Platinum X Pictures

Rating: TWO "Defenestrated" BUSTED NUTS

Euro porn works well, and often best, for a number of reasons. The one most important to this case in point is that the actors, and especially the women, keep their goddamn traps shut for the most part. Instead, they let their mojo do the talking. Amen.

Contrast: SPERM FILLED SLUTS 3, replete with pre-fuck intro monologues of the most mind- and cock-numbing variety imaginable.

"MY NAME IS SAHARA KNITE. AND I WILL DESTROY YOUR WORLD. ONE...FUCK...ING...SYL...LABLE...A...T...A...TIME...

Yeah, they’re pretty bad, but none is worse than SAHARA KNITE'S pre-intercourse ramble, kind of a slack-jawed, droning, infernal void of non-eroticism, bringing together the horrid images of a wasted cattle auctioneer and a low-life QVC infomercial voice-over mongrel: static words with no emotion or even punctuation come out, making the vapidly staring plebeians who read cue cards on public service announcements sound like epic story tellers in comparison, and “yes that’s right guys,” someone’s going to cum in her pussy.

Makes you wish they’d come up with a refinement to the (so-far) lame-ass “cybersex simulators” that we always rip on, going further than chapters entitled “hand job,” “titty fucking,” and “anal” to one entitled “two-handed, violent throttling.” I think we’d really get off on that one for this scene.

Seriously, as much as we’d like to see this chick get worked over by MAX HARDCORE, we think we’d like it even more if a giant hook came onscreen and yanked the dummy through the window in mid-sentence. That alone would be worth FIVE busted nuts. Imagining it adds a half point.

LUSCIOUS LOPEZ's intro is like balm at the hand of some master balm-applying practitioner. Reserved, sultry... NOT as if spoken by a mongoloid. Seeing JESSICA JAMMER get worked over is also a nice treat, but the inane jibber-jabber is killing us.

Silence is golden, bitches. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!