WHAT becomes AMELIA0618@AOL.COM, a SkullGame model, most? We mean outside of a propensity for racism, chocolate cake, and hairy bush?
"WHAT IS VOMITING IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCENE, ALEX?" ALL THIS...AND $50 TOO!!!
NEWSFLASH: GEORGE "MR. SULU" TAKEI ANNOUNCES TO AMERICA THAT HE'S BEEN IN THE CLOSET FOR LAST 20 YEARS. "NO WAAAYYYY," SAYS AMERICA.
IT GETS AWFUL LONELY ON THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE...AT NIGHT.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- GEORGE " MR. SULU" TAKEI, whose sassy steering of the Starship Enterprise through three television seasons and six movies, surprised a nation this week when it was revealed in the current issue of Frontiers magazine that he had been IN the closet for the last 35 years.
Takei, a heretofore and previously assumed rump romper, told The Associated Press on Thursday that his new onstage role as psychologist Martin Dysart in "Equus," helped inspire him to publicly discuss his sexuality, a topic of absolutely no conjecture to anyone in America at all. Even Star Trek fans. He described the character as a "very contained but turbulently frustrated man who is as gay as the day is long but through massively effective counter-intelligence has kept this fact hidden...from the world." The play opened Wednesday at the David Henry Hwang Theater in Los Angeles, the same day that Frontiers magazine featured a surprise story on Takei's belief that no one else in the world knew that he was gay. Well, no one outside of those priests. And those sailors. And that German soccer player. And that guy named Garth. Or was it Bart? And Ramon, the pool boy. Especially Ramon.
Anyways, the current social and political climate also motivated Takei's disclosure, he said. "The world has changed from when I was a young teen feeling ashamed for being gay and effectively hiding it from absolutely no one," he said. "The issue of gay marriage is now a political issue. That would have been unthinkable when I was young. And 'passing' as a 'heterosexual'."
The 68-year-old actor said he considers himself as "having been out for quite some time."
And we agree.
AND A BRIEF, ITALIAN SAL-SPONSORED ADVERTORIAL...
I KNOW, I KNOW...STUFF!
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"MY HUSBAND, HAHAHA, IS A TALENTLESS HACK, HAHAHA!!!" BRITNEY SPEARS, PERFORMER & PRACTICED EMASCULATOR, HOLDING FORTH ON SNOWBALLS, HELL & KEVIN FEDERLINE'S "SINGING" "CAREER"
SPEARS TRYING TO LOSE A LITTLE WEIGHT POST-PREGNANCY BY EATING AT KRISPY KREME & HOPING TO KABBALAH-AWAY THE POUNDS
FLORIDA (SkullGame) -- BRITNEY SPEARS reportedly has squashed husband KEVIN FEDERLINE'S hopes of becoming a pop star, and the last vestige of balls he ever had a hope of holding on to when she laughed at his first recorded efforts in the studio.
According to a report in In Touch Weekly magazine, Federline -- who met the singer when he danced on one of her tours -- was hurt by his spouse's response to his attempts to sing. The magazine quotes an insider who claims Federline's songs were "greeted with hurtful laughter from his superstar wife, who was unimpressed. Long. Hurtful. Laughter. Almost guffaws really."
The insider adds, "She said his debut CD might sell 'a hundred, maybe a thousand copies if he was lucky,' while dragging on a cig, eating bon bons, and screaming at Conchita to 'take care of that goddamned screaming brat.' Kevin looked really hurt. Which is par for the course for men who make deals with the devil."
PARIS HILTON "SUDDENLY" REMEMBER "MEETING" TOM "SLAPPY" SIZEMORE'S SAUSAGE. SIZEMORE VINDICATED. NOT FOR THE METH THING, THE PROBATION VIOLATION OR THE HEIDI FLEISS SLAP ATTACK. JUST THIS.
PARIS. MEETING. TOM. THE ONLY WAY SHE KNOWS HOW.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Socialite Sniz Gargler PARIS HILTON has slammed reports she denied ever meeting TOM SIZEMORE, but insists she has "never" had "sexual" "relations" with the troubled actor. Or BILL CLINTON.
