When METH hits, the legal team of JOHNSON, PAPAMIHALIS, JOHNSON & SOME RANDOM WHITE BROAD is there for you. "Evidentiary abscondment," says Papamihalis, "is not one of our specialties. It's our ONLY specialty. So come to JPJ&SRWB before trouble strikes."
"AT JPJ&SRWB WE RELAX...SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!!"
BRAD PITT, PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT TO BE GAY, FUCKS SHIT OUT ANGELINA JOLIE. FOR THE EXPRESSLY GAY PURPOSE OF PROVING HE IS NOT GAY. JUST LIKE TOM CRUISE. IS NOT GAY. AND SHIT.
JOLIE HAVING THE "SHIT" FUCKED OUT OF HER BY AN ERSTWHILE MR. PITT (HAIR DYED FOR UPCOMING ROLE. OF STRAIGHT MAN). WHEN REACHED FOR COMMENT SHE SAID, "HE SMELLS LIKE SAUSAGE."
KENYA (SkullGame) -- BRAD PITT and ANGELINA JOLIE made so much noise during an animalistic sex session, or fuck session, at their Kenyan love nest that the Negro security detail rushed to their room, Star magazine claims, weapons held aloft, to offer any necessary cocksistance to either celeb. Should they, um, need it. An insider at the luxury Alfajari Villas beach resort, namely META ADEMBIPE, the cousin of SkullGame's own CORNHOLIO, said the couple's loud lovemaking "sounded like a wounded animal, like someone being killed! By cock!" According to Star, "worried guards grabbed their 'weapons'," rushed to Pitt and Jolie's suite and "'hammered' furiously on the 'door' with their 'clubs'."
Suddenly, the screams stopped! And Pitt's voice was heard from inside the $2,000-a-night villa. "Everything is cool guys," he supposedly said. "You can leave — we're OK. See? I'm NOT gay" Star reports it found an entry in the Alfajari's "disturbance log" at 2 a.m. on April 20. "People here have great respect for men with sexual prowess who keep their women pleased," the mag quotes an "onlooker." Even better, "another local" relates, "Miss Jolie got so excited, the guards thought maybe Mr. Pitt was taking juju herbs to give him the strength of a lion. A very, very GAY lion, but a lion nonetheless."
SKULLGAME ANALYSIS: Only on Mack Avenue SkullGame can the mere act of bedding a broad tasty enough to eat be the functional equivalent of sucking hairy manmeat. Only here, and apparently only at BRAD's house.
BROTHER ICEPICK: VANILLA ON ICE
WHEN CONFUSION, AND METH, STRIKE: BROTHERS VICEGRIP AND ICEPICK ATTACKING A "BOAT PERSON". IN SHOCKING NON-DEVELOPMENT: INCARCERATION ENSUES.
SAN QUENTIN (SkullGame) -- Forced to confront problems both real and imagined Brother Icepick, a member of the Lazy Bread Gobbler group at our small dysfunctional family, was recently apprehended by California Highway Patrol when he failed to respond to the standard request to search his truck with the SkullGame standard "blow me," but instead decided to improvise and spun a wheel that landed on, "why, yes, officer." As he later explained, "I thought he'd think if I said yes, that I had nothing to hide." 45 pounds of Meth and "nothing to hide" are frequently found in the same sentence, we note. He cries. We tell him "if we're the best friends you got, you're in big trouble." Regardless we ARE planning on holding a SkullGame sanctioned FUCK-A-THON, if for no other reason than we need some pussy to help wash away the pervasive urine stink of benchin' in Quentin. So forthwith THE OFFICIAL SKULLGAME SAUSAGE SUCK where readers bid on buying the rights to the holes of the following ho's.
HALLE BERRY...MUCH...
CAN I GET $47.92? PLUS A BURRITO? BIDDING STARTS AT $47.90 & SOME SALSA. C'MON PEOPLE!!!
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- HALLE BERRY is considering having a baby by artificial jizemination as she makes plans for single motherhood. The Oscar-winning actress, who turns 39 in August, wants to become a mother, and although she's not ruling out adoption, Berry does like the idea of becoming pregnant as much as Cornholio likes the idea of getting her pregnant. And her being a single mom. And all.
She accepts this will be difficult as she doesn't have a regular boyfriend at the moment.
In an exclusive interview with news show "Extra," Berry says, "I'd love to have a baby, love to be a mom ... I really need that in my life. So, hopefully the next decade can be dedicated to that. I'll work it out. Somehow, I plan on making it happen."
In an exclusive interview with news show "SkullGame," Cornholio says, "I'd love for her to have my baby, love for her to be a single mom...I really need that in my life. So, hopefully the next decade can be dedicated to that. I'll work it out. Somehow, I plan on making it happen."
ASS ANY MERMAID NAMED JESSICA SIMPSON THAT YOU HAPPEN TO SEE, WHO'S THE BEST CHICKEN? TUNA OF THE SEA!
ANYBODY? ANYBODY AT ALL? LOOK, WHETHER SHE SINGS OR NOT IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOU...NOW ANYBODY? ANYTHING AT ALL BEYOND THE OPENING 10 SPOT?
AND REMEMBER, PLEASE GIVE WHAT YOU CAN...BECAUSE THE MORE YOU GIVE, THE MORE WE CAN GET. TO GIVE BACK. AND SHIT.
AND THE LESS TIME BROTHER ICEPICK HAS TO SPEND IN COCK CLASS
Thank you, very much.
Pricks.
