skull_weblog: October 2006 Archives

Blackhole_115

ONE LOOK AT YOU, BABE, AND I WANNA

GO HOME & BEAT MY WIFE

EVE LAWRENCE from KISS MY ASS

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=218654

Posted by oxbow at 09:30 PM | Comments (0)

THE COUCH

Harmony

Rating: FOUR "Start Yer Jerkin Off Now-Docs Orders!" BUSTED NUTS

This is Ground Control calling all Jerk-Offs.

Get this, assholes: THE COUCH is a Steven Anglo film from Harmony Ltd and the plot is based on a
psychiatrist who can cure your fuck needs...fast!

DR. DORA VENTER EXAMINING OUR MAN STEVE HOLMES' TONGUE DEPRESSER JUST TO...YOU KNOW...MAKE SURE IT STILL WORKS. AND SHIT.

Now, this fuck Doc (who is a bitch by the way) sees patients like POPPY MORGAN cuz she has to eat pussy and suck prick at the same time. You see, this is a challenging
diagnosis so ya gotta drop your pants to think it through.

ISABEL ICE complains that she gets too high on drugs and eats so much dick that it ends up in her cunt and asshole at the same time. Somebody get me a doctor...now mutherfucker...aw shit!

The Doc is DORA VENTER and this bitch is a hot bitch fuck. You want her to cure all of your nagging ills, shoot the goo, and start some assfucking jailhouse style!

SUZIE BEST and NIKKI SUN eat fuck and take it like little school girls. The production is good along with the editing. Smacks of fine production that is more common among European filmmakers. This is a UK production so I am not surprised. Kicks ass over the Canoga Park shit. I could not even wipe my ass with that crap.

Pachanga sez Go to the Doc, Stat!

And start yer jerkin off now--Docs orders! -- PACHANGA!

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/268377new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

Posted by oxbow at 08:31 PM | Comments (0)

THE VOYEUR'S BEST ANAL COCKSUCKERS #2

Evil Angel

Rating: TWO "Cocksuckingly Anal" BUSTED NUTS

What can I say about this movie that hasn't been said about our current president?

It's stupid, boring, not great to look at, and the sex is lackluster.

But watching all the ass fucking DID bring back memories of my childhood on the Greek plains of Epidavros where I herded sheep and goats.

EVA BLACK, AS THE FLYING NUN, ANAL COCKSUCKS IN A MOVIE THAT DOES THE SAME.

Ohhhh... the times we had. A man and his animals alone in the dew-laden meadows...but I digress: this movie blows like an e-coli epidemic.

The girls are nice to look at but seriously we have seen it all before. Girl meets guy, girl blows guy, guy fucks girl in the ass before blowing a wad on her face.

Blahh blahh blahh.

I'd rather watch my 79-year-old neighbor and his 82 year old wife get it on. At least they appreciate the sex more.

The only thing worth watching about this movie was...seeing an unshaven snatch.

I mean unshaven, baby.

Not wild-jungle-like with monkeys flying around but a huge patch of pubic hair all the way down to her ass.

It brings back memories of the sheep. -- PERRY THE GREEK

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/266460new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

Posted by oxbow at 06:09 PM | Comments (0)

LIGHTS, CAMERAS & A MARKED LACK OF LOADS IN SKULLGAME FIRST TV SHOW, ENTER THE 4TH REICH! PLUS: ST. LOUIS CARDS WIN WORLD SERIES, WORLD GIVES NOT A FUCK, LION V. MIDGETS [SPOILER: MIDGETS LOSE] & HALLOWEEN HIJINKS WITH JUDGE ROY BEAN!!!

THERE are talents and there are talents and nowhere is there any talent that is as evident as the talent evidenced in the shape and form of our own evidently talented HEINRICH BIMMLER. Bimmler, in addition to writing bromides for SkullGame has filmed a pilot for a show that he hopes "vill soon be ze toast of all ze Jew media," ENTER THE 4TH REICH. But because a picture is worth a 1000 year reich, we'll just show instead of telling. Extra points if you're also able to identify ITALIAN SAL PACINO as "The Jew" and Cornholio as "The Subhuman."

LIONS V. THE MIDGETS: A STUDY IN BLEEDING & BROKEN CONTRASTS

BEFORE THINGS WENT HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY AWRY....

CAMBODIA (SkullGame) -- Spectators cheered as the entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against an African Lion. Tickets had been sold-out three weeks before the much-anticipated fight, which took place in the city of Kâmpóng Chhnãng. The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.

Sihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will "... take on anything; man, beast, or machine."

This campaign is believed to be what sparked the undisclosed fan to challenge the entire league to fight a lion; a challenge that Sihamoni readily accepted.

An African Lion (Panthera Leo) was shipped to centrally located Kâmpóng Chhnãng especially for the event, which took place last Saturday in the city’s coliseum. The Cambodian Government allowed the fight to take place, under the condition that they receive a 50% commission on each ticket sold, and that no cameras would be allowed in the arena.

The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.

Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they “… could out-wit and out-muscle [it].”

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

And another valuable lesson was learned: good midgets are hard to find.

KREMLIN PR CAMPAIGN ROCKED BY PUTIN RAPE JOKE; RUSSIAN PRESIDENT PLAYS GAME OF “JUST THE HEAD OF IT” WITH GLOBAL NEWS AGENCIES “CRYING, BATTERED, RAPED-WOMAN LIKE SENSITIVITIES.” A JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORT.

RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN RESPONDS TO ALLEGATIONS OF MAKING PRO-RAPE COMMENTS AT AN OCTOBER 20TH MEETING WITH ISRAELI PRIME MINISTER EHUD OLMERT. “IT’S SUCH AN UGLY TERM—RAPE, THAT IS. I MEAN, ISN’T IT REALLY JUST ‘SURPRISE SEX’ WHEN IT ALL COMES DOWN TO IT? RIGHT, GUYS? RIGHT? PUSSIES…”

MOSCOW (SkullGame) — In response to a growing public outrage, The Kremlin released a meticulously formulated alibi this past week regarding President Vladimir Putin’s shockingly insensitive comments regarding the pending rape charges against pending rapist, and Israeli President, Moshe Katsav, labeling the entire fiasco a misunderstanding.

Kremlin officials, in a statement released Friday October 20th, hold that the entirety of the reported near-global offense is due to incongruence in dialect and vernacular. “In Russia,” a high-ranking official says, “rape is national sport. But in English? Not so much. Therefore there is clearly something that has been lost in translation.”

The comments in question were made to Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert on an Oct 18th visit, just days after Israeli police recommended that Katsav be charged with jewing a virtual cabal of female co-workers out of their underwear. "Say hello to your president,” Putin told Olmert. “He really surprised us. I took one look at him and said to myself, ‘he doesn’t look like a guy who could be with ten women.’Well he sure showed us. And them. But mostly them.”

The 60-year-old Katsav has went on record as denying any wrongdoing.

“Huh?” Katsav told SkullGame reporters when questioned about the charges.

This has not been the first time that Putin, a former KGB agent, has been publically decried for what Deputy Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov has chalked up as “mere earthly language” but what many prominent global voices have labeled “irresponsible” and, at times, “downright inflammatory.”

In a June 2006 press conference, Putin responded to a question regarding possible sanctions being levied against Iran in the event of continuing their uranium enrichment practices by posing a partially rhetorical, yet completely nonsensical, question to attending news agencies.

