IF YOU STOP BUYING PORN!!! PLUS: PARIS WITH A PENIS, PLAYBOY PLAYMATE WITHOUT ONE & JEWS THAT KILL!

"WHAT? You motherfuckers think I'm JOKING?!?! Jesus spoke to me today and, well, I don't remember exactly what he said but I'm pretty goddamned sure that it had to do with the amount of porn you purchase from me and his willingness to not go after my gentles...so BUY bitches. SkullGame t-shirts count too, you heartless bastards!!!!"

AN "ARTIST'S" "DEPICTION" OF MR. ROSE POST-JESUS-COCK CUTTING.

A MR. XTRA X-POSE: PARIS RUSHED TO HOSPITAL, WHILST NATIONS STARVE

"HELP!!! I'M PARIS & I'VE FALLEN ON A PENIS & CAN'T GET UP!!!"

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Socialite and cocksucker PARIS HILTONS was rushed to hospital after she was bitten by her pet kinkajou. The animal, mockingly called Baby Love, fulfilled the wishes of many by sinking its teeth into Hilton’s typically exposed flesh while they were “playing” at her Hollywood home in the early hours of the morning.

Fearing for her health, Paris instinctively called her publicist Elliot “It’s All Money To Me” Mintz, who drove her to casualty, but not before alerting the world’s press to the hardship being endured by one of the world’s wealthiest women. A doctor told the socialite the wound was superficial, gave her a tetanus shot, felt her up, and sent her on her way, free to torment the helpless animal again.

AND ANOTHER HOLLYWOOD MINUTE WITH MR. XTRA, OUR MAN IN NEW ZEALAND: MTV CELEBRITY COUPLE TO DIVORCE; NO ONE SURPRISED. OR, PROBABLY, CARES

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY. SHANNA MOAKLER, AT A RECENT PHOTO SHOOT FOR THE COVER OF NEGLIGENT MOM MAGAZINE.

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- "Rock" "star" TRAVIS BARKER and his Playboy Playmate wife Shanna Moakler, the “stars” of MTV reality show Meet the Barkers, are calling it quits after less than two years of hapless marriage, People magazine has reported.

Their split comes eight months after pop star JESSICA SIMPLETON and “pop star” homosexual NICK LACHEY, the stars of MTV’s Newlyweds, announced their official separation.

People quoted Barker’s publicist as saying, “I can confirm that Travis filed this morning. His nails that is. He’s fruity like that.” The publicist also confirmed the filing when contacted by Reuters.

The magazine quoted Moakler as saying, “My only concern right now is for the welfare and best interests of my children. And my wallet. Mostly my wallet. Which I’ll use to help the children. Whatever their names are. You’ll have to ask our nanny. Whatever her name is.”

Barker, 30, mohawked drummer with defunct “punk” “rock” trio Blink-182, married Moakler, 31, in October 2004. Their contrived and tiresome domestic exploits were detailed on Meet the Barkers, which aired on the lifestyle programming network for 12 brain-killing episodes.

JESSICA SIMPSON'S ETERNAL OPPOSITE DAY OF THE SPOTLESS MIND MOMENT: "EVERYBODY'S ALWAYS OUT TO GET ME." LEAVING OUT THE PART WHERE SHE ADDS "...TO BLOW THEM." WHICH IS, PROBABLY, LARGELY TRUE.

NO. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO QUESTION, THAT WE HAVE, REGARDING WHERE THE LOAD MIGHT GO.

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Loadstress and "Singer" JESSICA SIMPSON is convinced people are "out to get" her "to blow them," and has blasted the press for linking her to her Dukes of Hazzard co-star JOHNNY KNOXVILLE last year.

Simpson has spoken out for the first time about the "cruel" press reports about Knoxville, which helped fuel "rumor's" her marriage was in trouble. She says, "It's so cruel and I just try not to let it affect me, whatever everybody was thinking about me. If I did, I don't think I'd be here now."

To which the assembled SkullGame writers began making humping, jerking off, and sucking motions, with SAL PACINO quickly abandoning the non-verbal for a clever riposte from the press gallery of "KILL YOURSELF."

