skull_weblog

LOLLIPOP BABIES #2

Cherry Boxxx Pictures

Rating: THREE "Put That Goddamned Thing Away" BUSTED NUTS

Being that this is LOLLIPOP BABIES 2 that would obviously mean that, wait a minute...let me do the math. OK. Um, that would mean that out there, somewhere, is a LOLLIPOP BABIES 1, and if history is any kind of an indicator the second very rarely out does the first in any movie, save maybe Godfather and Godfather 2. So...do I hold out judgment and wait to see LOLLIPOP BABIES 1?

Hell no!

I jacked, so therefore I must write.

BIANCA PUREHEART: FIRST THE SIMONIZATION. THEN THE SODOMIZATION.

So with all the constant fucking rapid-fire lollipop references at the beginning of each fucking scene at first I thought that this could realistically be a fucking dog since if it walks like a dog and talks like a dog well obviously it must be a fucking dog. However...once the fucking started I figured in for a penny in for a pound, out came the cock and the rest is spermicidal history.

Featuring phenomenal scenes by SAMANTHA SLATER, BIANCA PUREHEART and cross-eyed AUGUST this one starts out slow what with the mind-numbing licking and fiddling with lollipops and whatnot, HOWEVER, it quickly degenerates into that which can only be described as an all-out nut tuggingly good fuckfest. -- ITALIAN SAL

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http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/204618.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

PATPONG ANGELS

Video Team

Rating: ONE & A HALF "It's A Good Start, But..." BUSTED NUTS

I’m calling an emergency meeting. Everyone in my office. It's the one past the Tahitian secretary and the framed poster of Immortal breathing fire at one of their gigs.

WE ARE FRIGHTENED. AND CONFUSED. AND CONFUSED AND FRIGHTENED.

We need to discuss the role and presence of Asian women in porn. Frankly, there aren’t nearly enough of them, and I’m pointing to my overhead graph here, contrasting the disparity of porn-buying males' interest in Asian chicks getting fucked and actual, said Asian chicks.

Let me rephrase that. There aren’t enough GOOD Asian chicks in porn.

But there are a bunch of babes in third world Asia. Look no farther than Thailand. I mean, some of the creme of the crop sluts in porn today are either Thai or pretend to be (hint: they all have "Thai" in their stage names). We know from DEEP AND MEANINGFUL PERSONAL experiences that the going rate to get laid in Thailand ranges from $20 to $50. So why not make movies in Thailand? How much more dangerous than Brazil can it be? Wait, don’t answer that.

So, thank you, Video Team, for getting the ball rolling. PATPONG ANGELS takes place in Thailand, with all Thai girls. Great. But not.

To rattle off exhibits A-F:

1) chicks that don’t know how to fuck.
2) footage of clothed cameramen trying to get the silly girls to do what they're supposed to.
c) looks of fear.
a) looks of confusion (even worse than above)
5) WAY TOO MUCH dildo fu.
F) even more too much dildo fu in light of the fact that, in about 30 percent of the scenes, the dildo is far more lucky than the poor saps in this movie who watch the dildo do its thing while the dudes look on.

Seriously, now, can't we get Thai girls to actually get laid in movies about Thai girls who get laid? How much more would it cost? What, an extra 50 bucks?

Also, they must not have invented anal sex in the third world. Some of the men might have gotten some funny, fuzzy ideas, though. Scene one has the reluctant hero of the video, the dildo, make its tentative way into the ass of the girl, who comes to her senses about 15 seconds later. No more forays for the rest of the feature.

Ok, look. We need some focus and application. Go out there with some real porn stars and some real cash, get some real sluts who know how to fuck (ahhh... if only they raised Asian orphans in Eastern Europe), and get some proper editors. PATPONG ANGELS is a good start, but crashes and burns within a few minutes. -- STEELY ROB

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FRESH PORN BABES #1

Puritan

Rating: FOUR "I Hide The Fact I Wear A Diaper" BUSTED NUTS

I think I might have prostate cancer sometimes.

I was standing in line at the grocery thinking about how this DVD is directed by JEWEL DE'NYLE and how she does a white-hot girl-on-girl with MASON STORM when I realized getting the boner under the harsh florescent lights had caused me to wet my pants again. It might have been because I was drunk. Or it might be because the little asian bitch KITTY in this DVD is lately weighing heavy on my ailing gray matter. The point is I don't fucking know.

J. LO'S MUCH, MUCH BETTER EVIL FUCKING TWIN

Anyway, Kitty has recently seemed to be everywhere these days and she is probably as close as you're going to get to seeing a barely ILLEGAL girl take cock pornstar style. I mean if you can get past the first few minutes and that mental adjustment that you're going to need to make, it gets sorta hot. Then if you pretend she is a boy with his penis tucked behind his legs it gets even hottter...but not in a gay way.

There is a lot of bonus stuff, including a "behind-the-scenes" piece that is really fascinating. You wouldn't think porn location shoots would be so emotionally warm and filled with love and healthy human dynamics. But you also wouldn’t think I was gay because I get tears in my eyes at the thought that Bob from Sesame Street never returned my letters when I was a kid. I should take that fucking guy's poster down off my wall one of these days.

The fact that this is directed so well by De’nyle who you get to see eating Storms bologna triangle makes it worth pulling on those smart gucci loafers, pulling up your diaper and reaching for that credit card. JUST DO IT. -- T-BONE SANTA

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http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/202723.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

LEGAL TENDER #2

Madness Pictures

Rating: FOUR "She's Going Fucking Shopping!!!" BUSTED NUTS

Now we are talking. I mean, now we are fucking. LEGAL TENDER my fat, white ass, but what we DO have here is a bunch of quality old school fucking by folk who

(a) know how to do it (for the camera) and
(b) know how to (look like) they enjoy it.

AHHH. WE LOVE THEM JEW BROADS!!! L'CHAIM, BABY!!!

Maybe it’s a little bit camp but an old-fashioned bitch like me loves this shit. I mean, I challenge you to try to improve on the pizza delivery boy scenario. I mean what we want from our porn is a sexy chick with real tits wearing a rah-rah skirt, sitting around reading Nancy Drew books and gagging for it, when LO AND MOTHERFUCKING BEHOLD a guy rings the doorbell sporting an extra large pepperoni.

BINGO!

And thus repeateth thou scenario, ad infinitum, but with full marks for enthusiasm and vigor in every sense.

So we have :

1) CHRISTIE LEE, who ALMOST looks like she could actually be 19, and Tony Tedeschi, who looks like he could actually be about 50 but probably is actually a pizza delivery boy, doing what any good pepperoni handler should be.

2) AUGUST and BARRET BLADE in a fairly standard stripper sucks the living cock off quasi rock-star dude bit.

3) DANA VESPOLI, possibly the filthiest lass here, in a cheerleader locker room scenario with BRANDON IRON that includes...a badminton...wait for it... COCK...yes, that is really what it's called...inserted into all our favorite orifices...gimme an A...N....etc...

4) ROXY JEZEL, some backstreet British bint (you really must explore the stunning "DVD extras" for an insight into this beauty’s fabulous cranimum) in a patient/doctor fuckathon.