"What if my grandmother had certain sexual attributes?" he asked. "Then she would be my grandfather. And what if my grandfather had raped my grandmother? Then he would be her horse. And that would be pretty confusing, no? Does anybody understand what the fuck I’m getting at here?"

HAPPY FUCKING HALLOWEEN!!!

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO CAN SQUEEZE THE FUCKING JOY OUT OF ANYTHING

Posted by oxbow at 03:58 PM | Comments (0)

STEROIDS: THEY LIFT YOU UP, WHILE THEY AGGHHHH...

A shopkeeper got so angry about the way a man had parked his car that he climbed into a forklift, placed the fork under the car and lifted it off the ground, police said. Wasek Safrah, 51, of Ossining, also punched out both the offending car and the man who parked it, said Lt. Brian Karst. He was arrested on charges of criminal mischief and assault. Karst said the episode began at about 5 p.m. Oct. 16 at a mall on Route 6 in Mahopac. Safrah felt the car, though legally parked, was blocking his access to a storage container and got into a heated argument with the driver, who was an employee of another store and was no longer in the car. The police report says Safrah then punched the side of the vehicle, denting it. Then he took the forklift, maneuvered its lifting mechanism under the car and lifted it upward. The car was not moved out of the parking spot, however. "We don't know what his intention was," Karst said.

Posted by oxbow at 03:36 PM | Comments (0)

STACKED #5: BIG TIT BACHELOR PARTY

Olivia? Oh God, we love you,

you skag, you!!!

265267

Posted by oxbow at 09:57 PM | Comments (0)

blackhole_114

"THERE ARE, VERY SIMPLY PUT, SOME

ASSES THAT SIMPLY CRY OUT FOR A

SAUSAGE." -- OCTAVE MIRBEAU

KATYA KASSIN from ASS FOR DAYS

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=269917

Posted by oxbow at 03:50 PM | Comments (0)

SUCKING YOUR COCK = SEX? NOOOOO.....

YO VINNIE,
There's this girl who has blown me like 30 times. I eat her out. She blows me. 30 times. 30 DIFFERENT times. Now when I make the move for the cooch she tells me that she doesn't want to have sex with me because it's going to be bad for her to have sex with someone that she's not involved with. Then she goes back to sucking my cock. Until I come. Did I mention that she is 24? Suggestions? -- A.D. (by email)

"I'M JUST NOT REALLY READY TO ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, PUT IT IN MY MOUTH QUITE YET, IF THAT'S OK WITH YOU."

Dear ORAL ROBERTS: Oh, my friend. I feel for you. You're stuck in the Twilight Zone of broads in their early 20s where their brains are making that last ditch attempt at calcifying into a world view that almost sorta kinda works vis a vis things like cock. And their personalities. And shit. Is there anything sort of the nuclear option ["will you MARRY me??!?!!!"] that will get your pole in her hole?

No.

She came to her dogheaded conclusion by way of a SINGLE experience upon which she's basing EVERYTHING now. So, curse the man who ruined everything for everybody after him forever [or at least until she turns 30] or look at things silver lining style: you're getting your dick sucked by a woman who won't want you to go to poetry readings, movies with SHIRLEY MACLAINE in them, or to the store to get her tampons.

I mean if you play your cards right here this is almost perfect. But, of course, it never is really or can be since gnawing at you day and night and night and day is the question: what's the pussy like? It'll start to eat at you like a cancer until each sucked cock mocks you and you'll find yourself driven to the brink of chaos where you start to feel like you'd do just about ANYTHING, say just about ANYTHING and give just about ANYTHING to be sunk sausage deep in that quim.

You know what we call guys like you?

Married.

Be afraid. Very afraid.

Posted by oxbow at 03:16 PM | Comments (0)

JOEY SILVERA'S HELLCATS #2

Evil Angel

Rating: FOUR "Hail Satan Pentagrams" BUSTED NUTS

Good morning cockwhackers!

From the depths of hell and other Luciferian inspirations comes HELLCATS 2 by JOEY
SILVERA. Remember when Joey was Dr. Elvis Presley in one of his cock-banging
adventures in the 80's?

Been jerkin off that long too, huh?

"PUT YOUR HOT DOGS, HEAH!!!!" YANKEE-FAN SATIVA ROSE ABOUT TO BLOW ANOTHER 10 POINT LEAD.

Anyways, now he MAKES movies. Stay tuned asshole because HELLCATS 2 stars some nice pussy. Lemme see...let's get descriptive with TOBI PACIFIC. Toby gets her shit gang banged by her art teacher and the teacher's...assistant! She starts off her project with a smoke in hand and cock in the other, gags big time on fuckstick and next thing ya know her ass is full of dick.

Good Girl.

KATSUMI is a hot little chunk of sushi and she accommodates a couple of brothers and lots of black snake. Her cunt actually jiggles when her ass is fucked. Ya gotta see it. Ass to mouth and she is hungry.

I love SATIVA ROSE period. She works HARD for her extra credit "A" as a school girl, so all you fucking repressed Catholic casualties can jerk off now. Sative is a hot bitch fuck. Nuff said.

MIA ROST (roast?) has the look of your friends daughter now well past puberty so your prick gets fat
at her college graduation, but you are still in control of your nuts, right?

She wears a classy dog collar when she sucks dick. Nice touch. Squirt!Squirt!

The blow job audition of JAZMIN is an appreciated extra at the end.

Could have been a contender.

Nice bitch.

Pachanga sez whip it out. -- PACHANGA!

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/135251new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

Posted by oxbow at 02:52 PM | Comments (0)

MY DAUGHTER'S FUCKING BLACKZILLA #2

Hush Hush Entertainment

Rating: FIVE "Here's To You Sven Nauckhoff" BUSTED NUTS

My name is Cornholio. Bitches. And you're here with ME, now.

Some white dude turned me on to Black Flag once. I thought it was a new way of getting high offa roach spray but no, it was this band with this gay dude singing and flexing his muscles and all whatnot and he used that line and I liked it so I used it to intro what's got to be the ding dang doggiest autobiographical pic I've ever had the pleasure of viewing for suchlike cinema purposes.

"MOM? DAD? THIS IS CORNHOLIO...MY FRIEND." HILLARY SCOTT PLAYS THE PART OF THE PRODIGAL DAUGHTER WHILST A CORNHOLIO STAND IN PLAYS JAMES DEAN.

MY DAUGHTER'S FUCKING BLACKZILLA #2 took me right over to the way back machine when I was sitting up in this ofay's house while he tried to get his mind around the fact that his daughter had been getting her lips around the fact that supping on summer sausage is a sacred rite and one that she wanted quite a bit more of.

Anyways, he sat on his cream colored couch, drinking, shaking his head, drinking and sahking his head and finally he said, "so in other words this relationship you have with Cornholio is like, a, um, a, religious experience?" And she without missing a beat said, "Yes." And he hung his head just a little bit and like that fucking Indian on that TV commercial one big, ol' lonely tear slide down his face and he started channeling GEORGE C. SCOTT from that movie HARDCORE and he looked up at the sky and moaned, "my God, what has this country done to you?!?!?!"

Well, this movie is like that.

If you don't dig viewing the final and logical extension of MARTIN LUTHER KING'S I Have a Dream speech by way of lots of BLACK COCK fucking lots of WHITE COOZE than this ain't for you SARAH GIDICK. But if the image of SVEN NAUCKHOFF crying with his pale face raised to the ceiling because I was fucking his daughter JOSEFINE NAUCKHOFF [badly, too, I might add...who knows what the fuck woulda happened had I laid my A-level shit out there] gives you as much delight as it gave me?

