Mack Avenue Skullgame
Vinnie Pick of the Week
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If you're dealing with us?
Why, yes, you will be
[ Full Review ]








04.14.04
SKULLGAME DRAPES ITS BRASS BALLS ACROSS THE BROWS OF JESSICA SIMPSON, TYRA BANKS & A BUXOTIC BEVY OF BITCHES WHO OUGHT TO KNOW BETTER THAN TO FUCK WITH US

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YEAH, WELL I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU, BABE, BUT, AH, I'M THINKING!!!



SKULLGAME NOTES WITH ALACRITY THAT TYRA BANKS STILL HAS "SOME BIG ASS TAYTAYS."

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HONEYCOMBS' BIG. BIG, BIG, BIG. THEY'RE NOT SMALL. NO. NO. NO. HONEYCOMBS' GOT THE BIG BIG TASTE. A BIG BIG BITE IN A BIG BIG TASTE

NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- In a 2001 phone interview our own VINNIE ROSE actually interviewed TYRE 'SPERM' BANKS for a national magazine, who is now having their hard-earned and copyrighted shit totally fucking ripped for our nefarious purposes. The parts left OUT of the interview proper are now printed here in all of their litigation loving glory.

VINNIE ROSE: So, do you like your men slender and girlish like say KEN GRIFFEY, JR. [She had just broken up with him] or more manly like, um, ME?

TYRA BANKS: Well I don't know that I'd call any baseball player girlish but I like men because of what's inside them.

VR: Like lots of cash and a large cock?

TB: Oh. Is this going to be this raw?

VR: It's a men's magazine, baby.

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SURPRISE!!! IT WAS A MEN'S MAGAZINE. NOW IT'S JUST SOME REPURPOSED ARTICLE THAT PLACES YOU SOUNDLY IN THE TOILET BOWL OF OUR LOVE

TB: Well then I'd like to say that I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with men being gentlemen. In fact I find that very sexy.

VR: I'm a gentlemen. In fact I'm a sexy gentlemen. With lots of cash and a large cock.

TB: I'm sorry. Is there anything else you want to ask me?

VR: There's a cutting edge of awful finality to your last statement. So that's how it's going to be? You're just going to walk out of my life? Dropping my love like an egg into the carpet?

TB: Well if you have any other questions you should just fax them to Sharon in my agent's office. But I really got to run. Thanks a mil. [Hangs up.]

VR: Lesbian.



AMERICA HAS SPOKEN WITH ONE VOICE AND IT HAS SAID LOUD AND CLEAR: JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS!!!

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I AM THE WOMAN THAT AMERICA HATES TO LOVE TO HATE AND I WILL BLOT OUT YOUR SUN

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Despite having opined on national TV that Chicken of the Sea tuna was made out of chickens, JESSICA SIMPSON's meteoric rise to the top seems to not be slowing with her appearing on no fewer than five magazine covers in the last two months despite not being able to sing very well, dance very well, act very well or do much of anything very well outside of making us all want to fuck the living shit out of her very well.

In spite of ourselves.

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NOPE. NOT A SINGLE GAY JOKE ABOUT HIS SMOULDERING GOOD LOOKS, NOR HIS LISP OR HIS MINCE AND NO MENTION OF HIS GENERAL FATIGUE AT HAVING TO POKE ON JESSICA EVERY NIGHT FOR CHRISSAKES.

"I just really love her music," says lying sack of shit or gay man Mark Herman. "That song, songs, are, um, is really great. That one with the beat. But why is she married to that gay dude?" queries the lying sack of shit.



PLEASE WALK BACK WITH US IN TIME. A MERE FEW WEEKS AGO. WHEN WE WE RAN THE FOLLOWING NEWS ITEM.

SELF-ASBORBED CUNT'S LEVEL OF SELF-ABSORPTION REACHED SELF-ABSORBEDLY CRITICAL LEVEL LEADING HER TO LEAVE L.A. FOR THE MUCH-LESS SELF-ABSORBED MIAMI

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LOOK WHAT JUST WASHED UP ON THE BEACH: A BITCH!

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Jennifer Lopez, known mostly for sucking long and hard, is leaving Los Angeles for good in an effort to show her true fans her real personality: that would be "insufferable bitch."

And J.Lo in an effort described as "not fooling anyone" is now ready to demonstrate her softer, funnier side by appearing at this weekend's Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards, where she is expected to be covered in green slime just like former guests TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE and CAMERON DIAZ. She has declined a SKULLGAME invite to be covered in white slime just like former guests TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE and CAMERON DIAZ.


FLASH FORWARD TO NOW...

DESPITE SELF-ASBORBED CUNT'S NEAR TOXIC LEVEL OF SELF-ABSORPTION AND DESPITE HER MUCH-VAUNTED MOVE TO MIAMI, HER SELF-ABSORBEDLY CONSTANT BLEATINGS CONTINUE UNABATED AS SHE RECENTLY OPINES, "I HATE MY SKINNY ANKLES," WHILE AMERICA SCREAMS AND SCREAMS

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I HATE THEM. GOLEM HATE THEM MY PRECIOUS. I HIDE. I HIDE.

MIAMI (SkullGame) -- JENNIFER LOPEZ insists she isn't as physically perfect as she thinks people think she is and, get this, she hates her "skinny" ankles about as much as we hate the rest of her.

She says in a burst of self-involvement bordering on the clinically defined stages of intense self-mania, "I don't love my ankles. They're too skinny! Look at them!!! I mean you can't possibly look at them as much as I look at them because I look at my ankles a lot, but do you see what I mean? The rest of me is PERFECT. But the ankles? Well they are whatever things are that aren't quite so perfect. What's the word for that again? Normal? Why, yes."

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IN MIAMI A PENSIVE JENNIFER LOPEZ TAKES A MOMENT TO REFLECT ON "I, I, I...ME, ME, ME...I, ME, I, ME, ME, ME, ME. AND I."

But Lopez explains, "I moisturize my body and face whenever I get out of the shower, at night before bed and in the morning. Plus, I get at least eight hours of sleep a night. I don't like the way my body feels otherwise." J.Lo is launching a new beauty line in the U.S. next month, featuring a Renewing Body Exfoliator, Bronzing Body Moisturizer and Firming Curve Cream.

SKULLGAME is suggesting that she also try and/or think about adding our special line of coconut squeezings astringent called DEEZE NUTS. A light and fruity fragrance that gently hangs around your chin like a breathe of fresh Irish spring.


 


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