AND because SkullGame fucking cares sooooo fucking much our Outreach Program goes all over in the hopes that jungle bitches and their retard offspring might sport the SkullGame line of fashion apparel that says "I AM somebody...somebody who can't really read. But somebody nonetheless. Somebody who will wash your car." Will you please give a little to help out a lot? Teaming Up For Goddamned America (TUGA): helping jungle bitches...two...nuts...at a time.
SURELY WE DON'T KNOW, JIMMY. BUT HE LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO HAVE US GIVE YOU THIS OVER-SIZED SWEATSHIRT. NOW GO TO A MOVIE SO WE CAN TALK TO YOUR MOTHER. YES. TWO OF US. YES. TWO. VERY GOOD. YES, THAT'S TWO. AT THE SAME TIME, TOO. NOW FUCKING BEAT IT.
KYLE FARNSWORTH TO JOIN SKULLGAME BOARD OF DIRECTORS
"I READ SKULLGAME EVERYDAY. AND IN APPLYING ITS PRINCIPLES TO MY LIFE I HAVE BECOME WISER, CALMER AND MORE EXPANSIVE IN MY...HOLD ON A SEC....AGGGHAHHAHHAHHA....."
CINCINNATI (SkullGame) -- In a never-ending effort to attract quality talent wherever it might be found VINNIE ROSE has reached across the MLB divide to extend to Kyle Farnsworth a seat on the SkullGame's esteemed board of directors that is deputized to, among other things, pass bylaws, make motions and set policy as it applies to bones, nuts and loads.
Added the recently released Vinnie Rose, "and fighting. Mostly fighting. For slights real, imagined or fictionalized by ITALIAN SAL in the gripes of a medicinal marijuana haze." When reached for additional comment the unusually perceptive and business savvy Farnsworth was noted as saying, "what the FUCK are you looking at?!?! YOU DIRTY FILTHY FUCKING COCKSUCKER!!!! AGGGHHHH...."
COURTNEY LOVE RUSHED TO FATITORIUM FOR DUNKIN' DONUT DIALYSIS
"HEY, HEY, HEY...IT'S FAT FUCKING ALBERT." COURTNEY LOVE WADDLING TO LA GENERAL WHILST STOPPING PERIODICALLY FOR SUSTENANCE AT CHURCH'S FRIED CHICKEN, 7-11, & IN A RUN FOR THE BORDER: TACO BELL.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- COURTNEY LOVE was rushed to a Los Angeles hospital on Friday night, after complaining of feeling a faint sense of shame. Almost a whiff, one could say. A lingeringly pungent piquant bouquet of bathetic self-loathing. The former Hole frontwoman, 41, was attending an entertainment industry gathering at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel when she felt ill over by the catering table, according to her publicist Jill Fritzo.
Fritzo says, "She was at a party. Eating. Ever eating. And she suddenly felt faint, went out for air, a donut, a 'snackin' pak' and those little cinammon rolls and a friend called an ambulance for precaution and they took her to the hospital and she was released immediately when it became clear that she had merely just called for a pizza."
Later today, Love is scheduled to appear at Los Angeles Superior Court for a report on her progress with a court-ordered drug treatment program. The rocker's attorney Michael Rosenstein says, "As far as I know, she's doing well in her program, continuing forward in her treatment and has tested negative for drugs. Not so negative for a wide variety of processed sugars but oy, what can you do?"
IN MORE COURTENEY NEWS, COURTENEY COX IS APTLY, OH, SO, APTLY NAMED DESPITE HUNGERING FOR THE FROSTY END OF THE STICK IN SUICIDE SURPRISE
"SUICIDE IS NO LAUGHING MATTER. I MEAN, UNLESS I'M TALKING ABOUT IT THEN BY ALL MEANS LAFF IT UP!!!"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Former "Friends" star COURTENEY COX has unveiled a suicidal streak, after claiming she often considers driving herself off a cliff, like the rest of us who would also like to see her drive herself off of a cliff, because of postpartum depression following the birth of her 1-year-old daughter Coco, who has a vague memory of Courteney as the "woman who helps Joaquina open the door on the way out."
Cox tells USA Today, "We all have this dark side of our personalities when you're rich and prone to losing count around $50 mil and have to start again but because you're so fezzed out by the whole fucking experience you take the Rolls out on Mulholland Drive and you're like, 'Well, I'll just run over; I'm just going to go drive over (the edge).'"
But Cox admits that disturbing images of her 33-year-old husband David Arquette's life after her death are what have stopped her from carrying out the horrific act. She explains, "I start thinking, 'I don't want David to take another girl to the beach house.' Just because that's our house. He's younger than me, you know ... but that's our special place."
SkullGame Coda: "Dear Baby Jesus? If you could see your way clear? Could you give her cancer of the eyeballs, please, Baby Jesus? Please?"
SKULLGAME'S NEWEST IRREGULARLY OCCURRING FEATURE: ASK A GUY WHO HATES YOU
YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING. ASSHOLE.
DEAR "GUY WHO HATES YOU": I was thinking of starting a career in comedy. Do you have any suggestions as to how I could go about doing that?
DEAR DIE 1000 DEATHS: You have got to be kidding me. Okay, initial indignation aside lets get down to your not-too-well-thought-out question. First off I think that's a fine idea. Much like lawyers and accountants I think there is a severe shortage of comedians. I think the first thing that you should do is go to one of those Open Mic Nights at your local Comedy Club, Juke Joint or Strip Club. Secondly, buy a red leather jump suit, record a heavily produced album of dance music that only you and your producer consider palatable and lastly pick up a transsexual hooker and claim you were out looking to buy a newspaper and stopped to "give her a ride."
That is all.