Go and fucking get part of the dream.

Bitches. -- CORNHOLIO

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/249309new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

Posted by oxbow at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)

ROCCO'S NASTY TAILS #4

Evil Angel

Rating: THREE "Rolls of TP" BUSTED NUTS

Time to sit down, smoke some rock, really relax and clean the gun collection--naked.

Know what I am sayin'?

Another Saturday night at the bookstore! Lissen up assfreaks, and some of you County Jail Vets!
Rocco Siffredi, EVIL ANGEL DVD and THE EVIL EMPIRE have some real butt shit for you; so fill yer enema bags up with ball jam. Rocco Siffredi brings you ROCCO'S NASTY TAILS 4 to add
to your carpal tunnel and fudge tunnel woes.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY ASS PLUMBED LIKE A CRAP-CLOGGED SINK?" LORA BLACK ASKING THE UNNECESSARY OF THE HIGHLY WILLING.

Starring EVELYN, THALIA, ANGELA WINTER, LIZA, SZONJA, SUSANNA, LORA BLACKand KYRA BANKS, these cunts work hard for their money and little else.

Dungnity: New word for you asshole luvers.

Evelyn is a skinny bitch that needs to eat a ham sandwich first but let's skip it. She meets her ad hoc proctologist who looks like he just cut Torah class,skull cap and all. He is not into the Old Testament. No. Hog...

...And he rips her boycunt wide open and offers tasty licks from her asshole like a generous boyfriend sharing from his plate at Eric's Deli.

Nice guy.

She likes to be buttfucked. He fucks her butt dutifully like any San Quentin volunteer would. Then,Thalia who is cuter, also has finger food style proctology performed with many ooooss and
ahhhhs. Her ass is readily filled with ham hog surrounded by toilets. Gives it a real Service Station
feel.

Sexy!

Lots of A2M cuz these Uno Cal champs are hungry! Liza and Szonja, Susanna, and Lora Black are
primed buttstyle.

Hey, want proof Buffaloes fuck school girls? Here it is! Rocco has gone to the Self Serve Stations syle wise and has the toilets to prove it! No room for potty humor here, pally. Time to give birth control a new frontier!

As Jim Morrison once sang into Jim Hendrix's mic one night "FUCK HER IN THE ASS!!!"

Pachanga sez, why wipe? -- PACHANGA!

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/268502newer.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

Posted by oxbow at 02:01 PM | Comments (0)

PRIME CUTS: MATURE

Pink Visual Productions

Rating: THREE "Here's To You, Mrs. Robinson: A Load" BUSTED NUTS

It's all broken English and torn labias in this so-so milf-fucking extravaganza. All your favorite scenes from the AVN award-winning MILF SEEKER series all wrapped up into one DVD!

How can this be, you ask? WHO FUCKING CARES! Now you don't have to skip through all those hours of bullshit scenes from the previous DVDs in their entirety! Plenty of foreign 30- and 40-somethings getting fucked silly by a bunch of dudes with some pretty colorful bullshit stories to reel these skanks in. Not that the shit is true on tape, but I'm sure this kind of scenario could actually happen in real life. In fact, perhaps the last time you brought some nasty bitch home from the bar? Just for the record dude, no they weren't fucking twins...you were drunk and were seeing double. Just admit it. You'll feel better when you stop lying to yourself.

"TAKE A LOAD OFF BILLY." SURE THING MRS. DIETRICH...

The story? Well, there wasn't much of one. This gets confusing due to the first scene being COMPLETELY FUCKING DIFFERENT from the rest of scenes. In the first, there are some weird guys posing as doctors, examining some ragged, saggy French chick named BRENDA by way of poking and proding her with pens and shit as she looks on, completely bored. It eventually (after 35 minutes of this) cuts to the chase, pounding this girl until she is rambling shit in French. Nothing more amusing than watching a girl yell out "oh weeeeeeee, oh weeeeee" in the middle of some two-on-one shit......ah, whatever.

This is where the continuity drops off: The rest of the film is renegade camcorder footage of dudes picking up nasty trailer tail at random places and fucking the holy hell out of them. Even the last scene of this thing involves some chick named ANN getting reemed to the point where I swear I saw some blood being shed! Now THAT is putting forth some effort.

Or perhaps...too much effort?

Either way, this movie is a fucking winner if you're a freak for moms, but if not, maybe not so good. Decent premise, a tad boring at times with the slow dialogue and unnecessary scenarios, but that's nothing a DVD player remote can't take care of. You may use the fast-forward button a little more than usual, but either way, not a half-bad view and worth the time.—SCOTTY B.

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/274519.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

Posted by oxbow at 01:28 PM | Comments (0)

AUSTRIANS WITHOUT A SENSE OF HUMOR? NOOO...

An Austrian businessman announced today that he would get rid of urinals shaped like a woman's mouth from a public toilet near Vienna's national opera, after facing pressure from politicians who demanded their removal. The urinals, which are located in the "Opera Toilet," a lavishly decorated public restroom, feature thick, lipsticked lips, a set of teeth and a bright red tongue. "We think that it's tasteless, misogynistic and offensive," Marianne Lackner, media spokeswoman for the Vienna Department of Women's Affairs told The Associated Press. "The owner thinks the idea (of the urinal) is funny," Lackner said, adding that it seemed he was not prepared for the hostile reactions.

Posted by oxbow at 08:22 PM | Comments (0)

SEX CITY 2

Private

Rating: FIVE "count the blown loads" BUSTED NUTS

If there's a porn version of the planets coming back into alignment, resulting in perfect harmony, it's PIERRE WOODMAN returning to Private to direct movies again.

SONIA RED: GEARED UP FOR BATTLE

In the mid- to late-90s, Woodman elevated his fuck flick craft to near retarded perfection. The ex-cop turned director's movies all had plots that invariably featured liberal use of callous edginess, wrapped up in cavalier presentation that most prominently featured consistently hilarious dubbed over spoken parts. These were so oddly timed and awkward that they actually made the movies more likeable.

In terms of porn, I grew up watching Woodman's movies in French. The early ones didn't have English tracks. So out of nostalgia, I viewed the SEX CITY series, the latest and greatest Woodman movie yet, in French. At least the actual fucking is the real actors.

Sex City is obviously based on the smash hit SIN CITY. Like that movie, much of the scenes have sections in black and white, with select pieces of clothing in red or yellow. The result is artistic, eye-catching, and contributes to the eroticism. The tones are impossibly buttery and velvety, which also contributes to the movie's appeal.

Since it's a Woodman movie, you can be sure all the women are gorgeous, and even if they're not, they look gorgeous in the movie. Even in the most depraved and stupid scenes, you wish the dude could be you in the movie.

How do we measure a perfect porn at Skullgame? When we blow loads to it in many installments over many days, not missing a second of the movie. SEX CITY 2 might not be as hot or erotic as the first chapter, but I blew at LEAST five loads for this movie, and so, considering that, awarding any fewer points on our scale would be wrong. The only gripe is during the last scene, which features a luscious, corpulent slut, who flashes her fleshy rack and sucks the protagonist off, but leaves all the fucking to the other, thinner girls in the scene. Hey, fat girls need love, too. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/269529new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 09:16 PM | Comments (0)

SLUTINAS 2

Platinum X

Rating: FOUR "tay goostah?" BUSTED NUTS

Get ready for some rampant "Papi" naming.

