Diabolic

Rating: FOUR “the youth of today” BUSTED BUTS

What is America’s female youth doing nowadays? They’re contacting dodgy guys to come over and gang fuck them via Myspace while their parents are away in Hawaii. “I want to get fucked. Come on over!” It’s as simple as that.

Clearly, none of these youths live in Kansas, where thin, toned women are a thing of legend. Girls like CODI STAR, who, although she admits her parents might not approve, invites TALON to go straight to the A.
AUBREY ADAMS looks like a pocket lioness in heat, and Asian MOLLY HENDERSON looks about as much like a Henderson as Osama Bin Laden looks like an Englishman.

I don’t know about you, but I’d be freaked the fuck out if a guy like Talon showed up at my house. I’d probably be so scared that I’d be powerless to defend myself. And therein lies his game. The guy looks like Warren Beatty from the BULWORTH poster art. The guy’s reconstructed-burn-victim grin is so wide you’re afraid that his head is liable to split open horizontally at any moment, and shit like a missile launch pad is going to rise up out of his neck.

AN ARTIST'S RENDITION OF TALON

Not that I’d be that much less scared of BUSTER GOOD, who’s no doubt a bit of a patron of the arts as far as tattoos go. The guy obviously is a good sport for letting any apprentice tattooer try his hand on Good for practice for the final exam. Good provides us with some stupid-ass mid-fuck comments that we’ve not had the privilege of hearing yet. “Your orthodontist won’t be happy about that,” he says to a girl with Talon’s cock in her mouth. He also keeps going on about how fast he’d be out the door if the chicks folks show up. Are we turning you on yet? Don’t worry, you will be despite the colossal dumbfuckery of these guys. – STEELY ROB

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