But first another GREAT MOMENT IN LOAD-BLOWING HISTORY, brought to you by ITALIAN SAL & SKULLGAME INK.
ITALIAN SAL REMI...REMNIS...REM...FUCK IT...REMEMBERS.
It was February 8th…or 9th it depends on how you look at it. You see, the blowjob started at or around 11:50 pm...Hell you know what I mean!
First and foremost let me tell you about the first rule of -- “GREAT MOMENTS IN LOAD-BLOWING HISTORY” -- first and foremost, a load must be blown.
Secondly, and this is more a personal preference than a rule: the load should be mine. Not a requirement, like I said just a personal preference. It will go a long way to, you know, take the edge off. That being said, let's get back to Tuesday night. I went over to the house of a female friend of mine. Her friend was over and guaranteed fucking was afoot. Now, while I had fucked both of them many times before, this time was different. You see, it was late, I had trained earlier in the evening and I needed to be at work relatively early the next morning.
STEPHANIE WORKING HER WAY TOWARD HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE WHILE HER FRIEND NICOLE BONES UP ON HER AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHY BEFORE YIELDING TO THE SIREN CALL OF THE COCONUT
Fucking was the last thing on my very short list of things to be doing that night.
Getting my dick sucked, well that was entirely different. As I stated at the beginning of this treatise, the sucking started at or around 11:50 pm and continued for what seemed like an hour, with both girls (read: whores) alternating, dick, nuts, nuts, dick. You know how it is. After sneaking a look at my watch while switching channels with the remote...Did I mention I was watching TV? No? OK, I was also watching TV.
After sneaking a peak at my watch and noticing the time I felt the need to end the evening on a high coconote. I straddled one of the girl’s chests while being sucked and jacked off by the other. Noticing my quickly advancing orgasm I told the other girl to join her reclining friend for what would surely be, “A LOAD.” Which she did, and it was. A “GREAT MOMENT IN LOAD-BLOWING HISTORY,” that is. Because you see, after spraying both of their faces with enough semen to repopulate Sub-Saharan Africa, I surveyed all I had done. And knew it was good, nay, great. So great that I then told them to go take a look at themselves in the mirror, which they did giggling all the way.
AN UNFORTUNATE CASE OF TREMBLE HAND PREVENTED ME FROM GETTING BOTH SLAGS IN SIMULTANEOUS NUTTED GLORY. SO NICOLE SNAPPED STEPHANIE WHILE I SLEPT AND DREAMED THE DREAMS OF OTHER SUCH LIKE HISTORICAL FUCKERS. I MEAN FIGURES.
It was GREAT. It was a MOMENT IN. It was LOAD-BLOWING HISTORY. And I am humbled to have been a part of it.
IN THE NEWS OF THE INCREDIBLY PREDICTABLE, BRITNEY SPEARS' MARRIAGE HEADING FOR PEOPLE'S FUCKING COURT
OH MY GAWD, IT WAS HARRIBLE...HE WAS SCREAMING AT LACY LOO. OY GEWALT. AND SHE WAS SPRITZING AND IT WAS JUST A NOITMARE. JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME MY THERAPIST THINKS HE'S GAY.
FLORIDA -- (SkullGame) -- Pop Pimple BRITNEY SPEARS' marriage to "dancer" and world's luckiest non-Negro KEVIN FEDERLINE is reportedly on the rocks after less than an achingly predictable five months of watching that ass OOPS, I DID IT AGAINING the fucking pot roast right into goddamned pot roast heaven, according to two U.S. magazines.
In Touch Weekly claims Federline, 26, has been socializing on a regular basis without his shrewish doxy of a 23-year-old wife, slamming out the door in an incredible reenactment of DeNiro in RAGING BULL complete with the screaming sobriquet, WHY DON'T YOU JUST ALL GO SUCK EACH OTHERS COOOOOCCCKKKKSSSS!!! The couple wed on a fated day in September after a whirlwind romance that included making brother man sign a pre-nup.