SATIVA ROSE WITH A MOUTHFUL OF LITTLE PAPIS

No, we're not talking about the Red Sox's DAVID ORTIZ. That would be much, much worse. No, it's the nearly incessant, obligatory verbal spew from the Latina faction in the porn industry.

Does anyone even vaguely from South America call their lovers "papi" at least once per ten seconds? Or is it in their fuck flick contracts?

Whatever, as long as flesh tacos like SAMANTHA SOUTH and JANELLE MEDINA are simultaneously taking a cock up their ass, they could be singing the Mexican national anthem as far as we care. Come to think of it, that would be fucking hilarious.

At least the director can actually speak Spanish. You can't say so much for actors like MICHAEL STEFANO and JOHN STRONG, who try to wing their way through the movie with their clunky "te gusta"s and "oh, si"s.

SATIVA ROSE 2.0 is in this movie, so you know she's doing anal with a reckless abandon that could only be in order to make up for all those initial years of inability.

SLUTINAS 2: It beats watching gap-toothed negroes run around the bases. - STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/271211.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 08:51 PM | Comments (0)

blackhole_113

"HUT...HUT...HIKE...!!! IT RIGHT UP

MY JACKSIE!!!" WE LOVE FOOTBALL SEASON

LONG TIME.

LILY THAI from ME LUV U LONG TIME #6

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=208510

Posted by oxbow at 08:40 PM | Comments (0)

HOW DO YOU WANT ME?

Vouyer Media

Rating: THREE AND A HALF "movers and shakers" BUSTED NUTS

Porn stars of today; CEOs of tomorrow.

DRAGON LILY, STRAIGHT TO THE TOP BY USE OF HER BOTTOM.

These aren't any wishy-washy whores. No, siree. Take a look: DEVON LEE "decides to take it up the ass for the very first time on camera!"; "CASSIE YOUNG decides to swallow your load!"; DRAGON LILY "decides to take it in the ass for the very first time on camera!"

That's executive decision making, right there. It's the kind of spirit that has made this country great; the kind of can-do attitude that we need to pull us out of this rut.

Not only that, Dragon Lily's is the kind of take-charge attitude that should be an example for chinee women not only in porn, but everywhere.

And JAMIE ELLE's ability to wrap her ankles behind her head during missionary anal and keep them there? If that's not being a role-model, I don't know what is. - STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/270989.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 08:25 PM | Comments (0)

SLANT EYED SLUTS 3

Platinum X

Rating: TWO AND A HALF “why don’t men listen?” BUSTED NUTS

SLANT EYED SLUTS 3 is a tragic story of wasted opportunities, namely, the opportunity to stick cocks in little Asian girls’ asses.

KEEANI LEI, AN ASS OPPORTUNITY TRAGICALLY UNSTUCK IN.

It’s not like they aren’t trying to tell us. CIERA LIN, the owner of the best ass in East Asian history, looks directly into the camera, and tells us point blank she loooves anal. And then TALON nearly forgets to put it in. And when he does, it’s with her greatest asset face down. As is, it’s almost an afterthought.

Even more objectionable is not taking the A train with such proven anal superstars as KEEANI LEI, who’s gone several rounds with the worst MAX HARDCORE could dish out and continued her career unfazed, and LANA CROFT, who just looks weird withOUT a phallus in her back door.

Rookie KEYMORE CASH is showing the veterans the way. She’s not slacking off with a solid DP performance. She should really take TIA TANAKA under her wing. As for the rest of the cast and crew of this movie, I’m deeply disappointed in you. Give me three laps. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/272814.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 07:50 PM | Comments (0)

LIMO BIMBOS

Fifth Element

Rating: ZERO "The Whorer, The Whorer..." BUSTED NUTS

I’ve always been a fan of well-done horror, with even a strong lean toward the more, shall we say, morally reprehensible features of the genre. While I’ve always favored the bizarre (Suspiria and Mermaid In A Manhole, for instance), I can stand firmly behind the exploitive, “just-to-make-you-uncomfortable,” all-out-assault-of-realistic-violence flicks such as August Underground, Cannibal Holocaust, Flower of Flesh and Blood—the real gutsy, more “pornographic by the House committee definition of, in that it’s totally devoid of artistic merit” silver screen snuff stuff.

Why?

I’ve never been able to pinpoint from where the fascination arises; I suppose I can just appreciate a good cringe.

But this? This I cannot handle. This makes my skin crawl, my legs wobbly, my appetite suppress. This is fully fucking disturbing--an outright attack on all the tenets of decency.

A GOOGLE SEARCH FOR ONE JENNA MAREE YIELDED NO RELEVANT RESULTS, SO HERE’S AN ARTISTIC RANDITION OF WHAT THE PRE-PRODUCTION MEETING BETWEEN JOHN WHOREMONGER AND SAID MONGERED WHORE MAY HAVE LOOKED LIKE. JUST REPLACE THE CHESS BOARD WITH A BUNCH OF LIFE-RUINING OFF-WHITE SUBSTANCES.

Perhaps it’s the limp-cocked Guido scumbag serving as the centerpiece of this limo-guided look into the failure of the War on Drugs--the casualties of the last four administration’s homeland policies aimed at driving our collective urge for cocaine down to the street level of robbing or rimming, or what have you--that fills me with such dread. Or maybe it’s the gappy-toothed, ugly whores such as JENNA MAREE that remind me of the ultimate futility of…well IT ALL.

Or maybe it’s the lack of ease in the navigation, the shoddy editing, the terrible sound, and the laughable performances.

All I know is this is Friday night; and there’s a damn good reason why we start numbing our senses come 9 o’clock. — JUDGE ROY BEAN

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/263061.jpg?wid=125&qlt=100&cvt=jpeg

Posted by judgeroybean at 06:30 PM | Comments (0)

A GODDAMNED JUDGE ROY BEAN SKULLGAME NEWSFUCKINGFLASH REPORT: ANNA NICOLE SMITH’S “KEEP-A-NIGGA BABY” SCHEME EXPOSED IN DODGY DNA DEBACLE; ACTRESS FORMULATES PLEA OF STUPIDITY. LEGAL EXPERTS PREDICT LANDSLIDE WIN. PLUS: HITLER, GEORGE BUSH: DISCUSS

ANNA NICOLE SMITH, VISIBLY DISTRAUGHT BY THE PROSPECT OF NOT EARNING MONEY VIA SUCCUBI SUCKING-OFFINGS, EYES A POTENTIAL TARGET AND BEGINS COUNTING HIS CALORIES FRIDAY MORNING BEFORE ENCOUNTERING TOE NUMBER TEN AND DECIDING TO LEAVE IT ALL TO THE DRUGS.

NASSAU (SkullGame) – In a not-so-well-thought-out career hop from ambulance chasing to chubby chasing, probable alcoholic Wayne Munroe, attorney for famed gold-digger and accused water buffalo ANNA NICOLE SMITH, told SkullGame reporter’s Friday afternoon that the full-time beast of burden/part-time “reality” television whore has refused to submit her newborn daughter to doctors for DNA testing as previously requested by the ex-boyfriend who is currently listed as “poor motherfucker” on six-week-old Dannielyn Hope Marshall Stern’s birth certificate.

Howard K. Stern, who claims no relations to the shock jock sensation of the same name, has been quoted as “not being totally sold” on his paternity after discovering a crayon-scrawled “business plan” while rummaging through Smith’s My Little Pony diary that supposedly read: “Phase One: Discard Underpants. Phase Two: … Phase Three: Profit.”