In the new sex video, TOM SIZEMORE SEX SCANDAL, the troubled actor alleges he had a one-night stand with Hilton after a party at his house in 2001, when the hotel heiress was 19. Hilton quickly rushed out a statement denying his claims, saying, "He is not an acquaintance of mine, nor have I ever had intimate relations with him."
However, after Vivid Entertainment -- the producers of Sizemore's sex tape -- released a photo of the pair at the actor's house in 2001, the lying Hilton insists she has been unfairly portrayed as lying about ever meeting him.
Her new publicist, Jack Ketsoyan, says, "We never said she never met him. She never slept with him and he's not an acquaintance of hers. Well, OK, she never slept in the same bed with him. With her eyes closed. And ding donging wasn't really included in the definition of sexual relations that I was given. Look, she says she doesn't remember the party at all. And that's good enough for me."
JUDGE ROY BEAN IN THE LOOK....OF LOVE!!!
BEAN'S FATHER WITH PIC OF "WHAT MY POOR SON HAD TO ENDURE: THE WHORE. THE HORROR."
AN OPEN LETTER TO MICHELLE W.
Ah, the things we did in the war…
Back when I was an incorrigible idealist and you, an unforgiving nihilist—part Shiva; part Sherpa. All vixen. I find myself, at times, yearning for those days. It’s been nearly two years since we used to roll a bag up; pack a lunch; skip our classes; roll an hour into the National Forest and fuck the day away. Those were good times, and I, much like you, did my best to keep it all in check. Such wasn’t an easy feat; given that we both share the heart of a whore and we were both adept in the game of “love”, or whatever it is we used to call that shit. We were fighters, you and I. And we were good at it.
It’s been nearly two years since I’d break the nose of any man that dared look at you for too long and then glance in my direction on what I perceived to be a dare. Since I’d strip your ex-boyfriend of his shunt and his dignity when he tried to bow up. How I ever proved his assumptions wrong; snatching what was his right out from under him and laughing all the way to your bank. It’s been nearly two years since I would call your roommate a ho and drink all her Stoli; rationalizing my blatant thievery in ways innumerable. I still believe I deserved something to pass the time while you two would sit there and bitch about being bitches on my goddamn watch. I had things to do, namely you, and she was one obstinate, player-hating bitch if I ever encountered one and I had to do something, anything, to cope with her unfortunate presence.
But… I digress. I apologize even. I bet you never expected to hear those words from me. If you are out there still keeping tabs, talking with mutual acquaintances, you may know of this extra-curricular activity of mine—and I bet it doesn’t surprise you a bit.
I apologize for calling you fat after you told me my band sucked. I didn’t really mean it; and you should’ve known better than to speak like that when you actually listened to R.Kelly. I mean, what is that all about? I could be a real shitty communicator at times; but you should know that I don’t fuck fat chicks—let alone live with them and hold their hands and shit.
I’m sorry for chasing you around the apartment with a hard-covered copy of Beyond Good and Evil when you called me “the devil” and talked about “praying for me”; after I called you fat again. I didn’t really mean to do that. Do you want to fuck again sometime? I’d like that a lot.
I’m sorry for throwing your lingerie away after I broke up with you; but then again I bought it all—so it really wasn’t yours anyways. Maybe you should apologize for being selfish; unless you want to start fucking me again—in which case I can accept that as a peace offering.
I’m sorry for calling your sister fat too; but she kinda was, so I’m really only sorry that I said it out loud. I never understood why she didn’t like me.
I’m sorry for turning I Am Sam off midway after we rented it. That movie was fucking depressing; and I feared that it would de-sexualize you for the night or leave my thoughts overtly preoccupied with retards. I just couldn’t risk it. Surely you understand.
I’m sorry for all of Halloween; half of Thanksgiving; and 1/3 of Christmas. New Years was your fault—I just can’t bend on that. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to sleep with you again, so don’t read too much into it.
I’m sorry for answering “yes” when your crackhead neighbor asked me if I was “some kind of skinhead” after I told him to get the fuck away from me. I was sick of him always asking for rides and cigarettes; and since he always called me “vato” even though I’m not Mexican I thought it an exercise in my own personal amusement, and his bewilderment, if nothing else.
I’m sorry for trying anal that early in the morning sans lube or permission. I thought you would dig it.
I’m sorry for being me, so hit me up sometime.
I’ve changed.
I swear.
