And from the SkullGame mailbag and in response to the first installment of the KOBE BRYANT "SURE I FUCKED THE HOTEL SLUT IN THE ASS BUT KARL MALONE MADE ME DO IT" Series, we have an ANGRY letter from a mincing, flouncingly outraged nut gummer
I GARGLE BALLS. AND I'M ANGRY!!! NOT ABOUT GARGLING BALLS!!! BUT ABOUT HAVING THE WORLD KNOW I GARGLE BALLS
"Dear Assholes at SkullLame: It's easy to make fun of what you know nothing about. But I think you fags just need to get over it. You'll never be as great as Kobe is on his worst day. Bitches." -- And if you need him? Yup. He was stupid enough to leave his email address: Atomant502@aol.com
ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: RESPONDING TO THE OVERRIDING STENCH OF NUT GUMMERY, MEWLING & KOBE APOLOGIA
LET ME FUCKING REPHRASE THAT...
How to get laid. A Love Story. That ain't fucking, that's the way you do it. Pullin' down your pants on the MTV. I find it interesting that the Judge is so selective in enforcing that protection order. I mean, when I grabbed you, you were just as close to me as I was to you. It's not you, it's me. I like to be more of a plan B kind of guy. You know what I mean right? Now, are you gonna lend me that money or what? How can you suck someone's cock by mistake!?! Thank you, very much.
KARL MALONE SPEAKS IN A SKULLGAME SCOOP AIDED AND ABETTED BY OUR DEAR FRIEND JOHN SALLEY
OK. LOOK. I'LL JUST FUCK HER IN THE ASS ONCE, AND I WILL NEVER MENTION IT AGAIN. JESUS. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?
Calls were made and before we knew it we had KARL "THE BONE" MALONE on the phone. He goes by many names The Mailman. Karl. Mr. Malone. But mostly THE BONE. And so it was that we had a few stolen moments alone with Mr. Malone regarding the recent assfucking brouhaha.
SkullGame: So KOBE is a snitch. Does there remain any doubt?
Karl Malone: It's not so much the snitch part that bothers me. Well, wait, that bothers me too. It bothers me less because I didn't do anything that he could have snitched me out for. But mostly I just feel like that guy who picked up a snake when everybody told him it was a snake and then gets bitten. I guess I thought it couldn't happen to me. And, of course, it did.
SG: That Vanessa bitch got his head all fezzed up. Like a motherfucking martini shaker...
KM: EXACTLY. That's what I'm saying. I'm also saying that that hotel slut ain't the only one who was giving up the culo.
SG: Aw, shit....Come on...Tell me.
KM: The whole time I heard him talking I thought he was talking about a goddamned hotel in FRANCE. Shit. Then I see him all up in here with that bitch. Guess who? Fuck it, I'll tell you. That bitch with the cock in her mouth from the TV. PARIS HILTON. Anyways, the Frito Ass Bandito found out and so I guess he felt like he needed to throw me under the wheels of the bus.
SG: Acting like it's his first piece of pussy.
KM: Well you know it just MIGHT be.
SG: Uh oh. What he's famous for Ladies and Genitals...The Shot. But seriously Karl [voice dropping an octave in total life and death drug dealer fashion], how was that chucifrito ass?
KM: Hey man...
SG: Don't go all fag on us, man...I got the tape player running. You drop some salsa on that hiz-ass? You pull up to the bumper on that Momi? You do the Mexican hat dance around her chocha? Don't make me get any more bilingual then I am...shit...
[It is at this point that the cellphone accidentally disconnected.]
THE FINAL NAIL DRIVEN INTO DIRECTOR GUY RITCHIE'S CAREER
"NOW THAT OUGHT TO DO IT." "THANK YOU, DEAR."
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Madonna's director husband Guy Ritchie, in a move that signals the last rusty nail being pounded into the coffin of his erstwhile career, plans to talk to British Prime Minister Tony Blair about the Kaballah, the porkchop preacher equivalent of Judaism.
The "Snatch" filmmaker reportedly, still coasting off of the fumes of that five year old movie, has contacted Blair to arrange a meeting to discuss what appears to be only the tip of a much more gooned out iceberg: the healing properties of Kaballah Water, which he believes, in a burst of non-linear thinking, would be useful in treating the injured in Iraq.
A close source explains, "Madonna said it even cured Guy's verrucas. Which Guy believed. So Guy wants to tell the Prime Minister about the fantastic healing powers of Kaballah Water, which could instantly cure wounded soldiers in Iraq. Though it seems to work not so well on things like careers."