Smith, in an official statement delivered to SkullGame late last week, refuted the allegations by assuring the public that there was absolutely no fucking way that she ever could, or ever would, be able to read. “Not with these titties,” the “actress” said, to which all in attendance shrugged their shoulders, bobbled their heads, shut their notebooks, and started formulating mental plans to cover more easily debatable topics including, but not limited to, GEORGE MICHAEL'S heterosexuality.

But relentless Jew Stern, in a follow-up interview, told us that he “refused to be the one getting fucked out of money.”

“This is not the way this is supposed to work.”

In related news, Smith oversaw the burial of her 20 year old son Daniel Thursday morning, who died, on a post-partum visit to see Smith on Sept. 10th, from a lethal drug cocktail.

A police investigation is currently underway, though an individual close to the pussy, on condition of anonymity, told us that he believes the official cause of death to be suicide, with the motivation being “pretty fucking obvious, man.”

Posted by judgeroybean at 05:20 PM | Comments (0)

HOMOSEXUAL B-BALL FANATIC STILL AT LARGE!

The decision by a judge to dismiss an indecent exposure count against a woman is being questioned and appealed by the Riverside County district attorney's office. Judge Robert W. Armstrong dismissed the case against 40-year-old Alexis Luz Garcia at a hearing -- the day both sides were set to select a jury for the Corona woman's trial. Garcia was accused of disrobing and sitting naked outside her home to get a teen boy who lived next door to stop playing basketball because, she said, he was being too loud. The victim as alleged in this case is a 14-year-old boy who was playing basketball in front of his parent's Corona home. Police Sgt. Neil Reynolds said Garcia asked the boy to stop playing because it was too loud, but the boy continued. "So to try and drive him away, she disrobed and sat on her sun deck naked," Reynolds said. The boy went inside, told his parents and they called the police.

Posted by oxbow at 01:19 PM | Comments (0)

ASIAN SEX SLAVES

Elegant Angel

Rating: FOUR "remember Hiroshima" BUSTED NUTS

A local paper in the Bay Area has been running a multiple installment series on the life of an Asian sex slave in the US. Apparently, the human chattel market is booming in this country.

2 FOR 1 OFFER: BUY THE NYOMI ZEN, GET THE RUG. TODAY ONLY

Oh, yeah? If there are so many Oriental whores in this country, then where are all the Asian bitches in porn? Something doesn't wash here.

Poised to pounce on this latest flavor of sexual outrage is Elegant Angel and their ASIAN SEX SLAVES line. Fitting to the spirit of locked-in sexual obligation, all the scenes in this movie are filmed in the same unabashedly, stereotypically Orientally decorated room.

But there's a twist. The chinee bitches in this movie WANT it. They want it so bad they pray to whatever false idols they may have, and in whatever Muppet-on-crack language they speak to bring the magical white man's cock within their reach. As the main incarnation of these wishes, SASHA is a lucky man.

Despite what the whack subtitles say, MAX (she's a chick) ain't speakin' Japanese. But she dive bombs with her mouth and ass on her John's cock. We first noticed this Southeast Asian bitch in Platinum X's SEX SLAVES, so this new variation on the theme is old hat for her.

The other bitches are the usual suspects (again, where is the should-be legion of Asian ass in porn?) like MIKA TAN, ANNIE CRUZ, and NYOMI ZEN. All of which are anal veterans, and hats off to them. TIA TANAKA is still not reaching her sex slave potential in this area.

Check out the last scene with Mika Tan, who's lookin' a little like TERA PATRICK in this movie. The real trooper in this one is the guy whom Tan, playing the dom, beats the shit out of with a whip in-between forcing him to eat dog food while handcuffed (look, ma!)... trooper indeed as he gets ushered off before the hardcore scene begins. - STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/270019.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 09:05 PM | Comments (0)

JUSTIN SLAYER'S DINGO: WHEN BIG JUST AIN'T ENOUGH #2

And everyone at SkullGame

scratches their heads & wonders:

isn't big ALWAYS enough?

Everyone except T-Bone.

268383

Posted by oxbow at 08:00 PM | Comments (0)

SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW, SOMETHING WRINKLY, SOMETHING BLUE

Because the jokes on them

JUST THINK, BABE, AFTER THIS? AND CHARLIE SHEEN? IT'S ALLLLLLLLLLLL DOWN HILL....

You know one of those guys who keeps folded, spindled and mutilated mimeographs of shit that happened to them in elementary school, like some fucking bunk award that says that they were on time for 300 days in a row? And the teacher ran off one of those things with a hand crank and he saves it? For eternity? [Because in some small measure it represents what he may not know at 20, 30 or even 40...it represents that which will only assert itself a little later. Like when he's getting thrown out of his house, his job or his favorite bar: indisputably the best years of his fucking life?]

This site is exactly like that.

Yeah yeah, life begins at 40 is what all the Algonquin table wags once said but they didn't have the dimmest idea of where San Fernando Valley is/was and it is clear if you seen any of these broads today that life ain't beginning at 40 for them. So what you have here? Frozen moments in time when women who you wouldn't look at twice in the supermarket now are looking fucking perfectly cherry as they fuck and suck like this day would never come. That is: the day when they were being mocked by guys they wouldn't have pissed on before for the amusement of others because like ITALIAN SAL said to one of my broads by way of hello, "they're old. And now, since I said that, you're even older. And by the time you walk off in a huff you'll be even older."

Goddamned right.

But they were great once. And that's more than most of us can say.

So I salute this with a load. Right before I go out to fuck a 22 year old whose name I will not remember tomorrow.

Posted by oxbow at 07:10 PM | Comments (0)

I, DEVIANT!

YO VINNIE,
My girlfriend has gotten very much these days into me choking her with my cock. I mean I would call it deep throating but she likes me to force it down and hold it there until she starts to gag. She's vomited sometimes. But her eyes start to tear and it seems really uncomfortable and I start worrying and then I lose my erection and then she gets angry. And now I don't want to do it because I know it's going to end up in an argument but I really don't want to hurt her but she's calling me a pussy and so? What the fuck? -- Jeff (by email)

MMMPPGHHHH!!!!

Dear GEOFF: You know how to tell when you're hurting a woman with your cock? I mean at least when it's in her mouth?

When she bites down HARD on it.

That's usually a clear cut sign that things have gone widely and wildy awry. Believe me, I know. This broad was blowing me once. AND she was angry while doing so. And so? She started chewing on my cock like it was an old cut of beef jerky and as a point of pride and because I was hellbent for load I held on until I blew and then immediately ran to a bathroom to begin swabbing down with some crazy variety of unguents and so on. [Thanks a load JANINE THERESA VINTERIA LOBBE].

But I digress and my point is this: you're not doing much beyond what she's asking you to do. And the fact that she's even had to ask is almost borderline joykilling since the way it works with sex is this:

SHE says [coyly]: what kind of weird person would want to get fucked in the ass?

YOU say: lots of girls.

SHE says: have YOU ever fucked a girl in the ass?

YOU: Yup.

SHE: was it fun?

YOU: Lemme show you.

Memorize that and run it whenever throat fucking comes up, loads on the face or anything else that you find remotely scandalous because you see the real issue here is not her, it's what YOU feel comfortable knowing about yourself. I mean god forbid you should be a guy who finds this HOT...what on earth would this tell others about you? What on earth would it tell you?!?!

