SO, ah, have you SkullGame motherfuckers been enjoying your holiday break? is what the letters say, unaccustomed, as you all might be to us actually going out to GET pussy versus just writing about going out to get pussy. You think you can get enough pussy to justify taking a few more days off in the lead up to your last chance in 2005 at getting your quim quota? Good questions all which, since, SAL, post-his recent surgery is sleeping on his kitchen floor, arm in a cast and a bottle of vicodin duct-taped to his lips, VINNIE is nursing his nuts back to health after load blowing episodes that will take some time to talk about and STEELY ROB is off hanging out with BRANDON IRON, excluding the rest of us in the process, will be answered by me JUDGE ROY BEAN and will start with this latest reader query.
LSD....?
YES. LSD.
Doses, eh? You are a stronger man than I if you can still manage to fuck with that evil, horrible, hideous shit--or at least a man whose demons serve as better entertainment. The last time I indulged was on New Year's Eve of the millenium; and I ended up with this real ugly bitch at her leather faggot buddies' apartment (it seemed more safe to go there than to stay in the hotel room I was supposed to be at that had blood spilled across the bathroom floor after one pussy from down the hall decided to bash another pussy from down the hall's head in with a small boombox in our "living room" while we did everything we could to encourage their mutual dissatisfaction with one another).
A very large rottweiler conveyed thoughts of hatred, telepathically, toward me -- while chewing on metal christmas ornaments off the tree and snarling and eyeing my every movement. The strychnine made me cramp up so badly that I laid in a fetal position on the couch, and the oscillating waves of flesh moving seismically across her already unfortunate face had me giggling hysterically and informing her, once she tried to kiss me, that she "looked like a fucking lop-sided alien"--as well as pointing, laughing, and proclaiming loudly "that bitch was pooping" after her fat girlfriend returned from the bathroom.
They were gracious enough to let me stay the night even though I wasn't overtly personable or likeable; though she later informed me that I was "a fucking asshole" and that I needed to "walk home" (which was about 10 miles away) the next morning upon rudely and violently shaking her awakening with a bunch of "hey, hey hey, hey you's". I still don't think this was the right way to pay me back seeing as how I had to spend agonizing moment after agonizing moment, in the dark of the night, searching for the sandman and my sanity while her gay buddy fucked his gay buddy quite loudly in the next room as I choked down bile and sobbed frustrated sobs.
I now find that it still hurts my soul to even relay that story to another person.
Merry Christmas.
NEGRO LOVER LONGORIA LAUNCHES RAHOWA AGAINST FRITO BANDITO!!!
HE'S A NEGRO. AND I LOVE HIM! NOW WHERE'S PAQUITO WITH MY FUCKING DRINK?!?!?
SAN ANTONIO (SkullGame) -- San Antonio Spurs' guard TONY PARKER was cited for impeding traffic and failing to produce a valid Texas driver's license during a traffic stop in which "Desperate Housewives" actress and Negro lover of note EVA LONGORIA was his passenger, police said.
The incident happened about 12:45 a.m. Saturday. After seeing a car stopped, and ignoring the If the Rolls is a'rocking, don't come a'knocking bumper sticker, a bicycle officer, Rick Perez rapped the hood with the palm of his hand, according to a police report, written by Perez himself. Parker, who was behind the wheel, questioned why the officer "put his fucking spic mits on my goddamned ride in the first place," and the couple "began screaming in a verbally abusive and demeaning manner," police said, said an irate Perez. Longoria called the police report "highly inaccurate," and not befitting a "mexican swap meet."
Police say Parker then began to drive away, almost hitting a man standing nearby. After being told to stop and get out, Parker showed a French driver's license, complete with national orders to surrender said license in the event of Germans, Vietnamese, Algerians, or small children with sticks, police said, said Perez. The officer who wrote the citations said The Negro complained: "This is all the cops do, just mess with Negro people," and that Longoria shouted from the car: "He's just a Mexican bike cop. He only wants your autograph."
Longoria denied making the comment.
"It's a fucking spic shame that one officer conducted himself in such an inappropriate and disorderly manner what with his sombrero and guitar and all. I never made any sort of racial slurs regarding his penchant for auto repair or sleeping late, let alone made any comments about the officer being Mexican, as a white Mexican myself," Longoria said through her publicist. "Can't I just love my Negro in peace now?!?!?"
BRITNEY SPEARS SEX VID: ANY INTEREST? AT ALL? ANYONE? NO? WELL, OK.
"HEYYYY...COME ON, BABE. I WAS JUST JOKING...YOU BOUNCING BACK AMAZINGLY WELL FOR SOMEONE WHO FAVORS CHEEZE DOODLES AS REGULARLY AS YOU DO. UH OH. WATCH OUT!!! SHE'S THROWING HER SLIM FAST AWAY..."
MIAMI (SkullGame) -- BRITNEY SPEARS has filed a $20 million libel lawsuit against Us Weekly, charging that the celebrity magazine published a false story reporting she and husband Kevin Federline had made a sex tape and were worried about its release for any less than 68 percent of gross on global sales.
The lawsuit, filed Monday, seeks $10 million in libel damages and $10 million for misappropriating the 24-year-old pop singer's name and image to promote sales, without a 26 percent gross on incidentals. It also seeks unspecified punitive damages.
"We have a very credible source and we stand by our story," Us Weekly spokesman Alex Dudley said today in a statement.
According to the lawsuit, the article was published Oct. 17 in the magazine's "Hot Stuff" column and claimed that Spears and Federline feared the release of a secret sex tape, which they had viewed with their estate planning lawyers.
The article stated that Spears gave a copy of the tape to the lawyers on Sept. 30 and that she and her husband were "acting goofy the whole time" while watching the video.
"There was no laughter, disgust or goofy behavior while watching the video in the company of lawyers because they did not watch any video, and because there is no such video," the lawsuit stated. "Not without a front end take on pay-per-view." Spears and Us Weekly also tangled in February after the magazine published pictures of her October honeymoon in the Fiji Islands. She issued a statement criticizing the magazine for publishing photos taken by resort staff members. Us Weekly responded with its own statement saying Spears had sold pictures of her wedding and stepdaughter to publications.
"Could it be that Britney is seeing red after not seeing the green from these photos?" Us Weekly asked. "Goddamned right," said Spears attorney Moe Green.
NOW....WE GET THE BAIL MONEY READY FOR....OUR ROCKET RIDE RE-ENTRY INTO 2006. NEXT STOP: NEW YEAR'S FUCKING EVE AND OUR FUCKING OF "THE LEAST APPROPRIATE WOMAN IN THE ROOM WITHOUT A COCK".
SKULLGAME RESUMES WITH SOME NORMALCY JANUARY 2ND, 2006. IF THE UNIVERSE HASN'T BEEN DESTROYED BY THEN.
