Mack Avenue Skullgame
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10.17.05
SKULLGAME'S "THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I" NFL SHOCKER ISSUE WHEREIN BILL ROMANOWSKI "ADMITS" TO STEROID USAGE, MINNESOTA VIKING SEX PARTIES NOT HELPING, J'VILLE COOZE KIDNAP PLOT & LT. TODD ATKINS: HERE HE IS & HE'S BACK AGAIN!!!"

THIS edition of SkullGame is brought to you by ALTAR BOY: The Magazine for the Wayward Priest!!!

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MY. YOU LOOK ALLLL TUCKERED OUT. COME ON IN. WE CAN TALK ABOUT, UM, TAKING COMMUNION. OR COCONUTS. OR SOMETHING.



IN A "SURPRISE" SURE TO "SHOCK" ABSOLUTELY A ONE MR. ADAM DAVIS OF MAUMEE, OHIO, ROMO ADMITS TO HIGH LEVEL JUICE MONKERY

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"WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU IT WAS FUCKING OKAY TO ASK ME HOW THE FUCK I AM DOOOIIINNGGG?!?!?!?" ROMO. MAXING. RELAXING. ROIDING. AND A'RAGING.

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- In a sports shocker to end all sports shockers it's been revealed today that mild-mannered BILL ROMANOWSKI used steroids, human growth hormone, bull ball extract, monkey glands and floor sweepings supplied by Victor Conte and various other Mexicans, according to the former NFL linebacker in a 60 Minutes interview yesterday.

The easy going Romanowski said he took illegal steroids for a two-year period starting in 2001 and ending, "um, yesterday?" And got them from Conte, the former head of the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative, which has been at the center of a steroids controversy in several sports.

"I took [human growth hormone] for a 'brief' period and ... I definitely didn't receive my money's worth out of THG," the bookish Romanowski said, referring darkly to another drug he got from Conte. "And if I see that spic fag again I'm going to wad him UP LIKE A FUCKING BAKED POTATO!!!"

Last May, he paid former Raiders teammate Marcus Williams $415,000 in damages for striking him in the face during a practice drill in 2003, ending Williams' career after his eye socket was broken.

"THAT NIGGA DESERVED THAT!!!! AGGGHHHHHH!!!!" the girlish Romanowski screamed in conclusion as he ran across the set alternately grabbing crotches and punching faces.



MINNESOTA VIKING SEX PARTIES'S DUBIOUS SPORT'S VALUE MADE EVEN MORE DUBIOUS BY YET ANOTHER SPECTACULAR ON FIELD FAILURE. HOOKERS CLAIM, "IT'S NOT OUR FUCKING FAULT."

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WOO HOOOO....WE'RE 1 AND 4!!! WOO HOOO!!!

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. (SkullGame) -- Minnesota Vikings owner Zygi Wilf scolded his players Friday, expressing anger and embarrassment over reports that his name is actually ZYGI WILF, as well as for Coach Mike Tice's recent performance improving hooker, blowjob and ass sex symposium, vowing to do all he can to restore respectability by way of no hookers, blowjobs and ass sex to the franchise.

Wilf, in his first comments since the allegations emerged, said the organization will institute a code of conduct that demands "high standards, high morals, success and an aggressive aversion to the professional use of hookers, blowjobs and ass sex."

After an emotional meeting with his staff, Wilf then addressed the team for about five minutes. "I will hold everyone who is involved in the hookers, blowjobs and ass sex thing responsible for their own actions," said buzzkiller Wilf. "If there was any sense that we would look the other way regarding hookers, blowjobs and ass sex, I want to make it extremely clear that hookers, blowjobs and ass sex will never be tolerated again," the New Jersey real estate developer and buzz roacher said slowly and carefully as he read a statement to reporters.

Stephen Doyle, an attorney representing the boat owners, has said at least 17 players were present in a group of about 90 people aboard two charters on Lake Minnetonka Oct. 6 when a wild, lewd party of Minnesota Vikings acting like Vikings allegedly broke out -- frightening and offending the completely gay fucking crew. The party allegedly included drunkenness, nudity and visible sexual acts of the sucking and ass fucking variety.

The Hennepin County Sheriff's Office is investigating, and no charges have been filed.