That you're a choke-fucking, face loading, ass plunging lunatic?

And?

Posted by oxbow at 01:39 PM | Comments (0)

METS FANS CELEBRATE CARDS WIN BY COLLECTIVELY STRANGLING ORANGUTANGS, CHIMPS & TREE SQUIRRELS WITH BAREHANDS IN SKULLGAME'S CELEBRATION OF CHOKITUDE & HOW IT APPLIES SPECIFICALLY TO NY TEAMS. "WE BLAME A-ROD," SAYS ANYONE WITHIN HEARING DISTANCE.

AND to sing the National Anthem JESSICA SIMPLETON does it like it has not been done before.

"HEY BUBBLEHEAD, WE GOT IT ALREADY...NOW WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING INSTEAD OF SITTING AROUND HERE ALL DAY WAITING FOR ME TO FUCK YOU?"

AND because you, who buy our shit, fucking deserve it, for buying our shit, our FIRST sale ever if you buy more shit...

Buy That Shit NOW & Until November 6th!

A SKULLGAME SPOT QUIZ: WHAT DO YOU CALL A WHORE NAMED SARAH GIDICK WHO WON'T FUCK MEXICANS OR NEGROES?

"I'M NOT A WHORE...I'M JUST A 25, ER, UH 21 YEAR OLD 'COLLEGE' 'STUDENT'. IF I WAS A WHORE WELL, OF COURSE, I'D FUCK THEM. BUT I AM NOT A WHORE. I JUST TAKE MONEY FOR SEX."

SAN DIEGO (SkullGame) -- Republican SARAH GIDICK [dc22201@hotmail.com] will fuck men for money as long as they're not BLACK BASTARDS or MEXICAN GREASERS.

The SKULLGAME Spot Quiz:

IS She or IS SHE NOT a WHORE? Or perhaps she's more of a SLUT?

Voting at VINNIE@SKULLGAME.COM is open until Election Day. MAKE YOURSELF HEARD AMERICA!!!

AND ON A RELATED NOTE: NEGRO VOLUNTEERS TO FUCK WOMEN, FIGHT WOMEN...FOR CASH.

ATTORNEY IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ AT A PRESSER DETAILING HIS GIVING UP THE LAW FOR OPPORTUNITES TO FUCK, FIGHT...MOSTLY BROADS.

STRONGSVILLE, OHIO (SkullGame) -- Attorney IRON MIKE TYSONWITZ, leaving behind his avid defense of a wide variety of ass bandits, most notably white woman warrior KOBE BRYANT, and his general love of the law, is now proposing a return to ass banditry in both the bedroom and squared room to...wait for it...fuck broads AND fight broads.

Encouraged by meth madam HEIDI FLEISS to apply for work on her stud farm in rural Nevada, Tysonwitz is glad to be working with another Jew again. Fleiss says "I said to him, 'You going to be my stud?' And he said, 'Heidi I don't care what any man says about how your skin resembles long gone bacon: It's every man's dream to please every woman no matter how old, how young, how fat, how pretty, how ugly, it's every man's dream to please every woman and especially get paid for it. Especially if by IT you mean his LOAD' And, he goes, 'Hell yeah, I'll be your number one stud.' Don't ever underestimate Mike Tysonwitz. He is a genius and he can be very, very stupid. Like me."

Not to be undone, Tysonwitz has also proposed a return to the ring with professional boxer Ann Wolfe, who is 21-1 with 15 knockouts.

"She's such a prominent, dominant woman in the boxing field," Tysonwitz said. "I should, maybe, almost, sort of, kinda be able to beat her. Failing that I will make sweet love to her. About this I'm very serious."

Russ Young, a promoter for Wolfe, said "That's the first we've heard of it. No state would sanction that. She would be outweighed by 60 to 70 pounds. Ann would never entertain the idea."

The 40-year-old former heavyweight champ launches "Mike Tysonwitz's World Tour" on Friday in Youngstown, Ohio.

DANCING WITH THE STARS' STARS NOT SO GAY, SARA EVANS DISCOVERS SHOCKINGLY

sara evans.jpg
"HE WANTED TO...SNIFF, SNIFF...PUT HIS YOU KNOW WHAT...ON MY YOU KNOW WHERE..." SARA EVANS, RIGHT BEFORE WE ASK HER TO TELL US AGAIN, WHAT EXACTLY HER HUSBAND DID & WHERE. WHILE WE LOOK DOWN HER SHIRT WHILE ONLY HALF LISTENING ANYWAY.

TENNESSEE (SkullGame) -- Country music singer and former Dancing with the Stars contestant SARA EVANS has accused her estranged husband Craig Schelske of adultery, of the penile kind, and abuse, of the penile variety. Evans' representative released a surprise statement saying the singer had decided to leave the popular reality show "to give her family her full attention at this difficult time of jiz and jiz-esque discovery."

Evans filed divorce papers in Williamson County, Tenn., the same day she left the competition. She cites adultery as the grounds for divorce, along with irreconcilable differences and inappropriate marital conduct. The couple married in 1993 and have three children ranging in age from 2 to 7.

In the papers, obtained by Entertainment Tonight, Evans alleges that Schelske has been storing personal ads looking for sexy sex sex from an online Web site on his personal computer. She also states that he "maintains many pornographic photographs of himself and his penis", along with photographs showing him having sex penis with other women, despite having had several appearances on a gay dancing show.

The star also alleges verbal abuse, harassment, excessive consumption of alcohol and adultery. Things we had no idea were anything other than attributes. Evans will address her departure to "Dancing with the Stars" fans on the October 17 live telecast, which will likely be her final appearance on the show. Evans lawyer tells Entertainment Tonight, "Under the circumstances, Sara had no other choice (but to file for divorce).

Bitch."

DON JOHNSON FUCKS 19-YEAR-OLD PORN SLUT WHILE WIFE & THREE KIDS HIGH FIVE HIM

IF SHE IS, INDEED, NOT A MAN [CHECK THE SHOULDER], SOFIA GUCCI IS DEFINITELY HIGH-FIVABLE WHAT FOR THE FUCKING AND ALL.

TRANI, ITALY (SkullGame) -- Former "Miami Vice" star Don Johnson has been fucking the living shit out of his teen co-star in Italy just months after his wife gave birth to their third child, according to media reports from ITALIAN SAL'S cugino CARMINE.

Johnson has been in Trani, southern Italy filming the incongruously named Bastardi with "19"-"year"-"old" "porn" "star" "Sofia Gucci" and the "romance" has reportedly moved off the set. The couple were spotted strolling hand-in-hand around the city on September 27 before heading back to Gucci's hotel room where they spent two hours fucking in several different positions before emerging for a romantic dinner of sausages and donuts.

Gucci's "personal manager", who would only identify himself as "Paolo", confirmed the relationship saying the couple "did go out for dinner together and they were intimate, cockwise. Sofia told me to say 'they spent a wonderful few days together. Not fucking, much, or nothing.' She does know that Don is married, but if what he says is 'true' his wife is 'frigid' and 'don' understan' him'."

Gucci has a pornography past, appearing in steamy adult films such as "Dirty Dance" and "Hot Dreams." She has also appeared nude on the cover of European magazines.

The five-times married Johnson and current wife, Kelley Phleger, have three children together. Their youngest, Deacon James, was born in April.

"Perfect," says Vinnie Rose.