FINAL CLUE: if you want to get down to the video fandango with your lady, just play the Christie Lee and Dana Vespoli bits (in that order...very importantly IN THAT ORDER) and if she ain't diggin’ it, then resign yourself to the fact that porn shall forever be What You Do When She Goes Shopping. Sorry, fella. -- MISSES PINK

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http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/209054.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SKULLGAME RETURNS WITH UNQUENCHABLE RAGE & BELIEF IN THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWERS OF VIOLENCE: SHOW US A MAN WHO HASN'T GOTTEN HIS ASS KICKED AND WE'LL SHOW YOU A MAN WHO NEEDS AN ASSKICKING. PLUS: MORE MOLLY RINGWALD NUDES!!!

With the recently returned ITALIAN SAL away in Fallujah and VINNIE ROSE away on vacation MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME was kept alive solely by the kindness of strangers who read the same jokes over and over again like they were going to suddenly get better. We salute you.

DON'T YOU GET IT, YOU STUPID ASS?!?! HE PUT HIS COCK IN THE SOUP!!!! WELL I GUESS WE JUST GOT DIFFERENT SENSES OF HUMOR THEN. ASSHOLE. JESUS H. CHRIST.

VINNIE'S ROSE'S VACATION: A MODEST PROPOSAL

WHERE HE HAD PLANNED TO GO: A WITNESS TO SLUTTERY

BAJA (SkullGame) -- It was recently reported today that SKULLGAME's VINNIE ROSE, whose erstwhile attempts at vacationing have been uncovered as mere red herrings for time well served, especially if by well served you mean fighting off anal rape.

WHERE HE WENT: MUCH STRONGER THAN HE LOOKS, CELLIE CALEB WAVING GOODBYE. WITH HIS TONGUE.

Citing precedent SkullGame Jihadist HABIB said "Vacation my fucking ass, what kind of vacation would a man like YOU go on? It sure as fuck wouldn't be to North Dakota, or even fucking Disneyland, and definitely not a cruise...oh wait. By vacation you meant traveling to the ends of the fucking earf [sic] for pussy. Well, then carry on."

But a visibly flustered Rose was quoted as saying, "sometimes a vacation is just a vacation and sometimes it's a little time off to fucking think at the WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR GODDAMNED PROBLEM? WILLOWS Rehab Center where I am glad to say that I've made a full recovery. Especially if by recovery you mean "a better plan to avoid detection and capture next time."

ITALIAN SAL RETURNS FROM FALLUJAH: ALIVE!!!

WE CAN PUT THE BUTTS IN THE SEATS. YOU WANT EYES, WE GOT EYES. AND A 10 PERCENT MARKET SHARE. CAN WE DEAL?

Arabian Peninsula (SkullGame) -- In an incredible confluence of radical religion, unique visitors and Internet beheadings the Islamist website AlAnsar, the authors of such award-winning content as the NICK BERG, PAUL JOHNSON and recently KIM SUN IL beheadings, will be stepping out on Easy Street with a financial first: their own Initial Public Offering (IPO).

IN A FINAL FLARE OF DEFIANCE DANIEL PEARL TOUTS A NIKE SALES CIRCULAR

Representatives of Internet powerhouses like AMAZON and EBay have been scouring trash strewn streets from Riyadh to Ramadi looking for someone, ANYONE to meet with. Desperate to place banner ads on the next Internet beheading, the digital behemoths are trying to pre-position themselves for the windfall of hits and subsequent ancillary cash streams that come with them when the next beheading hits the net like a head bouncing off the bottom of a dusty basket or garbage-strewn floor.

Subsequently, news of three Turkish workers kidnapped on Friday took the Nasdaq by storm fueling the electric dreams and aspirations of many a venture capitalist with a resounding: "You can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs."

Indeed.

SKULLGAME READERSHIP SAYS "FUCK GEOPOLITICAL HUMOR. GIVE US TITS. SPECIFICALLY MOLLY RINGWALD'S TITS."

COUNTDOWN TO THE ASHLEY TWINS' TITS: T MINUS THREE MORE BAD MOVIES AND COUNTING...

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Because Pretty in Pink star MOLLY RINGWALD always seemed slightly retarded we, the SkullGame readership, rank seeing her nude up there with midgets and amputee porn. It is because of this that we read SkullGame. Not this other bullshit. But tits, tits, tits. And neo-nazi humor. And tits.

Thank you for taking the time to take the time.

Also, if you could, would you let everyone know that we largely feel the same way about CHRISTINA RICCI.

THANK GOD FOR SKULLGAME.

WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT?!?!

Yo Vinnie,
My man won't eat pussy. I've tried cajoling, bribing and even the point blank approach of asking him direct. And he's done it every now and then, but it's like he's doing me a favor. So therefore it sucks. Suggestions?--M.T. (by email)

THERE'S ALWAYS ONE GUY THAT'S GOT TO GO TOTALLY FUCKING OVERBOARD WITH SHIT. THAT GUY IS THIS ONE. RELAX, COWBOY.

Dear Mrs. Allergic To Cats: Dump this motherfucker. Best and simplest advice I ever gave. I mean why is it that women will suffer with substandard sex for years and years and years and then need like a personal audience with OPRAH before they figure out that "yes, it IS, that goddamned important." And to the guys out there who are making faces like JAMIL, listen, try to square yourself with hearing these words --"I will never ever suck your cock. Ever."-- and see how that sits with you. I mean shit, look, if she could do it herself she would, but she can't, so help the fuck out. It's totally worth it. Especially if by worth it you mean "I Like Blowjobs."

And that would be GETTING them and not GIVING them, MR. DAVE DIETRICH. I mean if you're reading this.

YOUNG RIPE MELLONS #4

They're ripe. They're young. And

they are fucking MELLONACIOUS!

134811

EXPLOSIONS

Mayhem

Rating: FOUR "Accountants And Digital Video Editors Love Compilations" BUSTED NUTS

Fast forward to the pop shot...the money shot. OK, OK, let's see her take a load on the grill. Fast forward. Fast forward. Fast, fast, fast!!!

No need, pal.

See, it’s all pop shots. All bitches taking load after load on the grill. Plenty a biznatch looking like a straight-up glazed donut for all our viewing, and jacking, pleasure. Did I mention "jacking"? And "viewing"? And "pleasure"? I think I did.

AURORA SNOW PREPARING FOR A TOTALLY PREDICTABLE EXPLOSION OF COCONUT MATTER

Fucking exploding like bombs and shit, everything bombing and blowing up all over the place like fucking Fallujah. Yeah, yeah, a little quick on the draw on some scenes by ways of editing and then lingering a bit too long on others, for example the old cum gargle, among other niche shots. But you will see lots of anal cream pies, cum swapping, sucking, finger painting and many other things that will make a high school guidance counselor squirm in his chair. While he looks at you and tries to advise you on which goddamned shop class to take.

And these hot-ass bitches aren’t smart, but hey, they don’t have to be either. -- ITALIAN SAL

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http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/204333.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

WOMEN OF COLOR #6

Anabolic Digital

Rating: My Little, Tiny Dick And The FIVE BUSTED NUTS

CRIS TALIANA will, with the magic of DVD magic, convert your humble fucking abode into the corner sticky-floored porn shop possibly and appropriately named BACHELOR BOOKS, with the able assistance of WOMEN OF COLOR #6. So for all you guys who like the many rainbow flava bitches of the world, SAM GENOA gives us a delicious heaping handful. Several sistas, a Puerta Rican lovely and asian CRIS TALIANA. A veritable U.N. of unstoppable fuckitaction.

