Our thanks go out to the corporate sponsor of our envy, God, who has made it blatantly clear that in no uncertain terms, he hates us. Also, narcotics. God, envy and narcotics have conspired to make us who we are today and to them goes our gratitude: thanks a whole fucking lot.
LOOK AT THAT BITCH. NOW SEE, HOW MUCH YOU THINK THOSE GODDAMNED SHOES COST? SHEE-IT. WE'D BE ABLE TO AFFORD SHIT LIKE THAT IF WE SUCKED AS MUCH COCK AS SHE HAS.
WE HATE A LOT OF PEOPLE AND WE HATE A LOT OF STUFF AND WHENEVER WE'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE WE CAN'T HATE ENOUGH
KATE MOSS
SHE GOT $40,000 FOR DOING WHAT WE DO FOR FREE: TAKING A DUMP.
FUCK Kate Moss.
JESSICA SIMPSON
LOOK AT THEM. JUST LOOK AT THEM. WE MEAN WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT HIS SUIT THAT HASN'T ALREADY BEEN SAID ABOUT OUR ASSES?
Celebrity yowler Jessica Simpson complains to the press about being bloated and constipated and it makes front pages. This is the same woman that thought Chicken of The Sea tuna was made out of fucking chickens. She will do porno someday. And when that day comes we will be there. Stating loudly to anyone who'll listen that we fucked plenty of better looking bitches than her.
KURT RUSSELL
HI, VINNIE. GREAT FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD YOU GOT HERE.
ACTUAL fucking photo of that fucker Kurt Russell. Taken in front of my old building out in Red Hook, Brooklyn.
And here is an actual bit of conversation.
15-Year Old Me: "Yo. It's that guy. Yo, Clint Fucking Eastwood. Gimme your autograph, Mr. Fucking Limo Motherfucker!!!"
KURT RUSSELL: "I'm actually Kurt Russell."
15-Year Old Me: "Faggot."
CORNHOLIO
OH, OH, LOOK AT ME. I'M A BLACK MOTHERFUCKER WHO GETS THE BITCHES! WHATEVER.
Sure, he works here but so what. WE work here. CORNHOLIO hides out from the cops here. Totally different things. Here he is immediately prior to pounding SYREN. Too bad he's gay.
THOMAS "ROCCO" HANSEN
WHO?!?!?
Yeah. Exactly. Norwegian porn star who just made a porno with a couple of high school girls who made the movie to help pay for their graduation parties. The good news is self-made millionaire Hansen would have been jailed in America. The bad news is: he lives in Norway.
LIV TYLER
TITS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS
We sat behind her on a flight from Berlin to London and then again from London to New York where we ended up staying at the same hotel as she was. She was like the fucking invisible woman. Now explain this to us again: her father's that rich and famous broad who sings for Aerosmith. Her mother's that rich and famous model and rock skag. Now she is rich and famous for being the daughter of the rich and famous. Oh yeah, and beautiful. Of course. Fucking of course.
THE WORLD
AREN'T OUR SHOES NICE? THEY COST $700 A PAIR. BUT WE DON'T REALLY LIKE THEM.
Look at them. With their goddamned stupid cars and their stupid faces in those stupid cars. And those stupid faced stupid cars that cost much more than our cars. And the fact that they have EVERYTHING and we have NOTHING.
Yes, yes. Fuck you very much.
