On the verge of taking a much-needed vacation after last week's drunken vacation, SKULLGAME leaves to lovely Las Vegas on Thursday to do a much-needed vacation photo session with the much-needed GIA LASHAY who, despite the name IS NOT a tranny. We don't think...
DOESN'T SHE LOOK LIKE A FUCKING KEEBLER ELF? WITH REALLY, REALLY BIG TITS?
YOU CAN'T SPELL DISNEYLAND WITHOUT S-U-C-K
SKULLGAME READER DAVE OWENS, IN WHITE T-SHIRT, AT THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH
ANAHEIM (SkullGame) -- The multihued Southern California theme park, resplendent with bright oranges, shocking reds and motley flaggings of all manner of jackanapery, has recently outfitted THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN ride to offer thrills, chills and double-knuckled blowjobs to anyone associated with SkullGame.
Park representative Marc Danzig said today in a prepared press release that "Johnny Depp has been such an inspiration to us all that we thought it only fitting to have a ride that celebrated his great cinematic accomplishment of providing venues for SkullGame writers to relax and unwind in."
And by unwind we suspect he means "get head from KATHY WOODS."
SKULLGAME STAFFER ANIMAL THUG WITH COCK IN THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH: KATHY WOODS' MOUTH.
Said SkullGame staffer ENGLISH BOB, "I plan to ride all day. Or as long as the coconuts hold out."
Cheerio, Bob.
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN HOPES TO BUOY ECONOMY WITH AN INCREASE IN WIFE'S PUBLICLY DELIVERED SUCKJOBS
JERI LYNN RYAN SAYS "YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A GENIUS TO FIGURE OUT THAT 1000 BLOWJOBS WILL NOT IMPROVE OUR ECONOMY." GOOD THING YOU'RE NO GENIUS THEN, JERI
CHICAGO (SkullGame) -- THE former wife of U.S. Republican Senate candidate JACK RYAN delivered a soundly measured Thumbs Down censure to his erstwhile plan to buoy Republican economic programs by racheting up her daily number of sexclub suckjobs.
JERI LYNN RYAN (above), an actress best known for roles on the TV series Boston Public and Star Trek: Voyager, said in court documents that she angered Ryan by refusing to sign on for what seemed to be an economic policy held together solely on the basis of coconuts, coconut oil and hastily administered knobjobs.
She did acknowledge an alternate program, which she said took place after their marriage was irretrievably broken, of increasing Third World access to as many jobs as Ramon the poolboy could endure, thereby driving up Ramon's GNP, or Gross Nut Production, by 38.6 percent.
Jack Ryan, a millionaire investment banker-turned-teacher, stands by his calculations. And frankly so do we.
POINT-COUNTERPOINT: THE RELATIVE GAYNESS OF CRUISE
AN UNDOCTORED PIC
MADDOX SAYS: For those of you who don't remember, "Top Gun" was the movie about a bunch of guys who stand around high-fiving each other for about 90 minutes. The movie focuses on some loser named "Maverick" who penetrates deep into the coveted veil of the top gun academy of smug, sexually frustrated aviators.
I know many of you reading this will probably think I'm exaggerating when I say this (since I exaggerate everything, except for my manliness which is enviable), but there were no fewer than 500 shower scenes in this movie. The wardrobe for this film must have consisted of a towel, a jump suit, and 50 pages of gay innuendo, because the rest of the time Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer were walking around naked eyeing each other's packages.
Then as if the director didn't think all the high-fiving and shower scenes were suggestive enough, there was a gratuitous scene in which all the guys got oiled up and played volleyball. Every few minutes I half-expected to see Cruise and Kilmer lock lips to a ballad of "It's Raining Men."
If you remember having good memories of this movie, then it was probably because you were too young to know what was going on, or an idiot. Don't bother resurrecting this classic to prove I'm right.
GAY EXPERT TIM FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA CREATIVE SERVICES, ALSO KNOWN AS SKULLGAME'S T-BONE SANTA, DISAGREES: I, I simply disagree. If one man wants to offer up a zestily delivered back rub to his male friend after a long day of very competitive unisex beach volleyball well by all means he should. It doesn't mean he's gay. I do it all the time.
And how gay am I?
