RON JEREMY DENIES LYNN'S ACCUSATION OF PAST RAPE, POINTS FINGER AT CHARLIE SHEEN, TOM SIZEMORE

LOS ANGELES--Aging adult film star Ron Jeremy vehemently denies the accusation publicly brought forth by aging adult film star GINGER LYNN that the trembling and bloated Jeremy had raped her 20 years ago in a Hawaiian bungalow, re-igniting a dispute between the two porn icons, or PORNICONS, over the consensual nature of the vast and multiple sex acts that took place then amidst a swirl of drug use, abuse, and bad music by Kajagoogoo.

GINGER LYNN LAUGHS IT UP WHILE ANOTHER ALLEGED "RAPIST" LURKS IN THE BACKGROUND

Jeremy, in a move widely praised by experts, immediately sought the protection and counsel of IRON MIKE TYSON's new advisory board for Men Unjustly Marred By Lying Evil Bitches (MUMBLEB), and denies the accusation, expressing dismay that a topic he thought had been dropped has revived itself in so public a manner.

PRO TEM ATTORNEY-AT-LAW IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ

“That’s she’s been saying this is really fucking bizarre,” Jeremy reportedly told AVN.com. “Somehow her memory must be fucked. Alls I know is with Iron Mike and Kobe in my corner, I can't lose.”

I AM GUILTY OF NOTHING BUT LOVING, NOT POORLY, BUT UNWISELY. AND IN THE ASS.

LEGALLY BLONDE'S REESE WITHERSPOON NAKED!!! WE WISH? ACTUALLY WE DON'T. NOT AT ALL

Husband RYAN PHILLIPE Is Scratching His Head and Wondering "WHAT THE FUCK?"

FROM THIS...

In a move surprising no one and strangely foreshadowed in ITALIAN SAL's review of PREGNANT LADIES #19, film fox Reese Witherspoon of "Legally Blonde" fame has pulled a switch up on the confused and saddened Frenchman Ryan Phillipe.

...TO THIS: A FRENCHMAN SOBS IN FEAR; THEN SURRENDERS

"I was never told this would happen. Never. Did you know?" Asked the baffled Gaul.

Yes, French Fry, we knew.

Our condolences go out to Monsieur Phillipe for having to answer the "do you think I look fat?" question with the "of course you don't dear" lie 273.75 times in a row.

FAN MAIL FROM SOME FLOUNDER

The fucking BIG TIMERS at MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME, yeah boy, we get da mad fucking bitch game going over here. This is from one of A-Number Fucking ONE fan Dark Mistress who says "I'll fuck your asses and look like a school girl while doing so." Oh yeah. HABIB is all over this biz-atch. Reports to follow.

IF YOU WANT MY BODY AND YOU THINK I'M SEXY C'MON LET ME FUCK YOUR ASS

WILD BILL RIDES AGAIN

We busted nuts all over that fucking hick WILD BILL's HUGE LADIES and are glad, no overjoyed, that Big Top "Wild Bill's Erupting Volcanoes" and "Big Bust Pissing Perverts" hit stores this week on DVD.

GARGANTUA AND PANTAGRUEL RIDE AGAIN

Big giant tittied broads taking pipe and smoking it, while being tended to by the tender ministrations of the Osh Kosh B'FuckingGosh sporting Wild Bill.

Of special note: Twin Volcanoes and her enormous milk laden tits in a classic lacto-tale of intrigue and milk.