"Look," said the semen-stained strumpet, "I can't save anything from being talked about because then it becomes this game, and it's not a fun game. I just feel like everybody's always out to get me, and that's a weird feeling."

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Make with the suction, the Playboy spreads and the eventual "unauthorized" video release of you rabidly attacking the ass of your gay ex-husband with your tonguel lick stick, baby.

“LOAD THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SWALLOWED” TAKEN LITERALLY AS KANSAS CITY COUPLE UTILIZE BOTCHED REPRODUCTION EXPERIMENTS AND DISCOVER MINDFUL ALTERNATIVE TO DAY-TIME TELEVISION IN RETARD CULTIVATION RING.

AN ARTISTIC RENDITION OF A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A MASS-TRANSIT COMMUTER, NAMELY JUDGE ROY BEAN, COMPLETE WITH THE “OH FUCK” AND “PLEASE DON’T SIT NEAR ME” INTERNAL MONOLOGUES THAT LOOP ENDLESSLY FOR THE FIRST 1 _ HRS OF EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY.

Kansas City (SkullGame)—Retard farmers Diane and David Petersohn announced on Valentine's Day that they “couldn’t wait to adopt another one of God’s little ha-ha’s”, claiming “in a day of widespread global famine and gross overpopulation, seven retarded ass kids just aren’t enough—so in the name of even-ing up their special little basketball team, we’re going to adopt another waterhead because, y’know, Life Goes On was a really swell show and shit; and as long as you leave the stickers on the Rubix cube and buy a copy of Dr. Mario…well…they kinda raise themselves. Indefinitely.”

“Fuck yeah, I hope it’s one of those ‘fightin’ retards’, not one of those pesky ‘feedin’ retards’ like the rest of our litter”, David Petersohn told SkullGame reporters. “They’re all just such a bunch of little miracles.”

“They are kinda like plants, you know? Stupid, stupid, stupid fuckin’ plants”, Diane interjected.

The couple, who surprisingly don’t work jobs due to the “full-time burden of constantly hiding our Elmer’s glue”, supposedly not from each other, state that their intentions are pure and not having to order pay-per-view events is just a fringe benefit of being altruists “just mildly interested in starting our own traveling circus.”

The cause of Down Syndrome isn’t exactly known, but the Petersohns contest that it has absolutely nothing to do with drinking during pregnancy or stupid people fucking…

[A quick note from JUDGE ROY BEAN]

“Very rarely am I sorry, let alone sorry in the act of, but I simply cannot continue this article, for I’ve offended my own sense of justice and thus fear what lies behind every corner as being a possible repercussion to what even I will label as deplorable behavior on my part. In the past week I have taken hard drugs, slept with a married woman, and shit almost exclusively in the neighboring office bathroom; and for all of this I am decidedly not fucking sorry at all.

Best,
JUDGE ROY BEAN”

SAL PACINO'S GUIDE TO MODERN MANNERS. AND PUSSY. BUT MOSTLY PUSSY, IN "I Spell Pussy T-E-X-T!"

WE'RE UNDERAGE REHAB SLUTS & WE'RE TEXTING THE POLICE. SEE YOU SOON SKULLGAME!!!

A text message, unlike a phone call, can be as brief and intimate as a kiss on the ear or as long and profound as a fart in the back seat of your car with the windows rolled up.

As far as getting one's point across, no fuss, no muss, the text is definitely the way to go in this high tech slide-your-pants-down age we live in. With more and more people meeting via online bulletin board and Internet dating services, the game has a whole new wrinkle: telephone text messages.

Rules to getting pussy via text message:

1. ASK FOR PUSSY: You have no idea how many people will beat around the bush, so to speak, sending endless amounts of texts back and forth; remember, if you wanted to play these kind of games you would have called her.

2. BE BRIEF: Do not be too tempted to go into too great a detail as to what, where or how you plan to do things; she might object to some inconsequential thing you listed and before you know it, you remain sans pussy.

3. HAVE HER CALL IF SHE IS INTERESTED: If her phone call does not start with the phrase “go fuck yourself!” or “my brother is going to fuck you up!” it is smooth sailing and get ready to board the vagina train.

4. PREPARE FOR THE BACKLASH: This is actually my favorite part, I like to equate to throwing a rock in a crowd of people; once you let it go…anything can happen, and will.

