Or could it be Col. Mustard in the Drawing Room with an 8-Ball and a bag full of huff?
"DO YOU WANNA SEE ME DANCE?!!? I USEDA BE A BALLERQUEENA!!!"
SKULLGAME BESET BY BITCHES FULL OF TREMBLING OUTRAGE; AN INVESTIGATION ENSUES
STEELY ROB'S DAD, THE WORLD'S WORST DETECTIVE, OFFERS A SKETCH OF THE OFFENDER
SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- The men behind the totally fucking genius website MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME have, in recent days been peppered by calls of fury, tendered by crazy bitches who have not only the time, but the inclination to subject themselves to FURTHER humiliation by wading knee-deep into the sausaged satire of said site.
Vowing to "look at all the evidence and then start randomly striking out at whomever it amuses us to do so to," master provacateur VINNIE ROSE subsequently masturbated and fell asleep.
The independent investigative team of ITALIAN SAL & HABIB have uncovered the following rogue's gallery of possible suspects. Read to the end and then VOTE on your favorite suspect slut at vinnie@skullgame.com.
FIRST: there was our shot across the bow. An indiscreet lob in the distant direction of BULLSHIT FUCKING ACTION ROCK. Our intended target? This fucking piece of fat hot bitch (we love them fat girls. Ask CHRISTINA RICCI. Better yet ask her brother who still wants to kick our asses).
HER LOVE FOR VINNIE BARELY DISGUISED, COURTNEY LOVE, WE MEAN CHANTAL CLARET, SPURNS OUR MORE THAN GENEROUS OFFER OF $10.
And SECOND, her actual, unedited reply:
i dont give a shit what you write about me, what you think of me, or what you think you know about me, but if you ever fucking mention my mother in anything EVER i will hunt you down and tear off your fucking balls.
i am 100% serious.
sincerely, chantal of morningwood
Then she put her email address--MorningwoodRock@aol.com--which in our minds constitutes the first move in the direction of a love that I can already feel building in my groin. So if you all will excuse me, I'm going to make sweet, sweet email love to this heifer, before getting to our honorifically named CHANTEL CLARET SYMPOSIUM ON DOUBLE ANAL PENETRATION.
Chantal, baby...I understand how you might be a little fezzed up as a result of the shots I took at your band but Jesus, baby, you're in a band named after a cock. A cock that's not mine, incidentally. So you can see...my hurt was, perhaps, understandable. But that's neither here nor there as your big beef seemed to be the passing of your mother. Hey, we lost people too and we feel your pain as we can imagine your late, sainted mother's mention in a site that touts the benefits of sperm drinking might be a tad, well...upsetting. To say the least. About sperm drinking, I mean. But let's get beyond all that and talk about you. And our balls. And the whole you-tearing-our-balls thing. If this is really where you'd like to go with this we invite your passion. SKULLGAME is coming to NY in OCTOBER. Give us a phone number and we will bring the balls to you. Or if you're in California, drop us a line and we will show you our balls. They are hard to miss. As they are big. And after it is all said and done, we will lay you down and fuck you like we love you. Because, of course, we do.
And if you're keeping count, this is the fourth time your mother has been mentioned here.
LINDSAY LOHAN IN O.D. NIGHTMARE: FAG PHOTOG & SINGER STEPHEN JENKINS FROM THIRD EYE BLIND FAILS TO FUCK HER BEFORE PARAMEDICS SHOW UP. FAG.
CHARACTER IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS AROUND TO SEE YOU DO IT. IT'S ALSO CALLED RAPE, BUT WHY QUIBBLE?
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- STEPHEN JENKINS, formerly fiancee of CHARLIZE THERON, until she caught him delivering a savage mouth-to-cock life saving maneuver to DUNCAN SHEIK, recently snapped LINDSAY LOHAN passed out at poolside at BEVERLY HILLS' tony, AVALON HOTEL.
While the average non-sausage smuggling man would have availed himself of the opportunity to spread as much sunblock as any one or ten men's nutsacks might hold, Jenkins took this photo, sent it to us, and asked if we could kick him a few bucks for his fag troubles.
Sure. Sure we can. Just as soon as you figure out how to repay us for having to have heard your song on the radio until our ears bled.
THE OLSEN TWINS: SO FUCKING CREEPY AND NICE THEY NAMED THEM TWICE: SEVENTEEN AND SADLY SLUTTY
IS THE SNATCH FLASHER THE VOMIT QUEEN SLUT? OR VICE VERSA?
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Either way one of these creepy fucking broads, who a nation of goddamned degenerates has been waiting to see in various states of sausage stuffing undress, has upped the creep ante by being a food freak. Certain members of SKULLGAME who will remain nameless like SEAN HAYNES love these anorexic, bulemic, addle-headed ho's. Us members of the SKULLGAME board find it interferes in a good cock stiffening. Slut or not, we want these broads OUT though.
PAMELA ANDERSON-LEE-ROCK-DORFF RULED OUT ON ACCOUNT OF HER BEING TOO BUSY SUCKING COCK TO EVEN FUCKING CARE
"MGGSHPH...GLUB GLUB..." YES...WAAAAYYYY TOO BUSY.
