Yo Vinnie,
A good friend of mine just asked me point blank to "not fuck my sister, man." I told him that I could promise that I would not but so far it seems that his objection to me putting it to her is that she is 21 and I am 28. Your thoughts. -- S.J.

"C'MON MAN....I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA PLAY X-BOX OR SOMETHING. OR, ERM, WATCH THE GAME.....DUUUUDE.......DUDE? DUDE!!! THIS IS SOOOOOOOOO FUCKED."

Dear SISTER CHRISTIAN: Siblings sit in this weird netherzone of "family" on the one hand and, in some cases, unregenerate slut on the other. While you never trammel on anyone's fucking family if you're a stand-up kinda guy, you also do not let any unregenerate slut go unfucked. The tension between even the possibility of these two things happening is usually enough to avoid any extra-familial winnagling.

"My sister's such a slut. It makes me cry."

"I gotta go."

However, sometimes this shit is unavoidable. Especially if your M.O. is very much like mine was, that is you've befriended a dude to GET to the sister. In which case it's very clear that you need to tailor your ENTIRE act to this idea that you are a penisless wonder who, while in all likelihood, would NEVER fuck anyone's sister, is somehow NOT a homo and worthwhile hanging out with. That's right: degree of difficulty almost a million gazillion.

So what to do?

Find a dude whose sister is the biggest and most significant whore on the block. She's fucked Mike the Milkman, Larry the Plumber, and Moe the Ho. At this point if you fucked her and there weren't five Israelis on line behind you who got next, he'd be totally happy.

SIGNIFICANT CAUTION: If the sister looks LIKE the bro, you are officially a faggoty-assed faggot.