OH. MY POPPA. TO ME HE WAS SO WONDERFUL.

The 15-year-old on the witness stand yesterday looked serious but self-assured as he described the "scared straight" tour his father arranged for him Easter morning 2005 at Shuman Juvenile Detention Center. Altogether, Anthony Donald's father and the four Shuman Center guards charged with threatening and beating him in the one-hour visit to the facility face a maximum of more than 150 years in prison if they are convicted on all the charges against them. Those include assault, false imprisonment, unlawful restraint, terroristic threats, conspiracy, reckless endangerment and endangering the welfare of a child. The boy testified that his father, Anthony Donald Sr., woke him early that day and told him to get dressed because he was taking him "to get some counseling at Shuman [Center]" for his anger problems.

JONNI DARKKO'S SUCK IT DRY #2

Is there are any other way to

suck it? Let's ask Kathy Woods:

Kathy?!?

256424

TUG JOBS #1

Bang Bros

Rating: TWO & A HALF "Oh. To Be In Cath'lic School Again" BUSTED NUTS

Dirty Sanchez and the Florida contingent of Vagina Finders manages to find what is now their archetypical "I Never Done This Before" Girl-Next-Door to deliver? Yes...the goods, groceries and a load of goo.

Sound like a prescription for pud pullage?

WOO HOO....HOURS OF SOMETHING I CAN DO MYSELF!!! PERFECT.

Yes, but much like Domino's promises 30 minutes or free and much like the pizza shows up with the fucking cheese stuck to the box top, it seems like the issue is not so much that it's there but HOW it got there that makes all the difference in the world.

And so it goes....13 episodes of Girls Gone to Waste as they preoccupy themselves with inexpertly delivering handjobs to men clearly used to stronger trade. Now I don't care if there IS fuckage and suckage here or not, this flick's dogheaded insistence on returning to fumbled digital manipulation is not enough to sustain my jerkage as we all know that this vid is really just one step away from men solo shots and men solo jerk shots are just one step away from having that uncomfortable Thanksgiving Day revelation:

"Mom? Dad? I like sausage."

Just have some more turkey, son.

"No. I mean DICK, Dad."

Whatever.

Making this picture useful for? Recovering homosexuals, no doubt. This is what we call good bridge porn with which to work your way back to films that don't include pizza delivery guy backrubs and Rome-themed documentaries with men in skirts.

Feel gay enough, yet?

Oh. Don't worry. You will. -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy It NOW!

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GOO GAGGERS

Baby Doll Hardcore

Rating: FOUR "Italian Sal Pacino Rides Again" BUSTED NUTS

Tiny tit having Teutonic tramp takes two tools...there, my friend, is the Hollywood description of the VICTORIA SIN DP scene that graces the grooves of this groovy DVD. Narrow and tough to please Victoria’s English consists of two words, “more” and “cock” and she more than likely uses them in tandem and gets just that.

VICTORIA SIN SALUTES THE GOD OF ABRAHAM!!!

Which now that I think of it, tandem seems like a fitting word especially in describing the nature of the scene. Also starring in this Baby Doll Pictures foray into the world of hardcore filth is none other than the aptly named DESIRE MOORE, who incidentally receives two cocks for her own personal edification. Bringing up the rear is MEGAN MARTINEZ and the brace-faced KAT who together pull off a great two girl-one dick scene. While not a huge fan of these types of scenario I was quickly brought around by the all-around enthusiasm exhibited in the cum-swapping scene.

Absolutely inspired!

Honorable Hollywood honorarium for teenage newcomer VANILLA who takes a huge dick in her tight ass.

I bet Hollywood isn’t all its cracked up to be, is it?

Get it? Ass? Crack? Jesus, you guys are tough. -- ITALIAN SAL PACINO

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/269728.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

MANUEL FERRARA'S TEEN CUM SQUAD#5

Red Light District

Rating: ONE & A HALF "Dean Martin Would NOT Put Up With This Shit" BUSTED NUTS


Jesus on a pogo stick.

Where do I start?

I guess by stating the obvious: What a fucking mess.

Let me sum up the first two scenes for you, sport. First scene: Boring generic fucking, ending with a cumshot on the chops of this young cunt who recoils like she's being spattered with hot grease out of the fryer at the burger joint she works in.

