BUT first this: the video corollary to the kind of weekend we collectively had and a fetish relatively new to us here: ROACH EATING PORN.
ROACHES CHECK IN, BUT THEY DON'T CHECK OUT. OF HER MOUTH!!!
YOU CAN'T SPELL "SOCCER VIOLENCE" WITHOUT "VIOLENCE." THOUGH IT SEEMS TO WORK QUITE WELL WITHOUT "SOCCER".
MINUS THE BALL, THIS ASS KICKING CAN BE ENJOYED THE WAY GOD INTENDED.
STUTTGART (SkullGame) -- Nearly 2,000 police officers patrolled this southern city Sunday to head off repeat violence as tens of thousands of raucous English fans celebrated their team's World Cup victory by attacking passersby, urinating on recently attacked passersby, resuscitating recently attacked passersby with recently released urine and burning everything else in site while celebrating the festival of brotherhood that is SOCCER.
German police said all was calm following England's 1-0 win over Ecuador, which sent England into the quarterfinals of soccer's showcase tournament.
Jackbooted authorities have been busy in Stuttgart. On Saturday, police in riot gear arrested more than 500 English fans, widely suspected of being Jews, after two separate incidents involving urine bottles and chair throwing but only five injuries. On Sunday, beer, expletives and songs flowed freely in a downtown square near where English fans, or Jews, watched the game in a free public viewing area.
The mood was peaceful, however, and families with children some carrying the German flag and middle aged couples mingled with fans clad in Union Jacks or walking around shirtless to bare patriotic tattoos. English fans sang "God Save The Queen" as a heavy rain began to fall.
"It's a party. We're here to have fun," whooped Kevin Penfold as he swapped his red England shirt for an Ecuadorean one worn by Ana Cecilia Pinos Flores, who struggled to get into her sweat-soaked acquisition while Penfold gesticulated wildly toward his crotch.
TO HEAR JUDGE ROY BEAN TELL IT....BOYD RICE'S EX-GIRLFRIEND DOES NOT HAVE A PENIS!!!
AND THE REST OF US ARE STILL NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT WHICH HE IS SO SURE ABOUT.
I didn't know she was Boyd Rice's ex-girlfriend beforehand. She didn't look overtly attractive in her pic, but I was in the mood for a good cougar-ing, deep down hoping she was married or some shit--AND since she was an avid music lover I figured I could flaunt my shit well enough to surely get laid. So...I get her wrapped up on it and she's pushing me to meet her outside the Blockbuster to get drinks so I bite, figuring "what the hell?"
Then I saw her.
All 4'11 of her, no tits, bird-legs, face that's the obvious product of hard-living. She's got a purse full of change rolls because she's gots no job (and hasn't had one in 5 years) and she immediately latches onto my arm and I'm forced to stroll down the street with this bitch that looks like my grandma while she smokes Virginia Slim's and I pray to a god that clearly doesn't exist that ITALIAN SAL PACINO doesn't see me or, worse, some chick that I'm fucking--as there will be no living this down if I'm caught.
We go to the Lush Club, because there's no one there and I wish to keep a low profile when I'm cavorting with ugly broads, and that's where the bombs were dropped. I caught the bartender looking at me with a "the fuck are you doin' man?" look on his face the entire time and I was trying my damndest to telepathically send him a message that said "co-worker, aunt, landlord, something/ anything THAT I'M NOT FUCKING, DUDE."
When the street mexican came wandering in only to begin wrestling a table and I bowed up on him I made my greatest mistake--impressing her. The rest of the night was spent removing her hand from my leg and dashing in my apartment when her cold sore-ridden cocksucker came gaping after me.
Jesus.
And the worst part? She lives a few blocks over, so I'm sure to run into this bitch again. Probably when I have a real nice one on my arm, too. And I tell you, no bitch will want to fuck me after finding out that I have kept counsel with the likes of her...
So...yeah...I may not be too schooled in beasts, but feel free to offend the long-standing tenets of theology and trump me on this one, cause I bet she hangs out at the same bus-stop as the girl [Editor's Note: LAVINA] with the mismatched shoes. They probably bum smokes off one another...
"THIS WEEKEND, IN ADDITION TO GETTING ALL OF THE LIGAMENTS OF MY LEG WRENCHED INTO BROKEN RUBBERBANDS BY A HOMOSEXUAL FIGHTER FROM BOSTON AT THE GRACIE INVITATIONAL, GETTING DUMPED, OR OTHERWISE REJECTED, BY NO FEWER THAN THREE SLUTS, RIGHT AFTER OVERDOSING ON LIQUID CIALIS MADE IN SOMEONE'S BASEMENT AND CAUSING A CAR WRECK, I HAVE SPENT MY TIME DRESSING MY CAT UP LIKE HITLER IN THE HOPES THAT PEOPLE WILL LOVE ME. OR AT THE VERY LEAST REALIZE HOW MUCH I HATE THEM," SAYS ITALIAN SAL PACINO WHILST STARING STONILY INTO THE MID-DISTANCE & DABBING THE CORNERS OF THEIR EYES.
"DRIVING THROUGH THE REICH...IN A NEW MERCEDES BENZ...KILLING LOTS OF MICE...AND MAKING LOTS OF FRIENDS." [SUNG TO THE TUNE OF "JINGLE BELLS"]
When I sit here at the coffee shop or walk down the street or workout at the gym, it never ceases to amaze me just how far things have gone afoul. All the females I had been fucking all through high school and junior college have transitioned over to all the guys who couldn't fuck their own hand in school they had so little game.
"Oh how the mighty have fallen" could be the refrain.
Now mind you, I am not the 30-something now fat and drunken former high school star quarterback. Oh no, both in high school and JC I held a very tenuous spot on my wrestling team, however, now, now I can honestly say I am in better shape than 95% of the population, am and always have been an alpha male.
That being said, I did a lot of fucking in school. My school years were marked with continuous boning of all the chicks that all the guys who are boning down on them now were not then. That was then, this is now and the proverbial ass tapping tables have turned.
But fuck that...listen here geeks, before you got it...I did. And often. Have fun with my seconds you douches, all the chicks you tell you love have been fucked by me or someone like me. Fags!
But anger is a funny thing: it materializes itself in so many different ways. In my case, it shows itself in dry comments that often engender laughs from my audience. People think to themselves, that Sal, he is so funny.
Yeah, real funny.
I bet you and your friend got a big laugh when I told you that, I wish[ed] I had a spray bottle full of AIDS so that I can spray the both of you in the face.
What made that funny is at the time I meant it, I was so angry at the imagined slight that had that imaginary spray bottle of AIDS been in my hand I would not have hesitated to use it. Probably more than once! Bitches.
[Editor's Note: We have no idea either.]
