YO VINNIE,
I was just banging this broad who complained that my COCK was too HARD. If that don't take it all. Have you ever heard of this before? She just bullshitting me and trying to get out of getting banged, or is this even possible? Oh, and did I mention that she has a moustache and bumps on her cooch? Well, now I did. -- "Iberian" "Hal" (by email)

THE, ER, GIRL? IS MINE. THE DOGGONE GIRL IS MINE, ITALIAN HAL'S, AND NO ONE ELSES.

Dear IRANIAN HAL: YOUR cock was too hard?!?! A gander at this picture seems to clearly indicate the exact nature and shape of your problem. But to answer your question: no this is not bullshit. We imagine, as a result of a careful random sampling of people with penises that it was widely held that based on your photographic evidence of the heights of your manliness that is, to wit: the boning of the woman? In question? Nine out of 10 respondents claim that no matter how long they stared at this picture they, in all likelihood GAY men, failed to get an erection, that is, a hard cock, whilst watching this picture even if they imagined that she was going to buy them some nice rims in the process. Which she wasn't. Or didn't. Not only did they fail to get an erection WHILE watching the picture, they also failed to get an erection for weeks afterward. Because they were gay, we suspect.

So extrapolating forward in time it seems that if all "erections" that she was used to seeing were like the erections belonging to these gay men who we polled, well then, of COURSE, yours was TOO hard.

Because you are a man. And "she" is not.

And don't let anyone tell you any fucking differently.