Second scene: professional MySpace whore ALEXA LYNN. That alone should send you lads RACING to the fast forward button. Cranked out redhead with a freshly shaved cooch that looks like the bad side of a newly sodded yard.

"SO BUTCHER BOB DOESN'T WANT TO FUCK ME. SO WHAT?" ALEXA LYNN DODGES ANOTHER BULLET.

Evidently, in the grand scheme of things...and in all things Mexican..."teen" has now come to include women in their early 30s, evidenced by COURTNEY SIMPSON. Not that I have a problem with 30-year old whores, but I'm looking out for YOU, my devoted readers. When you go to rent a movie full of teen cum whores, I know how off-putting a relative senior citizen can be. It can even make you think of your aunt. You know the one. The Slut-Aunt. Don't be ashamed, we all have one. You...in the kangol hat...I think I KNOW your Slut-Aunt.

Tell her I left my shoes under her bed.

Yeah...I watched the rest of the flick. Why? Fuck all...I'm not really sure except for the fact that I believe that porn requires a commitment. A commitment to a job well done. Or a job well...done.

And on to the burning question in your minds. Why, Butcher Bob, WHY Dean Martin? Christ. Have you NO sense of history? If it weren't for men like Dean Martin...there'd BE no SkullGame. There'd be no teen cum squad. Not volume one, two or even fucking three. Do yourself a favor. Research. Learn. Live the dream set out by Deano.

The flick's generic. Filled with mall-whores. Not a goddamn one caught my jaded eye. Who's fault is that, you may ask? I'll tell you who's fault. Manuel Ferrara's...that's who.

Goddamn him. — BUTCHER BOB

Buy It NOW!

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THE GREATEST ASSWHORES EVER!

Elegant Angel

Rating: TWO AND A HALF “I wish they could all be asswhores” BUSTED NUTS

Who are the greatest asswhores ever? Shall we start a readers’ poll? You could send in your top 10, with supporting evidence for each one. The lucky winning entrant would be berated on SkullGame by our very own ASK A GUY WHO HATES YOU.

THE BELLADONNA VERSION OF THE GLAMOUR SHOT

Elegant Angel’s compendium of the greatest moments in asswhorish history is bold but falls short of its goal. The scenes are culled from movies that seem to span the porn house’s entire existence. That’s kind of cool, ‘cause you might get a little blast from the past version of a turn on from back when porn meant grainy video of people fucking, and the women in them were more like the women you’d see at any neighborhood bar.

Does the video feature women who’ve made their careers based on their asses? You bet. And what better poster child for that is BELLADONNA. But in terms of this video being an anal-oriented stroker’s paradise, the scenes often seem completely arbitrary.

Exceptions are of course KATJA KASSIN’s scene from one of the best porns in the history of ever, BIG WET ASSES, OLIVIA O’LOVELY’s feature, and of course the Belladonna scene. But scenes with ERIKA BELLA seem pretty random in this video, especially considering its premise. So while The Greatest Asswhores Ever! is a decent enough, if rag-tag porn, it’s not what will get you off if you want anal fucking action. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

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UP THE SHIT CHUTE, PASS GO, SINK THE BATTLESHIP!!!

BOONG GA BOONG GA!!!!

Usually we just use this space to review websites that sport the MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME seal of universal cock approval by being disturbing, cock hardening, or disturbing and strangely cock hardening. This week we do that and more. That is, that and more that we can't fucking explain. Outside of saying, "ah, the Japanese." Jesus. This isn't even a website proper but Jesus...fuck it. We'll just let STEELY ROB tell you allllllll about it....

WHAT YOU IMAGINE YOU'RE DOING

Nothing spells the sweet satisfaction of revenge quite like shoving your finger up the ass of the person who has wronged you. Damn bitch done left you? Aha! Here’s an index up the keister! Boss got you makin’ him pots of coffee? Try to sit down after this one, fuck-o!

Ok, so maybe this thought has never crossed our mind, like, ever, but according to a Japanese arcade game called BOONG GA BOONG GA, it should have by now.

