EVEN THOUGH GOD WANTED US ALL HUDDLED INSIDE IN THE DARK AND SHIT, OUR DRUG DEALER BROUGHT US SPEEDBALLS ENSCONCED IN THIS FESTIVE HOLIDAY WRAPPING.
At MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME we'd like to take a few minutes to don our gay apparel and get all jewed out for this holiest of high holy days: Passover, which tells the story of the Jews glorious escape from servitude into 5000 years of mind-numbing misery. Misery enough to cause the average Jew to question whether being a chosen person isn't some kind of goddamned joke. And so it is that we gather around the, uh, yule log, or whatever, and sing the songs passed down by our ancestors, whose words echo through our night of remembering of songs that no one could forget like
Kadesh, Urchatz, Karpas, Yachatz
Maggid, Rachtza, Motzi Matzah
Maror, Korech, Shulchan Orech
Tzafun, Barech, Hallel, Nirtzah
See? Wasn't that great? L'shana haba'a b'Yerushalyim!!!
CRAZY ASS BITCH TORI SPELLING: JEW OR NOT A JEW?
IF I'M NOT A JEW THEN A MONKEY HAS NO BALLS!!!
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- TORI SPELLING was bounced out of a bar this week after a Passover celebration went a little awry. Spelling, whose father is richer than G-D, whose father is so much richer than G-D that he violated the laws of Thermodynamics by creating the reasonable facsimile of talent for her was, while celebrating their collective passage out of the land of the oppressors, knocking glasses, candles and shaker tins off the bar, while throwing tater tots at other patrons.
WOO HOO!!! TATER TOTS FOR ALL MY FUCKING FRIENDS!!! AND HAPPY PASSOVER!!! WOO HOO!!!
Spelling, who was obviously COURTNEY LOVE-drunk when she showed up at Daddy-O on Bedford Street with fiance Charlie Shanian and a female "friend" at about 1 a.m., left the martini bar when the bartender, who could piss no more in her drinks, asked her to. But instead of hailing a cab, Spelling took off a high heel and started banging it on the watering hole's window. She finally left after the bartender went outside with a stick and told her to take it on the arches otherwise she was due to catch a beating.
JESSICA DARLIN: JEW OR NOT A JEW?
NOW ALL I GOTTA DO IS FIND THE OTHER CAN ON THE STRING
A self-described Queen of Anal, JESSICA DARLIN had one of the all-time greatest lines when she acknowledged that her coronation as said Queen was forthcoming, "yes. Yes, there's going to be a ceremony." And in a bleary bevy of buttly film work for everybody from JULES JORDAN to, oh, whoever, she continues to thrill us, as much for being a Jew as for being a hot, fucking bitch. CORNHOLIO corralled her into an interview.
SKULLGAME: Hey baby....you fuck like your ass is on fire?
JESSICA DARLIN: Thank you. I think.
SG: Don't thank me, bitch. Thank your Mama. So how much they paying you per scene these days?
JD: Well, that's kind of personal...
SG: Yes, yes. I understand, baby. Well, whatever they're paying you these days we could double. You come work for me we'll get you 2 every single time.
A SOCIAL ACTIVIST, JESSICA IS RENOWNED FOR HER CHARITY WORK
JD: Thousand?!?!
SG: Tens. Shit. Thousand? What the fuck YOU been smoking? Cuz that's out now. My girls are all clean as they gotta be on the job. You know? Otherwise I'll be wacking a'wack tack tack on that ass, Ike Turner style. Dig?
JD: Great. Who'd you say you wrote for again?
SG: Black Tail magazine, baby.
LUKE FORD'S SCOTT FAYNER: JEW OR NOT A JEW?
FAYNER VALIANTLY GUARDS HIS 40 AGAINST SOME MARAUDING SLUTS
Luke Ford's SCOTT FAYNER, recently divorced from porn star TAYLOR RAIN (we at SkullGame are personally shocked, we say shocked, to NOT see these two grow old together) is a Jew. His extremely generous offers to help us find drugs, find a place to do the drugs and then do the drugs with us can't be ignored. Fayner's a fucking Future Hall of Famer. And a Jew.
TAYLOR RAIN, HOWEVER, IS NOT. MAKE OF THIS WHAT YOU WOULD.
