AND as part of his court-ordered rehab MEL GIBSON has begun designing a new line of greeting cards that have shown that "I've really embraced the whole 'Jew Being Upset' thing. This line of cards is supposed to, um, make Jews not be upset. And shit."
"SEE? HE'S SAYING 'HI.' HE AIN'T SAYING NOTHING LIKE 'GO TO THE DEATH CAMP JEWS'. HE'S JUST SAYING 'HI'!"
AND IN RELATED NEWS....
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- MEL GIBSON called his DUI arrest "a blessing" and also told ABC's Diane Sawyer in an interview Thursday that he needed "public humiliation on a global scale" to get sober.
But Jewish leaders, addiction experts and media-crisis managers say he must do more to repair his reputation following the torrent of Jew-hating expletives and anti-Jewy remarks he unleashed during his arrest. Beads of sweat collected on Gibson's upper lip as he tried to not deny the Holocaust while denying being an anti-Semite and claimed that alcohol makes non-Jew peoples "act, feel and behave in a way that is not you, a non-Jew."
"Sometimes you need a cold bucket of water in the face to sort of snap to, because you're dealing with a sort of malady of the soul, an obsession of the mind and a physical allergy. I mean anti-semitism is contagious and in my case I caught it from Jews." Gibson said to the stunned Jewess.
Gibson said he has apologized "more than anyone I know. And frankly, I'm goddamed tired of it. Why won't you goddamned Jews just let it go? Jesus. I need a drink."
"Apocalypto," a film Gibson co-wrote, directed and finanaced, about Jews destroying the world, will be released by Disney on Dec. 8.
RUN!!! REPUBLICAN FAGGOTS ARE ON THE LOOSE!!! RUN!!! RUNNNNN!!!!!!
"I'LL GIVE HER THE SLIP & THEN YOUSE AND ME CAN TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO FORCE A BILL INTO BECOMING A SOFT, YIELDING LAW." REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN FOLEY ON THE HUSTINGS.
AND in the latest communique from our partners at UNSURPRISING ADVENTURES, the producers of JERRY THE JEW and the perennial fave FRANCOIS THE FEARFUL FRENCHMAN, comes the NAT THE NEGRO adventure series. Thrill as Nat ducks bar bills, hotel bills, dinner bills, and bill bills. Hours of fun. For kids from 9 to 90.
"I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM": A PRELUDE TO THE DINE & DITCH
SCARLETT "LETTER" JOHANSSON MAKES WIDE CLAIMS ABOUT HER SLUTTITUDE, CLAIMS WIDELY DISMISSED
SCARLETT LAUGHING AT RECOGNIZING YET ANOTHER PENIS SHE'D BEFRIENDED IN TIMES LONG PAST.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- SCARLETT JOHANSSON has slammed, hard and repeatedly, reports she is promiscuous, after being linked to Benicio Del Toro, Jared Leto, Derek Jeter, Verne "Mini Me" Troyer and Bushwick Bill, Michael Douglas, a passel of busboys and one bisexual male model before finding love with Josh Hartnett.
The 21-year-old denies her "alleged" reputation as a wanton actress and says in the new issue of Allure magazine, "Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a fucking nut-loving whore. I mean there does seem to be a "mistaken" "belief" out there that I am sexually available somehow -- which is not to say that I'm not open-minded about sex. With busboys or bisexual male models...Yet I wouldn't say I'm a serial monogamist, either. I mean, I went through periods of time when I was single..." Whereupon she trailed off while making a long, low whistling sound.
Johansson also says she's non-sluttishly and regularly tested for sexually transmitted diseases. "I get tested for HIV twice a year," she says. "HIV, HEP A, HEP B, HEP C, Bullhead Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Chylamidia, Beri Beri, and Ebola. One has to be socially aware, you know. It's part of being a decent human, to be tested for STDs.
"It's just disgusting behavior when people don't. It's so irresponsible. And completely unlike rolling a legion of man meat between your legs."
"I AM A PREGNANT TEEN WHALE BITCH!!!" MR. XTRA REPORTS
"WHAT? WHAT?!?!"
NEW ZEALAND (SkullGame) — "Actress" Keisha Castle-Hughes is growing up fast. The 16-year-old New Zealander, who was nominated for a best-actress Oscar for her role in 2002's arthouse snoozer Whale Rider, is expecting a baby, the agency that represents her confirmed last Friday.
The father is her boyfriend of three years and walking pimple, Bradley Hull, 19. Castle-Hughes played the Queen of Naboo in last year's atrocious Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith. She will be seen next as the Virgin Mary in The Nativity Story, set for release on December 1, followed shortly by the death of irony.
Asked to comment on the rumor that he's the real father of Castle-Hughes's child, SkullGame contributor MR. XTRA comments, "I have no memory of banging that broad. At least, not until I've found out how much bank she made from that Sith crap. If, on consultation with my accountant, the figures stack up, I will take responsibility for our child."
ITALIAN SAL'S OPEN LETTER TO JACK HEARD: "I JUST WANT TO HELP. AND SHIT," SAYS AN EARNESTLY HONEST SAL ABOUT HIS SENDING OF GANGBANG LINKS OF HIS EX TO HER NEW BEAU.
"MY FAVORITE PART? WHERE SHE GAGS FROM THE COCK AND VOMITS ON THE STAIR MASTER. EITHER THAT OR WHERE SHE LICKS ASS," SAYS SAL.
Dear Jack,
I don’t know about you… however I, for one, will only point out another person’s shortcomings when my house is totally in order. So here I am to rain on the already tenuous relationship that is Jack and Tina. I know they didn’t think I was being magnanimous. Perish the thought...