The arcade machine features a simulated, bent over ass in which you jam a plastic hand with a finger extended. The rougher you are, the more the character you picked before the game started suffers. Aside from the “obvious” ones like ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, you also get to choose child molesters, gold diggers, gangsters, mothers-in-law, and con artists.

If you’re married, imagine sticking your finger up your mother-in-law’s ass.

Yeah.... or not.

WHAT YOU'RE REALLY DOING. AGAIN. AND AGAIN.

But what you sick, fucking dudes are thinking is: “why the fuck do I even need some plastic finger to do my work? Alls I gots ta do is unleash the beast!” And that’s why, dear readers, this game will never appear on American shores.

Meanwhile, we know all you gameaniacs are wondering, “how do you win?”

OK, apparently, after you do your worst, you get a card that tells you about your sexuality, which is the most logical conclusion considering how much hatred and angst-ridden tooling around in someone’s corn hole can tell you about your libido. Those who hoped to be able to win the licensed outfits that the official Boong Ga Boong Ga mascots (a hand and a pile of shit) wear will be disappointed.


"I'M A PIECE OF SHIT." "AND I'M A FINDER OF SHIT.

SKULLGAME'S SUMMER BREAK CONTINUES AS WE BLOW LOADS, BLOW BLOW, BLOW OFF & BLOW UP TO THE TUNE OF DOUBLE TEAMS, E, MARRIED BROADS, FAT CHICKS & TRANNY SUCK DICKS [SORRY, DAVE D. WE HAD TO SAY IT]; HOW LONG? 9/22. WHEN THEY ALL GO BACK TO SCHOOL

SAN FERNANDO VALLEY UNDERAGE PUSSY ALERT: CODE RED

TRACI LORDS IN HER ONE LEGAL FLICK DOING WHAT SHE DID BEST: COCK

NEWSFLASH--SAN FERNANDO VALLEY (SkullGame) Since TRACI LORDS' famous act of legerdemain--now she's 18, now she's not--and the resulting financial sting of having whole product lines being declared illegal because a 17-year old skank wanted to get paid for poon, San Fernando Valley Porn producers have been understandably a little leery of having vetting procedures that are anything less than sterling.

Multiple ID checks are the de facto standard and sluts not meeting the letter of the law are sent back to the high schools and the fumbling ministrations of the teenage boys from which they had fled.

And then there's this:

TO: Our Simon Wolf Customers
FROM: John Chambliss
RE: HIRING A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR TO VERIFY EVERY ID - ON EVERY
PRODUCTION/RELEASE

We will be contacting everyone shortly about how to proceed with the recall process once we have been fully advised of all the legalities involved.

I AM A SPANISH PERFOMANCE ARTIST....AND I SUCK COCK

AUSTRALIA (SkullGame) -- Courtesy of ANDREW from NZX Magazine -- Adjusting her small blue bikini, Spanish actor Teresa Vallejo draws deeply on a cigarette and squints in the Melbourne sun.

"People ask, 'How can you do this?'" she says in a deep-voiced Spanish accent. "But for me, is normal now. Is very normal." The statuesque Madrid actor is not reflecting on relaxing poolside in a scanty swimsuit while on tour. She's talking about fucking and sucking. More specifically, the copious eye-poppingly graphic sexual acts Vallejo has just presented to Melbourne audiences in the previous night's Australian premiere of Catalan theatre troupe La Fura dels Baus' XXX.

"People think we are porn actors," says Vallejo, whose costumes range from sparkly, clingy dresses to absolutely nothing. "Is not true. If one person says this to me, I am very sad. We are actors. This is theatre."

"WE ARE VERY SAD. THIS IS NOT PORN FUCKING. THIS IS THEATER FUCKING."

XXX is not a brand of extra strong mints but "the most explicit theatrical experiment ever to claim the high artistic ground", according to the The Times in London, and an "astonishing festival of sexual excess", as interpreted by The Daily Mirror, also in London.

It's also chockful of fucking, sucking and shit eating.

Two weeks ago in Melbourne, the packed, 1000-strong opening-night crowd watched Vallejo, along with one female and two male actors, vividly enact fellatio, cunnilingus, intercourse, sodomy, incest and rape. Huge video projections showed excerpts of porn footage, an actor attempted oral sex with an audience member, and a naked Vallejo wrote "A better world is possible" via a light pen seemingly held between her buttocks.

