The First Annual SkullGame award show is fucking brought to you by our proud corporate sponsor, goddamned PREPARATION H...... Beeyatch.
THE 6-WAY SOLUTION TO THE HASSLE OF MODERN LIVING. ALSO COMES IN SPEED LOAD
NEGRO, OR INCREDIBLE SIMULATION THEREOF, ACCEPTS THE "MY LIFE IS A NIGHTMARE...I MEAN FOR A MULTIMILLIONAIRE" AWARD
REAL NEGRO MUGGING VIRTUAL NEGRO MOMENTS AFTER VIRTUAL NEGRO WAS HEARD TO COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING TOO GODDAMNED RICH
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Near Negro and rapper EMINEM in accepting his "MY LIFE IS A NIGHTMARE...I MEAN FOR A MULTIMILLIONAIRE" award was the evening's winningest performer without a vagina in the first annual SKULLGAME I AM THE WORLD'S BIGGEST ASSHOLE!!! NO I AM. NO I AM! awards.
For?
Well for branding his glamorous lifestyle a "nightmare" and yearning to be an anonymous, broke, and largely ignored hip-hop artist. Again.
Eminem resents the "loss" of "freedom" his fame and money have caused and wishes he could live a mundane but normal existence making minimum wage and returning to live in the hopeless, pointless trailer existence from whence he came.
Post-show, the 31-year-old complained from the front seat of a $300,000 automobile, "I was never that person that wanted the big cars. All I really wanted was a career in hip-hop...it's almost turning into more of a nightmare than a dream."
There is presently no award offered for DICKWEED, but the judging panel at SkullGame is rethinking this possibly fatal category flaw.
CHRISTINA AGUILERA GETS THE "DON'T YOU WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT MY GENITALIA?" AWARD
STUMBLING TO GET TO THE AWARD BEFORE SHARON "WHO THE FUCK WAS I?" STONE DOES
Scoring a first place win for the "DON'T YOU WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT MY GENITALIA?" AWARD, neatly edging out her nearest competitor COURTNEY LOVE, multimillionaire pop rebel, and asshole, CHRISTINA AGUILERA in her acceptance speech noted after thanking God, and apropos of largely NOTHING, that she's had all her intimate bodypiercings removed.
Over the last year the singer has ditched her vampy image, dying her hair brown, scrapping most of her body piercings and opting for more conservative stage outfits. And now she has taken the plunge and removed all but one of her items of body jewelry -- including her notorious clitoris ring.
The singer reveals, "Maybe I was rebelling. I've taken them all out apart from the one in my right nipple -- that's for me. And my asshole."
WHITNEY HOUSTON RECEIVES LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
"I HAVE OVERCOME MY UNSPECIFIED PROBLEMS BY REPLACING VICE WITH VIRTUE. THE VICE OF NOT HAVING ENOUGH CRACK WITH THE VIRTUE OF HAVING JUST ENOUGH. THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME A WINNER!
Troubled singer, especially if by "troubled" you mean "crack loving ho," Whitney Houston has received a Lifetime Achievement Award at the first ever I AM THE WORLD'S BIGGEST ASSHOLE!!! NO I AM. NO I AM! awards.
Houston's cousin, notorious muggle huffer, psychic and friend of Gay Brits, DIONNE WARWICK also received a Lifetime Achievement Award at Wednesday's ceremony for being a notorious muggle huffer, psychic and friend of Gay Brits.
Organizers say the prize is designed "for winners whose unique achievements in tremblingly delivered oral sex, stealthily and feloniously obtained drug financing, and penitentiary charity showings, have contributed to a better, increasingly large and assholish society."
With her Whitney Houston Foundation for Children, Houston has supported the rights of children and humanitarian projects. And crack dealers. The 40-year-old singer, who entered a drug rehabilitation center in March, says, "My message for assholes is to love and respect themselves, for if they love themselves they can respect themselves. Through love for myself and praying to our Lord and crack I have been able to overcome my personal problem. Of getting more crack when I need it."
