skull_weblog

$400K FOR A 10 YEAR HARD-ON? WHERE'S OUR CHECK?

A former handyman has won more than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a penile implant that gave him a 10-year erection. Charles "Chick" Lennon, 68, received the steel and plastic implant in 1996, about two years before Viagra went on the market. The Dura-II is designed to allow impotent men to position the penis upward for sex, then lower it. But Lennon could not position his penis downward. He said he could no longer hug people, ride a bike, swim or wear bathing trunks because of the pain and embarrassment. He has become a recluse and is uncomfortable being around his grandchildren, his lawyer said. In 2004, a jury awarded him $750,000. A judge called that excessive and reduced it to $400,000. "I don't know any man who for any amount of money would want to trade and take my client's life," said Jules D'Alessandro, Lennon's attorney.

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I CAME, I SAW, I CONQUERED. AND THEN I CAME 10 MORE TIMES & THEN I TOOK A NAP.

RYAN CONNER from ASS WORSHIP 2

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=76526

BRIANNA LOVE OVERSEXED

She's about as OVERsexed as

we are UNDERpaid. Um, what

a minute...

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BRIANNA LOVE OVERSEXED

She's about as OVERsexed as we

are UNDERpaid. Um, what a minute...

265751

BRIANNA LOVE OVERSEXED

She's about as OVERsexed as we are

UNDERpaid. Um, what a minute...

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ASS HOLES #2

DNA

Rating: FOUR "Why Ain't This A 300 Hour Vid?" BUSTED NUTS

You ever think of what it must be like to be us?

And by this I don't mean all the endless parade of pussy both pictured and/or present in our lives, I mean the complete and total lack of deviation of deviation. I mean there are some things KNOWN beyond a shadow of a doubt regarding any of these videos.

1) They will contain naked bitches who planned poorly for their futures
2) Said bitches will chomp choad, gobble goop, and slop down slop from poles pulled from their butts, gums, or quim
C) You will at some point masturbate to pictorial depictions of them doing the same. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

YES, YES, YES, HALEY PAIGE. WE GET IT. YOU HAVE AN ASS. WITH A HOLE IN IT. YOU ALSO HAVE FEET APPARENTLY BUT NO ONE'S MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT THAT!!!

So imagine our pleasant goddamned surprise when this shows up. ASS HOLES. Really?!?!? JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST!!!!

FINALLY.

Finally a vid that goes straight to the heart of the matter and shows us MIKE LA VELLA, JEFF MULLEN, DAVE DIETRICH, THAT BRIT PRICK WHO THREATENED TO SUE US, TOMMY LEE, and a cast of thousands of people who make more money than we do, getting the goddamned fucking of their lives. Now this is going to be porno that WE CAN LIVE WITH...soooo, imagine our unpleasant goddamned surprise when this shows up and it shows nothing of the kind.

So while this flick is fuckful of butts getting banged like butt banging was about to turn into a Bush White House class B felony, it also carries with it the sad undercurrent of what it could have been, separating the wheat from the chaff, the almost rans from the has beens and the horsehoe and grenades takes on ASS fucking.

Not assHOLE fucking.

Caveat Emptor, baby. -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/251916.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

BLACK REIGN #6

Mercenary Pictures

Rating: TWO "Black & Pearly" BUSTED NUTS

The cover of this DVD comes with the caption, "The Darker the berry...the sweeter the juice!"

What? I'm confused.

I mean, look at MIKA BROWN - the star of this movie. She's pretty light skinned. Does that mean her berry isn't that sweet? Have you seen that Ribena ad where they claim 95 percent of all Britian's blackcurrants make it into Ribena. That's a huge monopoly on the blackcurrant industry. Is that even allowed?

Man, I hate false advertising.

MIKA BROWN INVESTIGATES: THE BERRY-JUICE PHENOMENA

Once you get past all that rubbish, this DVD is pretty good. Mika Brown is her usual, adorable-filthy self, fucking and wailing like a star.

Skip HYPNOTIQ and MONET DIVINE - sorry girls - pure swagness. -- STABBY THE LAD

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/236015.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

VIOLATION OF CLAUDIA

Video X Pix

Rating: ONE "Oldie, But Sucky" BUSTED NUTS

This ordinary offering seemed to have been a product of either the lackluster efforts to make a sex instruction film by a group of inmates at a low security institution, OR the behind-the-scenes footage of the cocaine-induced antics of the extras on Gilligan's Island.

One or the other.

MY NAME IS SHARON MITCHELL. AND I VOTE. FOR PENIS, GETTING HIGH & GOING BROKE. NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER.

Reminiscent of those science films about sediments in rivers, this "classic," features a beak-nosed secretary [SHARON MITCHELL a.k.a The Woman Who Got San Fernando Hooked On Getting High Back In The Day Before She Became A Respectable Skank Who We'd Still Do] in a couple of scenes that made little or no sense, obviously this problem was compounded by me watching practically the entire release in fast forward. One scene looked at least promising but as it was filmed by firelight on a bearskin rug all one could see was the occasional sheen of sweat and it took me until the cumshot to realize that it was a man and woman, not a sack of onions and a dolphin.

Like many of these 70's films the couple tend to have "sexual intercourse" rather than whole-hearted, full-blown fucking, and the men seem to have been selected for their peanut penis', belly hair and inability to get an erection and, oh yes, that they last a good 40 seconds before pulling a face like a clown getting his penis dipped in jelly beans. Watching this it occurred to me why the Mitchell Brothers made so much money with MARILYN CHAMBERS, considering this kind of dull fodder was the competition.

The best thing about this film was the extras had a trailer for a rather debaucherous looking film with a dubious title like Everything You Wanted To Know About Female Athletes But Were Too Afraid To Ask. This looked like it had the goods. As compared to the VIOLATION OF CLAUDIA, which was more like stroking your member to classical music while watching the elderly neighbors play tennis dressed in penguin costumes.

Ho hum.

Oh and Claudia never got violated as far as I could see, but then perhaps it was when what looked like a surviving member of the Serbian Parliament flipped out on Quaaludes, smears cabbage and ice cream on her belly.

Yep. That would be it. -- MIKE HUNT. ESQ.

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/239665.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

TEXTBOOK DEFINITION OF "GODDAMNED SHAME"

A La Crosse man was cited for soliciting a prostitute after he called police dispatch and demanded his money be refunded when the woman did not perform a sexual service. Leslie Beach, 36, of 526 S. 16th St., Apt. 3, was fined $159 for the solicitation, according to La Crosse police reports. Beach told responding officers that he had a learning disability and that a woman named Victoria had taken advantage of him. He told police that Victoria said she would have intercourse with him for $40, reports said. Beach asked Victoria for his money back after the two did not have intercourse, reports said. She refused to refund the money but told him she would spend the night at his apartment. She later left, and Beach called police.

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YOUR FACE HERE.

JEANNIE RIVERS from ASS WORSHIP 3

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=97773

POLE POSITION: LEX POV #4

Mercenary Pictures

Rating: FOUR "Get On Your Marks" BUSTED NUTS

LEXINGTON STEELE is my hero.

Growing up in the New Jerusalem AKA New Jersey, he lived a normal life, "going to school, playing sports and, of course, watching porn movies."

WOW!!

Oh wait. Of course he's also blessed with a "huge cock."

Peanut butter and jealousy, anyone...?

LEXINGTON....HELPING THE NEEDY....

He's also incredibly kind. For this DVD he puts us, the viewer, in the driver's seat, behind his "MANHAMMER." I told you he was kind!!! This pretty much means that Lex holds the camera himself, while pounding away. What next Lex? Ending world hunger? Dinner with Bono? Bringing peace to The Middle East?

Anyway, this DVD is great. LORI ALEXIA is incredible and CANDACE VON's tit-wank is mind-blowing. -- STABBY THE LAD

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/244842new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ONE ON ONE #5

Red Light District

Rating: THREE & A HALF "Hoop It Up" BUSTED NUTS

Sometimes you need a little time alone with a girl. It’s a welcome break from all the double-teaming and gang bangs that have become almost routine.

Sometimes you just need to go one on one.

WELL IT INVOLVES SASHA KNOX, BALLS, AND AN ABLE, THOUGH FAGGISH, COMPETITOR...LADIES & GENTLEMAN, THE MIAMI HEAT!!!

No need to go down to Foot Locker and drop way too much money on a pair of ugly sneakers. The only pump action you’ll need to worry about here is what you’ll be doing with your hips.

You supply the balls, and your partner brings the (anal) rim. At least, that’s what chicks like CHRISTIE LEE and SASHA KNOX have got in their gym bags. But even if you brick your shots off of them, they’re no worse for wear. And once you drain your last play, it's time to make a fast break for the door.

ONE ON ONE #5. It sure beats hooping it up with JULIUS IRVING. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/260756new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

DID WE MISS FATHER'S DAY?!? WELL, TOO FUCKING BAD!!! HERE'S SKULLGAME'S PLAYA-HATER ISSUE WHEREIN WE LET THE FUNK FLOW ALL OVER JESSICA SIMPSON, LIV TYLER, KATE MOSS AND ALL OF THOSE OTHER MOTHERFUCKERS WHO HAVE SOOOO MUCH, WHILE WE HAVE SO LITTLE.

Our thanks go out to the corporate sponsor of our envy, God, who has made it blatantly clear that in no uncertain terms, he hates us. Also, narcotics. God, envy and narcotics have conspired to make us who we are today and to them goes our gratitude: thanks a whole fucking lot.

LOOK AT THAT BITCH. NOW SEE, HOW MUCH YOU THINK THOSE GODDAMNED SHOES COST? SHEE-IT. WE'D BE ABLE TO AFFORD SHIT LIKE THAT IF WE SUCKED AS MUCH COCK AS SHE HAS.

WE HATE A LOT OF PEOPLE AND WE HATE A LOT OF STUFF AND WHENEVER WE'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE WE CAN'T HATE ENOUGH

KATE MOSS

SHE GOT $40,000 FOR DOING WHAT WE DO FOR FREE: TAKING A DUMP.

FUCK Kate Moss.

JESSICA SIMPSON

LOOK AT THEM. JUST LOOK AT THEM. WE MEAN WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT HIS SUIT THAT HASN'T ALREADY BEEN SAID ABOUT OUR ASSES?

Celebrity yowler Jessica Simpson complains to the press about being bloated and constipated and it makes front pages. This is the same woman that thought Chicken of The Sea tuna was made out of fucking chickens. She will do porno someday. And when that day comes we will be there. Stating loudly to anyone who'll listen that we fucked plenty of better looking bitches than her.

KURT RUSSELL

HI, VINNIE. GREAT FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD YOU GOT HERE.

ACTUAL fucking photo of that fucker Kurt Russell. Taken in front of my old building out in Red Hook, Brooklyn.

And here is an actual bit of conversation.

15-Year Old Me: "Yo. It's that guy. Yo, Clint Fucking Eastwood. Gimme your autograph, Mr. Fucking Limo Motherfucker!!!"

KURT RUSSELL: "I'm actually Kurt Russell."

15-Year Old Me: "Faggot."

CORNHOLIO

OH, OH, LOOK AT ME. I'M A BLACK MOTHERFUCKER WHO GETS THE BITCHES! WHATEVER.

Sure, he works here but so what. WE work here. CORNHOLIO hides out from the cops here. Totally different things. Here he is immediately prior to pounding SYREN. Too bad he's gay.

THOMAS "ROCCO" HANSEN

WHO?!?!?

