YO VINNIE,
I banged this broad the other night. In post-fuck time she let slip some comment that reveals to me in no uncertain terms that I am at the very least TWICE as old as she is. And now I am slightly creeped out. Should I be bothered by the fact that she was being born when I was boning women who could be her mom? -- DAVE DIETRICH (by email)

"MOM? DAD? THIS IS FONTAINE. MY FRIEND"

Dear JERRY LEE LEWIS: Should you be bothered because you was boning women who could be her Mom when she was born? Well, if it WAS her Mom that you were boning [Note to our Southern readers: the following advice does not apply to youse], then, yes, maybe then you should be a skosh worried. But since it seems as though this ain't the case I say 'look, if you're looking for an excuse to NOT fuck a woman who might actually want to fuck more than once a night. In a position other than missionary. With the TV off. Maybe you should stick to broads your own age.'

For the rest of us, we're not only going to fuck women who we are twice as old as, providing that all youse reading this are at least 36 [Again: Southern readers please ignore], we're going to suggest that you do the same. Why? Well, while young broads, first of all, can't fuck for shit...wrestling them into this position or that is more workout than guys like us that work out already need...but they enter the spirit of fuck with the kind of brio that will cause you to have a goddamned cardiac.

What more magic is needed to get you to gush up 4 shakes in a row?

THIS kind of magic: carry on.

Fag.