If ever the question is asked of us--why does the page suck so much today? --the answer stands, as always, proudly and with shanks afore! Boone's Farm Strawberry Wine!!!

NOTE THE GREAT CARE WITH WHICH WE MARK, FOR YOUR EDIFICATION, WHERE EXACTLY HABIB, WHO ADMITTEDLY SEEMS TO HAVE A PROBLEM, IS, AND THE STATE IN WHICH WE PHOTOGRAPHED HIM MOMENTS BEFORE SCUFFLING WITH THE RUSSIAN TRAM DRIVER.

IT'S DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN: CARMEN ELECTRA STILL REGRETTING GETTING HER BREAST IMPLANTS

HEY!! REMEMBER.........THESE?!?!!?

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Former sub-celeb, "Baywatch" broad CARMEN ELECTRA, stunned at the world's refusal to pay even more attention to her tits recently called a press conference to slam her plastic surgeons granting her any sort of significance at all by allowing her to boost her bongos to a "ridiculous, albeit attention getting, size."

The "actress" -- "wife" of Jane's Addiction "guitarist" DAVE NAVARRO -- "regrets" the cosmetic surgery, which increased her bust from a Pay-Absolutely-NO-Attention-To-Me-At-All size 32B to a staggering My-GOD-You're-Fascinating size 36DD and is now "considering" having the implants "removed," as it seemed the world had almost completely forgotten about her tits for the last week or so.

ME, BREASTS AND MY HUSBAND, THE AMAZING BEARDED WOMAN

Carmen complains, "I do regret it. I had nice boobs before. You know before I was famous and all for having big boobs. They were small, but nice.

"Implant removal is a possibility. But I'm not going to do it unless my husband Dave, and my agent, and my manager say it's OK."

SLASH: I WAS ADDICTED TO SEX

THE FIRST STEP TO RECOVERY IS ADMITTING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. SLASH PICTURED HERE WITH SOME WHITE BROAD WHO HE LATER PEGGED.

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Rock star SLASH was so "addicted" to sex he used to rent four hotel rooms simultaneously so he could visit his various ho's during the night. The former Guns N' Roses guitarist -- now in Velvet Revolver -- was so libidinous at one point in his life he developed a craving for constant sex and multiple partners. Slash says, "I got very addicted to sex at one point. I'd keep three or four different rooms in one hotel so I could bounce around between them. So, you see, I was a, um, sex addict, you know?"

When reached for comment SKULLGAME asked: who ain't?

NEGRO IMPERSONATOR JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE BEGS BRITNEY TO LEAVE NEGRO IMPERSONATOR KEVIN FEDERLINE

"WHAT?! IT'S MEDICINAL. I GOT, UH, I GOT GOUT. POT'S GOOOOOOD FOR GOUT," SAYS SPEARS PICTURED HERE WITH FEDERLINE

SARASOTA (SkullGame) -- The AL JOLSONESQUE singer JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE has allegedly advised his former lover BRITNEY SPEARS to leave her near-Negro fiance KEVIN FEDERLINE -- because he thinks the dancer is gay. A GAY Negro impersonator. And he would, of course, know.

The former 'N Sync star reportedly told the singer she is "crazy to get married" to Federline, who has had a succession of failed relationships and ditched his ex-girlfriend, the actually African American SHAR JACKSON -- who last week gave birth to his second child -- to elope with Spears earlier this year.

SHAR JACKSON: THE WOMAN WRONGED

An insider tells the AMSTERDAM NEW'S Mr. 125 STREET, "Sisterwoman hooked up with a white dude? A broke white dude? And he left her when she was pregnant? And he left her for a white woman? Sheeeiiit. I coulda done that."