In Touch reports a friend of the couple saying, "Kevin has suddenly started partying like a single guy. In addition to going out on several occasions without his wedding band on, he's been hanging out with his old posse of pals, flying to Las Vegas for weekends of drinking, gambling, lap dances in strip clubs, and furtively received blowjobs from Minnesotan administrative assistants."
Another magazine, Life and Style Weekly, claims Federline's behavior has prompted Spears to reconsider starting a family with the serial adulterer. Federline infamously ended his relationship with former "Moesha" actress SHAR JACKSON in April, while she was pregnant with their second child, to be with Spears.
A source tells Life and Style, "It has occurred to Britney that Kevin isn't a great help in cleaning up after the dogs [Bit Bit, Lacy Loo and Lucky]. And he might not be too eager to be on midnight diaper patrol either. The other night Britney was leaving with Kevin for a romantic meal, but Bit Bit whined and whined and refused to be left. Eventually, they stayed home and ordered takeout."
Our utmost sympathies go out to the obviously hurting Federline. Stay strong, proud prince.
JENNIFER ANISTON ENJOYING THE POST-MATRIMONIAL MAGNIFICIENCE OF A WELL-CRAFTED RIM JOB COURTESY OF JACKASS'S JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, ANONYMOUS SOURCES NAMED JOHNNY KNOXVILLE SAY
I'M READY FOR MY ASS-UP, MR. KNOXVILLE
SKULLFLASH: BRAD PITT'S a nice, possibly non-gay fella. Mr. Pitt is also apparently more fond of APRIL FLORIO than he is of either APRIL FLORIO's or JENNIFER ANISTON'S ANUS. So our confidential sources at what used to be BIG BROTHER magazine said...
ENTER....JOHNNY KNOXVILLE. Whether doing it or having it done, Knoxville is a certifiable Ass Eater and wasted no time at all in giving the Friend's star, the friendly treatment. Especially if by which you mean a tongue up the keisterhole.
"WHY FOR BRAD-Y DON' TASTE MY ROUND EYE?? WHY?!?! WHY?!?!" WE DON'T KNOW, APRIL. WE JUST DON'T KNOW
JENNIFER, the story continues, was more than happy to reciprocate in a loving expression of a love that will last until the movie they're working on together ends.
MATT DAMON VS. VINNIE ROSE...IN...COCKFIGHT!!!
The benefit of fucking whoas, and by this we mean skanks, sluts, tricks, marks, ho's, hoes, hos and beeyatches is that you get the collected benefits of knowing about all the busters, and by this we mean mooks, flip flops and hoolihoos, that THEY themselves have banged. Given the celeb environs in which we travel and the high quality ho-age upon which we stake our claims we have now done comparative studies of MATT DAMON, MATT DILLON, NICK CAVE and TOMMY LEE and how exactly they measure up against our own VINNIE ROSE.
But because we want to introduce a gaming aspect into this all we will do it like this: give them pro's, con's, and let the fucking voting begin.
MATT DAMON:
IT'S NOT THE SIZE THAT MATTERS, THILLY!!!!
Head of Furious Homosexual Films, suspect "friend" of BEN AFFLECK, and "action" movie star.
PRO'S: Rich. Very, very goddamned rich.
CON'S: A dirty cocksucking motherfucker who doesn't wash his balls. And is not nice besides to the working girl.
SMART MONEY: Does he act like a short-dicked motherfucker? [ex.: HENRY ROLLINS].
VINNIE ROSE:
NO, NO, NOPE. NOT AT ALL.
Head of MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME and known associate of good fella ITALIAN SAL
PRO'S: Can fight like a motherfucker.
CON'S: Will fight like a motherfucker.
SMART MONEY: Ask any tuna you happen to see, who's got the biggest dick? V-I-N-I-E! [It's called poetic license beeyatch!]
BETS PLEASE!!! PLACE YOUR BETS PLEASE!!!!
vinnie@skullgame.com
RESULTS ON FUCKING MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