Yeah. Exactly. Norwegian porn star who just made a porno with a couple of high school girls who made the movie to help pay for their graduation parties. The good news is self-made millionaire Hansen would have been jailed in America. The bad news is: he lives in Norway.

LIV TYLER

TITS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS

We sat behind her on a flight from Berlin to London and then again from London to New York where we ended up staying at the same hotel as she was. She was like the fucking invisible woman. Now explain this to us again: her father's that rich and famous broad who sings for Aerosmith. Her mother's that rich and famous model and rock skag. Now she is rich and famous for being the daughter of the rich and famous. Oh yeah, and beautiful. Of course. Fucking of course.

THE WORLD

AREN'T OUR SHOES NICE? THEY COST $700 A PAIR. BUT WE DON'T REALLY LIKE THEM.

Look at them. With their goddamned stupid cars and their stupid faces in those stupid cars. And those stupid faced stupid cars that cost much more than our cars. And the fact that they have EVERYTHING and we have NOTHING.

Yes, yes. Fuck you very much.

UNCLE D'S SMOTHER ME

Evil Angel

Rating: ZERO "Should A Sex Vid Include Sex?" BUSTED NUTS

It is not often that one gets the opportunity to watch a porn film with your 10 year old son and 12 year old daughter. Boy did we chuckle as this harmless muscle bound idiot sweet talked slightly bemused teens into "letting" him rest his Hulk Hogan-shaped head against their fully panted buttocks.

OH MAN.....SEEEEEEXXXXYYYY. NEXT UP? SMOKING HER USED TAMPONS!!!!

My son asked me, "Dad, is this guy smelling farts?" and I did hear my daughter mutter "retard" under her breath as she sat and ate biscuits and looked up from her Judy Blume book occasionally as the buffoon loudly gasped for air after a 20-second session. Afterward all three of us took turns reenacting each scene with a pillow. My son held his breath for a good 20 seconds longer than the idiot on the DVD. My daughter wanted to know if she could take it to school for show and tell the next day.

I said sure, why not?

I'm not sure if this qualified as porn: fully clothed adults conversing in pre-teen talk and hiding their faces in buttocks hidden by satin pants is only worthy of a 'G' rating at the best. I highly recommend this for pre teens.

It's hilarious. -- MIKE HUNT, ESQ.

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/263454.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

THE LAND OF THE FREE & THE NAZIS TOO!!!

"Hitler did nothing. When the war happened, he tried everything diplomatic--everything. The soldiers of the Third Reich never stole anything. I fought next to them. They were good men. Never times were they bad. Not one person was gassed to death in the Third Reich." This is what Ted Junker of Millard believes. Junker says he was born in 1919 in Germany and fought as a German Waffen-Schutzstaffel (SS) officer during World War II. For 60 years he has mulled over what he remembers happening during those years. And in the years since he has come to see those events as totally opposite from how they are commonly told. "When I was laying in bed at night, I would ask, 'How is it possible that people get so misinformed?'" he says through a strong German accent. So Junker figured he'd do something big to tell his side of the story. He built a large hall and monument honoring the legacy of Adolf Hitler and the German Allied forces. Junker will hold a grand opening Sunday, June 25 beginning at 11 a.m.

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ANNE DOMINUS ANUS!!!

AURORA SNOW from
Jules Jordan's ASSWORSHIP 2

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=76526

BRIANNA LOVE OVERSEXED

Red Light District

Rating: FIVE "There's No Such Thing As Too Much Sex" BUSTED NUTS

I never got the whole “oversexed” concept, which allegedly refers to having an excessive sexual appetite. Consider the following:

- overworked: You’ve been doing too much work. As a result, you do not want any more work.

- overwatered: Your plant has reached its saturation point for moisture. It will accept no more.

- overburdened: The camel can not take any more weight. Even as is, the back may already be broken.

LADIES & GENTLEMAN....AXL ROSE!!! OH, WAIT....SORRY. OUR MISTAKE....BRIANNA LOVE!!! YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?!?!? YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE, BABY!!!

Logically, if you were oversexed, that would mean you had more than your fill of sex, thank you very much, and all you’d like to do now is sit down with a nice book.

I think the word we’re looking for here is “undersexed.” Like, when you get really fucking horny as a result of not getting any, like JEFF MULLEN.

BRIANNA LOVE apparently has not been getting enough, seeing how she’s in every scene in this fucking vid. But where other porns that spotlight one girl go wrong – namely, it makes you start to feel like you’re married to the chick – OVERSEXED has Love always paired up with another decidedly undersexed hottie, and always of the anally expert variety, like KATSUMI or NADIA STYLES.

So instead of a wife, you’ve got your ideal party girl who brings all her cute little friends over for you. Love? I think it is.

Indeed, the best career move Brianna Love could ever have made was to take cocks in her ass. So instead of being yet another also-ran, underanalsexed girl in the porn world, she’s cornered the market as the all-hole-partying equivalent of a Disney character. Bring it on. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/265751new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ROMANTIC RECTAL REAMING

Anabolic

Rating: THREE & A HALF "Only The Best For That Special Someone" BUSTED NUTS

Has your relationship with your special lady become stale? Has the spark gone from your love life? Do you need to zip things up right quick? Try a little back-to-basics romance, rectal reaming style.

“Welcome home, honey, I got you something special tonight.”

“Ooooh, sweetie, you shouldn’t have.”

“I know. I know.”

See? It’s almost too simple. Certainly, any woman who wouldn’t want to be rectally reamed is no woman for you or me, brother.

JESSICA JAMMER....READY FOR LOVE. AND ASS FUCKING. BUT MOSTLY ASS FUCKING LOVE.

ROXY JEZEL is always up for a good bit of romance. She’s come a long way, baby, from a cold, English girl with no clue to the ways of romantic love to one that lives every day as a celebration of it.

DANA VESPOLI has always been one well-versed in the ways described by such Romantic greats as Lord “don’t call me TOM” BYRON, even down to the details of her having sex with men. Except, what the hell has happened to her lately? Her gaunt, cold-eyed, tattooed look is making her begin to look like the female counterpart to Guy Pierce’s character in Memento.

And finally, JESSICA SIMPSON may be a cold, heartless bitch, but luckily, her look-alike JESSICA JAMMER is a warm, romantic alternative, if you catch our drift. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/262127.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

STRAP ATTACK #3

Evil Angel

Rating: TWO "Blame The Dutchman" BUSTED NUTS

Confound that FLYING DUTCHMAN.

He almost had me tricked – hypnotized, even – by his symposium on transsexuals, namely that the mere idea of sex with one of them was almost a perfectly reasonable thing. Almost.

My personal homo-panic episode went as far as checking out STRAP ATTACK 3, directed by the once normally heterosexual and, for some years now, ever eyebrow-raisingly dubious performer/director JOEY SILVERA. Need even more proof beyond the most obvious exhibit of women masquerading as women who used to men? Check out how big a deal they make out of the size of one ho’s clitoris. It’s like penis envy projected onto a woman by a man, in the sense that the sense of awe at the size of the clit is a thinly veiled fantasy that said clit was in fact a cock.

Ineluctable faggotry? You be the judge.

FEELING GAY YET? WELLLLLL, YOU SHOULD BE......

We’re wiping the sweat partially from our brow in knowing that the dicks here are fake, and that the women can take them off at any time, preferably not too far down the road of our rude awakening into the territory that no, this probably wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Unlike Platinum X’s far tamer STRAP IT ON series, which is basically a lesbo flick that allows the girls to use a dildo AND have both hands free, Strap Attack is about “turning” the fucking “tables,” namely girls strapping it on and fucking dudes.

Now, there is a plus side. Since male performers in your standard porn movies won’t go near anything entering their ass (watch a guy in a porn nearly lose his hard-on when an unsuspecting girl tries to put a finger in his ass). There’s in fact a non-ass-entering clause, thereby a woman will forfeit half her scene’s pay for attempting such a stunt. Anyway, the plus side to the guys in a movie like this is that none of them are named JOHN STRONG, MICHAEL STEFANO, ERIK EVERHARD, or even DICK DELAWARE, TONY T or BRIAN SUREWOOD, or... you get the idea.

The girls, on the other hand, are the very same ones you’re used to seeing. KATJA KASSIN, JASMINE BYRNE and LAUREN PHOENIX are some of the more famous ones.

So having porn sluts such as these virtually fuck guys in the ass can be called a case of all being fair in love and war. Or you can call it retribution. Whatever you want, but you can’t say the same for the shameless, outrageous inclusion of anally worthless bitches like KARINA KAY, who continues to fly in the face of proper porn values by NOT taking it in the ass. We say, if you’re a porn ho and can’t take it, you’re in no fucking position to dish it.

Can I get an amen?

Anyway, back to the movie. There’s at least some reciprocation within the revenge, in the sense that the dudes get to fuck the girls, or at least get their knobs polished. And if I have to take a dildo simulating a black man’s cock up my ass, I’d at least like some hot bitch to be sucking my rod at the same time. Does this sound like fun to you? Give this movie five fucking busted nuts then. Fag. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/246858new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

LOVE THAT ASIAN ASS

Fifth Element

Rating: FIVE "Praise Be" BUSTED NUTS

I'm banging this Chinese broad on the weekend. Mid-fuck she asks me if I "feel guilty?"

"Nooooooo," I tells her.

"Cos we're having sex outside of marriage," she persists.

Ahhh, Christ.

Suffice to say, before I can nut we're embroiled in a pointless (is there any other kind?) discussion of "religion," my erection's toast, and I'm wondering how the fuck I walked into an ASK VINNIE letter.

YOU DO KNOW THAT WE JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR ASS FUCKED & DON'T REALLY GIVE A RAT'S ANUS ABOUT YOUR BLOG, DON'T YOU?....TIA TANAKA FIGURING THINGS OUT.

It looked so promising earlier.... When I picked her up she was wearing a short skirt, no panties, and a shaved twat. A shaved, dripping (I checked in the car) twat. Plus she's a Doctor (who works in a hospital; not a sociology PhD). That's a solid Madonna/whore combo. Not a deranged bitch.

Previously she's told me that I'm the only guy she's ever had orgasms with from vaginal schtupping. Naturally I took this as a compliment instead of, in hindsight, a warning signal.

Which brings me to the hoes in this flick. None of whom are likely to sidetrack your boner by inviting Jesus into the bedroom. Or if KAIYA LYNN tried, you could surely counter with the mute button.

Just lots of Asian skanks who take it in the pooper (plus TIA TANAKA who at least licks poop) and aren't gonna slap you on the cock with a Travel Bible. -- MR. XTRA

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/262424new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

TEACHER TITTY TERROR: A SKULLGAME STUDY IN CONTRASTS PLUS "THE BEST WE CAN DO WHILE HIGH ON HEROIN" AWARDS TO MARIAH CAREY FOR NOT NEEDING HELP WITH HER WATER OR SEMEN, THE DALLAS MAVERICKS CHOKE IT AWAY & JUDGE ROY BEAN'S VAGINA QUIZ

WITH SkullGame increasing its push into the world of modern music we welcome our newest sponsors, POLYSUTRA RECORDS, and their re-release of the seminal country music release by GERALDINE AND RICKY, a fine alt-country rendering of the best songs sung by VINNIE'S favorite dummy talkers.

"I THINK MY WORK SPEAKS FOR ITSELF," SAYS GERALDINE THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH AS SHE GETS READY TO LAUNCH INTO HER SEARING RENDITION OF JOHNNY TAYLOR'S GREAT "IT'S CHEAPER TO KEEP HER."