JACKSONVILLE FIELD COOZE KIDNAP PLOT = BAD FOR SPORT

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CHECK OUT FATTY ON THE FAR RIGHT. HEY BABY. REPEAT AFTER US: "NO I COULDN'T POSSIBLY EAT ANOTHER PIECE OF MARBLE CAKE." SEE? THAT WASN'T SO HARD, WAS IT?

NEPTUNE BEACH, Fla. (SkullGame) -- A man, who was fatally shot by police, was part of a botched conspiracy with two other men to kidnap and kill a Jacksonville Jaguars cheerleader and steal her Mercedes-Benz, police said.

Police were investigating Jamie Lee Williams, 22, who was shot and killed on the beach on Tuesday after he pointed a gun at a Jacksonville Beach police officer, when they found out about the kidnapping plot, said Neptune Beach Police Chief David Sembach. "Had he survived, he would have been charged also," Sembach said on Thursday.

"It is pretty cold-blooded when someone wants to kill somebody to steal their car," Sembach said. "Even though it WAS a pretty cool car. Shit. I'da killed her for it."



LT. TODD ATKINS: ONEMANARMY (tm) FIGHTS OVER CA GIRL (MINDY)

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A CELL PHONE PIC OF MY IMPENDING GLORY.

Fellow undefeated pro fighter Matt Wiman and I had a boys night out on saturday, we both work pretty hard and I think we deserve it. We told our girlfriends that we were going to a sports bar to watch the game, but we really went to a pretty happening club to pick up on some chicks and possibly get a little action on the side.

As usual when Matt Wiman and I are together, there was trouble from the beginning. As soon as Matt Wiman and I entered the club, all eyes were on us, especially me. Not to take anything away from Matt Wiman, but I am a very good looking dude. I am muscular, handsome, intimidating, and dress accordingly. I know women have it rough in this world, so I am all for giving them a little treat once in a while. If that requires wearing some tight fitting clothing on my part that may not be the most comfortable thing to wear, then so be it, I am willing to make the sacrifice.

Anyway I started putting the old "ONEMANARMY (tm)" charm on a hot little number from CA named Mindy as Wiman watched in admiration at my smoothness. Out of nowhere, some big local Tul$a bodybuilder guy comes along and smarts off about how Tul$ans weren't allowed to date California women while flexing his chest and trying to make himself look even bigger than he already was like some rooster.

"Look buddy, my friend Matt Wiman and I are both trained and seasoned martial artists. For your own health interests, I would drop this issue and drop your anti California rhetoric before I drop you!". The big guys mouth dropped open, he was speechless as I had told him off in front of his girl.

Just like on the internet, I always verbally destroy people with my sharp wit.

I then gave Mindy a wink, a quick flex, and handed her my pro fighter business card that has my number on it. I turned my back and started looking for some new women to entertain me. That's when the coward came up from behind me and tried to choke me, yelling something about getting my traitor ass! I have faced adversity such as this in a similar situation, against another big Tul$a bully like this one. I triumped in that instance, so I knew I would now as well.

As Wiman and I had been working on in class for this exact situation, I lowered to one knee and performed a simple judo toss throwing the big goon over my back with ease. He was on all fours attempting to stand back up when I delivered a sharp kick to the ribs, followed up with an elbow drop to the back of the head, knocking him back down again. A couple of his buddies came at me with beer bottles, but Wiman took one of them down with a double leg from the side and I knocked the other out with a straight right.

The big bodybuilder guy was standing back up, with his girlfriend talking to him and trying to get him out of there.

"I don't think so buddy. You started this mess, now I am gonna finish it! I am going to do to your bodybuilder ass what the whites did to the indians, kick your fat dark ass and take your possessions!"

Wiman tackled him and held him while I got a beer bottle and hit him over the head with it, knocking him out cold.

I reached into his wallet and got out some money. "Looks like this meathead is paying for our drinks tonight Wiman." With that, I put my arm around the California girl (Mindy) and we got a table.

I put the "OneManArmy (tm)" charm on her throughout the night. I even asked her if she had any Oklahoman in her and if she wanted some (an Atkins family traditional joke).

Now I am not one to kiss and tell about what happened later that night.............. but let's just say that to the victor goes the spoils. If you know what I mean.


 


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