"OK, listen. I'm going to Chicago for a few days. I left everything you'll need for a whole week of SKULLGAME right here in this folder. Good luck and don't fuck up."
YEAH. SURE, MAN. NO PROB: THE ANATOMY OF A SKULLGAME FUCK UP OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.
THEIR ASS (SkullGame) -- Despite failing to update the MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME page Weds. and Thurs. of last week like they were supposed to, the unrepentant ITALIAN SAL and our web guy LITTLE JOE chose instead to eat many, many THC-laden brownies and shrug while mumbling, "how much you pay us again?" Our apologies to all. "Fuck them," Sal says. "It's a free fucking site. What do those nut jumpers expect anyway? RESPECT? Hahahaha..." Our apologies for that as well. "Fuck that. We ain't apologizing for nothing. We'll start apologizing when they start BUYING more porn. Now for THAT I AM sorry. I am SORRY you all don't buy more fucking porn. You HAPPY?!?!"
ANGELINA JOLIE'S TITS BARELY COMPENSATING FOR THE STUPID SHIT POURING OUTTA HER PIEHOLE THESE DAYS
SO ANYWAY, AFTER I FIGHT TO FREE LAOTIAN MARMOSETS I...
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Actress and Make Believer ANGELINA JOLIE, in a moment of Whatever Proportions, insists she'll never wed again because she doesn't want to devastate another partner like um, well like BILLY BOB THORNTON, who dumped her, and like COLIN FERRELL, who is GAY and dumped her. But there have been others you know. Like...well Jonny Lee Miller, the famous, um, guy.
Anyways, Jolie, who is now a fervent United Nations ambassador, remains friends with ex-husbands JONNY LEE MILLER and BILLY BOB THORNTON, but admits the break-ups were too painful. For the men.
"Maybe who I am as a woman isn't somebody that can roar, be the great partner/wife and also do the things that I want to do. Like saving the ocelot. I mean I don't imagine there is a man as dedicated and as in love with that world as I am -- maybe I was more in love with the world than my husbands."
Ocelots? Didn't you say "marmosets"?
"Whatever. The point is that I am a graceful model of spiritual purity. As are my tits. Which you'll be seeing in my next movie. It's all about lemurs and tits. My tits. Because to them I am dedicated in a totally Mother Theresa-like way."
When reached for comment her erstwhile cock MR. BRAD PITT was quoted as saying "I'm, um, hoping to, um," nodding in the direction of his new pussy, "to..... ........loads?"
EXPLOITED MOMS EXPLOITING EXPLOITED SONS IN A TALE OF EXPLOITATION THAT IS SURELY NOT NEARLY AS SEXY AS YOU'RE IMAGINING IT TO BE
OK. YOU'RE NOT EMINEM. AND SHE'S NOT KIM BASINGER. AND THIS IS NOT THAT MOVIE 8 MILE. SO JUST FUCKING STOP IT.
LONDON (SkullGame) -- A WEST Cumbrian mother who admitted having sex with her teenage son has escaped jail. No, no, no, not like she busted out or nothing: judges decided instead to hand out the maximum community service order they could to 45-year-old SYLVIA PAYNE in a bid to help her rebuild her life.
Payne – who has seven children in total – will now have three years to turn her life around with help from the probation service and working with organizations such as the NSPCC to avoid fucking, sucking or otherwise generally being anally probed by her grossly misdirected male offspring.
The 36-month order was given after judges heard how a young family member discovered the pair having sex upstairs in their Gilmour Street home on the night of July 21.
Initially Payne denied the allegations when questioned by police but two days later she invited an officer round and admitted that sexual intercourse, of the HOTTEST variety, had taken place.
The full psychological reasons to why Payne slept with 18-year-old Mark Wall were not disclosed at court yesterday but according to her court appointed lawyer Mike Woolaghan had everything to do with hot, hot monkey love and total insanity.
The court had been told how the pair ended up sleeping together after Payne tried to comfort her son after he suffered a panic attack. The pair had been watching a Disney film in a bedroom.
CIALIS, LEVITRA & VIAGRA: A SKULLGAME ROADTEST
I DIDN'T WANT TO FUCK THIS SLUT. BUT I HAD TO. ALLLLLL FOR SCIENCE
In the name of scientific inquiry SKULLGAME's own, THE DOCTOR, grabs a pocketful of pills, a slut and an unlimited SKULLGAME expense account (Motel 6; quesadillas) for a head to head comparisons of the newest sexceuticals.