SKULLGAME CONSIDERS: RETURNING TO SCHOOL AS TEACHERS TAKE TITTY TO TASK AS TEACHING TOOL. STUDENTS REPORT LEARNING "LOADS AND LOADS."

THE UNDERAPPRECIATED TAMARA HOOVER'S BEEN TOSSED ON HER TUSH FOR SHOWING TIT IN A SHINING EXAMPLE OF THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT'S ANTI-TIT AGENDA.

AUSTIN, Texas (SkullGame) -- Until they found the topless photos, Austin High School officials considered Tamara Hoover an excellent art teacher with a knack for helping students find their creativity. Now, she's fighting for her job.

The photos, which were posted on Flickr.com by her partner, depict Hoover in the shower, lifting weights, getting dressed, in bed and doing other routine activities. Hoover said Friday the photos are art and makes no apologies.

"I'm an artist and I'm going to participate in the arts," Hoover said. "If that's not something they want me to do then I want to be told that. I don't feel as if I was doing anything that was beyond expectations."

The crypto-fascist school district said the photos were inappropriate and violate the "higher moral standard of showing the demon breasts to excite the gentles of the youth she's been charged with teaching God's law" expected of public school teachers. As she was escorted out of class last month she was told that she's become an ineffective teacher.

The district wants to revoke her teaching certification, which would keep her out of Texas classrooms permanently. Hoover will appeal the ruling and is prepared to take the case to court, she said.

The photos came to light last month as a result of a feud over ceramics equipment with another art teacher, according to sworn affidavits. Students, very, very gay students, who had seen the pictures showed the teacher, who then notified school officials.

The school was attended by President Bush's drinking, hiding-crack-in-their-sneakers-at-court daughters, Barbara and JENNA.

IN a related news story the following teacher also took her clothes off for a class project....

MY GOD!!! WILL NOTHING STOP THIS ASSAULTER OF GOOD TASTE & SENSIBILITY?!?!? IS THERE NOTHING WE CAN DO TO STOP HER?!?!? MY GOD, PLEASE STOP HER....FOR THE KIDS.

FROM JUDGE ROY BEAN FOR THE LADIES: SKULLGAME’S COSMOPOLITAN-ESQUE QUESTIONNAIRE. CAREFULLY ASSEMBLED BY LEADING EXPERTS ON EXPLAINING YOUR FEELINGS AS A WOMAN, HUMAN, COCKSOCKET, AND GENRAL SLOBJOBBER TO YOURSELF.

Question

1) Your vagina is best described as:

A. - A safe and secure treasure for which only few have possessed a key.
B. - A bottomless pit that has been filled with thousands of balls and poses a danger to small children.
C. - An amusement park frequented heavily by German tourists and ill-chaperoned high school field trip groups.

Question
2) All of the following are:

A. - Non-existent.
B. - Extinct.
C. – Things that are miraculously here and then gone again come the middle of the night.

Question
3) People have told you they view your vagina as:

A. - A crushing black-hole of negative energy from which there is no hope of escape
B. - A trap used to ensnare and cripple the unsuspecting
C. - An open port which is freely accessible via the internet

Question 4)
Your husband/boyfriend/employer/milkman’s biggest problem is a lack of:

A. - Nuts
B. - Balls
C. - Sense

Question 5)
In red crayon, please circle the part of your brain that JUST DOESN'T FUCKING GET IT!:

___________________________

Scoring:

For each answer of A, award yourself 3 points. For each answer of B, award yourself 2 points. For each answer of C, award yourself 1 point.

Score the questions accordingly and then total your score. Once you have your score, remember that no matter what any of your regularly subscribed to periodicals tell you that you are but a vapid whore that should have been spending her time making with sucky and letting us borrow $5 and shit.

MARIAH CAREY DRINKS SEMEN. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I CAN EVEN DRESS MYSELF. IN YARN. AND THINGS.

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Pop superstar lunatic MARIAH CAREY has laughed off reports she ordered an assistant help her drink water and/or semen at a recent album signing. During the London event, the "We Belong Together" singer was photographed drinking water from a glass held up to her mouth by an employee with a penis.

The 36-year-old says, "That is so, ugh ... I was at a record signing and I signed about 3,000 records. Most artists will go for maybe half and hour, then they leave everybody standing there. I always feel guilty doing that, so I stay for a long time. I'm signing with one hand and sucking somebody else, so someone tapped me to take a sip of water, and then they took a picture.

"But believe me, I'd much rather hold my own glass! OR penis. I can't even get a proper assistant, how am I gonna get a cup-, or penis-holder?"

SKULLGAME'S "SHIT THAT ONLY WORKS IN MOVIES" AWARD

A marriage-minded man ran naked through his neighborhood, trying to show his hesitant girlfriend that taking risks is important. "Just when you thought you had heard everything," said Ann Arbor police Detective Sgt. Jim Stephenson. The couple were discussing marriage when the woman said she wasn't sure if she was ready. The man responded that taking risks is an important part of life and, to prove his point, jumped out of a first-floor window and ran naked across the street. Before he could return, he spotted a couple walking and hid in some bushes to avoid them. A 28-year-old man noticed the bushes rustling and bare feet underneath, then drew a .40-caliber handgun and ordered the naked man out. The naked suitor ran away, but the armed man gave chase and threatened to shoot, police said. The gunman fired a shot and the naked man fell to the ground, suffering minor injuries.

BLACK PUSSY?!?! FOR GODDAMNED FREE?!?

LIKE GOV'T FUCKING CHEESE

FUGITIVE FINANCIER FRANK QUATTRONE WORKING OFF HIS DEBT TO HUMANITY ONE LOAD AT A TIME.

OL' DIRTY BASTARD was a fucking bastard for it. BOBBY DE NIRO thought it was so nice, he married it twice. And VINNIE ROSE, would walk across 50 fat boy's assholes to get to it: FREE, BLACK PUSSY.

Now before we get around to what, essentially is a fucking lie, a sham and a goddamned shame, we should just luxuriate in the thought and prospect of PUSSY that costs you NOTHING but performs up to pussy performance par in that it more than capably extracts oil from your coconuts and does so without undue wear and tear on your finances and/or time.

Well, this site doesn't do that.

It doesn't do shit except remind you how fucking two Black women in 2004 is not nearly enough. And even though it's not nearly enough you still won't fuck that one that sent you the picture with her wearing an 8-inch strap on dildo.

But I digress.

If you come here looking for something BLACK and something PUSSY and something FREE, you will not find anything close to what you're expecting.

So: good as a reminder to be nicer to that broad at the rib joint.
So: bad as a cost saving measure into the pants of aforementioned broad.

Too bad.

blackhole_37

I WISH MY BROTHER GEORGE WAS HERE

AMBER MICHAELS from ASS WORSHIP 2

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=73532

IN THE ASS ON THE GLASSES

In the ass? On the Glasses? All in

in under a goddamned hour...thank

you, Lenscrafters!!!

257355

PINK INK

Venom

Rating: FOUR “This Outta Have It’s Own Reality Show” BUSTED NUTS

Tattoos are all the rage these days. Doctors, lawyers, investment bankers, cops, mechanics, nerds and soccer moms—everybody’s doing it (getting tattooed, that is). So it stands to reason that there’s probably a decent market out there for tattoo-centric adult entertainment, in which everyone who's doing it (fucking, that is) is tattooed. PINK INK is the first such film that I’ve happened on, but as is the case with most niches in the porn world, there are no doubt myriad titles to choose from.

LEXI BARDOT, DIRTY FEET & ALL, WAITING ON THE LOAD.

This collection of carnal shorts features girls who love tattoos—GIANNA LYNN, DANA VESPOLI, ADRIANNA NICOLE, DEMI MARX and LEXI BARDOT—and the guys who fuck them, and it's pretty well done. I mean, it's not anything extravagant, meaningful, overly ambitious, it's just girls talking a little about their tattoos and then getting fucked.

Simple, straightforward and to the point; there's not a lot of really wild sex going on, mostly the standard faire, but there's a little something for everyone, and the action is solid. And though there are only five scenes on this DVD, all these women are gorgeous and possess stamina, which means long scenes with plenty worth looking at. LEXI BARDOT in particular is super fucking hot in action… really, though, she's super fucking hot just sitting around, so how could her scene not stand out?

Simply put, this is just a quality porno for those who have and enjoy tattoos. And are not fags. –- MAXIMUM

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/257041new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

WHAT'S LOADS GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Yo Vinnie,
This woman asked me to come over to her place the other day. We are just friends since we won't fuck around with me when I have another girlfriend and I always have another girlfriend. She was just getting out the shower and asked to help her put some lotion on her back. She drops her towel and while I lotion her back she's lotioning her front. I make a move. Not even a "move," but just physically move my body and she recoils like I WAS going to do something. Then she asks me to leave. Is this what they call a cock tease? And, if so, is there a strategy to beat this? -- How E.

"GOD...I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO FUCK ME...LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A WOMAN WITH NO PANTS & BIG KNOBS BEFORE. WHAT KIND OF A FUCKING PIG ARE YOU?!?"

Dear MR. THE DUCK: IS THAT A COCK TEASE?!?!? Not in my book, actually, no. That's what we, in the field, call "business as usual." You remember those cartoons when the girl adjusts her stocking or something and the men passing by all turn into wolves and their eyes bulge out and their heads turn into fucking thermometers? Well, so does she and any sense that anything else is happening here marks YOU as GAY or her as UNDESIREABLE, both of which are completely and totally damaging to your chances of making the endgame move toward any kind of a load being extracted from your body by her. So, you do what you've seen done all the time on those goddamn nature shows: clunk on her the head and fuck her before fleeing in a rustle of feathers with a shriek. That's what we call a "quip," there boy as the reality is much too horrible to bear since the answer is: not a goddamned thing.

Like THE DOCTOR says, a woman won't talk to you if she doesn't like you even if your car is on fire. Meaning IF she talks to you she likes you and it's just a matter of time. We used to have this fella named THE FLY...he lived in our garage and one day apropos of nothing he busts out with: "i fucked 63 women last year." Precisely the thing you DON'T expect some guy living in a garage to bust out with.

How'd he do it?

Just by hanging around. Hence the nickname. He just hung around and hung around and hung around, apparently 63 broads, and like a bad penny eventually it was going to be his turn and it was. As far as strategy goes this is all we can recommend. We, never having this problem ourselves, can only guess at its general level of effectiveness.

But if you're asking what "I" would do? I'd pull out my cock and scream VIVA LA VEGAS!!!

Works every time.

SHE'S GOT A CUM FIXATION

Acid Rain

Rating: THREE & A HALF "Shut UP And Just Let The Bitch Suck" BUSTED NUTS


OK.

So she's got a cum fixation. For fuck's sake...we ALL do. Of course, we're at different ends of the spectrum. We give. They take. And they take what we GIVE them.

Perfect.

For the most part, a nice collection of cunts. They take as well as we give. ALICIA ANGEL pulls a nice scene...and takes a double on the chin. Now, ROXETTA...well...I like this girl. She reminds me of a bad silent-film actress with the over-the-top expressions...but godDAMN she goes down like a pederast at a boy's school.

ALICIA ANGEL'S GOT A CUM FIXATION, EH? SO, THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL IT THESE DAYS?

There's plenty of perversion here...anal...ass to mouth (but wait...why would you kiss a woman that just sucked your dick after you pulled it out of her ass?), gaping fuckholes, and grinning, leering, and sometimes bovine expressions on the female faces, all thoroughly glazed like donuts.