And that's not forgetting a talking penis, a defecating bottom, a baked-beans-and-cream-based orgy, orgasm machines and a live internet link showing a prostitute in Barcelona rubbing her nether regions with a dildo. The show climaxes with a truly disturbing scene of mutilation.

MOMENTS LATER AN AUDIENCE MEMBER IDENTIFIED ONLY AS "ANDREW" GENTLY PLACED HIS COCK IN HER OPEN MOUTH. IT WAS VERY ARTISTIC

Several Melbourne theatregoers accepted invitations to join in the action onstage - one very intimately - while one man disrobed in the aisle after a bit of encouragement.

"Violent Hollywood films can show people's brains leaking out, but we can't show some f---ing?" she said. "It is all so completely ridiculous."
Vallejo barely pauses when pressed about why XXX is more than an X-rated flesh fest. "Because pornography does not speak about itself," she says. "In porno videos, people are having sex, with a very basic storyline, or there are live sex shows and striptease. But there's no view on that. No reflection, no thought on what it means."

In this instance: TWO FUCKING BIG BUSTED NUTS.

ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO....It’s CRAPS! Not Crap. CRAPS!!!

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE: THE EX-LAX EGG NOG

My brother was always a guy who danced to a beat of a different drum. A drum that floated in a hypodermic syringe laying on the rough and dirty streets of Philadelphia in the late 70s and 80s. He was a pretty comical guy who would look down his nose at people who were occasional drug users always saying things like: they have no respect for their “craft.” The craft of being an out and out junkie, living by one’s wits and getting his fix anyway he can. Well anyway that didn’t involve work…

Now let’s see if you can follow along.

It’s 1989 or somewhere around there and we are in Atlantic City.

Have I lost you?

Good.

Your hero, and I used that term for lack of a better one, has arrived at Caesar’s Palace like a man on a mission, floating through the casino like Oceans 11 on heroin. Walking with purpose, occasionally stopping to nod out here and there along his opiate-fueled route. He is a stoned and stumbling JOHN TRAVOLTA in his strut and manner of dress, an outfit favored by young Italian-American men who lived in the north east corridor that stretches from Philadelphia in the south to Boston in the north, a uniform if you will: white dress slacks with a white button up dress shirt open to the navel exposing chest hair and gold chains. He fits in, not attracting any attention while wearing the fashion equivalent of a fucking cowboy hat and shorts.

WE HAVE NOT COME TO BURY CAESAR, BUT TO CRAP WITH HIM

I see your eyes glazing over there.

Focus for crying out loud!!!

He is strutting now, little spring in his step heading toward the transition between the Casino and the hotel lobby, the DMZ where the carpet ends and the slick marble floor of the hotel lobby begins.

Here is where everything starts to happen very quickly.

He sees the patch of water on the marble floor; which seconds earlier was an ice cube. With spring in his step he makes a beeline for it, as his foot hits the puddle and in full view of everyone in the hotel lobby and the ass end of the casino he is up in the air, arms and legs flying and just as quickly lands on the ground with a terrible slap, crapping his pants almost simultaneously.

He rolls over to his stomach: he is hurt.

No, no he is not; the opiates in his body have a steady stream of endorphins running through him that allow for this type of stunt.

He’s ashamed.

No, no he’s not; his crap filled white pant’s are like a brown badge of courage, his crap filled keys to the kingdom. It was perfectly choreographed dance wherein the copious amounts of heroin and stool softener all came together beautifully in a veritable ballet of shit, piss and white polyester.

Seconds later the hotel and casino staff converge on the scene. It’s a fucking horror show. Your hero lay’s there on his belly screaming: why? WHY? The look of unbridled terror on their collective faces is fucking priceless. Everyone reaching and then pulling back like The Dance Fever of crap, where no one wants to be the first to dance with the shit stained DENNY TERRIO. Finally and oh so gingerly the man who will become the focus of so many urban legends is led from the lobby, into the casino and into a recessed door with no door knobs or visible hinges. Hurried into an office he is still screaming: why? WHY?