PULLING PISTOL ON THE CRISTAL

But I, I, I loved watching Cris devour two, two...well, very beautiful, large cocks. These are cocks (and I don't mean that in a GAY way...I don't think). Totallly, not like mine which is tiny like a little, dwarf thumb. I, I, I...have not been able to get the little fella to be very interested in much since I touched tongues with that man in the bus station bathroom accidentally. It was a TOTAL accident! He also touched my gentles too. It made me feel funny in a odd way that only asian girls seem to counter because they remind me of little boys.

But I digress. Watching CRIS dig in, with her naughty little eyes and her lapping tongue made the wee cosmonaut come alive for a while. Bus station or NO bus station.

Six strong scenes and lots of extras included as well, like some strong deleted scenes, and a cum reel makes this one for any guy struggling to not cry like a little sissy in a pink children's bathing suit because the boys are picking on him again. -- T-BONE SANTA

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http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/204038.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

WELCOME TO THE GODDAMNED HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH: MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME--WHERE BLOWJOBS ARE FLOWN FREELY FROM THE EAGER LIPS OF KATHY WOODS, CONGRESSMEN TURN THEIR WIVES INTO FUCK SLUTS & MADDOX COUNTERS GAY EXPERT TIM FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA

On the verge of taking a much-needed vacation after last week's drunken vacation, SKULLGAME leaves to lovely Las Vegas on Thursday to do a much-needed vacation photo session with the much-needed GIA LASHAY who, despite the name IS NOT a tranny. We don't think...

DOESN'T SHE LOOK LIKE A FUCKING KEEBLER ELF? WITH REALLY, REALLY BIG TITS?

YOU CAN'T SPELL DISNEYLAND WITHOUT S-U-C-K

SKULLGAME READER DAVE OWENS, IN WHITE T-SHIRT, AT THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

ANAHEIM (SkullGame) -- The multihued Southern California theme park, resplendent with bright oranges, shocking reds and motley flaggings of all manner of jackanapery, has recently outfitted THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN ride to offer thrills, chills and double-knuckled blowjobs to anyone associated with SkullGame.

Park representative Marc Danzig said today in a prepared press release that "Johnny Depp has been such an inspiration to us all that we thought it only fitting to have a ride that celebrated his great cinematic accomplishment of providing venues for SkullGame writers to relax and unwind in."

And by unwind we suspect he means "get head from KATHY WOODS."

SKULLGAME STAFFER ANIMAL THUG WITH COCK IN THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH: KATHY WOODS' MOUTH.

Said SkullGame staffer ENGLISH BOB, "I plan to ride all day. Or as long as the coconuts hold out."

Cheerio, Bob.

REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN HOPES TO BUOY ECONOMY WITH AN INCREASE IN WIFE'S PUBLICLY DELIVERED SUCKJOBS

JERI LYNN RYAN SAYS "YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A GENIUS TO FIGURE OUT THAT 1000 BLOWJOBS WILL NOT IMPROVE OUR ECONOMY." GOOD THING YOU'RE NO GENIUS THEN, JERI

CHICAGO (SkullGame) -- THE former wife of U.S. Republican Senate candidate JACK RYAN delivered a soundly measured Thumbs Down censure to his erstwhile plan to buoy Republican economic programs by racheting up her daily number of sexclub suckjobs.

JERI LYNN RYAN (above), an actress best known for roles on the TV series Boston Public and Star Trek: Voyager, said in court documents that she angered Ryan by refusing to sign on for what seemed to be an economic policy held together solely on the basis of coconuts, coconut oil and hastily administered knobjobs.

She did acknowledge an alternate program, which she said took place after their marriage was irretrievably broken, of increasing Third World access to as many jobs as Ramon the poolboy could endure, thereby driving up Ramon's GNP, or Gross Nut Production, by 38.6 percent.

Jack Ryan, a millionaire investment banker-turned-teacher, stands by his calculations. And frankly so do we.

POINT-COUNTERPOINT: THE RELATIVE GAYNESS OF CRUISE

AN UNDOCTORED PIC

MADDOX SAYS: For those of you who don't remember, "Top Gun" was the movie about a bunch of guys who stand around high-fiving each other for about 90 minutes. The movie focuses on some loser named "Maverick" who penetrates deep into the coveted veil of the top gun academy of smug, sexually frustrated aviators.

I know many of you reading this will probably think I'm exaggerating when I say this (since I exaggerate everything, except for my manliness which is enviable), but there were no fewer than 500 shower scenes in this movie. The wardrobe for this film must have consisted of a towel, a jump suit, and 50 pages of gay innuendo, because the rest of the time Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer were walking around naked eyeing each other's packages.

Then as if the director didn't think all the high-fiving and shower scenes were suggestive enough, there was a gratuitous scene in which all the guys got oiled up and played volleyball. Every few minutes I half-expected to see Cruise and Kilmer lock lips to a ballad of "It's Raining Men."

If you remember having good memories of this movie, then it was probably because you were too young to know what was going on, or an idiot. Don't bother resurrecting this classic to prove I'm right.

GAY EXPERT TIM FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA CREATIVE SERVICES, ALSO KNOWN AS SKULLGAME'S T-BONE SANTA, DISAGREES: I, I simply disagree. If one man wants to offer up a zestily delivered back rub to his male friend after a long day of very competitive unisex beach volleyball well by all means he should. It doesn't mean he's gay. I do it all the time.

And how gay am I?

SECRET SINS

Digital G Entertainment

Rating: TWO & A HALF "Thank God For Co-Stars" BUSTED NUTS

Bad Stars.
Bad Plot (simply because it attempts to have one).
Bad Music.

Maybe the "secret" that's mentioned in the title of this film refers to the fact that somewhere amongst this giant turd of porn clichés lay a few golden nuggets. Specifically co-stars TAYLOR ST. CLAIRE (playing doubles with AVA VINCENT and two "card sharks") and MICHELLE RAVEN, who deserves an Oscar for her blowjob performance in the scene prior with the geezer with the wee willy...if only they ALL were as goddamned convincing at convincingly sucking cock.

WE'D LIKE IT KNOWN THAT WE'D FUCK AVA VINCENT UNDER ALMOST ANY FUCKING CIRCUMSTANCE UP TO AND INCLUDING GAY EXPERT TONY T. HANGING AROUND

But both ladies lend a killer work ethic and some fantastic eye candy to this otherwise mediocre fuck flick. If only the rest of the cast where this…ahem..motivated. Certainly decent as a rental, but then again so was GIGLI if only to stare at J. LO's ass. -- ANIMAL THUG

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http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/129817.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ROCCO'S FUCKING FUNNY

Evil Angel

Rating: TWO "Funny As A Fucking Crutch" BUSTED NUTS

I’ll tell you what is fucking funny. What is fucking funny is how much fucking money Rocco must have paid these, ultimately very choice, specimens of the female anatomy to have sex with him. What is not fucking funny, is anything about the fucking on this DVD. I personally have seen more funny fucking when I walked in on my dog fucking next door’s cat. Now THAT was fucking funny.

