JOBBING takes many shapes. Many forms. But none more familiar than the unsucked cock, the denied hole, the mocked man who will, given the law of averages he just about has to, do ANYTHING to get just a few fucking minutes of release whereby semen, preferably his, is extracted from his two bulging nuts. If he's a fag, no prob, as other dudes have an innate understanding of the bullet-like urgency that grips even the low-level testosteroned individual. But woebetide if he likes ginch. Oh, he will do just about anything. No indignity too low. No effort too high. It's whatever the market will bear. And so, when we had a party like we had occasion to do last night at Casa Skull and found the woman pictured below on a couch that now belongs to the MIA Habib Hussein....
AND FOR MY NEXT NUMBER I'D LIKE TO READ FROM THE YELLOW RIVER BY I.P. FREHLEY.
...and were sorely vexed at her JOB-esque attempts at thwarting aforementioned semen-extraction by pissing her drunken self, we had a crucial decision to make. A moment as crucial to any man as the most crucial moment of extreme cruciality: fuck her in the mouth and drop a load therein or pull off her pee-stained pants and drop it in the hole?
ANSWER: BOTH.
Thank you, very much, Juliana Hinkade.
v. JOBBED, job·bing, jobs
v. intr.
1. To work at odd jobs.
2. To act as a jobber.
3. To get thwarted in the actualization of an attempt to get one's cock wet.
DONOVAN MCNABB & TERRELL OWENS EXCHANGE CHARGE & COUNTER-CHARGE OF FAGGOTRY, ANTI-FAGGOTRY & ASS-BANDITRY
"OH. LOOK AT THAT YOUNG BUCK RUN. RUN, BUCK, RUNNNNN...." SAYS MC NABB AS HE CLUTCHES HIS BREAST IN A FEVERISH IMITATION OF A DAMSEL IN FOOTBALL DISTRESS.
PENNSYLVANIA (SkullGame) -- DONOVAN MC NABB would rather exchange high-fives with TERRELL OWENS instead of harsh words. Yes. High-fives. High-fives and hugs. Ass slaps and any and all other manner of other man-to-man borderline heteromosexual behaviors that in all likelihood are designed to mask the seething caldron of homolove existing between these two former "partners".
On Saturday McNabb huffed that he doesn't need to work out any differences with Owens, even though the five-time Pro Bowl quarterback and the All-Pro wide receiver squabbled during the Philadelphia Eagles' tumultuous offseason.
"Everything is going to be fine," McNabb said whilst fanning himself with a chiffon handkerchief and pursing his lips and blinking back tears after the defending NFC champions held their first practice at training camp. "I know you guys are looking for a story, for us to start fighting or stuff like that. Or...or...or slapping each other and such. So sorry if I don't give that to you, but I'm just going to be me," he said pulling his cashmere sweater tighter around his neck to keep out the chill.
McNabb looks forward to throwing to his favorite target. Throwing while Owens catches. Balls and things. The flashy Owens set team records with 14 touchdown receptions and seven 100-yard games, and finished with 77 catches for 1,200 yards last season. "I think it's good that we are finally going to put this to bed..." said McNabb in full-blown Norma Desmond mode all dreamy like, "...yes, put it to bed...bed...and focus on our goal, obviously to make sure we're IN tight and our chemistry is where it needs to be on the offensive, ball-holding side of things," McNabb said.
Terrell Owens, presently vacationing on Fire Island, could not be reached for comment. What on account of a mouthful of cock.
PARIS HILTON HAS STOPPED DRINKING SAYS DRUNKEN SLUT TARA REID IMMEDIATELY POST-FELLATING A BOATFUL OF MEXICAN BUSBOYS
THIS news item has been brought to you by MOET (pronounced Mo-Ay), the drink of hopeless, worthless drunks with cash the world over....
..."ANYWAYS, SO THERE I WAS...PACO HAD BEEN BEING SUCH A BITCH...YOU KNOW SINCE I REMOVED HIS, UM, COCK FROM MY MOUTH AND REPLACED IT WITH ALEJANDRO'S AND...
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- As of press time these two dirty filthy fucking hammer-toed, wall-eyed, round-heeled hoes were still, as our sources report, two of the dirtiest, filthiest fuckingest hammer-toed, wall-eyed, round-heeled hoes around.
More on this as it develops around Nobu or over at the Standard or the Avalon or anywhere else Mexican busboys congregate for the express purpose of gangbangio. Viva La Raza!!!
"MEXICANS ARE SOOOOO HELPFUL...AND SHIT..."
HOUSE NIGGER OJ SIMPSON CONVICTED OF....STEALING CABLE. CABLE [SPECIFICALLY "THE RED SHOE DIARIES."] WITH WHICH HE HAD HOPED TO CATCH THE REAL KILLERS OF HIS "SLUT WIFE AND HER JEW."
"I DID NOT STEAL NOOOOO FUCKING CABLE. AND I AM NOW ON THE HUNT FOR THE REAL CABLE STEALERS. NOW, OUTTA MY WAY!!!"
MIAMI (SkullGame) -- A US federal judge in Miami has ordered former football superstar OJ Simpson to pay a $25,000 fine to the satellite television firm DirecTV for using unauthorized devices like knives and photo aids to receive its programming.
In December 2001, police and a DirecTV representative entered Simpson's home in Miami, after receiving information indicating that he had been receiving the satellite company's signal without paying for the service. Once inside the home, the DirecTV representative found devices that were "specifically designed to assist in the unauthorized decryption of DirecTV satellite programming," according to the complaint filed in court. "Simpson then did a PowerPoint show using his Bowie knife as a pointer to pictures of who he said 'was the last cable fuck' he had had 'all up in his motherfucking bizness.' I was quite frankly, frightened."
"SEE. BACK THEN I WAS BIGGGGG ON THE PLAYBOY NETWORK....ANYWAYS THIS CABLE O-FAY, NAME OF, UM, DONALD, UM, SILVERMAN, WELL YEAH, HE LEARNED THE HARD WAY: DON'T FUCK WITH OJ SIMPSON'S GODDAMNED CABLE."
Simpson, for his part, insisted that he had not stolen the company's signal, and pointed out that the television had not even been turned on when police entered his home.
"Bitches."
