Mack Avenue Skullgame
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09.14.05
AIN'T NO WAY TO PUT IT SUBTLE: WHEN YOU WANT THE BUTTLE, A SKULLGAME SEARCH, RESCUE MISSION TO ROUNDEYE OF NEW ORLEANS STORM DRAIN. PLUS: JOHN ROBERTS ADVISES CONGRESS TO READ HIS ASS LIPS, RACE MIXING AFOOT, & MADONNA'S DESTRUCTION PLAN COMPLETE

IN SkullGame's ongoing series of articles detailing the terrible tragedy that is the SkullGame loss of revenue as a result of Hurricane Destructo, or Katrina, or whatever the fuck it's called, we have secured the first sign that everything is under control, our President having mountained biked to the rescue. Of a few oil derricks.

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"LOOK, FATHER! I'VE JUST RESCUED A STEELHEAD!!!"

You can rest easy now America. You're in good goddamned hands.



JOHN ROBERTS SUPREME COURT CONFIRMATION HEARINGS TAKE A TURN FOR THE TONY MONTANA

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JUDGE ROBERTS, LEFT, CONSULTS WITH HIS ATTORNEY TOM HAGEN & FAT GUINEA DURING HEARINGS.

WASHINGTON (SkullGame) -- Supreme Court nominee JOHN G. ROBERTS, JR. told senators yesterday that the right for "sluts to kill their offspring" is settled law and that the Jew-scripted Constitution clearly protects their mattress-backed rights of privacy.

But when pressed on whether he agrees with Roe v. Wade, the 1973 decision that legalized abortion for poor sluts and rich sluts alike, Roberts repeatedly refused to answer, saying "I feel the need to stay away from a discussion of particular cases. Actually I feel a need to stay away from discussions of any kind and henceforth I will conduct the rest of the hearing in interpretive dance," he testified on the second day of hearings by the Senate Judiciary Committee.

In addition to the abortion rights question, posed within the first five minutes of the hearing by committee Chairman Arlen Specter, R-Pa., Roberts also was grilled on his views on civil rights, women's rights, the separation of powers during wartime and the Endangered Species Act, which he addressed with a wild watusi before lapsing into a rousing twisting sort of flamenco number.

Day number 3 beings today with a special guest appearance by JENNIFER GREY.



SEAL KNOCKS UP GERMAN UBERMODEL; WHEN REACHED FOR LATER COMMENT ADOLF HITLER SAID, "SEE?"

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THE NEFARIOUS DEED DONE, THE AFRICAN MOCKS THE WHITE RACE, BY CONTINUING TO DO THE DEED. FROM THE BACK. WHILE SLAP-SLAP-SLAPPING "DAT AZZ." HEIDI KLUM, OBLIVIOUS TO THE DANGER SHE'S IN, AWAITS THE INEVITABLE.

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- HEIDI "Summer Sausage" KLUM and her singer husband Seal are celebrating the birth of their first child together. Klum's manager (and shamed and outraged father) Guenther Klum, has told Germany's Cologne Express newspaper that she gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Henry in Los Angeles in the early hours of Tuesday morning -- but no official announcement has yet been made as "our nation still weeps over this dark plundering of Aryan womanhood."

Seal and Klum married in Mexico in May.

The model also has 16-month-old daughter, Leni, by Renault Formula One boss and former Axis partner FLAVIO "Fuck Her, I Did" BRIATORE, who has retired to a quiet life of banging 18 year olds.

Yeah. Sure. 18 year olds.



MADONNA DESTROYS HUSBANDS LAST HOPE; HUSBAND SHOCKED; RELIEVED.

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"MY WORK HERE IS DONE!


TORONTO (SkullGame) -- GUY RITCHIE'S new movie has, predictably, been savaged by critics after it's premiere at the Toronto Film Festival just two years after his last effort, Swept Away, flopped miserably, and predictably. Revolver, Ritchie's return to the gangster genre, has, predictably, been dismissed as a "convoluted, risibly overwrought muddle" by one U.S. magazine.

Screen International also predictably warned viewers would be left "bewildered and disappointed" by what the Hollywood Reporter described as predictably "pretentious style and fractured storytelling."

Hollywood Reporter reviewer Kirk Honeycutt adds, "The movie spins wildly in circles, continually doubling back on itself, repeating scenes -- once even backward -- and lines of dialogue until a viewer loses a grip on what is supposed to be real."

Well one thing was real. Predictably real: Ritchie was accompanied to the Toronto screening by his wife, MADONNA.

Coincidence? We think not.


 


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