Outside of her obvious fascination with gangbangs she is emotionally unable to commit to a monogamous relationship. She slept with her “cousin” two months after meeting me.
So let's run down the scorecard:
you got a Pinay chick, and I have a Pinay chick.
Yours is 33 and mine is 33.
But here is where I pull away: Mine scored a bit over 700 on her GMAT last week and yours…well, let just say, not so much. Mine has a loft and an Audi and yours…well yours has THIS to be proud of.
Enjoy.
AND from our line of SkullGame "originals" comes yet another in the best inspirational posters your $19.95, allowing two weeks for delivery, can buy. This one is brought to you by our Editor at Large CORNHOLIO and features his cousin JuneBug whose sage asides regarding "bitches" puts him in the front running of people who we're willing to listen to for advice when it comes to "bitches." And shit.
"YOU GET IN THOSE BITCHES HEADS, BEFORE YOU GET IN THOSE BITCHES BEDS."
DETROIT DOWNS THE YANKS, STEINBRENNER SO HAPPY HE RUNS OVER TO ZOO & STRANGLES AN ORANGUTANG WITH HIS BARE HANDS. A-ROD REPORTED TO BE NEXT, REPORTS ITALIAN SAL PACINO'S COUSIN MATTY
JASON GIAMBI GETTING HIS KNOCKS THE ONLY WAY HE KNOWS HOW.
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- At the conclusion of the Detroit-Yankees playoff series, a clearly enraptured George Steinbrenner bolted the House that Babe built and headed south to the zoo that Laguardia built and working his way, crowbar first, into the primates enclosure he was seen there to bare-handedly strangle a 17-year old sub-Saharan Orangutang. The celebratory outburst, a direct result of being shut out of the big one since 2000, will have reverberations through the league as out-of-the-running managers and owners, even a few who are not Jews, will asphyxiate a variety of mammalian life forms to show their personal level of excitement at being able to watch the rest of the season unfold on TV like everyone else in America.
According to Steinbrenner, "nothing made me happier than paying that under-performing prick spic a quarter of a billion dollars a year so he could bat 8th in the line....could you pass me that meerkat, please?"
In further developments, it should be known to Sal's ex's new boyfriend JACK that his NEW girlfriend, screen name Cassandra, likes gangbangs.
TERRELL OWENS & DONOVAN McNABB. ALONE AGAIN. NATURALLY.
HEEEEEEEYYYYYY....WE AIN'T SAYING NUTTIN'...NOPE. NUTTIN' AT ALL ABOUT T.O. LOOKING SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE THE GUY IN THE PREVIOUS PHOTO HELPING GIAMBI. NUTTIN'...AT...ALL...
PHILADELPHIA (SkullGame) -- Suicidal, homosexual-idal TERRELL OWENS braved the boos, the pelting with prescription bottles, the burning in effigy of a 81-jerseyed likeness, and stadium wide chants of "fuck you NIGGA..." as the Eagles either stomped or got stomped by Dallas [we was in the parking lot scoring some weed and missed the game in its entirety].
“I’m probably the most hated guy coming into Philly this weekend, so I expect the worst,” Owens said. “I expect to have to pay full price at The End Up. No more comped drinks at The White Swallow. No more VIP treatment at Cuffs as I continue my search for everything gay in our league which I will root out with extreme prejudice. But that’s how passionate they are. When I was there, they were loving me while I loved McNabb. Now that I’m on the opposite side, and the thing with Donovan is something we're hoping that the public respects our privacy over, well, they’re going to be hating me. I expect that going in.”
Both Owens and McNabb took thinly veiled shots at each other last week, but neither made outrageous comments as in the past. McNabb even said he reached out to Owens last week by sending a text message to offer prayers and support after Owens’s "hospital" "trip" was "reported" as an "attempted" "suicide."
In further developments, in addition to Philadelphia winning 38 to 24, it should be noted that Sal would like his ex's new boyfriend JACK to know that his NEW girlfriend, Sal's ex, likes gangbangs.
MR. XTRA REPORTS SOCIALITE PARIS HILTON ARRESTED FOR BEING OVER THE COMBINED ALCOHOL, SEMEN LIMIT
PARIS AND NICKY HILTON DOING THAT WHICH COMES NATURALLY.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) — Serial whore PARIS HILTON has been arrested for "a lil...drinkle-driving" in Hollywood after being stopped by police for driving erratically. A situation not helped by the Mexican valet nuzzled between her legs.
The "hotel" "heiress" was pulled over by police and booked at the Los Angeles Police Department’s Hollywood Station. The "star" — who claims she had only had “one margarita...or nine” — was charged after she recorded 0.8 percent on a blood alcohol test, which is the maximum level for driving under the influence under Californian law.
The ho heiress told a US radio show that the fruity cocktail, and the fact that she hadn’t eaten all day, apart from 10 pints of semen, may have pushed her over the limit.
Hilton was held in cells until 2am when she was released into the care of her sister Nicky Hilton, her publicist Eliot “It’s All Money To Me” Mintz and Nicky’s opportunist homosexual boyfriend, Entourage star Kevin Connolly.
Mintz later said Hilton went home and went to bed, regretted the arrest and shit, but had not decided if she would contest the allegation until her lawyers had fleeced her of more cash.
He defended her actions, saying, it was simply the result of “one drink on an empty stomach, plus 10 pints of semen, after a full day’s work, pumping semen” adding that “we don’t take lightly matters of this nature. Yup.”