For whatever reason, Rocco thinks that some conceptually underdeveloped story line involving him and KID JAMAICA is going to elevate this sorry tale and ... yeah exactly, I’m fucking asleep already, too.

JUDY, JUDY, JUDY...

So,whatever...Rocco and the Kid are in some cheap ass European city where all the chicks are gorgeous, don’t know better, and whose entire grasp of the English language consists of "I like, I like." Yeah, I bet you like having some Dutch freak in a paisley vest slap your face with his cock. I only mention this because it’s obviously Rocco’s signature move...that and repeating "come on nasty" over and over. Which I am sure is entirely accurate and appropriate, given the circumstances.

Worth mentioning, for it's sheer unmotherfuckingbelieveability, is the "scene" in which Kid Jamaica is (I think...work with me here) apparently doing some kind of stand-up comedy in a bar full of transvestites and ...err... a pride... of masturbating Austrian blokes (bad hair, short, thick cocks, leather pants, sunglasses...Austrians, right?) which, by way of a lesbian strap-on session, culminates in JUDY WHITE collecting a spunk facial from about 10 guys (aforementioned "Austrians"). Look, I can't connect the dots either, and who the fuck cares?

Cue Kid Jamaica in drag and some Scandinavian bitches all bondaged up suburban poolside, and no I am not making this shit up, and yeah Rocco sure is fucking funny alright. If only Rocco had the sense to stay behind the camera , no one would be laughing because with the likes of ANGELICA, TIFFANY, and whoever that strap-on-weilding Viking slut is...we’d all have our mouths too fucking full to be saying anything. -- MISSES PINK

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http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/206537.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

TRANSLATION: I HAVE YET TO BONE HER.

Lenny Kravitz says he’s happy Courtney Love is his neighbor--because she runs around naked. Kravitz said that Courtney was an "exciting neighbour to have." He continued: "You open the elevator and she's naked in there. The doorman will say: 'She was naked, running through the lobby.'" "It's great, you know? Adds a little excitement to the building. She's a sweetheart. She’s got her stuff, but when you sit and just talk with her, there's a very intelligent, beautiful person inside."

MORE FAMOUS TA TA'S

VCA

Rating: FOUR "Tits So Big They Could Kill You" BUSTED NUTS

Man. I am FUCKED up. That malt fucking liquor is no joke. "Come on, CORN, have a sip," they said. "Yo, yo CORN, dust that shit off." All for what? To celebrate me reaching my Ho-Centennial, which is, if you didn't know, the day that I made my 100,000th dollar off of my 100th ho. It's a big deal and I'd be surprised if you HADN'T heard of it. But what with all the honors and motherfucking accolades, I gots to drinking and forgot that since switching to sherm I ain't able to drink like I used to. So's I'm toe up from de flo up.

AUNT PEG HOLDING KAY PARKER'S PONTOONS. BIG. BIG. PONTOONS.

Which is how I noticed MORE FAMOUS TATAS'S. I was stretched out on the shag and when I rolled over on the remote channel shit this fucking thing came on. At first I thought it was a news show. But there was way too much fucking for that. And then I thought it was one of my personal training videos that I use. But five minutes into it I swear to St. Crooked I D-E-S I thought I was watching the Zapruder film because conspiracy was all up in this shit.

Dig it. Every single ho in this bitch had big tay tays. And that's when I put two and 15 together and figured out that MORE FAMOUS TA TA's was the name of the game and there I was front and center to every big set of boulders in the world: KITTEN NATIVIDAD, HONEY WILDER, CHRISTY CANYON, SEKA, KAY PARKER and so on and so goddamned forth.

Big. Giant. Tay Tays.

It was like heaven. I mean except for the vomit that managed to ruin my shag, my suit and the general drape of my interior design scheme.

But that had nothing to do with the udders, baby. Nothing at all. -- CORNHOLIO

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http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/morefmstata.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ASS DRIVEN VOL. 1

Madness Pictures

Rating: FOUR "Making Ass Blastery As Good As It Sounds" BUSTED NUTS

Yeah!

This is that SYLVESTER STALLONE movie. The one about the Formula 1 Race car driver, you know, the one that doesn't suck. Well, that doesn't suck a lot.

Oh yeah, let me just kick back for some nitrous burning, gear-crunching action.

Wait a minute. There is an ass on the screen that's not Sly.

Hold on, that's MOLLY RINGWALD.

LOOK AT OUR LITTLE GIRL MOLLY. ALL GROWED UP AND UNREGENERATELY SLUTTY

No, no that CAN'T be Molly Ringwald. I seen Sixteen Candles and this bitch looks like she is about to service Sixteen Inches.

Yup, I know who that is now. That’s America’s girl next door, PASON. God I love that title, girl next door. If that red-headed bitch lived next door to me...

...I'D BE IN JAIL NOW

But I digress. Madness Pictures brings a little something, something to the table with ASS DRIVEN VOLUME 1. While it's not the Sylvester Stallone movie DRIVEN that I was expecting, there is certainly at least as much sucking in ASS DRIVEN.

But batting second is VICTORIA SIN. This little must-see slob is fine as all get out. Black hair, black boots and a black-studded belt. You will be all to willing to forget the fact that she is doing a scene with that toe-sucking faggot TONY TEDESCHI.

The rest of the line-up is just as stellar as the first two slobs: you got MASON STORM, HALEY and MICHELLE B. rounding out the ol' pentagon of poon. Gentleman, start your engines. -- ITALIAN SAL

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/208802.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

HELLCATS #3

Evil Angel

Rating: FOUR "Shit So Good It Sells Itself" BUSTED NUTS

"Hey Vinnie?"

"Yeah?"

"What's foreplay?"

"Foreplay? Oh that's the few seconds after I take my pants off before I start fucking you. You know, when I'm looking at myself in the mirror."

"Oh."

Glad to fucking clear that up. So's maybe now I could essplain it to our past fan favorite and director Mr. JOEY SILVERA by saying cut to the fucking chase, jack. Less talking, more fucking, and stop asking these bitches how old they are. TEAGAN's 18! 18! 18! We fucking got it...even though given the motherfucking lay of his land vis a vis hot bitches, it would have to be said that NO one could fuck up this movie.

LOVELY RITA METER MAID ABOUT TO GET HER TICKET PUNCHED

NO ONE. (Though it should be said that Silvera tries: schoolgirl shit, girl scout shit, nurse shit is fucking played.)

Not only does Teagan look like a hotter, non-bitch-on-wheels version of THE DOCTOR'S ex-wife, also known by THE DOCTOR as The Slattern, but she takes loads on the face which, to my knowledge the ex-MRS. DOCTOR never did. And this ain't even the highlight.