FROM the SkullGame Brainstorm File: "OK. How's 'bout THIS: a Match.com for Axis power members, neo-nazis and wily Japs? We call it WhiteManRiseUp.com and make a MINT? Hunh? Hunh? Think about it. It's got fucking potential...." JIMMY THE G makes an unsolicited appearance as a result of having figured out how to use his digital camera.

"HEIR HITRER!!!"

RICH FRANKLIN? GAY?

VERY POSSIBLY. YES.

LAS VEGAS (SkullGame) -- He came, he saw, he got knocked the fuck out in the 1st round.

A JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORT: STEVE LYONS FIRED FOR RACIALLY PROVOCATIVE ON-AIR COMMENT. “BUT THEY DO STEAL,” LYONS RETORTS, “CASE IN POINT: WHAT DID THE MEXICAN GET FOR CHRISTMAS? YOUR BIKE! WHAT?”

steve lyons.jpg
STEVE LYONS COMMENTS ON ALLEGATIONS OF RACISM AT AN OCT. 13TH PRESS CONFERENCE: “SPRAYPAINT CANNOT BE MADE TO SIGN A LEGALLY BINDING DOCUMENT, Y’KNOW? SAY, WHAT DO YOU CALL A LAWYER WITHOUT A MEXICAN. UNEMPLOYED! WHAT?”

DETROIT (SkullGame)—Infamous Fox baseball broadcasting bigot Steve Lyons has reportedly been fired for what the network claims was a “racially insensitive comment” aimed at on-air colleague Lou Pinella during the third game of the AL championship series.

Piniella, during the second inning of the Detroit/Oakland game Friday, drew an analogy between Marco Scutaro’s hitting success and “finding a wallet on Friday,” claiming that Oakland’s Frank Thomas needed to get “en fuego” in order to win the game, to which Lyons replied ”Funny I can't find my wallet. Say, Lou, why do Mexicans wear sombreros? So they can have a place to store their tacos when they are stealing your hubcaps! What?”

A visibly distraught Piniella, who immediately began reprimanding the on-air personality, was met with a hand-wave before Lyons stated, "I don't understand him, and I don't want to sit too close to him now. Say, why don’t they teach driver’s education and sex education on the same day in Mexico? Because they don’t want to wear out the burro! What?”

“I was just kidding”, Lyons claimed shortly thereafter. “Say, why were there only 3000 Mexicans at the Alamo? They only had 4 cars! What?”

According to Fox, this was not Lyons’ first racist offense. A spokesman for the network told SkullGame reporters that Lyons was suspended in 2004 for a remark about the Los Angeles Dodgers' Shawn Green after Green opted out of a game scheduled against the San Francisco Giants on Yom Kippur.

“Say, how do you tell a Mexican girl from a Jewish girl,” Lyons asked Fox viewers, “The Mexican’s jewelry is fake, but her orgasms are real! What?”

Lyons also allegedly pulled his pants down on air during his fielding days with the Boston Red Sox. When questioned by reporters immediately following the incident, the 1981 first-round draft pick said “It just felt like the most appropriate form of celebration. Say, how do you get a Mexican woman pregnant? Jerk off in her shoes and let the flies do the rest! What?”

STAY THE COURSE IN IRAQ? REPUBLICAN-LED PANEL SAYS, "WHAT THE FUCK FOR? WE CAN FUCK TEENAGERS JUST AS WELL OVER HERE."

YOU'RE GODDAMNED RIGHT IT DOES. ALL EXCEPT MY BILLIONS & BILLIONS OF U.S. DOLLARS. NOW THAT I BRING BACK HOME.

WASHINGTON (SkullGame) — A commission backed by President Bush that is exploring U.S. options in Iraq intends to propose "significant fucking changes" in the administration's strategy by early next year, members say.

Two options under consideration would represent reversals of U.S. policy: withdrawing American troops in fast moving vehicles, preferably Porsche 928s, as well as bringing neighboring Iran and Syria into a joint effort to catch a few nuclear missiles that we understand they've been asking for. While it weighs alternatives, the 10-member commission headed by former Secretary of State James A. Baker III has agreed on one principle.

"It's sure as fucking shit is not going to be 'stay the course,' " one participant said. "Bush has REALLY fucked this up. LeMay's spinning in his grave right about now. But the bottom line is, [current U.S. policy] is working about as well as the average white man in the manufacturing sector.... There's just got to be another goddamned way."

It's unclear how willing Bush is to change his strategy, however, which presently focuses on improving security in Baghdad, mountain biking, fishing for perch, training Iraqi security forces to count by 100 and pressing the Iraqi government to forge a political agreement among warring factions. And shit.

P. DIDDY: "JENNIFER LOPEZ? REFRESH MY MEMORY."

"UM...ONE OF THESE BROADS? BOTH? GIMME A CLUE: THE ONE WITH NO PANTIES. YOU KNOW HOW MANY I MEET WITH NO PANTIES?!?!" DIDDY ON MEMORY LANE.

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Rap mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs insists he was never in love with ex-girlfriend JENNIFER LOPEZ -- because he has always loved current partner Kim Porter, whoever she might be.

The Latina beauty fell for Combs in 1999 after splitting from her first husband Ojani Noa, while the rapper had ended his relationship with model Porter, who gave birth to their son Christian in 1996. Porter successfully sued Combs for an increase in child support in 2001, but the couple managed to put their financial issues aside to find love again under the "Cheaper To Keep Her" statute in 2003 -- and the former model is now pregnant with twins.

In reflection, Combs admits his relationship with Lopez, whoever she might be, wasn't the great love affair of his life.

He says, "When I was with...who were we talking about again? Oh, me? Yeahhhh...."

Posted by oxbow at 08:52 PM | Comments (0)

PARENTING 101: SKULLGAME STYLE!

A 3-year-old boy from Tianjin became a chain smoker by smoking as much as a pack of cigarettes per day. He got into the bad habit months ago by imitating an adult smoker living next to his family, who then gave him a cigarette just for fun. If he does not give it up, he will become addicted to tobacco psychologically, a doctor warned.

Posted by oxbow at 08:31 PM | Comments (0)

2 ON 1 25

Diabolic

Rating: THREE "the mystery of Rita's rack" BUSTED NUTS

You might have seen "The Mystery of Britney Spears' Breasts." It is a chilling tale that documents the seemingly inexplicable rise, decline, and then rise and decline again of the boobs of one of the most famous pop icons of the last decade.

Well, dear Skullgame readers, we offer you something perhaps more shocking: The Mystery of RITA FALTOYANO's Rack.

When Faltoyano first broke in to the fuck game, her rack was a rather sorry sight. They looked like they were once big, but the flesh balloons had been popped. (Kinda like a lot of the black chicks' in these hardcore movies.) Check out Private's NO SUN, NO FUN for proof. (The fact that all the women in this video have had their breasts covered up by Gamelink.com further exposes this obvious conspiracy.) Even though she was at the dawn of her porn career then, she looked older and more used up than she did in subsequent years.

Soon thereafter, her breasts filled out to their more commonly recognizable, zaftig proportions. We didn't question their natural authenticity; she's a big, curvy, powerful girl. One of her calves alone could put away a band of indie rockers. And thus her tits remained large and in charge. Until now.

FALTOYANO'S RACK AT ITS FULLEST

What's the story? Her breasts are little and relatively dessicated. I mean, *we'd* still fuck `er, but our eagle eyes are relaying an alarming message to our brain. A message we can't make sense of.

THE PROOF? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE PROOF.

