IN A MOVE designed to shock almost EVERYONE SkullGame's own ITALIAN SAL has, as a result of services over and above the load-based call of duty, mostly in the arena of pimping, procuring and pandering for LA RAZA, been glossed with a new title befitting a man of his stature.
DESPITE THE MAN WHOSE CROTCH HE'S JAMMING HIS HEAD INTO BEING BOTH DRUNK & GAY, SAL IS NOT DETERRED IN THE COMMISSIONING OF A BEATING MOST SAVAGE
We are hereby delighted to notify everyone that rather than getting a raise of meaningless cash, or a trip, or even a ho of our choosing to soothe his fight damaged wing that Sal is getting a gift much more significant: his name changed from ITALIAN SAL to SAL PACINO.
Just our little way of saying "thank you, you goddamned sonuvabitch."
"THE FELONIOUS EXPLOITER OF YOUNG WOMEN WITH METH PROBLEMS & A PENCHANT FOR PENIS, MS. HEIDI FLIESS, MADE TOM SIZEMORE USE METH. AGAIN. AND AGAIN. MUCH IN THE SAME WAY THAT SHE MADE TOM SIZEMORE HIT HER," SAYS A TEARFUL TOM SIZEMORE.
"I HAVE NOT NOW, NOR HAVE I EVER, USED METH, HAD FRIENDS WHO USED METH, SOLD METH FOR LESS THAN MARKET RATES, BOUGHT METH FROM THOSE BIKERS OUT IN THE VALLEY, OR EVEN COOKED IT UP IN THE GARDEN SHED OF THAT HOUSE I USED TO OWN OUT IN NORCO. AND THAT'S THE GODDAMNED TRUTH!!!"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- "Troubled" movie star TOM "SLAPPY" SIZEMORE has "alleged" his ex-girlfriend, HEIDI "HO" FLEISS, helped get him addicted to crystal methamphetamine in a fiery new TV interview.
The Black Hawk Down star, who was sent back, once more, to rehab on his couch, again, last week for failing to kick his habit, blasted former Hollywood White Slaver Fleiss for allegedly introducing him to the drug and then refusing to help him kick his habit when he was trying to go straight by failing to adopt his curative theory of increased dosages to max out the body's, um, meth centers to make it so that they'd never, ever, ever want meth again as long as he lived. In Norco.
Speaking exclusively to TV host Donnie Deutsch on his Big Idea show, Sizemore claimed Fleiss is responsible for many of his drug problems. All 368 of them. He told Deutsch, "She got me onto this drug called crystal methamphetamine; I never used that before. The drug really got me. For certain people it's a sexual stimulant and that's what it did with me. I'd come through a very, very lonely time because my wife had left me and I don't think she (Fleiss) intended to hurt me or harm me in any way. But the reason why I separated from her (Fleiss), or split with her, was because I didn't want to continue using that drug," says Sizemore conveniently forgetting the felony conviction for bouncing her fucking bubbled head off of the wall.
"I did three movies that shot out of town and I was afraid to travel with them (drugs) so I didn't get addicted to it. But when I was coming back (to Los Angeles) the last time, after 'Dreamcatcher,' I was starring in (TV show) 'Robbery: Homocide Division' and I told her, 'When I come back to L.A., I'm gonna be shooting in L.A., I'm the star of the program, I'm part owner. ... This stuff has got to stop and I can't stop if you don't stop. You've gotta stop,' and she didn't. So, um, yeah. It was her. She did it all. All of it. Um hmm," said Sizemore before proceeding to dismantle his microphone, draw up blueprints for it, and catalogued all 29 separate parts while Deutsch looked on.
SAL PACINO & THE MAGICAL PENIS ENLARGING CREAM
DOES IT LOOK LIKE IT'S WORKING?!?!?
After using this site as a tool to crush my enemies, as well as sharing news in a comical and often hurtful way, I would like to take this chance, if I may, to share my day-to-day feelings…in a comical and often hurtful way. Oh yes and to crush my enemies.
So it's Thursday morning and across my desk comes a Press Release with a client list and note attached that says, “any interest?” Let me look at your list here, Acid Rain, we did an interview with MITCH SPINELLI and review their movies, what else do you want?
