IEG

Rating: FIVE "Paris Hilton-esque" BUSTED NUTS

I have many personal reasons for thinking TOMMY LEE is a cock-sucking motherfucker. I will, in great detail, spell them out now:

1) He's Tommy Lee
and
2) Did I mention that he's Tommy Lee?
and
3) Outside of being Tommy Lee he is also a cock-sucking motherfucker.

OH YEAHHHHHH, BABY....BAYWATCH MY FURIOUSLY FISTED COCK SPLASHING ALL OVER YOUR SENSITIVE AND LOVING ACT OF GODDAMNED LOVE!!!

I'm not faulting him for fucking OLIVIA, which he did. I'm not faulting him for this because it gave me an inside peek into how his much-vaunted tool measures up (this will be covered in an upcoming cross-comparison piece measuring VINNIE ROSE, MATT DAMON, TOMMY LEE & NICK CAVE'S cockitude from women who know) to mine.

No, I'm faulting him because he violated the natural order by escaping from his rightful job in Riverside changing my wiper blades at JIFFY LUBE to the capacious bosom of his cuntilicious ex-wife PAMELA ANDERSON, a woman who's violated the natural order by escaping SkullGame porn flicks filmed in our Tenderloin offices to the rarefied air of wealth-based unemployment and whining about coat rodents and hamburgers.

You see, their pairing is UNnatural.

And caught here in all of its non-digitally stabilized, dizzying, headache inducing shake-o-vision on their boat, at their wedding, in their bathtub. There's only like a small portion of this flick dedicated to actual fucking and sucking and a rather large portion dedicated to Tommy's tourette-esque use of the word BABE, but it's ALLLLLLL redeemed by the cock-in-fist thought I had right before I blew my load all over her trembling, beach bitch lips:

this was NEVER meant for ME.

And so every load deposited in her honor is an unwanted intrusion into her cock sucking motherfucking husband's end-of-marriage manuevering to save his fucking career.

Thank God, THAT much failed. As it should have. As it should have. -- VINNIE ROSE

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