Let's get one thing perfectly clear: I have absolutely NO trouble getting it up,keeping it up, pacing myself, or any of that pathetic post-modern impedimenta. I have never wished my cock was hard when it wasn't—although the converse is hardly true.
I just like the idea that I can do what the hell I please where pharmaceuticals are concerned, and therefore-I take hard-on pills because I can.
VIAGRA
TWO STIFFS FOR ONE
I took some Viagra once. It gave me two things: a hard-on and a headache. The two things kind of offset each other, so I figured I was better off just doing what I have always done, which is thinking about getting laid until my
dick pops up.
LEVITRA
DITKA LOVES STIFF DICKS!!!
I tried Levitra, which left my head clear but made my vision weird. Maybe it's because took a double dose--the girl I was meeting was a notorious horn dog that I had been after for months and I was just out of my second--or was it my third?--divorce. Anyways, it was like looking through blue-tinted lenses.
I had the idea that women who want to get lucky ought to wear shirts with those eye-test thingies like they use for color blindness on the front, that can only be read by guys on Levitra. The shirt could say, "If you can read this, let's fuck!" or something. If you want to develop this idea into something commercially lucrative, contact me through vinnie@skullgame.com.
CIALIS
YEAH. LIKE ALL THE FUCKING TIME. NOTE: HIS PAINED SMILE.
My future ex-wife was talking about a week-end getaway. I wasn't really paying much attention until I heard her say "Cialis." I tried to act like I had been listening, and said, "Yes, I've been meaning to give that one a try. It works for 36 hours, so you can just go at it whenever."
Wifey looked perplexed, but brightened up after a second. "Oh, hard on pills! Sure, that would be fun!” I did get some Cialis and took it on the way home from the office Friday night before we left for our getaway.
Once we were in the car, Wifey asked if I had remembered to get the Cialis. I told her I had already taken it, and she reached over and grabbed my dick. It was hard. She pummeled and patted that thing like she had never had access to one before in her life. Two hours later we arrived at our destination and she impaled herself on my hard cock as soon as we passed the threshold of the room. My dick returned to its erect state within minutes of ejaculating, mostly because she wouldn't leave it alone.
She acted amazed that I was up again so quickly. I pointed out that in order for her to make any judgment of the efficacy or lack thereof of the drug she would need to do go from taking my load in her pussy to frantically sucking my cock when I wasn't on Cialis. She looked peeved with all my science talk, but it didn't stop her from working me over again.
The next morning, after fucking yet again (she slept with her hand on my cock all night, like it was a gun under a pillow at the youth hostel) I escaped to the gym. Mainly, I wanted to watch TV without having my pecker massaged. Unfortunately, I couldn't walk on the treadmill or ride a stationary bike without the friction from my shorts triggering an erection, so I had to go back upstairs.
We got in a fight because She recognized that I had gone to the gym to get away from her, but it was over pretty quick.
Then, I had an epiphany the likes of which I have never experienced and I hope to never experience again. We had make-up sex, but we fucked BEFORE I was ready to make up. I was still mad, but my dick didn't care.
CONCLUSION
JUST LEAVE. ME. BE. PLEASE...PLEASE...I CAN'T POSSIBLY FUCK ANOTHER TIME...
Men rule the world. Why? Because we run the fuck. How so? In order to fuck, you need two things: A hole, and a stiff dick. A hole doesn't need to open--it's a fucking hole! It is ALWAYS ready. By being the one with the stiff dick, man has landed in the only position of power that matters on this earth: we are the bottleneck of desire.
Women control sex you say? Nonsense! Men rule the world because they are more physically powerful? If men are so powerful, how can women control the sex supply? There is a misconception in our society that women control sex by deciding unilaterally when and to whom pussy will be offered. That only works because for a few years, when men are teenagers, Hard-ons exist in a seemingly inexhaustible supply. By the time that equilibrium is achieved, people are used to the idea that women are in control of the sex
supply, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
The real truth is: Our cocks, and by extension, WE, are in absolute control of when, where, and how fucking occurs.
...BEYOND THIS ONE LAST TIME...DURING WHICH I WILL GLADLY FUCK HER. FOR SCIENCE...
At least that was the case up until now. Now I know what it feels like to be a ...piece of meat-- A life support system for a veiny fiend that cares nothing for the host he parasitizes! To know that while that demon drug disconnected my brain from my penis, my woman no longer cared what I thought and completely gave up on trying to please me.
Because it didn't matter.
My cock would get hard from her tapping it with the business end of a Taser. We have not evolved to cope with the presence of an erection in the absence of desire. The boner summons, and we must serve. Ah, the bitter irony of jokes about our brains being in our dicks!
If only.
