But FIRST the SkullGame Personal of the Week
TWO GUYS WANT TO SPIN YOU ON OUR DICKS LIKE A PIG ON A SPIT!!!
BASTE WITH COCONUT LOAD AND TURN EVERY HALF AN HOUR
I say that in the most respectful way possible, you know. Well, as respectful as I could be when describing you spinning on our cocks.
We are two 30 something guys looking for a 20 something girl to double team with extreme prejudice.
Think about this ladies: unless you work in a restuarant or with greeks, where will you go to make this fantasy come true? To your boyfriend? Don't be silly. He will never go for it and best case scenario? He will break up with you. Worst case scenario? He will remind you of this every single time you fight until you break up with him. Meet guys in a bar? Not likely. Most guys can't even piss with another guy in a room, let alone bone.
When you need this kind of service you need the help of tried and tested individuals.
Us. Muscular and both with tattoos and above all both of us have 8 + dicks. (that's right + as in more.)
You. Attractive 20 or 30 something with a good sex drive and good sense of humor (sense of humor comes in handy when being poked from both ends).
email us at bone-to-own@hotmail.com
RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES JR., THE 3RD, FATNESS, BITCHES & DEAD JUNKIES STARRING IN...FAT, CRAZY GIRLS LOVE ELLIOT SMITH!
YOU LAUGH? WELL, NORTH CAROLINA CRIES. AND THEN DROPS A LOAD.
NORTH CAROLINA (SkullGame) -- Some of you with high tolerance for low standards may have found yourselves in a situation such as this: I walk into a bar, and sit down next to the biggest girl there with braids. And glasses. She immediately turns to me and starts talking. Two things become apparent almost instantly.
1. She is fucking loony.
2. I am going to end up getting drunk and fucking a loony.
And not only is she fucking insane, but she has that special, self-absorbed, Howard Cosell-like laser focused insanity. You know, the crazies who love to talk your ear off about this and that, but as soon as you attempt to interject with any response that veers slightly from the talking points of this + them or that + them, or the war in Iraq or something, you know, that's NOT about their self-absorbed fantasy world, it is deflected and they return, like a dog in heat to dog cock, to the same boring tales sprung from their own dementia.
I hate these people! Here's a tip: if you're crazy, you should open yourself up to other crazies, allow for off-the-wall, two-sided, pointless discussions about leprachauns, fairies, celebrity obsessions, or whatever your particular avenue of psychosis is. You could learn new, interesting, stupid things to add to your own fractured frontal lobe.
Her: "There is one man with many different faces."
Me: What?
Her: "Actually, there is one man, and there is Elliot Smith."
Me: Who the fuck is Elliot Smith?
I AM ELLIOT SMITH. I AM PERSONAL FRIEND'S WITH THE ARGENTINE. I WAS STABBED BY A JUNKIE. MAKE OF THIS WHAT YOU WOULD.
Her:"He is the most beautiful musician in the world, I have to release him from purgatory when I die"
Me: What other music do you like?
Her: "I have a painting of him, do you want to see it?"
Me: I have a feeling you're going to show me, regardless of what my response is.
It went on like this for a loooong time. Later, as I was fucking her, she insisted on having her painting stare at us. I woke up later with her attempting to spoon with me. I said some really romantic shit to her along the lines of, "Get your fucking knee out of my back. And, oh, It's time for you and Elliot to get the fuck out."
Remembering the evening before I was happy that I had taken evasive maneuvers to guarantee that I not be seen leaving with her because you can't be too careful. Women seem to have ready access to the Who's Who Who Fucked Fat Crazy Bitches Newsletter. Happy about the manuevers. Sad about what the manuevers led to. And completely indifferent now that I find out Elliot Smith is dead. So is CLIFF BURTON but you don't see me turning oxygen into exhaust because of it do you?
WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA SNAGS: THE LOS ANGELES HANDBOOK OF HO'S & TELS
Which top business hotel should you, the weary (weary from NOT load dropping), choose in Beverly Hills? If you wanna blow loads?
LEVANI AT MOTEL 6: WE'D LEAVE THE LIGHT ON FOR YOU, BUT THEY BEEN SHOT OUT
Four Seasons: The first room in the bar is known as the Non-Pay Sex room, the second is LA's top, and most obvious, place to pick up a high-end hooker.
Peninsula: The best spot for upmarket Russians (called Natashas in LA). Prices start at $500 an hour. Customers say they are up for anything, whereas local call-girls are "over-priced, under-performing, paranoid about sexually transmitted diseases and about being busted by over-enthusiastic vice cops." Lesbians.
L'Ermitage: Management have made the hotel a hooker-free zone. On the upside, if your father was a jackal, BRITNEY sometimes stays here and looks like she'll soon be on the rebound.
WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE? BUT LACK THE EDUCATION? TRY...
INDIAN PROSTITUTE FOR PROSTITUTE APPLICATIONS, WHICH ARE NOW AVAILABLE AT WWW.INDIANPROSTITUTE.ORG
No, no, no. No need to thank us now.
TYRA BANKS TIT TERROR TAKES TINSELTOWN BY GODDAMNED SURPRISE. NO. REALLY.
WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING LOOKING AT?
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Human Tit TYRA BANKS did something today largely having to do with screaming at some bitch on her TV show "America's Next Top Model". We mean to give the show's aspiring bitches a wake-up call, two not-quite-big-enough-bitches were eliminated from the series this week (as opposed to the usual just one).
And while Rebecca took her rejection badly and wept big tears of bitchy despair, Big Banks was particularly upset to see Tiffany leaving the competition in a joking mood, almost as if being a bitch didn't bother her. Banks called the girls back and yelled at Tiffany, telling her that she needs to take responsibility for her bitchery. We think she then screamed something like "I have never in my life yelled at a girl like this! When my mother yells like this it's because she loves me. I was rooting for you ... How dare you not be the biggest bitch you can BE!!?!?"
The winner of the TV contest will walk away with a Ford modeling contract, an Elle magazine spread, a $100,000 Cover Girl contract, and unlimited access to TYRA'S tits, day or night.
FRED DURST TO LAUNCH......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
WHICH IS WHY WE HATE YOU, FUCKFACE
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- ...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..............."My Life With Fred Durst," which will be a mix between a talk show and a docusoap featuring a mix of celebrity interviews and segments of the rocker's life as a father, businessman and musician.......ZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...
"I just want to have a spontaneous platform to have good conversations with people, because no one will return my calls any more. Because I suck. A whoooooolllleeee lot."
Two TV networks have already expressed an interest in airing the show.
Heaven help us all.