I was ready to go to 4...and maybe the coveted 5 busted nuts. All set. By and large...good lookin' cast...fairly creative scenes...gynecologial detail in the camera work. All the marks of a finely honed pornographic machine. Then I made the mistake. I watched it at normal speed...with the sound on.

Nothing wilts my dick like some knuckledragger telling her how to suck cock. If you HAVE to tell her how...do me a fucking favor and edit that shit out. We don't want to hear it... -- BUTCHER BOB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/255553new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ANGEL PERVERSE

Evil Angel

Rating: FOUR "Wholesome Values" BUSTED NUTS

If anything, in a world gone haywire with twisted morals and degenerate values CHRISTOPH CLARK’s ANGEL PERVERSE is a champion of wholesome mores, namely the sound societal pillar that the Beach Boys described in their classic song “Surf City” from the Golden Era of the idyllic American archetype, “two girls for every boy.” Amen.

ANGELA WINTER, FOR WHOM BEING DESCRIBED AS A "FILTHY FUCKING WHORE" IS HIGH PRAISE INDEED.

Clark, ever the ultra-conservative, does that one better, with three women for every dude, like in the scene with VALENTINA VELASQUEZ, KATY CARO and MANDY BRIGHT.

Actually, it’s Mandy Bright’s presence in this movie that keeps it from five busted nut perfection. She’s filthy and committed to the porn cause, and all, but she’s looking more and more and more like an ex-dude all the time, and well, we couldn’t even get up enough courage to watch the scene, even as much as we’re into Valentina Velasquez, and all.

In contrast, ANGELA WINTER: fucking filthy, filthy whore, from her stringy, on her way down the slippery slope to infernal damnation look, to her absolutely insane anal capacity, particularly in light of her waifishness. In fact, she’s what JERRY SEINFELD might call a “Maximum Strength Whore,” in the sense that they found out how much whoredom would KILL you, and then backed it off just a little bit.

Check this fucking movie out. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/259109new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

DOUBLE TEAMED AND CREAMED

Acid Rain

Rating: TWO "Holy Shit! I Forgot The Fucking Title" BUSTED NUTS

I would sincerely like to thank Mr. Brat for making this review so easy. About 30 seconds into the movie, I forgot the title! Luckily ol’ boy was considerate enough to get the girls to beat the title into my head a minimum of THREE times per scene, (and I ffwd’d through most of it, so it was probably more like 5-10 times).

DOUBLE TEAMED AND CREAMED-STAR ROXY JEZEL AWAITING THE DOUBLE TEAMING AND THE CREAMING WHICH WILL, IN ALL LIKELIHOOD POSSIBLY HAPPEN IN A FLICK NAMED DOUBLE TEAMED AND CREAMED.

I guess Benny thinks if you repeat a snappy title (DOUBLE TEAMED AND CREAMED) mantra-like, it somehow eclipses a horrendesouly done-to-fucking-death sequence. “Oh wow, they’re double teamed AND creamed? I mean I’ve seen double-teamed, and I’ve seen creamed, but never both together! That’s like a Reeses cup or some shit!”

Which brings me to another point: Yeah, I like totally annihilating a broad, and I like fucking the throat, but not in a violent, drill-seargant, Nazi-like, “Shut the fuck up and don’t move whilst I grab your head and suffocate you for two or three minutes” kind of way. I like to feel like the chick is at least sorta enjoying it. But hey that’s just me. Call me a fag.

ROXY JEZEL is the only reason this movie* didn’t only get one star. -- RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES JR. THE GODDAMNED 3RD

*DOUBLE TEAMED AND CREAMED

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/259659new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

READIN', RITIN', RIMJOBS: SKULLGAME SCHOOL'S OUT!

Two middle school teachers resigned after students saw them having sex in a classroom. Frances J. Sepulveda, 30, and Bryant J. Wilburn, 29, said they had sex in the classroom during school hours on "one or two occasions," according to an investigation by the Hillsborough County school district. They resigned last month after two students at Coleman Middle School reported they saw the teachers having sex. The classroom door was locked and a window was covered with paper, but a boy and a girl told school officials they could see inside. "These teachers showed appallingly bad judgment," school district spokesman Steve Hegarty said Wednesday. "We dealt with it quickly, and the teachers are no longer welcome in the Hillsborough County classroom."

REAL FEMALE ORGASMS #5

Elegant Angel

Rating: TWO & A HALF "Get Out The Stain Remover" BUSTED NUTS

Not that the porn horse has the biggest repertoire, necessarily, but the REAL FEMALE ORGASMS line is pretty much a one-trick pony.

Volume #5 of the series abounds with literally dozens of women cumming – and in most cases, squirting and, yes, gushing – their way onto this video, replete with all the exclamations of apparent distress, retardo facial ticks, spasmodic limbs, and involuntarily chattering teeth that go with the it’s-gotta-be-real territory. And certainly the scenes featuring the queen of squirt – nay, hosing – TIANA LYNN, are the most visceral and pleasing for the kinds of people who will buy this video. The scene with the marvelous, elfin Romanian VANESSA erupting is a definite highlight.

TIANA LYNN...AND SOMEWHERE, SOME PLACE, THERE'S VIDEO FOOTAGE OF HER CHIN CATCHING COCONUT. JUST NOT HERE. SADLY, NOT HERE.

But that’s the rub: the invisible, parenthetical add-on to the video’s title is “not male,” meaning the scenes, which are all taken from previously released movies, feature a female orgasm... cut to the next scene. The guys rarely, if ever, get theirs in this video.

A small dose of highly concentrated payback after years of porny women not enjoying it as much as their male counterparts? Maybe, but the viewing public is feeling the brunt. Well, I guess it’s not like you weren’t warned. As an etude in the workings of the female orgasm, this is a pretty good subject, but as far as being titillating, hard-on inducing porn, it’s middle of the road. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/259323.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

PLAYING WITH MISSY MONROE

Anarchy Films

Rating: ONE "Happy Birthday Mr. President" BUSTED NUTS

This DVD is essentially your typical POV situation, featuring MISSY MONROE, who seems to have aged about 15 years since the last time I saw her. One gets the impression that the makers of this film had someone else in mind, but they didn't show up and just happened to find Missy buying soy milk at the deli next door and offered her a quick $50 to look mildly turned on over an hour or so.

"AND, I...YEAH-I....WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOUUUUU!!!" AMERICAN IDOL, THE SAN FERNANDO VALLEY VERSION, STARRING MISSY MONROE.

Like the majority of POV films, the first 40 minutes drags on through a mind-numbingly slow striptease out of $10 lingerie, that escalates to the heightened excitement of Missy plunging someone else's vibrator into her pussy, which looks as if it was probably more excited about the soymilk promised earlier in the day.

Eventually a John mysteriously arrives, to have his way for us on the strip club stage. I don't know who he was nor do I care. He was about as aroused as I was to be in the same room as this rather saggy lady, whose foreplay was more reminiscent of TONY SOPRANO turning pork sausages for his pals on a rainy day in Jersey. Eventually, his member finds it hard enough to make its way into the now even more disinterested pussy of our feature star.

They do it in a variety of classic positions, Missy making the right noises, her breasts swinging like old monkeys at an eastern European zoo, while the John hammers away like a plasticene woodpecker digging a hole in a baked cheesecake. The two stars fuck for what seems like eternity, before the John unleashes a tiny dribble of joy onto Missy who grins into the camera with a perfect toothpaste smile, probably glad that its over and that the soy milk is only a few minutes away. -- MIKE HUNT. ESQ.

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/254368.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

JUDGE ROY BEAN PRESIDES IN CIVIL CASE OF ITALIAN SAL PACINO V. HEINRICH BIMMLER: COCK-BLOCKING, PLAYERHATING, SLIGHTLY QUEER NONSENSE; RENDERS SUMMARY JUDGMENT IN NAME OF COURT MANDATED HETEROSEXUALITY BEFORE RETREATING TO COMMIT CRIME UNSPEAKABLE.

FIRST THERE WAS THIS........

SKULLGAME'S RESIDENT NAZI HEINRICH BIMMLER PLAYER HATES ITALIAN SAL PACINO OUTTA POON, SELF-RESPECT. SAYS, "WHO VAS HE FOOLING, TRYING TO ACT WHITE?"

AN ARTIST'S DEPICTION OF BIMMLER'S TREATMENT OF THE UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED SKULLGAME MAN CODE

THE SKULLGAME MAN CODE

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Unless they are GAY.

2. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. Unless you're busy banging his old lady in which case, you must bail him out immediately after banging his old lady.

and the one most germane to this public hearing,

4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B.S. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent). Interfering in said sharing of anecdote for the express purpose of cock-blocking a bro whilst and especially when you, yourself have guaranteed pussy, is anathema and an earmark of quasi-gayness.

5. No man is never required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay. Even if you ARE gay.

NOW on to the stenographer sluts original deposition.

HEINRICH: I vas at ze Ruby Sky mit meine bitch "Chris". She ist very muscular und hast had her period for months now, so das ist the reason for ze anal sex, when ve spotted the Italian dwarf, ITALIAN SAL'S PACINO. He vas talking und laughing with ze flower of White womanhood...he's talking about Friends und lying about moving to ze Marina and acting Whiter zenn legitimately White aryans like myself. Vell, it vas too much. I stepped over and sufficiently prevented any sort of race traitoring occurring on meine vatch!!! He vas angry, but not nearly as angry as I was back in 1944 when ze Italian army knifed Germany in ze back.

ITALIAN SAL PACINO: Goddamn, that motherfucker. I'm sitting there with this slut dental hygienist. Making OK time. And then I see in the reflection of my glass the world's smallest horror movie: Heinrich skipping toward me. Next thing I know he's going on about "why do you act like you don't know me?" and did she know that "Italians are really Arabs, which are a variant of sand nigger." Now, all of that was essentially true, but that doesn't change the fact that I went from possibly getting pussy to definitely NOT getting pussy all as a direct result of his Aryan inter-fucking-vention. And insult to injury? He got laid. Albeit with the manbeast he calls a girlfriend. But laid, nonetheless. Me? Grimly masturbated in a sock. I rest my fucking case.

Our own JUDGE ROY BEAN will render a summary judgement on Weds.

AND THEN THIS!!!!

After meditating long and hard on this non-civil matter of cock-blockery within our ranks, for literally minutes upon seconds in a day that could have better been spent possibly, but now quite obviously not, acquiring flap--I am left with certainties, uncertainties, and thoughts that lie somewhere in-between, all of which I will address thoroughly below. However, since the presence of “question” has never stood in the way of my assent to “conclusion” (and given the direness of this subject and the tackling of) I find that the favor of time is not currently afforded to us, and thus the proverbial gavel need droppethed, and droppethed in a manner most authoritative--with all tenets of popular theology being taken into ample consideration. Since it appears that confusion is our unwelcomed guest this eve, allow me to take a moment to share some thoughts that have occurred to me upon reviewing these depositions:

As stated before during the initial hearing, it is in fact moderately bisexual to playerhate a comrade when said playerhating serves the offender little to no possible gain. Translation: There is an ethos that must be stringently abided by between males of the species, even if only loosely aligned, in order to keep the patriarchy from toppling. By playerhating a buddy, you are in essence appeasing the cruelest tastes of the female animal—namely, the desire for division of allegiance, the smashing of the “bros before hos” code of honor which is, in truth, the only thing that ensures our continuing getting laid. Without the proper support network, men become bitches with shocking swiftness and regularity. If allowed, this constant in-fighting will leave any given subject alone in a virtual Amazonian dystopia, standing outside of some fucking restroom holding a purse, massaging bunion covered feets, bitchlipping their way through every yeast infection—and since women cannot desire that which they cannot respect, cannot fuck that which they pity, this will ultimately leave that man acquiring much less vagina than he would if he had retained the goddamn self-respect that is the end result of having a side to be on. With enough frequency this unfortunate phenomena may spread to the level of macrocosm, and we will all be thoroughly (and not literally) fucked. Taking this into consideration, playerhating just for the sake of is, in essence, a crime against humanity (something Heinrich really needs to chill the fuck out on), and could in theory force us all to acts of faggotry in an attempt to escape an existence of being some bitch’s handbag.