Try:
1) a big loogie in HEATHER GABLE's face and the line "how you like THAT surf?" after she admitted to being into surfing? Or alternately Ms. Gables telling America "I'm a stupid, stupid, stupid slut." You don't say.
2) SATIVA ROSE crying real tears of joy
3) the fucking uber-fucktastic KATIN and CRIS TALIANA getting dueling mouthfuls of French fries from a Frenchman who managed to take some time out of his busy schedule of surrendering to German soldiers and such to fuck these ho's. Ho's, it should be noted, that should be fucked by me. Forever.
4) RITA FALTOYANO's scene comes very nearly close to earthly perfection and is marred only by the hated specter of two dicks in one mouth.
5) "Death by BLOWJOB!!!" and finally
6) ALEX DEVINE looking for all the world like the slightly piggy sorority slut who sloppily sucks your sausage and then screams WOO HOO when you blow on her blouse.

Yeah. NOBODY could fuck that up. -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/205518.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

SKULLGAME'S ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP (UFC) SPECIAL WHEREIN WE GO DEEP, DEEP, DEEP INTO VICIOUS NEWS AND VIEWS ABOUT AMERICA'S GREATEST SPORT. COME BACK ON WEDNESDAY IF IT'S PORN YOU WANT. TODAY WE'RE IN THE FUCKING FIGHT CLUB!!!!

IF I TOLD YOU ONCE I TOLD YOU 1000 TIMES: READ SKULLGAME, BITCH!


So we were sitting around getting high and Sal says "we love ho's. But we love fighting too. We should start putting fight shit on SKULLGAME." Then we all ignored him until like two months later when we were sitting around getting high and I said "I have a GREAT idea, we love ho's. But we love fighting too. We should start putting fight shit on SKULLGAME." Then we went back to getting high and fucking ho's and finally someone said "say weren't you guys going to start doing fight stuff?" And so here we are. And as soon as we're NOT high anymore (AS IF) we're going to start, um, you know. Doing more stuff like this. And fuck you if you don't like it. Oh yeah. Pictures were lifted from our good friends at www.sherdog.com--VINNIE ROSE

UFC 48: PAY BACK, PUNCHES, PARTIES AND PUSSY

I AIN'T GAY. YOU THINK I'M GAY?!? IF I WAS GAY WOULD I BE HERE STANDING STARING SMOKILY INTO YOUR DREAMY EYES?!?! HUNH??!?!

LAS VEGAS (ITALIAN SAL reporting): This UFC weekend, what with the whole premise of UFC 48 being "Pay Back," couldn’t have started out more controversial. Well yes. Yes it could. Like if, for instance, one competitor's coach started flooding the webwaves with purportedly GAY footage of one competitor or another, and then began taunting him at the weigh-in with Daisy Dukes' shorts.

Nah.

A little background for you though: Each of the night’s main events had some controversy surrounding it, whether it be a ref stoppage that came too early--in EVAN TANNER vs. PHIL BARONI--which devolved into ref fightage. Or a swift kick in the nuts: in FRANK TRIGG vs. DENNIS HALLMAN. The main event, however had no controversy in its makings, SHAMROCK submitted KIMO in their earlier contest via knee bar, while Shamrock clearly showed the injuries of his victories all over his face, Kimo DID tap out.

Obviously, my being a Jiu-Jitsu guy colors my commentary. However making a decision to "tap out" is a conscious act that will have the intended effect of removing oneself from a potentially, or certainly dangerous, situation.

THE WEIGH INS

THE PANTSLESS MATT LINDLAND SEEKING APPROVAL FOR A CLOTHING CHOICE

In what turned out to be one of the biggest inside jokes of the year MATT LINDLAND of Team Quest threw a pair of "Daisy Dukes" shorts at PHIL "I'M NOT GAY" BARONI immediately before the weigh in for himself and Team Quest fighter EVAN TANNER. The shorts were a reference to the recently surfaced video, recently surfaced by Lindland himself, who apparently spends a fair amount of time trawling gay websites, featuring none other than PHIL "THE NEW YORK BAD ASS" BARONI, showing his "bad ass" among other things in a "Body Worship" video.

I'M NOT GAY!!! AND TO SHOW YOU HOW NOT GAY I AM, I WILL FLEX MY RIPPLY MUSCLE FOR ALL YOU MEN

Body Worship videos are produced for gay men as a sexual aid (Jack OFF material). The New York Bad Ass appeared in the video during his days as a bodybuilder to make money and was all too unexcited to see it come back making him appear all-too-gay wearing shorts laughingly, if not disturbingly, gay and similar to the ones being held aloft by Lindland during the Weigh Ins.

The FRANK TRIGG vs. DENNIS HALLMAN was not without humor either.

I'LL SHOW YOU SOME FUCKING NUT KICKING

When approached by Trigg for the post-weigh-in face off Hallman covered his nuts as an apparent and not lost to the crowd reference to Triggs very hard and apparently intentional hit below the belt on Hallman during their first face off in the WFA. Trigg not at all as amused as the rest of the audience and press in attendance whispered something to Hallman that referenced kicking something that would not be his nuts. Interesting Frank Trigg side note is that Trigg is generously sponsored by a friend of SKULLGAME: VINCE VOUYER of Red Light District Video. You see, it all comes together in the end.

TWO SENIOR CITIZENS--KIMO AND SHAMROCK--COMPLETELY IGNORING THE WOMAN WE LOVE

Oh yeah. And the KIMO vs. SHAMROCK was the more standard "Pro Boxing" type weigh-in, wherein the apparent disdain between the fighters prior to their fight precluded any kind of friendly back and forth.

Check back Wednesday for the fight reportage and Friday for after party “reportage.”

SUICIDE. MURDER. WHATEVER THE FUCK.

Joseph Micale, 34, of Syracuse New York has been charged with the killing of his wife. He is being held on $50,000 cash bail, or $100,000 bond. Micale called the police to his home saying that his wife Maureen Micale, 37, had commited suicide after an argument. The police say, however, that the evidence at the scene was not consistent with suicide. Furthermore, the police say that Micale admitted to them that he had wrapped a telephone cord around his wife's neck to enhance their sex.

BRANDON IRON'S I LOVE IT ROUGH #3

It's gonna be rougher & tougher

but we ain't gonna suffer

138573

NICE AZZ TITS #5

West Coast Productions

Rating: THREE "Nice And Big" BUSTED NUTS

I love these motherfuckers at West Coast. Love them, jack. They make motherfucking pictures like FRED "THE HAMMER" WILLIAMSON. One camera, one mic, one shot. Good luck, your goddamned check is in the fruit bowl by the front door.

Shit.

And see they pull that jedi-pimp shit with this one. I mean is it an AZZ picture or a TITS picture? And what's the deal with INSATIABLE'S tits? Neither NICE or AZZ. And her busting a fot azz gots to be capped. But that shit is the genius that is West Coast: they do not give a good goddamned.

NOT HER, BUT YOU GET THE FUCKING GENERAL IDEA

And with biznatches like SUNSHINE and chuchifrito girl MERCEDES, especially Mercedes with a mouth on her like she got her home training in the state pen, well let me just say that I almost felt like I was at home again.

Long live Bertha Butt, her tay tays and her Azz, too. No question. -- CORNHOLIO

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/206643.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

HOMEGROWN VIDEO #596: BLOOPERS

Homegrown

Rating: TWO "Gazing Into The Gaping Maw Of Our Empty Souls" BUSTED NUTS

Goddamned CLOWNS ARE NOT FUNNY!

