Yo Vinnie,
Some acquaintances of mine recently double teamed a 26-year-old they described as a hot bitch. They also double teamed a fat, hairy, smelly 52-year old they described as worse than a pig. What were their motives? I mean, do you think they shoulda just banged the first chick twice instead? And with this much friendly double teaming going on, how long before they leave out the chick altogether? -- A Concerned Man Who Is Prone To Being Duped By Women With Penises (by email)

IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS. ACTUALLY, YES, YES IT DOES.

Dear DAVE DIETRICH: Well it sounds like your acquaintances are clearly pulling plays from the Pro Player's handbook where the goal is always to fuck more, harder, faster and with no regard to pesky taste issues, just to prove what tough sonuvabitches, what total fucking hardcases they are. I mean it's the same handbook that says at the end of the day it's not how you've played the game, but what the fucking scoreboard says. And disgusting pussy is fundamentally still pussy.

So if you're of the mind that there exists some magical special pussy out there with your name on it, and that the chick on TOP of that mythical pussy is, say, better, because she's like 19, and NOT smelly, crippled or grossly overweight, well my poor deluded friend, you are absolutely fucking....um, well...I guess that would make you totally goddamned right. What the hell were those lunatics thinking?