So, before taking food from another man’s table, one must always pose the question to himself: “Is this going to end with me being fed?” If the answer is “no”, it’s probably because you are trying, perhaps even unconsciously, to slip your meat onto the man’s plate—which is a clever analogy that ends with you being a closested homo of sorts.

Of all the reasons to slight another, of all the banners to march under, the white woman is one of the more unworthy causes one can possibly champion. Yous don’t believe me? Do you have a white woman? Is she sitting in the other room right now watching the fucking Gilmore Girls and gaining weight--thinking about shit like not getting a job? You bet your ass she is. You kinda wish she would go away right now, don’t you? My point exactly. The fact is, all of us that are unfortunate enough to have to regularly deal with a white woman know goddamn well the insufferable cuntitude that emanates from them, as if they were a body of light—a body of light of pure worthlessness that cries a whole lot; and we spend all the time that we are not fucking them praying for car accidents and alien abductions. Nearly every other strain of ho is of greater intrinsic value—Asian women with those snazzy sideways Virginias and their subservience and kung fu and shit, Latin women for their fondness for fitting a whole bunch of heroin up their asses and sleeping in the kitchen, Black women for their ability to take a punch. What do white girls have besides a rich father that secretly wants to take you on a fishing accident? That’s right, your wallet in one pocket, your cellphone call-log in the other, and your balls in her purse (which she’s going to upgrade with the pillaged remnants from section A and then smack you repeatedly upside the head for what she found in section B.). Fucking get out while you can, unless you like starting a fight over nothing, in which case get the fuck out and take that white whore with you. She’s good at that shit. Trust me.

With all of the above being taken into consideration, with a strong tendency to upholding justice and order, I find it morally preferable, nay morally imperative, to render judgment in favor of Italian Sal Pacino, vegetarian, in the amount of two Mueller Lites (which he is to pass along to me to aid in all the stress I’ve experienced in handling this travesty of a sham) and a one-time free pass to diddle Heinrich’s “Aryan Princess”, real or imagined, regardless of the “love” he may have for her, which is almost certainly imagined. Furthermore, I sentence Heinrich to two weeks of sexual reorientation therapy in hopes of quelling what could quite possibly be the first symptoms of homo-ocity, in particular “playerhating in light of non-projected gain” and “internet fascism”—a phenomenon which is rampant in the darker corners of gay internet pornography.

Case closed.

AND THE GOD OF SKULLGAME LAUGHED & LAUGHED

A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday. "The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said. "A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery." The incident, Sunday evening when the zoo was packed with visitors, was the first of its kind at the attraction. Lions and tigers are kept in an "animal island" protected by thick concrete blocks.

blackhole_30

THE WORLD'S GREATEST FUCKING PANTS. LIKE, EVER!!!

GINA LYNN from FLESH HUNTER 6

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=131446

ROCCO'S NASTY TAILS #3

Evil Angel

Rating: THREE "EEEEEOOOORE!!" BUSTED NUTS

Ol’ Rocco is kind of like the Tarantino of porn, haphazardly putting his name on anything that pays, with a sometimes-flagrant disregard for content.

It’s kind of like he just gives a camera to a couple of friends and says, “Alright boys, have at it. I’ll be in my trailer.” The results are usually hit or miss, and this one sort of falls in the middle. Yeah, there’s the usual assortment of hot European broads, (possibly German or Scandinavian, but who fucking cares?), the obligatory 15 minutes of commentary before each scene, and an apparent shortage of pussy, being crammed with as much sausage as possible.

CRAZY AS A JUDITH FOX, THE PICTURED SLUT PREPARES TO STICK HERSELF TO A CAR WINDOW. FOR DECORATION. AND SHIT.

Basically shit we’ve already seen in sometimes better guises. (My usual fucking complaint.)

JUDITH FOX, and BIBI FOX are aptly named, because their scenes are interchangeable. The definite highlight would have to be VIV, but because of a language barrier, she kind of sounds like she lives in the 100 Acre Wood with Pooh and Piglet, “EEEEEOOOOOORE!!!” -- POPEYE KATSOPOLIS

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/259106new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SWALLOW SLUTS VOL. 2

Fifth Element

Rating: THREE "Rookie Hazing" BUSTED NUTS

SWALLOW SLUTS 2 is a fine study in contrasts. On the one hand, you’ve got the very nadir of sexual retardation through the epitome of bumbling innocence, and on the other, the pinnacle of fucking experience and sluttitude.

The winner?

It’s a toss up.

In the case of the latter, EDEN; “contender” or “pretender” might be apt words to describe this fresh-faced black chick. Even better is filed under the never shrinking category of “what did they think was going to happen when they took the job?”

THE HOT DOG VENDOR & MISTY MENDEZ: A LOVE STORY IN ONE ACT.

Succinctly, Eden is a total stranger to the business end of a cock. When she first puts the protagonist/antagonist’s cock in her mouth, you can almost see her entire life flash before her eyes. Also, no one told her about the cum. The cum that nearly kills her. And so she sits there, like people do when they get snuck up on by food that they had no idea was going to be life-threatiningly spicy, gagging as if on someone else’s bile, while the camera pans down to the load on her thigh that she’s utterly oblivious to.

What ruins it though, is the dude.

He suddenly turns into her benevolent older brother, or summer camp monitor. Would she like a towel? A shoulder to cry on? Why not some cookies and milk? Where’s the bitch-slapping MAX HARDCORE when you need him?

On the other end of the spectrum, MISTY MENDEZ. She’s always been one of my favorites, and I’m not sure why. Her sexual spellbinding somehow is linked to her being a round, loose, bubbly Latina. Give her body to anyone else and see that person go down in flames. But not Misty. She’s the round mound of rebound, preferably all over my cock. Check the video out for these two hos. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/259658.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SMALL SLUTS NICE BUTTS #5

Anarchy

Rating: TWO "Growing On Trees" BUSTED NUTS

Proctologists say that if goaded correctly, the average human anus can expand to a diameter of 8 cm. Thus easily big enough to accommodate the oranges and grapefruits that a couple of their patients "accidentally fall on" every year.

On the evidence presented here, I'd say MISSY MONROE has about 2 cm left to go. Keep trying girl. You'll get a pineapple in there one day.

AND WHEN SHE DOES? WE WILL BE THERE. YOU HAVE OUR SOLEMN PROMISE, MS. MONROE. I MEAN FOR WHATEVERTHEFUCK THAT'S WORTH.

I'd also say the SMALL SLUTS title is a misnomer. What's small about MISSY MONROE, TRINA MICHAELS, and MIKA TAN? Other than, possibly, their goddamned SOULS?

MELISSA LAUREN presents the final anal cavity on display. With newcomer TRISHA REDD wasting everyone's time by starring as the only ho not to do the ass sex in this otherwise smoothly done couch porn.

Extra nuts are dependent on having a jones for a majority of the cast. Failing that, if MISSY really did stuff a rock melon in there, we'd be looking at FIVES all the way. -- MR. XTRA

Buy It NOW!

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HEINRICH MOVES BEYOND RACE HATRED TO PLAYER HATRED; LAUNCHES ITALIAN SAL PACINO OFFENSIVE AT RUBY SKY. SAL SHOCKED, CHAGRINED, PLUS: PAUL McCARTNEY'S WIFE'S COCK SUCK PICS [WE TOLD U], SPEAKING OF SUCKING, PARIS HILTON NEWS, DRUNK BUTCHER BOB'ISMS

THIS edition of SkullGame, a week overdue, is now being brought to you by our proud sponsors at Nintendo, Huffy's Hydroponics, and Frito Lays. As always we ask that you patronize our sponsors because they sure as shit patronize us.

"HEY!!! HEY!!! PERHAPS I SHOULD NOT HAVE PURCHASED A $4000 ROAD BICYCLE AFTER ALL!!!"

PAUL MCCARTNEY'S SOON-TO-BE-EX-WIFE A ONE-LEGGED PRO SUCK SIREN, JUST LIKE WE SAID WEEKS AGO. FOR THOSE OF YOUSE WHO THINK WE MAKE THIS SHIT UP: FUCK YOU!!!

"YOU SEE...IT WAS, A, UM, TRAINING VIDEO FOR, UM, 'NEWLYWEDS'," WHILE SPIN DOCTORING TAKES A TURN FOR THE SUPERNATURAL.

LONDON (SkullGame) -- Non-dead Beatle, singer and songwriter of all of those songs that show a really pathetically unschooled understanding of love amongst multimillionaires, SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY is furious with the media's treatment of his one-legged estranged whore of an ex-wife
HEATHER MILLS MCCARTNEY in light of her "former" "career" in "porn."

It was reported in Britain's The Sun this week that the animal rights, anti-mine, pro-no-pre-nup campaigner had posed in a 1988 German book Die Freuden Der Liebe (The Joys of Love), designed to teach "young" "couples" the finer points of sucking cock, one-legged sex positions, ass fucking and how to effectively deliver loads to the waiting chins of goldigging pollyannas.

But he insists his relationship with Mills, who was standing to get a good look at half of his $800 million estate, remains "very amicable," and claims the media backlash sparked by the revelations is simply "cruel and maybe, possibly, not likely to result in her even thinking about settling for $40 mil I offered her last week, which she had, back then, turned her slut nose up at."

He reportedly told a friend, "I can't believe the cruelty towards her. Heather has been and will continue to be an important, albeit inexpensive, part of my life. There's nothing in her past I don't know about. Nothing. Not the sucking. Not the fucking. Not even the gangbangs. The double teaming double penetrations? Well, OK, that I did not know about, but what's a sausage or two between friends."

The rocker's spokesperson confirms, "Paul and Heather 'are' 'still' 'speaking' and it's veeeeeery 'amicable'."

The couple split last month after four years of non-sucking, non-fucking, non-gangbanging marriage.

SKULLGAME'S RESIDENT NAZI HEINRICH BIMMLER PLAYER HATES ITALIAN SAL PACINO OUTTA POON, SELF-RESPECT. SAYS, "WHO VAS HE FOOLING, TRYING TO ACT WHITE?"

AN ARTIST'S DEPICTION OF BIMMLER'S TREATMENT OF THE UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED SKULLGAME MAN CODE

THE SKULLGAME MAN CODE

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Unless they are GAY.

2. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. Unless you're busy banging his old lady in which case, you must bail him out immediately after banging his old lady.

and the one most germane to this public hearing,

4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B.S. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent). Interfering in said sharing of anecdote for the express purpose of cock-blocking a bro whilst and especially when you, yourself have guaranteed pussy, is anathema and an earmark of quasi-gayness.

5. No man is never required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay. Even if you ARE gay.

NOW on to the stenographer sluts original deposition.