No, no, 1000 times NO, there is nothing in the slightest bit amusing about grown men in make up...and vids invariably glossed with the moniker BLOOPERS won't amuse you in the slightest. Just like they didn't amuse US in the slightest.

And we're easily fucking amused. I mean Jesus Christ we'll laugh at old people stumbling down stairs. But, yes, apparently we WON'T crack a smile for the following:

1) guys with horseshoes hanging from their cocks
2) girls farting while they're getting fucked
3) cameras getting knocked down
4) babies crying in the background while a TV blares Jerry Springer

HAHAHAHAHAHA....IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS! YES, IN FACT IT GETS MUCH, MUCH, MUCH WORSE.

5) dogs wandering into frame and licking cooch, accidentally
6) guys jerking themselves into their own mouths
7) broads dragging ass nuggets out of their crapholes with over-excited dildos
7) a 55-year old New York broad named Sarah Bernhardt with a shotgun doing her best DeNiro while she talks to the camera in a suicide hotel room and says while masturbating her bruised body "Um. Your balls are sweet."

These are none of our favorite things.

In fact the fact that this video lines had 595 previous fucking renderings make us hate them about as much as we hate life right now.

Which is to say a lot.

THAT being said, this is a MUST-buy....for people whom you despise about as much as we hate the people who made this. --VINNIE ROSE

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/123400.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ANAL SECURITY SQUAD

Caballero

Rating: FOUR "We Can Plug Her Ass Better Than It Was Plugged Before" BUSTED NUTS

Man, you close your eyes for a half a second and all the fucking cultural reference points just disappear right the fuck from under you.

Translation: if you were born the year this movie was made you just got your driver's license and you have no idea that BIONCA, one of the film fucks caught fucking in this film, has a name that's either a play on BIONIC, as in STEVE AUSTIN. Or BIANCA, as in the coked-to-the-gills Nicaraguan who used to be married to that white British Negro MICK JAGGER.

See what we mean?!?!

You just don't know. You just don't goddamned know.

BARBII? WE HARDLY KNEW YE. THAT ASS? YES. BUT YOU? NO.

And this flick is the rare fucking fuck flick because it features what we call one of those One Hit Wonders. That is, those broads who, for a time, stumbled into LA, made a few films, maybe only one of note, and then disappeared back into the wilds of the Minnesota strip and a lifetime of hoping nobody noticed.

That would be TRACI LORDSESQUE, BARBII. A lot like BAMBI WOODS, she deserved to be around a lot longer, especially if by a lot longer you mean exactly 342 loads longer, but ah well. She's in this fucking potboiler with RENEE MORGAN, JOHN LESLIE and RANDY WEST before he started looking like one big, golfing, fucking carcinoma.

And the marginal plot is a doozy: in the future Ass Fucking is verboten and a jackbooted and motorcycle helmeted thug collective, the Anal Security Squad, or A.S.S., tries to crush "rectal recreationists" and largely fails. Agent BARBII infiltrates the Anal Underground and gets a Bastille Day run on her fine ass and then she leads a revolution to secure the rights of all Americans to ass reaming she figures they so richly deserve.

Which is comical in the extreme since that presently seems to be the government's job. But ah well. Let freedom and ass fucking reign.--VINNIE ROSE

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/4588.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ASSAULT THAT ASS #4

Red Light District

Rating: THREE "You're Fired" BUSTED NUTS

I won't keep those of you who are reading this review with the actual intent of choosing visual accompaniment to your pud-pounding waiting any longer:

Buy this video for the first scene, in which MELISSA LAUREN, who looks like an angel constructed out of marshmallow creme, bobbles and slides through her act as if she would do it for free on her day off. She is utterly delectable.

SCRUMPSKAGDIDDLICIOUS MELISSA LAUREN

A couple of the other scenes are pretty good as well--run off now, you Philistine, and buy your smut.

For the aesthetes, which is a Greek word for fag, we have this: all of what is dog-headed about this movie.

Where do I start? Firstly, it's so tedious being me, what with the entire aesthetic and ethical framework of western civilization bearing upon my amazingly broad and well-configured shoulders. It's so tedious being me that I feel I must impart to those who are not me exactly WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE AMERICAN PORNO INDUSTRY, and by extension, THE WORLD.

Because I know, and I can sense those of you with knowledge nodding silently along with me while you read this review. OK, I realize that there are basic mechanical requirements for making a porno film. The director/cameraman must establish rapport with the performers, et cetera.

IT IS NOT NECESSARY, NOR EVEN ACCEPTABLE, TO INCLUDE THAT SHIT IN THE FILM!

I do not want to find myself savoring Ms. Lauren's almost unintelligible comments mumbled through about a quart of man-milk, when suddenly ROBBY FISCHER is "interviewing" the homely JORDAN STYLES.

So, let me say this: asking boring questions in a condescending "I'm talking to a senile old lady" tone and then repeating every answer as if the "interview-ee" is incapable of enunciating clearly enough for the microphone to pick up her (totally inconsequential and utterly mendacious) reply DOES NOT QUALIFY AS ENTERTAINMENT.

I certainly don't want to have my, umm, personal time interrupted with that crap. So unless you can prove to me that the bulk of the audience is frantically
pummeling their pork during these awful interludes, do what it is a "director" is supposed to do, and cut that piece of film out and let it fall to the floor.

Ibid, the entire scene with that trainwreck TERRIL. As boring as her "interview" was, at least she lets us know that she doesn't like fucking, doesn't like anal, and really just wants the money so she can get the fuck out of there.

Where the hell is Donald Trump when we need him?--THE DOCTOR

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/208482.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

THE SKULLGAME GRAB-BAG OF FLAMING SHIT THAT WAS HELD BACK FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER BUT WHICH WILL NOW SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY BECAUSE WE'RE GETTING AN EARLY WEEKEND START ON DRUNKENESS

Brought to you by our proud sponsors at Canandaigua Wine and BumWines, WILD IRISH ROSE is sure to light a fire of drunken rage in your soul.

HAPPY GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING ST. GODDAMNED PATTYS DAY!!!

YES. THEY ARE STILL ANGRY AT "ED".

"ED," CODE NAME FOR DAVE DIETRICH, IS STILL LARGELY DISLIKED IN SMALL OHIO TOWN

MAUMEE, OHIO (SkullGame) -- Despite the overwhelming fiction that the so-called heartland of America is a warm welcoming place full of the salt of the fucking earth, one Maumee, Ohio resident is finding it not so. Having recently aroused his neighborhood's ire with a RALPH NADER bumpersticker "ED," or DAVE DIETRICH as he requested we not call him, has had angry notes left on his Toyota Celica for two weeks straight now.

"One person even accused me of just being a Republican who likes trees," said Dietrich who has written us various times during the year to complain about everything from sexual dysfunction to erectile dysfunction to premature ejaculation. "What? I can't have an opinion too?"

No, Dave. Not if you're an asshole and live in Maumee.

HERE'S THE OLD SLUT, BETTER THAN THE NEW SLUT

WITH AN OLD SLUT LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS YOUNG SLUTS....WELL WE DO BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT.

CHATSWORTH (SkullGame) -- For someone who, though no stranger to the business end of a cock, didn't shoot her first adult video until she was 38 years old, VICKY VETTE has wasted no time in taking the industry by storm this year. Especially if by "wasted no time" you mean stuffed as much sausage in her aging piehole as her aging piehole could hold.