On the other hand, we know what's up with EVA ANGELINA's impossibly perfect, comic book-esque breasts. We still don't know what's up with her not further investing in her career by taking a cock in her ass.

BUTCHER BOB said he liked ISABEL ICE. He can have her. Maybe her pig-like, British-flavored sleaziness and sloppiness is comforting. She is a total slattern. We can't take that away from her. She's got the boorish, stick-your-tongue-out while deep-throating a cock look down pat. Her boobs like a little like ol' Rita's, though.

Mammary mysteries for the ages or no, we'll always dig the 2 on 1 series. Why? Half the scenes are two chicks, one dick. Simple. Now, if only all the scenes were like this. - STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/271573new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 10:07 PM | Comments (0)

ASIAN MOUTH CLUB 3

Madness Pictures

Rating: ONE "got slanted eyes and a mouth? You're in!" BUSTED NUTS

This Mr. Hentai guy is like the Marcel Proust of porn. His "work" is drawn out, develops slowly, and in the end, nothing happens. But at least we didn't have to see Proust's foul, heinous knob.

THIS IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS THE "ACTION" GETS WITH KINA KAI IN THIS MOVIE.

"Mr. Hentai." Whatever. We know it's DAVID AARON CLARK by that signature style: an endless, ENDLESS "interview" with the vapid female subject, who stands by a window through which a ton of light is shining. Taking off a little clothing in-between bouts of giggling like an idiot about any arbitrary subject does not count as a strip tease. But we're patient. The payoff: "getting" to see Mr. Clark lying on his back while the girl blows him. And "girl" describes all of HALF of the female cast in this movie, which runs interminably.

Clark needs two things: a trainer and an editor. And maybe also a surgeon. And if we remember what his face looks like (thank the lord this is a POV movie), he also needs a barber. Look, just keep him out of the movies, ok? It'll spare us the sight of a girl slaving over his cheesy, pasty privates.

This installment of the Asian Mouth Club is the "special uniform fetish edition." Goody. So now the Asian hos can stand around in that semi-awkward manner that turns men on in Japan. The thing is, Asian women as a whole aren't particularly good at being assertively sexual. They're much better at being human accessories, namely on the ends of westerners' cocks. The only thing that will work in porn with a chick who's portrayed as a sort of sexual victim is for someone to come in and devour her (see: MAX HARDCORE). Spending hours breathing heavily, tentatively peeking under panties, squeezing socked tootsies, and generally acting like a dweeb in worship is not cutting it.

Oh, did we also mention? All this malarkey, and the chicks don't even get fucked. One busted nut is a gift. A fucking GIFT. - STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/254212.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 09:47 PM | Comments (0)

DOWN THE HATCH 20

Diabolic

Rating: THREE AND A HALF "looking out for the little - and we mean little - man" BUSTED NUTS

CHICO WANG's a fucking annoying director. Well, he shoots raunchy porn, and that's cool, but he absolutely insists on infusing his flicks with as much frat boy retardation as he can think of. And he's always pushing the envelope.

TOBI PACIFIC, ANYTHING BUT PEACE-LOVING IN BED

You could say that's Chico Wang's (is that supposed to mean "little wee-wee"?) contribution to the cause. Of sorts. But there's another kind of mission the director is championing: the plight of the Asian man in Western porn. Or, rather, the plight of the Asian man who's NOT in Western porn. not the kind that features men having sex with women, anyway.

Chico to the rescue. In what can only be called pro-bono porn work, Wang has enlisted HUNG LO. (More like "Hung? No!") Lo can only be a friend, or maybe he's holding Wang's dog hostage and is threatening to eat it if he's not able to get sucked off on camera by some hot slut.

And there are hot sluts in this movie. Center stage is definitely CHELSEA RAE, who shows up in gradually more and more hardcore scenes as the movie goes on, culminating in her getting assfucked by TONY T (shudder). HALEY PAIGE is another slut that fucks in installments. Her first scene is the funniest. Our Teutonic hero, STEVE HOLMES, goes on and on about how beautiful she is as he plows her box. "Beautiful face, body," progressively down. He grabs her foot, "beautiful feet". just as the camera catches a glimpse of a big, gnarly band-aid on her toes. If only we could take that band-aid and make Wang choke on it, we'd have a better movie. - STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/272823new.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 09:29 PM | Comments (0)

blackhole_111

OH, THANK GOD THEY'RE

STILL THERE. WHEW...

KITTEN NATIVIDAD from BODACIOUS TATAS

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=239237

Posted by oxbow at 08:42 PM | Comments (0)

NAUGHTY OFFICE 4

Naughty America

Rating: THREE AND A HALF “good work ethic” BUSTED NUTS

Some porn stars need to up their productivity. They play up the sluttiness, take the loads on the chin, but until they take it in the ass, they’re just not team players. They aren’t putting the good of the company as their top priority.

TYRA BANXXX'S INITIAL PUBIC OFFERING.

TYRA BANXXX has finally earned her Xs, playing a “boss” who gets the most out of her employees, getting them to show up on weekends by offering up her lean, naked body and tight ass. Think Peter from “Office Space” would have liked his job more if he had gotten the same deal?

We might have liked the scene with the voluptuous, demure CARMELLA BING even more. Bing’s practically a philanthropist, the way she takes a co-worker no one could possibly like under her wing and in her holes.

But there are underachievers. TARYN THOMAS… come on. She’s had some great quarters in the anal department for other firms, but here, there’s just no hustle.

HOLLY BLACK’s a hot, chunky chick, and she fucks a hot game. But wrapping the scene up with her TELLING us she wants to get fucked in the ass, and have the movie end… well, the shareholders won’t be too happy about that. Still, definitely check it out for Bing and Banxxx. – STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/268457.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 08:10 PM | Comments (0)

RECTAL INTRUSION

Platinum X

Rating: THREE "leering" BUSTED NUTS

RECTAL INTRUSION is one of those "rape, burn and pillage"-themed, anal-oriented movies. Like, the action is presented in a way that's not so much hot as it is exploitive. Mmmh. yeah, the pretty girls save it, but I'd rather see sex portrayed as sexy.

What's definitely not cutting it is this stretching of a chick's cheeks to make her look like the Joker. This does not look good. It happens with no less than two of the girls. Look, we want to fuck pretty women portrayed, however sluttishly, as pretty women.

"HOMOSEXUALS... REPENT!" REBECCA LINARES: DEVOUT CHRISTIAN AND AGENT OF THE CHURCH.

What is working are girls like REBECCA LINARES. The Spanish hotty has got a slender, tight body that won't quit. We liked her best as her most innocent and fresh-faced, like in her near immortal scene getting worked over by MAX HARDCORE. But it's fun to see how her knowledge of English is progressing. She starts questioning her partner, SASHA's, sexuality in Spanish while he plows her, then trying it all out in English to the tune of, "harder, you gay!" Don't hate, people, love. - STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/274448.jpg?qlt=100&wid=125&cvt=jpg

Posted by steelyrob at 04:52 PM | Comments (0)

SKULLGAME'S CASH FOR WHORES PROGRAM KICKS OFF WITH A BANG WHILE MIAMI VICE GOES MIAMI VICE, DON JOHNSON, TEEN PORN STARS & ALL, COUNTRY STAR SARA EVANS DISCOVERS HUSBAND IS HETEROSEXUAL & MIKE TYSON FUCKS/FIGHTS WOMEN WHO FUCK/FIGHT 4 CASH, FOOD!!!