HEINRICH: I vas at ze Ruby Sky mit meine bitch "Chris". She ist very muscular und hast had her period for months now, so das ist the reason for ze anal sex, when ve spotted the Italian dwarf, ITALIAN SAL'S PACINO. He vas talking und laughing with ze flower of White womanhood...he's talking about Friends und lying about moving to ze Marina and acting Whiter zenn legitimately White aryans like myself. Vell, it vas too much. I stepped over and sufficiently prevented any sort of race traitoring occurring on meine vatch!!! He vas angry, but not nearly as angry as I was back in 1944 when ze Italian army knifed Germany in ze back.

ITALIAN SAL PACINO: Goddamn, that motherfucker. I'm sitting there with this slut dental hygienist. Making OK time. And then I see in the reflection of my glass the world's smallest horror movie: Heinrich skipping toward me. Next thing I know he's going on about "why do you act like you don't know me?" and did she know that "Italians are really Arabs, which are a variant of sand nigger." Now, all of that was essentially true, but that doesn't change the fact that I went from possibly getting pussy to definitely NOT getting pussy all as a direct result of his Aryan inter-fucking-vention. And insult to injury? He got laid. Albeit with the manbeast he calls a girlfriend. But laid, nonetheless. Me? Grimly masturbated in a sock. I rest my fucking case.

Our own JUDGE ROY BEAN will render a summary judgement on Weds.

PARIS HILTON ACCIDENT NOT INVOLVING COCKS, LOADS & HER CHIN, CAUGHT ON CAMERA

"UM...IT WAS AN, UM....ART PROJECT?!?" PARIS LEARNS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PROJECT & A PENIS. THE HARD WAY.

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Socialite and Suckalot PARIS HILTON is in trouble with the law after hitting a parked car in Los Angeles and speeding off without leaving a note. Unfortunately for The Simple Life star, the footage was caught on video by a quick-thinking video cameraman. Leaving the scene of an accident without at least leaving contact details, whether or not you have a cock in your mouth, is a violation of California law.

Hilton's accident took place Thursday on trendy Robertson Boulevard, where LINDSAY LOHAN trashed her Mercedes last October, according to our friends at TMZ.com, who have obtained the video footage.

To make matters worse for Hilton, the video footage also captures her reversing her Range Rover out of a parking spot without her seat belt, immediately post-fellating a miscellaneous Mexican busboy -- another violation of California law.

The hotel heiress is caught on camera bumping into a parked Honda Civic as Ramon Gonzalez bumps her uvula with his mudstick right before she makes her getaway -- and refuses to stop to leave a note. Such a misdemeanor offense can be punishable by a six-month jail sentence under California law.

The accident is the latest car-related incident for Hilton -- last November, she was caught on camera again when her then-boyfriend Stavros Niarchos crashed the socialite's Bentley into a parked truck in Las Vegas, Nev.

According to TMZ.com, Hilton has been cited six times for various traffic violations, all involving sausage, since the beginning of 2006.

A DRUNKEN BUTCHER BOB SENDS IN A DRUNKEN BUTCHER BOB GUIDE TO DRINKING. UNTIL YOU'RE DRUNK.

"YES...YOU ARE A FAGGOT...YES, YOU ARE...YES, YOU ARE...MY LITTLE FAGGY WAGGY...." A VERBATIM TRANSCRIPT FROM THE ATTENDING POLICEMAN'S INCIDENT REPORT.

Here at SkullGame, we write about what we know.

Of course...we all know about porn. That's why you come here, to get the UNDILUTED truth (or, the truth as we deem it). VINNIE and SAL...well...they know fighting. In fact, they've probably forgotten more about fighting than you'll ever know. LT. TODD ATKINS, he knows how to be a hardnosed son of a bitch. If you don't believe me, go ahead and ask him. I'll hold your glasses.

Yeah, and I know you're all thinking 'Sure Bob, we know this...but what do YOU know? Apart from being a sarcastic, condescending bastard, that is?' Well listen up pongos...I butchering and I KNOW DRINKING. I can hear it now...'Bob, I can drink, too." Sure you can...and you could probably describe tranny porn...but NOT with the depth and breadth of knowledge and goddamned panache that THE FLYING DUTCHMAN does.

You see what I'm trying to say?

You drink...but you drink POORLY. I've seen it. Bellying up to the bar, ordering bar pour drinks...or worse yet...drinks with cute fucking names. Think about it...do you REALLY want to be the guy that drinks Liquid Viagra? Or an appletini? Or the bane of the drinking man's existence...the goddamned daiquiri?

Of course you don't.

You all want to better yourselves, that's why you're here. In a very small way, that's why we're here as well. To better you. As long as bettering you involves mockery, beatings, and pilfering your funds. But more, much more than that, you need to drink MY way. Why? Because I just fucking SAID so. Jesus Christ. I thought you'd know better by now. Every time you order one of these atrocities against imbibing, it's an insult to me. Why? Put down the Zima and I'll tell you, you pricks.

Look, every time a drink like that is consumed by someone without a cunt, it takes a little bit of our manhood away. That's right, I'm talking universal conciousness. And you little fuckers thought you had ME figured out. Right. Alright, let's get to work. Today I'm going to start you off easy...so turn those fucking trucker-caps around the right way and siddown.

WHY do we drink?

I've heard all the answers. "I'm covering up inner pain," "My girlfriend left me for a midget," "I had a terrible childhood," "I can't calm my shaking hands without gin in a plastic bottle." You know what? Those are all the wrong reasons to drink. Every. Fucking. One. Grab your crayons...get ready to write this down. These are MY reasons to drink, and if you want to drink well, they will become YOUR reasons as well. Not at first...you don't have the stones for it yet, sport. But with practice, patience, and a healthy dose of 'not-give-a-fuck-itude,' and of course, a good major medical plan.

But I drink for the same reasons I lie: It's fun, and I'm good at it.

Pretty simple, eh? Maybe not so. Look at it...say it aloud. I don't drink to hide anything, or cover anything with a warm dipsomaniacal haze...I drink to AMPLIFY. I drink to climb atop this heap of humanity and piss ALL over it. Top shelf rocket-fueled metaphorical piss. Top fucking shelf.
Alright, that's enough for you to absorb at once. In the following weeks we'll examine each of the 4 remaining journalistic W's. I expect each class to have less and less of you. It's NOT for everyone. The Few. The Proud. The Drunken. Don't think: Drink.

SO YOU WANNA BE A PORN STAR?

THAT AIN'T WORKING, THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO IT, MUMBLING THE MUGGLE ON THE SKULLGAME TV.

FEMALES 18-70 shooting 24 Hours a Day

Reply to: casting@skullgame.com

Date: Right Fucking Now

Yes, we're looking for "new" female "talent" for "adult" video "work". Audition scenes will be boy-girl hardcore with penetration (condoms used on penetration only).

If you are looking to break into this industry this is a great place to start. We shoot for 10 different adult video series. All audition scenes pay between $150-$200. If you are looking to have fun and build a future in this business or a regular monthly income from a few scenes this is a great place to start.

As our relationship develops the opportunity to make more $$$ goes up. Once you are established you can make from $400-1200 per scene.

We are currently scheduling shoots that will be videotaped by a crew of 1.

You must have 2 ID's one photo and sign a model release.

Please email the following

1. Name Age and Measurments
2. JPEG photo (if available)
3. Contact Phone #
4. Immediate Shooting availability
5. Why this interests you and your goals

REMEMBER....Before they were SUPERSTARS, they were all SUPERWHORES!!!

SKULLGAME MOURNS LOSS OF ONE OF OUR MEN IN BLUE

St. Paul police officer Clemmie H. Tucker turned himself in to Minneapolis police in a drug case involving $4 million worth of cocaine and methamphetamine. "There's nothing to compare it to," Capt. Rich Stanek said about the size of the seizure. "This is one of the largest, if not the largest," narcotics seizure for Minneapolis police. Tucker's former colleagues said they were shocked to hear that the "big brother" figure who preached sobriety, staying away from gang activity and salvation from the streets through boxing was linked to 30 pounds of drugs. "This is a very different place than what I would expect Clemmie to be in," St. Paul Police Chief John Harrington said Wednesday night. "Things seem to have just gone in a bad direction for him." The drugs' estimated $4 million street value is conservative, Stanek said.

blackhole_34

AND IF I ARCH WAAAAYYYY BACK LIKE THIS, YOUR COCK GETS AS HARD AS MY FUCKING TITS? A-MAZING!!!

SHYLA from LEX the IMPALER 2

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THE DEVIL IN MISS JONES

For Dads or Grads, nothing says

LOADS like some classic porn with

sluts with hairy snatches & satanic

sausage sucking. Fuck Yeahhhh!!!

1303

BUT SHE MAKES A REAL PURTY EMOTICON...

Yo Vinnie,
I started emailing some woman. She lives 3000 miles from me. She won't talk to me on the phone though we do have some friends in common and I know for a fact that she IS a woman. Well, we recently had a disagreement over the fact that I have a girlfriend. She says I didn't mention it. I say I didn't matter since we were just cyber flirting. She says I am a piece of shit. We are now full on cyber arguing. My question is: how much is too much for an electronic relationship? -- R.E.

"C'MON BABE....I'M WEARING THAT KICKY LITTLE BODY SUIT YOU LOVE SO MUCH....C'MON, PUMPKIN. DON'T BE MAAAAAD....OK...I'LL HOLD YOUR CYBER PURSE FOR YOU. AT THE CYBER POETRY READING."

Dear SAPERSTEIN: How's that faggotry treating you? Pretty good? Good. Glad to hear it. And I say "faggotry" here not because you've opted for all of the misery of a relationship with none of the fun, like eating steak and onions....without the steak, but solely here for your over-use of the word "cyber." This is as gay as shrimp cocktail. Or shoulder pads in your jacket. Or MIKE LA VELLA. Stop it. Stop it now. Back away from the '90s and no one will get hurt.

Now were we? Oh, yes. Your "issue."

Look, if I had a nickel for everytime a woman called me a piece of shit well, I'd have $10,678 dollars and about 25 cents. Them calling you one doesn't make you one. No. No, indeed. Them calling you one is a negotiating tactic very akin to Bush tell Al Qaeda to "bring it on": assholish. Because real pieces of shit won't care (believe me, we don't). The rest of the sausaged world will be, in order to prove to the distaff chorus that they are harmless, unscrewing their sausages so fast it'd make your departing head spin.

My advice: until she's paying you for enduring her company with a little something to warm the cockle of your heart, you ignore all of these ersatz entreaties to do what's functionally equivalent to going to a poetry reading. Every night. In your apartment. In your underwear. When sluts with nice butts is one OTHER click away. And then do everything possible to steer the conversation back to

a) sausages
b) their creamy filling
and
c) the likelihood or possibility that she'll be helping you liberate it any time soon.

Everything else is Dr. Phil shit and nary worth your cybertime.

2 GIRLS FOR EVERY GUY

Acid Rain

Rating: TWO & A HALF "Don't You Fucking Forget About Me" BUSTED NUTS

I was delighted to see they had finally made a film about my late teens, and pushed the disc eagerly into my player, curious to see what lucky guy got to play a young me.

This release had a number of different guys playing the role and all of them were in the fortunate position of having some slender and keen young ladies just out of high school voraciously embrace the role of being one of 2 girls. All the guys looked like they were pretty happy with their day's work, since before the call at 10:30 a.m., most were probably hoping they didn't have to do a scene for the internet with a 40+ housewife using make up to disguise herself as what they call a MILF.

DELILAH STRONG, HALEY SCOTT SAY CHEESE FOR THAT WHICH WILL INEVITABLY BE COCONUT.