Winning the coveted Hustler Magazine "Beaver Hunt" contest and being the oldest woman in history to have received the honor, making her way from smaller gonzo productions to starring roles and being featured on box covers, Vette will...um, well, suck our cocks sometime in the near goddamned future. Or something like that. Now how's about freshening up my drink over here, you fucking prick.

DANCEFLOOR ASSHOLE COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO DANCEFLOOR ASSHOLISHNESS

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Oh. Oh. Look at me. My arms are spread like a high-flying eagle so that the world can see how fucking sexy I am because I'm a goddamned Yankee fan. And the girl with me? Well, she's just an observer to the great pageantry that is my Eagle Flying dance move.

Now if you will excuse me I'm going to go back to totally impressing the world.

SEX Z PICTURES SET TO THROW WILD VIP PORN STAR PARTY. WHICH MEANS YOU WILL NOT BE INVITED. BUT WE WILL. AND IN YOUR STEAD WE WILL JERK OFF WHILE TALKING TO BELLADONNA, VERBALLY ASSAULT SKEETER KERKOVE AND TOP THE NIGHT OFF BY PISSING ON THE FLOOR BEFORE GETTING KICKED OUT AND GOING HOME A LITTLE WISER, A LITTLE OLDER AND LITTLE MORE BITTER

GREAT. GREAT. YEAH. GO RIGHT AHEAD AND PUT ME ON THAT VIP LIST. MY NAME? OH. DAVE DIETRICH OF COURSE.

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Sex Z Pictures VIP Porn Star Party is Friday, June 18th at 10:30PM at 1716 N. Cahuenga Blvd. in Hollywood.

THE DETROIT PISTONS WIN IT ALL!!!!!

GODDAMN THOSE NIGGAZ CAN HUSTLE

DETROIT (SkullGame) -- In a shocking finale to a season that was supposed to end anyway but this way, the Detroit Pistons upset the lackluster LA Lakers to emerge the undisputed champs of the National Basketball Association. The heavy midwest potsmokers RASHEED WALLACE and his brother BEN WALLACE, no relation despite the whole brother thing, smacked the grossly overweight stoner SHAQUILLE O'NEAL and randy rapist KOBE "Is She White?" BRYANT in the best of seven series that ended at five games not a minute too soon for the rest of America not interested in the doings of perpetually stoned multimillionaires.

EVA HERZOGOVINA IS IN SKULLGAME. SKULLGAME WRITES ABOUT SLUTS, ERGO EVA HERZOGOVINA IS A SLUT. AND A COUNTRY. AND A BREAKFAST TREAT.

AM I TOO FAT? COME ON. AM I? HUNH?

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- We got nothing. Nothing here. Now....onto drink....happy fucking weekend!!!

FLYNT'S STACK OF MONEY GROWS EVEN HIGHER

Protestors held a demonstration outside Larry Flynt's offices to convince him to put condoms on his porn stars. AIDS Healthcare Foundation is holding the protest to pressure Flynt to adopt a "condoms mandatory" policy for his adult film stars. The decision comes after several adult porn stars in the Los Angeles area tested HIV positive earlier this year. Flynt, in response after having lost count, said, "where was I? Oh yeah. Twenty-two million. Twenty-three million..."

LEGAL TENDER #1

Madness Pictures

Rating: THREE & A HALF "It's So Much Fun To Be Young, And Full Of Cock" BUSTED NUTS

Scenes with a little story-like intro is like going at it half assed. Yes, that
half ass is still stuffed like a meaty piggybank BUT it's only half an ass, so
it's all crooked. Significant others probably like their porn with half asses
though, so you can watch it with them. Unless, unless...they don't get turned
on by legal, yet tender, sluts. But come on, that's not possible in the land of
sex, drugs and...more sex, right? RIGHT?!

Oh wait: who watches porn with their significant other anyway? Isn't that gay? Like watching BAMBI or, or, or OPRAH. And we don't want that. Ohhhh, nooo. We only want to jack off till jack is off...wait, that still doesn't sound right...

SUMMERTIME. AND THE LIVING IS EASY. A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT LIKE THE SLUTS. SAY HI TO FALLON, FELLAS.

FALLON SUMMERS is rather cute and sloppy (but not from up close), an attribute that always gets a bonus busted nut in the metal wing of Casa SKULL, PLUS her pussy is so puffy and pink that it's not hard to imagine how it would feel sticking it to her. But the payoff, and by payoff we mean the glazing of the do-slut, is pathetic, and by pathetic we mean WHERE IS THE FUCKING GLAZING?!

Doesn't marinating meat in sauce make it tender? MARINATE those sluts already!

But next up is TeenAge Princess of Sex SIMONE, she of STACK 'EM DEEP fame and the box cover of this flick chick and all around hotty that
slightly resembles ELIZA DUSHKU, which is NEVER a bad thing. The guy she's
fucking looks a bit slow, as in SLOW, but does manage after like FIVE minutes of cock-numbing chatter to make SIMONE bounce around the couch, which is ALWAYS a good thing.

The payoff, however, is meager at best, and by meager we mean WE
WANT TO SEE HER FACE GLAZED LIKE A CHRISTMAS CAKE. Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer will never be the same.

To speed things up, because you should already be buying this, HALEY is the
hottest chick ever and is invited to head on over to the SkullGame compound
for some bonus busted nuts, mainly mine. Asian Sensation LILY THAI makes squirting look rather tedious and GIA JORDAN does indeed like to have her ass
slammed.

Who would've thunk it? --THE FLYING DUTCHMAN

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/208755.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

STEVE HOLMES’ SEXY EURO GIRLS

Platinum X Pictures

Rating: 4.2 "Euro Asso Fucko" BUSTED NUTS

American gonzo was getting tired. Burnt out. And just when we needed it, STEVE HOLMES and a merry band of Europeans swing in on ropes through the windows and save the day.

Thank god for Europeans.

What is it about them? The style, the culture, the worldliness, the tea, the faggotry? Maybe. Maybe all of these things but it’s at least ONE of these things above all others: the unabashed desire for no-holes barred fuckitage done with inimitable panache that seems to turn the trick.

SANDRA ROMAIN SAYING HELLO TO ALL HER AMERICAN FANS

You make the bitches extra fine, with hard bodies. Then take away the whole "I'm being so bad and dirty and shameful" angle. Replace it with pride. Yes, pride and a sense that maniacal sex is the inalienable right of every man, woman and...well you know. I am standing with my right hand over my heart, a tear in my eye, and an erect cock.

Some highlights: the blondes in this movie, loads and loads of two-girl double-decker four-hole fucking fu, an oral, 10" cock disappearing trick, reverse-standing, anal-plunging mania. This movie is so good, they can put the least appealing woman in it on the box cover and it still rocks.

But some bad strangeness. The audio craps out in most of the scenes right around the time of the cumshot. Also, apparently MANUEL FERRARA has had some of the bad habits of U.S. pornsters rub off on him during his time making movies in So Cal, as he makes too much goddamn noise, taking some of the focus off the chick and on to him.