Back to the list, what else do we have here? Ah, ADAM & EVE: the first mail order retail outfit in America. Let's get something straight--15 year olds were jacking off to your catalog, FOR FREE, great business model; and what’s more: naming an adult product company after a story in the bible is the same as telling someone Jesus is watching every time you jerk off…which he is. Not interested in Adam & Eve, don’t like their products.
Moving down the line, CARMEN LUVANA. Her roots are showing--she needs a new hairdresser. Moving down the line. AUSTYN MOORE, yes, now she is pretty hot. Probably hates sex but still pretty hot. Her, maybe, what else is in your client list? Ah, MARI POSSA, from Showtime's, Seymore Butts Family Business: this little Latina, it says here, went from being an office assistant to a porn star. I would like to see what her WPM count is; just a little keyboarding test. Somehow I don’t think she will do well. I am willing to venture that if she were to be asked what Outlook ™ is, she would say its what you do at a window.
JOANNA ANGEL? Let's see…it's sex and rock and roll! Wow that’s a stretch. It says it's got naked tattooed chicks, I like Suicidegirls; the chicks are hotter and the music connection is much clearer.
Let's see…GINA LYNN, born in Puerto Rico, parents Italian and Puerto Rican, that means she will yell at you while she is stabbing you, Oh wow! Says here she was a Bada Bing girl in the Sopranos, this is a possibility.
Let me wrap this up…KELLY MADISON, don’t care, TAYLOR WANE, don’t care.
ROYAL DRAGON!?! “a mixture of aromatic herbs” are you fucking kidding me? Next thing you will be doing PR for penis enlarging cream, let me see if there is anything else just in case you are. Whew! After reading that last one I figured the next thing on your list had to be a penis enlarging cream.
So where were we? Oh yes--Austyn Moore, maybe, Mari Possa, yes, Gina Lynn, yes. Everyone else is a giant fuck NO…
Thank you very much. I love you all.
GUY RITCHIE ALMOST FREE; CAN ALMOST SEE HIS FILM CAREER. ALMOST. BUT NOT QUITE, AS CONNIVING CAREER KILLER SCHEMES A'PLENTY ANEW: DAY 2789 OF THE MADONNA WATCH CONTINUES.
"MY YOUTHFUL GOOD LOOKS? WELL, I BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF VIRGINS, OF COURSE."
LONDON (SkullGame) -- MADONNA fuelled speculation she is on the verge of splitting from husband GUY RITCHIE at the Brit Awards ceremony Wednesday night. The superslut was caught on camera dodging a kiss from her filmmaker husband and neglected to thank him in her acceptance speech. However, the 47-year-old, who was crowned Best International Female Who Just Won't Go Away, paid homage to her producer Stuart Price, whose career has suffered an amazing run of good fortune, until now, exacerbating rumors the pair have developed more than just a working relationship.
She closed her speech saying, "Last, but certainly not least, I would like to thank all of my British fans because without you I would just be another singer from across the pond who will not go away."
In other Madonna news, the star underwent "a minor operation" detaching Guy's cock from his wizened fist, at the Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles following her performance at the Grammy Awards last Wednesday, her spokeswoman has confirmed. Madonna's rep said the singer had fully recovered and was delighted to be attending the London music bash.
DEMI MOORE:ONE COCK IS NOT ENOUGHT, TWO AIN'T TOO MANY
THE 19-YEAR OLD MOORE & PRESIDENT OF THE LITTLE BITTY TITTY CLUB.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- DEMI MOORE gave her new husband, gay icon, ASHTON KUTCHER, a birthday party to remember on February 4 by inviting the best speaker she knows to toast the star -- her ex-husband. And his cock. Yes, noted Republican and dater of porn sluts, BRUCE WILLIS was on hand to wish Kutcher the very best as the actor/TV prankster turned 28 at the Regent Beverly Wilshire hotel's rooftop terrace in Los Angeles.
AND AFTER A LITTLE HELP FROM HER FRIENDS. THE KEEBLER ELVES. RENOWNED JEWISH PLASTIC SURGEONS.
One party guest tells In Touch, "There were poker and blackjack tables, and Bruce was even giving Ashton some poker tips. All a flimsilied constructed effort to conceal the doubleteaming that was clearly in the offing."
All guests were reportedly given a chip worth $500 as they walked in to the bash, and a chance to win a high-definition TV if their luck held out.
Just what fucking multi-millionaires need: another bauble.
Well the families in Tijuana living under corrugated tin shacks fucking send their birthday greetings too.
Fag.