Anyway, all the scenes on this completely lacked any imagination at all, and like all porn, was filmed at that mansion somewhere warm and sunny with the white furniture and woven big cat wall tapestries. But, what the scenes lacked in décor and erotica, they made up with what appeared to be some of the younger and more corrupted generation having a lovely time with each other.

Most of the scenes had at least one girl agreeing to do anal while the other agreed to see what that actually made the penis taste like, and most seemed to give it the thumbs up, which was a delight to see. Unlike a lot of these types of releases, all the scenes had a similar good quality with all the girls being pretty into it and having what appeared to be a pretty good time.

I couldn't really complain about much, although none of the guys playing me were as bald as I was when I was 18. -- MIKE HUNT, ESQ.

Buy It NOW!

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PURE ANAL #2

Swank

Rating: THREE "Pussies In Purgatory" BUSTED NUTS

Oh, Lord, what have these pussies done to incur your wrath so? Forgive them, for they are but pleasures of the flesh variety. They know not what they do, or did, to deserve such silent treatment.

Why, the most affection any one pussy receives in Swank’s PURE ANAL 2 is the insertion of rolled up $100 bills, and the paper cuts that might incur is more Draconian torture than erotic fancy. Our God is a spiteful one.

So it’s all to the ass, then. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

BENEFITS: ALL ASS. ALL THE TIME. DRAWBACKS: ALL ASS. ALL THE TIME.

On one hand, Pure Anal 2 has got what PURE ANAL #1 had, super hot Euro babes who “ONLY want it in the ass!” But on the other hand – come to think of it, it’s the same hand – well, they only get it in the ass. And that’s only after the dude boning them in the scene gives them some material thing, like money or flowers. See, we want porn to be as little like real life as possible. That’s why we watch it.

Ok, so there is no other hand. Unless you count the hand of God as he maliciously disregards the entire picture of proper fuckitage. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

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ROCCO'S DIRTY DREAMS

Evil Angel

Rating: FOUR "Let's See The Mexicans Do This" BUSTED NUTS

Well, it looks like we have a record holder for the most story intensive porn I've seen in a year: A whole 6 fucking minutes before they just get down to brass tacks and everyone starts spreading. But I gotta give it to Rocco--whatever the fuck he's talking about at the beginning leads into some real filthy shit.

I think the secret's in all the foreigners that went straight from the boat to this poorly furnished California mansion to start sucking their way to the American Dream.

CINDY LORDS IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO PACKING HER ASS WITH BROKEN GLASS & CIRCUMCISING THE SKIPPER.

When two girls go by almost the same gibberish name you can bet they're from some Eastern European Hell hole where people still live in smoking craters. And what do you do when you live in abject poverty? You learn how to act turned on while being sexually humliated for hours.

And that's exactly what these girls pull off. They don't all look like porn stars, but that doesn't stop Rocco and his band of loyal boners from treating them like greased up holes until their make-up looks like warpaint.

The girl-on-girl action is somewhat sparse, but that's because usually the girl is having her face shoved into a pussy while getting nailed from behind, and she's gotta come up for air sometime. Also there's tons and tons of spitting because I'm guessing Kryzixtakan or wherever they're from probably can't afford to import lube.

Seriously, though, you have to check out the third scene, where a pretty boy with a blond mane teams up with the ugliest, baldest dude to double team these two bitches. It's like He-man and Skeletor decided to join forces just to get off.

And it's like Rocco's been reading my goddamn diary. -- POPEYE KATSOPOLIS

Buy It NOW!

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ASIAN INSEMINATION #3

Fifth Element

Rating: FOUR "Me Like To Fucky" BUSTED NUTS

There's a ho-house in Bangkok called Annie's. They specialize in "soapy massage" which involves you sitting in a bubble bath with the lady of your choice whilst she soaps up your sausage. Then sucks it until you bust in her mouth. She swallows depending to taste.

After the soapy massage you're escorted to a table for a more traditional massage. Followed by the likewise traditional "fucky fucky." And the newly traditional ahh-shit-I-must-have-left-my-wallet- in-my-other-pants tip.

ASIAN FUCKDOLLS? JESUS H. FUCKING CHEERIST. I GOTTA GET INTO TOYS R US MORE OFTEN.

Not that I have any first hand experience of this, mind you. I was told about it by an acquaintance of mine. Umm, VINNIE ROSE. Yeah, it was him! I was nowhere near the place. Just up from the Nana Hotel. On the left. Up the stairs. Not me at all.

Anyway, volume three of this pro-am Thai bargirls series finds TONY PORNO adding something new to the mix. An anorexic! Yep, if you're a fan of CALISTA FLOCKHART, NICOLE RITCHIE, and whichever other Hollywood cunt is starving herself this week, then you'll love AEE.

All 50 pounds of her. -- MR. XTRA

Buy It NOW!

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blackhole_28

THIS YOGA CLASS IS ALWAYS FUCKING CROWDED. WHAT?!? WHAT?!?!

FRIDAY from FLESH HUNTER 6

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SKULLGAME'S 666 SEMEN CELEBRATION WITH JESSICA SIMPSON'S SEMEN STOMACH SHOCKER, ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S STOMACH SHOCKER [IT'S NOT SEMEN THIS TIME] & OUR NAUGHIEST GAY NAZI HEINRICH NOT YET IRATE ABOUT IRAN!!!

AND from the WHERE ARE THEY NOW? bin SkullGame gives a nod to our past days' comedic fave JON LOVITZ whose most recent appearance in the San Fernando remake Schindler's Fist, following quickly on the tail of his bow in Romancing the Bone, marks a significant return to form for one of the great ones....

GOOD TO SEE YOU'RE STILL WORKING THERE, JONNY BOY....KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

JESSICA SIMPSON USES "STOMACH ULCER" TO MASK "SEMEN REFLUX"; SKULLGAME NOT FOOLED.

THE SLATTERNIZING EFFECT OF SEMENIZATIONAL INTER-INTESTINAL INJECTIONS ARE READILY APPARENT: THE TEST SUBJECT BECOMES BLONDE & COATLESS. THOUGH, IT SHOULD BE NOTED, NO LESS LIKELY TO TURN AWAY FROM A HEARTY MEAL OF MAN MUNG.

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- JESSICA SIMPSON had to seek medical attention after suffering from a possible "stomach ulcer." The star was seen leaving a Beverly Hills, Calif., medical clinic on May 19.

A source close to the singer tells the U.S. edition of OK! magazine she was seeing a physician and undergoing tests to confirm whether or not she has an ulcer...brought about by the gobbling of copious coconuts from a steady supply of Mexican bus boys, Negro drivers and an Armenian.

Simpson is back in the studio working on her next album.

Here's hoping for a speedy and painful death. For us. So we don't have to listen to that fucking thing.

ANOTHER SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE: THE WHORE OF BABYLON PREGNANT. AGAIN.

"I USUALLY STORE MY SEMEN RIGHT HERE. OR IN MY STOMACH. BUT SURPRISE, SURPRISE, I GUESS I GOT SOME IN THE COOCH."

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Former Playboy model, psychotic fat slut and butt of numerous SkullGame barbs ANNA NICOLE SMITH and celebrity photojournalist Larry Birkhead are expecting a baby girl.

Birkhead has confirmed the pregnancy, telling TMZ.com, "I have been told that I am expecting a child, I have seen the ultrasound and have spoken to doctors. I am very excited about the possibility of becoming a father to the apocalypse."

Birkhead had recently slammed rumors that Smith was pregnant, but insisted Wednesday he was pressured into making the denial. He said, "I've been asked in the past by (Smith's "dirty Jew" lawyer and radio host) Howard K. Stern to deny the rumor."

Stern hit back at Birkhead telling TMZ.com, "Anna wants semen. And lots of it. If that guy thinks he can monopolize her semen intake well, he is having trouble dealing with reality. Anyways, you'll be able to find out soon enough (if she's pregnant). Because she's NOT."

On Thursday, Smith confirmed the news in a video on her Web site.

She says, "Let me stop all the Jew rumor-mongering. Yes, I am pregnant. I am happy -- very, very happy about it. Everything is going really, really good and I'll be checking in periodically on the Web.

"I'll let you see me as I'm growing!"

Smith has a 20-year-old son, Daniel, from a previous relationship, who has recently been reported as having stabbed his eyes out with a #2 pencil rather than have to see the shambled ruin that our world will soon become.

HEINRICH, OUR RESIDENT HOMO NAZI, HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IRAN. AND IRANIAN MEN. AND UNBUTTONED SHIRTS, GOLD CHAINS, AND BAD COLOGNE.

NEVER DOES A MAN STAND SO TALL AS WHEN HE STOOPS TO HELP A FALLEN JEW. HEINRICH & A YOUNG ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER JUST HELPING A BIT WHERE THEY CAN.

Achtung disturbed readers of SkullGame. You have not been privelged with my presense in zee long while. But every time I think I’m out, zhey keep pulling back in, jah.

Anyvay, big news in zee world and big news in zee 4th Reich! I have officially made Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, zee Vice Lieutenant Governor of zee Fascist State of California. I was impressed by his most current edict in his own country, zhat I had to bring him here to assist me in my prolonged struggle against zee resident sub-species and other such shizer.

For you idiots who are not aware of what he did, vhich vould include just about anyvon reading SkullGame, Herr Ahmaddinejad is now forcing all non-Muslims to wear tastefully decorated colored arm-bands. Yellow for Jews, red for Christians and blue for Zoroastrians. I’m not sure vear he got dis idea from, but it does seem familiar. In any event, it’s brilliant!

Now most of you are probably wondering vhy vould I, Heinrich, leader of zee 4th Reich and perfect human being, vould give a non-German, and especially a Muslim, such a high-ranking position within the Reich? You are probably thinking zat all zee people from zee middle east are zee sub-species. Vell, jah, most are. I mean you have zee Arabs, or as I like I like to put it, niggers caught in zee sand storm. And of course you have….vell, you know, disgusting facking Jews.

However, Iranians are different. Sure, they have been infested by sub-speices thoughout zee years. But true Iranians are as pure Aryans as me, you and everyone else, vell expcept for non-Aryan sub-humans. No you’re probably asking, ‘Vait Heinrich, isn’t it true zhat only blond, blue-eyed, large pectoraled, Schwarzeneggerien super men are Aryans?’ Not true again. Don’t believe me? Vell, do you know what Iran means? It means Land of Zee Aryans. Need more proof? Vell, zee word Caucasian refers to zee people of zee Caucasus Mountains, located in Northern Iran. But vhat about zhem being Muslims? How can I tolerate zhat? Hey, zhey are making Jews vear arm bands ok! Let’s stop vhile vee are ahead.

Anyvay, I just talked to Herr Ahmadinejad, or Moumou, as I like to call him vhen it’s just me and him, and he said he’s been studying colors at zee University of Tehran all day. He vas concerned because he learned zat vhere are many more sub-species in California then in Iran and he didn’t vant any confusion by overlapping colors. But, after deep research, he uncovered five more colors for more arm bands.

So vee vill of course give zee Jews yellow, red for Christians. Zhere are no Zoroastrians here, so we’ll give blue to Chinese, green to retards and handicaps, rainbow for zee homosexuals, pink for feminists, white for Blacks (Moumou can be so such a practical joke player), brown for zee Mexicans (not sure if vee vill be able to see zee bands against zheir skin, but vell just have to try dis von out and see). Vee vere going to give orange to zee Filipinos, but we just decided to poison all cans of spam and just do anyway with those animals for once and for all.