The sobbing, shitty hero, sitting on a blue tarp covered chair. Weeping and stinking, but mostly stinking, flanked on both sides by neck-less behemoths. The conquering hero has reached the Castle keep. This is the final obstacle in his quest and before it starts it ends. He with the expensive suit and shoes, walks in, looks at him with a mixture of pity and disgust and says: “I would really like for you to leave. Here is 3000 dollars. Just leave, leave and never come back. Follow?”

He did, and without looking back our conquering, defecating dancing machine disappeared onto the boardwalk. Ocean breezes and pants full of crap, it smells like, yes, yes now I am quite sure. It smells like victory.

Well, like victory and the heroin/cocaine speedball he was cooking in a Mountain Dew bottle cap…

SKULLGAME TRAVEL TOURS: WE GOT U COVERED!!!

Three Pennsylvania visitors were robbed at gunpoint early Tuesday by two young men, police said.
A man from St. Mary's, Pa., and two women from Kersey, Pa., met the men at Michigan Avenue and Best Street at 2:25 a.m. when they were to receive a promised "tour of the city," according to police. When the victims showed up there, they were robbed. Central District Police said one of the men put his hand in his shirt as if he had a gun, while the other pulled out a chrome handgun and demanded their purses and money. They also stole cell phones, $40 and a debit card. Officers said they recovered the purses, wallets and personal papers at various locations, but the cell phones and money were not recovered.

blackhole_75

EAT...AT...JOE'S...FRESH FISH, PRIME

RIB & ROUND EYE DAILY!

APRIL FLOWERS & LAUREN PHOENIX from ASS WORSHIP #5

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I'D LIKE TO GET THE MEN AT SKULLGAME TO FUCK ME UP, BUT HOW?

Yo Vinnie,
Just wanted to tell you that the Raiders SUCK and Olivia can eat creamed corn out of my pimp hat wearin' ass! Now that I have drawn your attention away from your own cock, you pasta swilling, dego boot wearing, ducks ass haircut sporting greaser; got a question for ya.  Why do u have pics of all of your "so called" friends, and there are none to be found of yourself!?  I mean, u are the man at Mack Avenue aren't ya!?  Where are the pics of you knocking the bottom out of someone's mother, or donkey punching my girlfriend!? Personally, you sound, to me, like a rip off of Jay (of "Jay and Silent Bob" fame!)  I'm sure I'm not the only one out there with this question on there mind.  Hell, for all WE know, you are a mid-fifties, baulding, fat ass computer programer that hates his life, so he lives his fantasy through this site durring the time it takes to recover inbetween blowing his nut on the living room shag while watching porn!  FUCK YOU!  HAHAHAHAHA!!! If you're for real, I wanna see a pic of you ass reaming some bitch who's boyfriend you just skull thrashed, while he watches in broken, delerious dismay!  Put up or shut up, BIIIIAAAAAATCH!!!! Oh, ya. Have a great day!--Charles, West Plains, Missouri (by email)

"ARE ALL MEN FROM THE SHOW ME STATE THAT FUCKING STUPID?" ASKS THE BEAUTEOUS OLIVIA. NO, OLIVIA, ONLY THIS ONE

Dear If U Cn Rd Dis: We printed your letter EXACTLY like you sent it so that the full, corrosive reek of your dumbassedness would spiral skyward giving us greater intellects something to laugh at. In any case my picture's been on THE MACK no fewer than FOUR times, but as a new reader you'd have no way of knowing that. And as a new reader that can't read you'd have even LESS of a chance. So let your fingers do the walking, find the four pics and know that if we ever get our fucking hands on you, we'll put something up inside of you that'll change your worthless life. And we know you'll be tempted to write again but don't, because if we really wanted any more shit outta the likes of youse we'd just squeeze your fucking head.

SERIAL FUCKERS #2: YOU FUCK ME SO GOOD IT MAKES ME WANNA SHIT!

Enuff Fucking Said!!!

244886

SUPERSQUIRT #3 ...IN SEARCH OF...

Elegant Angel

Rating: FIVE "It's The House Wine" BUSTED NUTS

I copped a magnificent blowjob parked roadside the other night. From a girlfriend, mind. I've never gone looking for street walkers. Never know what you'll catch. Apart from SAL PACINO moonlighting in a tutu.