Let him hang with Steve Holmes and the Euro crowd for a while, and it’ll all be ok again. --STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/208411.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

I LOVE 'EM NATURAL

Acid Rain

Rating: FOUR "Katja Got Us Goose-Stepping All Over The Goddamned Place" BUSTED NUTS

There's a point at which you know you're seeing genius in action and that point is precisely seven minutes into the 140 minute I LOVE' EM NATURAL (again with the fucking apostrophes in the wrong place) when while bent over backward with a sausage up the chute KATJA KASSIN opens her mouth wide and gets STEVE HOLMES' entire nutsack lowered into it.

GERMANY'S NUMBER 2 EXPORT? AFTER GENOCIDAL MASS MURDER? KATJA KASSIN!!!!

It doesn't get much better than this.

No wait. It fucking does (the totally faggacious double anal notwithstanding).

It gets the damned near ubiquitous KATSUMI (we seen her get fucked so much we forget we never fucked her) getting fucked so well that we called like every single asian chick we ever once fucked just to...you know, say Hi. Find out how things are going.

But more than that it's got the little shit that we love so much. Running mascara, sword swallowing, smut mouth, older broads like JASMINE LYNN, hot broads cozying two cocks and a toe in the mouth, underwear gags, and TIFFANY TEASE with a mouthful of donut.

Points off for criminally UNDER-using DANA VESPOLI, but generally a tit's up effort in primo jerkitage.--VINNIE ROSE

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/207941.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

ISN'T SHE YOUR SISTER, VIRGINIA?

The state is posting billboards with messages such as "Isn't she a little young?" as part of a campaign to dissuade men from having sex with underage girls. The campaign is aimed at reducing the number of young girls who have children with older men, the Virginia Department of Health said Monday. In 1999 and 2000 in Virginia, men over 18 were responsible for 219 births involving girls who were 13 and 14, the department said.

JACK'S ANAL INITIATIONS

West Coast Productions

Rating: FOUR "Streching The Truth" BUSTED NUTS

JACK’S ANAL INITIATIONS is a charming little feature about 10 girls who "love 14" up their ass!"

MISTY MENDEZ RIDING T-BONE SANTA AT CASA SKULL. WHICH IS CURIOUS, WHAT WITH HIM BEING GAY AND ALL.

Well, in some cases, "love" may be applied a little liberally, with "barely tolerate" being a much better description, like in the scene featuring cute little Asian mutt princess LEYLA LEI, a permanent favorite around here at the Metal Wing of Casa SkullGame. And we do love her, her and her little, round ass, exotic skin, near non-tits and acned face.

Yes, sometimes it’s the flaws that work the best, and the same can be said for MISTY MENDEZ, another one of the women we always root for. Misty is loose and meaty and luscious and adorable, and her taking it up the ass here is a cause for minor celebration, especially since both these girls seem to have been dropped out of the porn loop.

So with a party hat on we watched the rest of the "all anal" movie. Again, "all" is not exactly embracing the truth here, with two women successfully avoiding the meat suppository. No explanation why one of them is super fuck pro SOPHIE EVANS...

More highlights, you ask?

Look no farther than the scene with uber-pros KATSUMI and KATJA KASSIM, who’s liable to take TWO 14's up her ass any day now.--STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/210036.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

DOUBLE ANAL PLUGGED #2

Red Light District

Rating: TWO "Double Mint" BUSTED NUTS

The double anal. It’s the porno version of a great feat of strength. So step right up, boys and girls, and into the big tent to see the show. The freak show.

But as the sign says, "ya pays yer money, ya takes yer chances."

JULIE SILVER is the undisputed champion of double anal. We bet that even if she got hired to do a blowjob movie, she’d still do double anal. She performs the move here, and then wrapped the shoot off by bending an iron bar on her head.

IT'S A WELL KNOWN FACT THAT JULIE SILVER'D RATHER PLAY CARDS THEN NOT HAVE TWO COCKS IN HER ASS. HERE SHE IS READYING HERSELF FOR A GAME OF PINOCHLE

Bravo! Bravissimo!

Not to be outdone is ALLISON MORE, a real contender, who wows the audience as she rips a phone book in half with her bare hands. [applause]

We’re beginning to see a trend here. Seems only the strongwomen of Eastern Europe can pull off the heftiest feat in the world of fucking two cocks up the ass on film for meager monetary gain. JANET ALFANO takes on all comers, after warming up by blowing up a hot water bottle until it exploded.

Ahhh... but what do we have here? Black, American HYPNOTIC, whose signature trick of rubbing the very remaining molecules of jizz off her face with a towel for 10 minutes, failed to wow the crowd, but her double anal skills are not to be scoffed at. But that’s because she’s half horse.

Yes, it’s a spectacle. Ooh, ahh, wince, gasp. But don’t pop many boners. It’s all about the super special double anal, folks, and you’ll hear it straight from the horse’s mouth (no, we’re not talking about Hypnotic here): there’s only a few guys in the WORLD that can even do double anal.

And we call them GAY.

Why?

Because there is no description more apt to describe the guys that don't get grossed out by the fact that their dick is rubbing up against some other dude’s. Doesn’t seem too erotic to me. Dunno about you....--STEELY ROB

Buy it NOW!

http://gfx1.gamelink.com/GLImages/prodimages/208297.jpg?wid=125&qlt=25&cvt=jpeg

BANG MY WHITE ASS

Acid Rain

Rating: FIVE "I Have A Dream...That One Day Our Cocks Will Bang White Ass" BUSTED NUTS

I don't know what kind of ideas director BOBBY DAMONE got but by the goddamn looks of it they're good ones. Especially if by good you mean the kind that have everything to do with BANGING WHITE ASS. Because as banging white ass goes I truly believe, and I'm sure I'm not alone at SkullGame here, I could bang white ass all day long. I could, in fact, bang white ass as long as there is white ass to be banged.

Bangity bang bang bang.

And especially if the ass being banged is anything at all like the ass being banged in this vid. That is: crazy fucking ass that makes me want to bang it like I was Buddy Rich. MISSY MONROE, specifically.

MISSY MONROE...SHE'LL LEAVE THE LIGHT ON FOR YOU

Though technically she does NOT get her ass banged, she IS the landing pad for a line that captures all the angst of the modern fucking man

MY NUTS ARE FEELING KIND OF LONELY HERE.

Goddamned right. And she segues into KATRINA KRAVEN and you got the lay of the land of the gloriously lost with bitches who seem to know the total life value of good, big cuts of summer sausage up the chute: priceless.

Gaggin', slappin', spittin', older broads like TRACY LAIN, broads with braces and mouths like motherfucking sewers like SIERA SAGE, the MOLLY RINGWALD-esque PASON getting done in a room with a piquantly appropriate jungle theme, and a hot-assed Jew broad named DAPHNE ROSEN that's "making up for all them lonely nights when she ain't had that good black dick."

Exactly.--VINNIE ROSE

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WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL SKULLGAME I AM THE WORLD'S BIGGEST ASSHOLE!!! NO I AM. NO I AM! AWARDS SHOW. SKULLGAME: SETTING THE STANDARD FOR AMERICAN ASSHOLE APPRECIATION. NOW SIT BACK AND WATCH THESE ASSHOLES BE THE BEST ASSHOLES THEY CAN BE!!!