Dis is just such an exciting time to be a Californian and a fascist that even my old friend from zee 3rd Reich, Pope Benedict XVI, called me up and wanted join. I said just stop worshipping zat Jew, Jesus, and I’ll make it happen. He says he hasto sleep on it. On zhat note, I love you California! Seig Heil!!!!

SKULLGAME STRONGLY SUGGESTS: NEXT TIME JUST LIE

A man who apparently severed his penis in an attempt to convince his wife that he was faithful to her was recovering after surgery to reattach the organ at a northern Malaysian hospital, a news report said Tuesday. The 41-year-old man, who was not identified, got into an argument last Friday with his wife, who found a text message on his mobile phone from another woman. The man was heard by his son shouting that he wanted to prove he was not having an affair, the New Straits Times reported. The assertion was followed by loud screams and the man emerged from his room bleeding profusely, his 14-year-old son quoted as saying. His wife rushed him to hospital.

ENOUGH TO FEED THE NEEDY? AS LONG AS THEY LIKE MEAT.

The Big Cocks Are Coming!!! The Big Cocks Are Coming!!!

IS IT REAL OR IS IT MAMMOREX? ONLY KALANI'S ASS KNOWS. AND HER LARGE INTESTINE. AND HER SMALL INTESTINE. AND HER STOMACH. AND HER PYLORIC VALVE. AND HER ESOPHAGUS.

MEGA COCK CRAVERS, the site screams, and in a weird way this says it fucking all. Craved by those who might find their way wandering down this little side street of Cocksus Maximus, this site, while not stinking of curious wish fulfillment, most definitely uses the lure of man meat to draw who now? Because if WE want to see bitches fucked by big cocks we typically try to find bitches to fuck...with OUR big cocks: mission accomplished.

But presumably if you DO NOT have a big a cock, or can't manage to get YOUR big cock out of your pants to fuck as often as you like, this site here satisfies a jones of huge cockian proportions. Or perhaps it scratches that reality TV itch: when a broad is sitting on top of 12 inches of tool, there's no mistaking the reality of the plugged pussy's predicament.

Nope.

And as for the site's claim that it's heavily populated by AMATEUR SLUTS WHO LOVE MONSTER COCKS, well we're pretty sure these sluts are pros, that money changed hands and they don't so nearly love them as they do the simolians dangled alongside of them.

Is that bad?

Fucccckkkkk no.

JEWEL DE'NYLE'S CUMVERT

Cumvert? Is that like a Kumquat?

Or is it like a pervert for Cum? Not

named Stephan Jenkins? Ohh...OK...

WE get it now.

239650

THAT'S WHAT SISTER RAY SAID...

Yo Vinnie,
A good friend of mine just asked me point blank to "not fuck my sister, man." I told him that I could promise that I would not but so far it seems that his objection to me putting it to her is that she is 21 and I am 28. Your thoughts. -- S.J.

"C'MON MAN....I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA PLAY X-BOX OR SOMETHING. OR, ERM, WATCH THE GAME.....DUUUUDE.......DUDE? DUDE!!! THIS IS SOOOOOOOOO FUCKED."

Dear SISTER CHRISTIAN: Siblings sit in this weird netherzone of "family" on the one hand and, in some cases, unregenerate slut on the other. While you never trammel on anyone's fucking family if you're a stand-up kinda guy, you also do not let any unregenerate slut go unfucked. The tension between even the possibility of these two things happening is usually enough to avoid any extra-familial winnagling.

"My sister's such a slut. It makes me cry."

"I gotta go."

However, sometimes this shit is unavoidable. Especially if your M.O. is very much like mine was, that is you've befriended a dude to GET to the sister. In which case it's very clear that you need to tailor your ENTIRE act to this idea that you are a penisless wonder who, while in all likelihood, would NEVER fuck anyone's sister, is somehow NOT a homo and worthwhile hanging out with. That's right: degree of difficulty almost a million gazillion.

So what to do?

Find a dude whose sister is the biggest and most significant whore on the block. She's fucked Mike the Milkman, Larry the Plumber, and Moe the Ho. At this point if you fucked her and there weren't five Israelis on line behind you who got next, he'd be totally happy.

SIGNIFICANT CAUTION: If the sister looks LIKE the bro, you are officially a faggoty-assed faggot.

TASTY TEENS

Cherry Boxxx

Rating: THREE "With A Light Tang" BUSTED NUTS

As a native of Bulgaria, where the porn standard to be is usually porn flooding the airwaves like a blitzkrieg from Germany or our homegrown variations that feature rollerskates and techno versions of Funkytown, I have to say that I found what seems to be perfect California porn to be quite enjoyable for the most part. Most of the actresses are able to be passionate, as well as sensual, and I was glad to see so many beautiful natural breasts. Being that I have a nice pair myself.

MORGAN MARCH. TASTY? YES. A TEEN? SOMEWHAT OPEN FOR DEBATE...

HOWEVER, I wasn't very happy with the quality of some of the male actors. The guy in the second scene clearly needed to go to the gym and loose a few pounds and the guy in the schoolgirl scene was as sexy as a monkey on speed. In fact, I might prefer a monkey on speed. Also the male contribution to some of the dialogue was an extreme turn-off. See: monkey on speed.

The blow-job scene was one of the best I have seen in a long time, though.

Great camera work even if there was a bit too much repetition of footage on that one... although... hey...it was great footage, so repeating is probably not bad. Not bad = no monkeys on speed. -- MERI XMAS

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/227833.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

JOHN LESLIE: VERONICA DA SOUZA--SOME PIECE OF ASS

Evil Angel

Rating: TWO "Some Piece Of Obvious Joke" BUSTED NUTS

The movie starts with some scantily clad bitch playing pinball. And it's all downhill from there.

You see, you got some threesomes, some foursomes, and a one and one with some big-nosed Greek and a slut in the shitter. JOHN LESLIE tries his best to be fast-paced and since there's usually 3 or 4 people fucking, it's slightly less boring, but here is the unfortunate trend I've been noticing: You get 2 girls completely naked with wet, dripping pussies next to each other, and they barely touch. One of the scenes here has two girls rubbing each other with oil, which is pretty hot if I'm watching Cinemax, and I'm 12, but nowadays this just doesn't fly.

Am I missing something?

I mean do these girls charge extra to make out with each other? They suck dicks that were just pulled from their assholes, but they shy away from licking tits. Are they reading fucking Leviticus off camera?

VERONICA DA SOUZA...YES, YES...VERY FOND OF THE 76 TROMBONES IN THE BIG PARADE....IN ADDITION TO BEING? YES: SOME PIECE OF ASS. NOT JUST ANY PIECE OF ASS, MIND YOU, BUT SOME PIECE OF ASS!

The other thing is the foot fetish. You into girls getting big toes shoved in their butts? What about some whore jerking off dudes with her feet? Toe sucking aka shrimping? Does that get you hot and heavy?

Well too bad, junior, because it only happens for a few seconds ever 40 minutes. It's not even close to being enough for your pervert jollies, but just long enough to creep out us normals. I know these girls suck dicks that were pulled from their assholes, but feet are dirty and gross. I appreciate John Leslie trying to break up the monotony, but he might as well have cut to a guy juggling chainsaws on fire. Come to think of it, I would rather watch that over about 85% of this movie.

I'll be on Youtube if you need me. -- POPEYE KATSOPOLIS

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/246876new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

1 DICK 2 CHICKS #4

Red Light District

Rating: FOUR "Pack Animals" BUSTED NUTS

It’s all clever calculation why women go to the bathroom and do other totally mundane shit together. It’s no secret: women look better in packs.

This works especially well for women who, by themselves, wouldn’t necessarily turn your head if she walked by you on the street. But get four or five more chicks who are in her league, and you’ll check ‘em out. Women know this.

Unfortunately, it seems that those who produce pornographic movies for a male audience do not.

"HELLO. MY NAME IS FRANNIE VALENTINA'S TITS. GLAD YOU COULD COME. PLEASE COME AGAIN."

How else can you explain that the majority of sex scenes will feature one girl getting fucked by two+ guys? I don’t care how many ugly to average fucking dudes walk by me on the street, I’m not giving it any mind.

Seeing more and more dudes naked and fucking will not turn me on. But the more women there are, the more likely you’ll keep my attention. You can call me a typical straight male, if you want.

That’s where movies like 1 DICK 2 CHICKS #4 literally cannot fail. The only thing that could make ‘em better is having even MORE chicks. Like, whatever happened to that LUCKY LUCIANO series? That was awesome! The guy would get to fuck like 10 SMOKING bitches. Well, they were even better because each one was surrounded by nine others. Catching the drift?

Girls like BRIANNA LOVE and KAMILA are certainly women we would turn around to check out if they walked by alone. But pair ‘em up with women like FRANCEZCA VALENTINA and MARIE LUV (who aren’t sneerable in the least), and you’ve got a major fucking attention holder.

Is anyone in charge taking notes?

Here’s one: Make porns have more girls.

Here’s another: let’s see some regular, “reverse” gang bang series. –- STEELY ROB

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/253552new.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ASIAN INSEMINATION #1

Fifth Element

Rating: FOUR "Quick, Get The Douche" BUSTED NUTS

Featuring seven Thai sucky-fucky, can-I-suck-your-cock-Sir, let's-go-boom-boom-you-sexy-man bar girls, ASIAN INSEMINATION gives the viewer the option of watching some porn or a lung.

Huh? I'll try that again. The viewer has the option of watching SOM, POON, OR, A, LUNG. Plus NOK and JA.

I'll direct you to my delicate critique of ASIAN CREAMPIES #1. Whatever I said there, applies here. This's actually volume two of that series retooled as volume one of a different series for purposes of confusion.

LOVE THE NAMES, GIRLS. AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL HERE. GOOD. GOOD. WAIT A MINUTE...WHERE'S RAMA-LAMA-DING-DONG?!?! GODDAMMIT!!! ALWAYS SOMETHING.

Only the hoes have changed and therein lies the charm. OR's kinda sexy apart from her green tongue. LUNG's sorta sexy apart from "her" post-op twat. NOK's quite sexy apart -- or maybe because of -- the wolverine fangs.

Her fucked-up teeth remind me of JADE in ME LUV U LONG TIME #2. Or Cindy at my gym. I should fuck that chick. Yeah. Got her email. She's kinda sexy. Reminds me of NOK. Teethwise, I mean. -- MR. XTRA

Buy It NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/259303.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

blackhole_32

MY ASS, YOUR FACE, THEY MEET, HOW SWEET

APRIL FLOWERS from FLESH HUNTER 6

http://www.gamelink.com/gl/description.asp?src=gl&mall=st&ref=mac&head=&prodID=131446

WITH JESUS, ALL BULLSHIT CLAIMS ARE POSSIBLE

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson says he has leg-pressed 2,000 pounds, but some say he'd be in a pretty tough spot if he tried. The "700 Club" host's feat of strength is recounted on the Web site of his Christian Broadcasting Network, in a posting headlined "How Pat Robertson Leg Pressed 2,000 Pounds." According to the CBN Web site, Robertson worked his way up to lifting a ton with the help of his physician, who is not named. The posting does not say when the lift occurred, but a CBN spokeswoman released photos to The Associated Press that she said showed Robertson lifting 2,000 pounds in 2003, when Robertson was 73. He is now 76. The Web posting said two men loaded the leg-press machine with 2,000 pounds "and then let it down on Mr. Robertson, who pushed it up one rep and let it go back down again."