But as welcome as that blowjob was, her teeth have left me with a chaffed cock. A little bit of skin has been rubbed off from underneath the bell-end. When I walk, my tackle rubs against my boxers, the raw flesh causing immediate physical pain.

ANNIE CRUZ...IN SEARCH OF...CARPET CLEANER....

Then comes mental pain, anguish in the knowledge that until my sausage heals, I can't fuck again. Much less violently jack off to the porn I love. Porn like this: another entry in Elegant Angel's consistently nut-worthy, sex at a superhero level, squirting series.

Heroes of this one include KAT and ANNIE "I'm Not Gay" CRUZ, who seems to be getting both nastier (that's good) and fuglier (less so). Both are whores of the unregenerate variety, popular in these parts.

Goddamnit.

The temptation to jerk is there and I'll likely make the mistake of many a veteran pro athlete: return from injury too soon. -- MR. XTRA

Buy It NOW!

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SWALLOW MY SQUIRT #3

Elegant Angel

Rating: FIVE "Should Be A Six, Should Be A Fuckin' Six" BUSTED NUTS

This one ups the ante on the already ante-upped Elegant Angel squirting superhero series. Even the girls who can't squirt -- like GIANNA LYNN -- make up for it by swallowing squirt (a.k.a. drinking pee).

ME & MISSES LYNN...WE GOT A THANG GOING ON...WE BOTH KNOW THAT IT'S WRONG, BUT IT'S MUCH TOO STRONG, TO LET IT GO NOW....

In fact, I'd like to send a personal message to GIANNA LYNN:

Hey darling, how's your day going? Yeah. Great. Mine too. You like movies? BRAD PITT? Nah, he's a fag, baby. You need a real man. Like me. You hungry? Not right now eh. That's ok babe. What say we... what? You're on your period? AND you have to wash your hair? Your DOG'S hair too?! Ah fuck baby. Right after that then. Right after that...

Excuse me there. This one's a keeper. Asses are fucked. Faces are drenched. ANGELA STONE squirts up a storm. GIANNA LYNN, well, me and her have a thing.

The only girl who lets the side down is JENNA PRESLEY. In her endeavors to squirt, she pops out a turd.

Thanks miss, but you can keep that one to yourself. -- MR. XTRA

Buy It NOW!

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MODELS WANTED #3

Anarchy Films

Rating: FOUR "But Do They Chug Choad?" BUSTED NUTS

From the pose struck by delectable tattooed blonde FLOWER TUCCI (any relation to STANLEY…?) on the front cover, I had the feeling this was gonna be good. Plenty of silicone tits, tanned skin and aggressive action, in no small way led by the inimitable NICKI HUNTER. Her almost shocking enthusiasm for the job at hand far outweighs the detriment of her spastically bad boobjob.

TOUCHING FLOWER'S TUCCI: WHY IS THERE NO MOVIE NAMED THAT?!?!

The "casting couch" style works perfectly from the start, the girls not too OTT to ruin their scenes. You know what I mean guys, when a slut is so desperate to tease the camera she ends up looking as emotive as Joan Rivers after a labor-intensive facelift. ASHLEY HAZE is all throat-battering, saliva-drooling, pale-skinned, red-haired intensity, the aforementioned Ms. Hunter a hardbodied platinum blonde porno spectacle (her clit hood barbell is truly a thing of beauty in these times of war). Though quite why her stoner-esque partner looks like he wants to go to sleep when he’s got a seriously fuckable vixen toying with him beggars belief – maybe I missed a vital plot point in the meleé…

Flower Tucci keeps up the pace in style – looking more orange than Dale Winton and David Dickinson’s illegitimate lovechild, her awesome tattooed back merely the icing on the cake throughout her top notch, pussy-squirting performance. Never before have strtetchmarks and cellulite looked so attractive on a girl, I shitteth you not. Bailey on the other hand, while being a definite M.I.L.F., has one of the most visually disgusting money shots I have ever had the misfortune to witness. Whether she had an enema before shooting remains to be seen, but never in my life have I seen a GREEN internal cumshot.

Not even Cronenberg would allow that. Still, a top disc with plenty of sick thrills to satisfy. -- TEABAG

Buy It NOW!

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